Can someone pleeeease advise on this problem? My 3.5-year-old boy has been going to nursery four/five days a week since he was a year old, and nine days out of ten he melts into tears as I leave. Sometimes he even starts crying before we get to the gate; usually he starts snivelling just after we've got in the door; if neither of these applies, he just falls apart when it becomes obvious that I'm about to leave.
He has been in two nurseries (we moved to a new one a year ago due to cost) and has been the same in both. The new one is absolutely lovely, and his 18-month-old brother has been going there since March, so he has this familiarity all day as the nursery is mostly open-plan, with the different ages grouped on different tables but within the same room.
The nursery and I have tried everything we can think of - mainly distraction, attention and, this week, a start chart: if you don't cry at drop-off you get a star, three stars and you get a present.
I don't think the start chart is going to work, because despite the fact he desperately wants 'a present', there seems to be a fundamental psychological problem with me leaving him. This morning I asked why he was crying, and he said, "I want Mummy". It still boils down to the simple fact he doesn't like me leaving him.
We have had some more promising periods, mind you. At the last nursery there were two keyworkers that he adored, and who would swoop over on my arrival and shower him with distraction and affection, and I would rush out the door before he twigged what was going on. At the new nursery, the arrival routine is less predictable, but sometimes it's his favourite member of staff on the door, and a cuddle with her might help; another time another favoured staff member might ask my son to help lay out the breakfast things - keeping him busy and feeling important also helps. But sometimes we sort-of let ourselves in, or the member of staff isn't quite so indulgent or pro-active (on the whole they're a bit more laid back/down to earth than at the last place), and then it all goes wrong. And actually that can be most days a week. But ultimately, it seems crazy that after all this time my son still needs so much help to start his day, and its frustrating and disappointing for everyone.
Of course, after I've left he usually cheers up within a couple of minutes and has a happy, busy day and is full of smiles when I pick him up.
Nursery have suggested he's crying for attention, which I suppose is true in a way, but he seems so genuinely upset that I think it's more complicated than this. It's not like he screams; he just sobs quietly and tragically.
As you can imagine, it means I'm heartbroken before the working day has begun, and don't like to think of my son's day starting like this, either.
His brother is much happier and just gets on with it most of the time.
I am at my wits end, and need some ideas other than just waiting for him to grow out of it.
Sorry for such a long post!
Fingers crossed for some top tips!
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.
Behaviour/development
Help me! 3.5-year-old still crying at nursery drop-off
29 replies
Fatbritishblue · 08/08/2012 10:34
OP posts:
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.