My ds is 2 this month and is going through a violent phase - his favourite methods of assault are biting me, pulling my hair and pinching (and yes, it's Mummy who gets it more than anyone else here too!) I figure he's too young for the naughty step at the moment (and he wouldn't get the principle of sitting there for 2 minutes) so I'm going for the "actively ignore" method. Basically, as soon as he does it I physically carry him to the other side of the room and leave him there, then don't look at him or talk to him for a minute. Then we have a cuddle and I say something like "Mummy likes it when you're nice, ds. Show how you're nice to Mummy" and encourage him to stroke my hair gently or cuddle me. It seems to be working as he's learning that bad behaviour means playtime is stopped. He now occasionally comes up to me and says "nice Mummy" and strokes my hair...
debbie1412 you are not alone! My 3 year old hits me and my husband sometimes when he's told off. Sometimes it takes all my strength not to shout and scream at him. I don't know the answer at all, but I strongly believe, and cling on to, the fact that I'm sure consistency is the answer. I know I always have to carry out every threat - so sometimes I tell my son that I'll think about his punishment and I give myself 5 minutes to calm down before I dish out the punishment. I do verbal warnings, followed by time out on step (which he sometimes pees on, on purpose in protest - which drives me insane!! - so now I put his potty next to the step!) and then I take away treats or favourite toys as a last resort. He really is testing me every day - but I think we've just got to hang in there - it is just a phase. He can be unbelievably loving and considerate sometimes, which gives me hope! Hang on in there!
Hey I was just starting a new thread when I saw this 1. My 2 year old (just 2 ) hits me in the face about 5 times aday. He knows it's wrong because I can tell by his face. We currently are not using any form of punishment or timeout methods because I'm not sure he'l take note or do as is required ie sit on a naughty step for 2mins. Not only is it upsetting but it's embarrassing and infuriating. Today he launched a bath toy at me and it hit me square in the face I had to pull the plug out the bath and walk of the door I was so mad. How should i start dealing with this?? I know it's common just not sure quite how to deal with it. Baby/2 due in 3 weeks so I'd like to start as of tomorrow really. All advice welcome. X
It sounds like you have tried lots of different things - have you given any one consequence a good consistent go though?
I would try to react the same way every time he does it - say "no hitting" or "we don't hurt" or whatever then quickly put him out of the room/on the step with no further interaction and ignore. He needs to see that hurting you gets him no attention at all.
By the way, half way through writing this post I had to put my 2 year old on the step for repeatedly kicking me He used to bite though so is improving!
My one year old is doing this but I think it is an attention issue which it sounds like is the case with your little one too, maybe?
My DD seems to do it whenever she feels mummy is not totally paying attention to her. My house is also a mess and I understand how frustrated you must feel. I don't get angry but take it as a phase and part of the terrible two's which my DD seems to have started early.
She fake cries for attention also and smacks me if I tell her off or don't pay her attention when she cries. I have just moved house so don't have the time or energy to assert boundaries and just deal with it as it comes. I think the current change in our lives from moving has also contributed.
lolli's technique is what I have been told works best and as soon as I have the energy to focus on it I will be trying it too. I feel like my DD is probably so frustrated by not being able to communicate with me properly that she lashes out at me because I am the closest person to her and the one she relies on the most for feeling comforted and secure. Because of that, I feel less worried about it and more optimistic that it will change as long as I do eventually get round to putting those boundaries in place and as she grows and learns to walk, talk and be more independent and need me less.
I do think it is very important to assert yourself as lolli described and just be patient. I bet you are doing a wonderful job OP
I can't wait till the day when I can say "mummy needs to work/cook/take a wizz now" and she magically understands
Your not alone, I have often felt like this. My DS is almost 2 and has been going through the hitting stage for quite some time now, I have kept firm and said NO HITTING everytime and after many months it seems to be paying off, not quite there 100% yet but getting much better. His new thing is pushing other children, soooooo embarrassing! I am "that" mum at playground that is constantly hovering over DS in a bid to stop any fights
I have cried and cried thinking my DS hates me or thinking I'm failing (as it seems to be only me he hits) But then he has great days like today where he has smothered me with kisses and cuddles. I think at this age they are testing boundaries, stay strong and let him know who is in control (which to be honest isnt often us )
I was just picking his toys up and he came up And bit my back then pulled my hair. Today he also nipped my neck so hard it's bruised, thrown trains at my head and slapped me countless times.
When I'm playing with him he's fine, but if I'm making a meal, tidying up etc he's running at me, pulling my clothes, biting my legs.
My house is a mess, I can't get anything done.
He doesn't do this with my dp, my mum or at nursery. DP says I need to control him. I can't, I'm useless. I've tried time out, taking toys away, talking to him telling him that he hurts etc. Nothing works. Yesterday I sat and cried. He gets loads of attention, if I leave him to play he just trashes the house.
I don't even know what i want anyone to say.
Its like I'm being bullied by my own child, I should be in charge, but he's running rings round me.