Help - extremely irritable baby!!

[Dmum]

Has anyone else had a baby like my ds? For the 1st 4 months he cried most of the day and night and had lots of problems sleeping. After cranial osteopathy and sleep training, things improved. However, he still spends most days moaning and whining (he's now 7.5 months). He's been checked by a pediatrician, but we were told there was nothing wrong with him. Apparently, he's just grumpy and we should put him in a highchair with finger foods! We tried it - it didn't amuse him for very long. He finds it difficult to settle anywhere, including his pram. I know he's just a baby, but his attention span is nil and he seems to get frustrated/bored with toys. He doesn't want to be carried and, in fact, doesn't particularly like cuddles. I'm on my own with him all day and some days I just want to scream! The constant whinging is driving me crazy. It can be quite difficult to get a smile out of him some days. We have more bad days than good. I just need some hope that it won't always be like this. I'm feeling quite down at the moment - as you can probably tell.

[whymummy]

so sorry dmum,it must be awful,sorry no advice but lots of sympathy

[Brunhilda]

Hello - can't help as have no experience. Just want to offer support. Have a girl of 10 months who has bad days as well as good and it can be hard. Can you get out and about in car and use pushchair and do a few things you want to do?

[lyndsey66]

In the book the Baby Whisperer it covers babies with this sort of temperanent (cant spell!). Cant remember what she suggests - will have a look and let you know. My ds was a lot like this - but has been alot better since he started walking. It could well be that he frustrated, being a baby must be very frustrating - not being able to talk and walk! But of-course this is no help to you as you have to listen to the whining.
I think that when he starts talking and getting about a bit he will be a lot more contented. With my ds it was almost like he was relieved to be getting about.He turned from a miserable, bad sleeping baby to a happy toddler who sleeps through the night.
He also found toys and stimulation boring - but now that he is older he is much better. So dont worry there is hope!!

[aloha]

I'm really sorry its so difficult. My only advice is to be out and about as much as possible so at least one of you is having a good time (I mean this seriously!) and you stil see your friends. I bet he grows out of it. My son still doesn't care about toys at 26months. Does he like you to read to him? Baby Mozart? Baby Einstein etc? Try and do things and see people you like at this stage or you will go bonkers.

Best wishes!

[CountessDracula]

Dmum so sorry to hear you are having such a hard time. I found a book called "the happiest baby" by Harvey Karp was really good, but I think it may be for smaller babies.

Has he started crawling or walking yet? If not then that may well sort your problems out as he may just be frustrated.

XXXX

[CountessDracula]

Oh and agree with Aloha on Baby Einstein videos/dvds. Amazing.

[mandy67]

Dmum, I know exactly what you are going through I was there with my DD - She too was a grumpy baby and nothing I could do would amuse her for very long, She hated sleeping and cried when I attempted to put her down. I too tried cranial oesteopathy and sleep training with no recognisable changes, But I am extremely happy to say that at 18 months She has fortunately grown out of her grumpiness, she is content, happy and extremely giggly (apart from on shopping trips which she hates - but that's another story)and tells me 'sleep' when she feel tired. A wonderful improvement!

So you see it does get better, practically overnight. One thing that I did notice with my DD is that she was always happier in the company of other kiddies - is your DS an only child. aloha is quite right, make sure you get out as much as possible - I know only too well how annoying a babies whining can be, particualy when they can't talk to tell you what is wrong wth them. Perhaps consider joining a mother and babies group, if you havn't already, or try and visit friends or relatives who can keep baby entertained.

I found that when my DD was able to communicate (by pointing) that her temperament became a little bearable and when she started to walk she became the little angel I yearned for.

Hang on in there - Your DS is probably wanting to see the world but just hasn't got the capabilities yet so is a little frustrated. I know words don't really help but look forward to tomorrow - The good really will outweigh the bad.

Best wishes x

[twiglett]

message withdrawn

[Dmum]

Thanks,everyone, for all your advice. I do go to a mothers and toddlers group on a Tuesday afternoon. Unfortunately, I don't drive (but I've got my test coming up soon!!). Hopefully, it'll be easier to get out more when I'm driving. I do go out walking with the pram every day, but it's a complete lottery as to whether ds will be ok or will whine his way through it I think what has got me down is the fact that he seemed to have settled last week and was a much cheerier baby. When he got grumpy and unsettled again at the end of the week I just felt my heart sinking and, to be honest, a bit panicky. My dh is wonderful and has been my rock through this horrible time. He's had to work weekends for a few weeks, so I've been on my own more than usual. Also, I was filling in my "Baby's Memories" book and I came to a section which asked for "all the special things we enjoyed together as a family". I honestly couldn't fill it in - how sad is that!! I was thinking about all my hopes and plans when I was pregnant (ds is my 1st baby and probably last!)and how I imagined just bonding with him. I sound like such a moaner - sorry!

[Dinny]

Dmum, my dd was such a grumpy baby - always crying, could never put her down. Now she's 19 months and LOVELY. I just think she hated being a baby, unable to move, do anything. Not much advice on how to get through this though - I did phone Cry-sis a lot though (in the phone book) for support. Your ds won't always be like this, honestly! Good luck, Dinny
ps Have to say, putting dd on GF routine when 6 months improved things A LOT for us.

[mandy67]

Don't worry i'm sure you will pick up that 'Baby memories' book in the not too distant future and think of things you enjoyed as a family. This time is so short and each day is precious even without you realising it your DS is giving you wonderful memories (althugh it may not seem like it at the moment) I recently looked at my grumpy DD's baby pictures (and i've got a mountain of them)and do you know, in all those pictues there are only a couple where she looked grumpy in all the others she was dribbling and beaming, from ear to ear!

Good luck with the driving I'm sure yur DS will love that!

[Evita]

Dmum, everyone's given you such good advice, I can't really add anything to it. But I wonder, do you think there's any particular reason for your son's unhappiness? I mean could there be something like an allergy to his milk or something in his food that might be giving him a mild tummy ache. You know what I mean? A niggly something rather than something serious. Does he get enough sleep? My daughter is an angel for the first hour after a nap, the second hour is touch and go and the third can be a bit hellish, she seems irritated by everything and not focussed etc. That's when I sit down with her with a book, take her for a walk, show her a video, anything that allows her to be passive basically. But she's a bit older, 14 months. I did find that when she could get around on her own her general mood changed. She wasn't / isn't clingy or cuddly either and I've always been a bit sad about that.

[Jenie]

Sorry but I have no advice other than what's already been said. Would agree that getting out is more important than sitting at home and letting it all get to you.

Will add that ds (now 20 months) was never a cuddly baby until a couple of weeks ago and now he will just come over and cuddle my legs if I'm in the kitchen or get up on the sofa and snuggle for a while - it's great and perhaps more appreciated after being pushed away (litteraly some days) for 19 months

Good luck

[Dmum]

Thanks everyone for replying to my messages. Just to answer some of the questions that have been asked: We actually have quite a settled routine. DS sleeps 2-3 naps during the day, around 2.5 hours in total. He sleeps 11.5-12 hours at night, can get himself to asleep without "props", etc. His total sleeptime is just about average for his age. We have naptime and bedtime routines and I'm really careful that he doesn't get overtired. I know I'm lucky with his sleeping compared to some others, but we had to do a lot of sleep training at 4-5 months to get to this point. Evita, we've already seen a pediatrician to rule out physical causes (see my 1st message). We actually have an appointment to see another one tomorrow morning. To be honest, I don't expect them to find anything wrong, but you never know. I'll keep you posted.

[jimmychoos]

Dmum - No great ideas, just another 'hang in there' message. When I had my ds, a friend had a baby at the same time. He was just as you describe yours. She found the first year really hard with him. But it dd get better, once he started moving. She decided he was a little boy who just didn't like being a baby, he got really frustrated being so helpless. Once he could do things for himself, he got much happier and more settled. He's four now -a really lovely boy, fiercely independent and very bright.
Good luck - and hope all went well at the pediatrician today.

[samACon]

Just wanted to say not to let DS put you off of having another (if that is your main reason) DS1 was like your DS, when he was 18months I got pregnant with DS2 and I just cried 'cos I couldn't picture coping with 2 that demanding, but by the time DS2 was born everything was OK and DS2 was never as bad.

Good luck, you'll be fine!

[aloha]

Dmum, when I said go out, I didn't mean for your baby's sake - I meant for yours! Go to the shops and mooch about, see friends for coffee and lunch or invite them to your house for a glass of wine/coffee/lunch. Go to see friends by bus or train or find some local ones via your M&T group - books some baby swimming lessons and meet other mums there. Invite them to your house for coffee. If you are having a nice time then your baby really won't get to you so much. There is nothing in the world worse than being cooped up for hours with only a whingy baby for company. Don't worry about the attention span/toys thing. I think toys for under ones (or even under twos) are a bit of a rip-off. My ds doesn't care about them even now - however, give him a roll of sellotape and he's happy! Good luck.

[aloha]

Also, don't expect your ds to really enjoy anything yet (eg trips to zoo blah blah) as he is too young. Special baby memory sections in books? Hmmm....not sure what I would have put either. I think you and your dh should do what you want to do and take your baby along, that was what dh and I enjoyed most when ds was tiny.

[Epigirl]

Nothing outstanding to add other than more support - dd was a grumpy baby who had a personality change once she was on the move and able to communicate via pointing. I used to think it was just me but looking at this thread it seems not!

I personnally find it harder to drive with dd (now 23 months & ds 3 months) than walk as she whines in the car (I think she prefers the vantage point from her pram & the chance to talk) but I know from other threads that others disagree. Good luck with the test anyway

[lucyloo]

Dmum, I can really sympathise with you - I have a 21 month old who is very much like your ds - she is my second child and I have always wondered if because she doesn't get the attention that ds1 got, whether this was the problem. But as I talk to more and more people I believe that this is just her personality and that I have to try something different with her (yet to find out what that is!) I have had her to the naturapath for sleeping, and for tantrums and unhappiness - had a little success but too expensive to keep going. Hang in there because it does get better. I used to feel that I had more bad days than good, and now the good are getting more frequent. Do something for yourself whenever you can - even if it is a long relaxing bath. Just take some time out for you, and you may just find it will do both of you the world of good. Best of luck - keep smiling. xx

[lazyeye]

Drum, your son sounds so similar to my DS1 during the 1st 8-9 mnths. I'm sure it lead me to PND.

He was very irritable, wouldn't sleep during the day, was a terrible feeder, whinged and whined wherever he was. Went completely crazy at times - even my Mum thought there was something wrong with him. I used to have to bring him home from most things I tried (baby massage, playgroups, NCT stuff cos he just screamed the place down). Everyone used to say "OOO does he have colic" Well meaning I know, but i felt like screaming "I don't f*** know"

Things only got better with time I think. One thing was being mobile...once he could crawl and even better when walking. He was an early walker. Better once he was on solid food and a good amnt of solid food. Some things which helped during the terrible times - reading poppy up and flap books - he loved them - music - dancing with him round the room. But having said all that I really think he just hated being a baby...sounds pretentious and stupid but there you go. He is 3 now and a normal(ish) little boy if still inclined to whinge for England.

(PS - HVs always used to say it was a sign of an intelligent baby - don't know about that, but there you go) He was a very early talker as well,but I'm not convinced meslef.

all the best

[Dmum]

Just to let you all know, I passed my driving test today. I couldn't believe it. At least now I can get out and about when DS is whinging, even if it's just for a walk round the shops.
Also, our visit to the pedi yesterday went as expected. She couldn't find anything wrong and said that some babies just are very unsettled for no particular reason, then just eventually settle down. Exactly what you've all been saying. Actually, DS has been very good for the last few days, quite cheery and smiley. Hope it continues!!!