help me control 18 month olds behaviour!!

[fairycakes]

dd is 18 months old, and a complete handful! she is constantly doing things she shouldnt, as i expect all babies do. she has no fear of anything, and climbs up shelves etc, and if she falls never cries. we have had to put her in a bed as she kept climbing out of her cot and falling in middle of night, despite fact she is no where near ready for a bed.

the thing is no matter how much i tell her not to do something, she doesnt listen. she understands she is doing something naughty, and she knows what no means etc, but she just laughs at me when i tell her off or shout.

i dont know what i can do to teach her right from wrong. i have tried saying, if you do that again i will put you in your high chair (the only thing i can think of to restrain her as she wont sit still for 2 seconds) and then i give her 2 warnings, then put her in, leave her for 5 minutes, when she screams and screams, but as soon as ilet her out she starts giggling and runs over to do the naughty thing again....... this can go on for hours and is so tiring and im really fed up and not enjoying being a mum at the moment..

i am sure i am not the only one and that this is normal behaviour, i just wondered if anyone has any tips on how to make her listen to me. there hasnt been ONE occassion where i have shouted at her when she has stopped doing it or been upset, she just laughs at me! what am i doing wrong?!

thanks

[billysmummy]

hi fairycakes you're doing NOTHING wrong! if you are im doing the same things! ds is 18 months and really REALLY testing us, he knows what no means but just giggles like its a really good game. we tried strapping him in his buggy or highchair but he just gets really excited thinking he was going for a walk! think we should call on jo frost supernanny?!!! really no clue what we should be doing all the warning/naughty step stuff goes one ear and out the other! thinking of talking to health visitor but a bit embarrassed about seemingly having no control over him!

[oops]

Please don't shout at your baby.
As you have said, it doesn't work.... and it will just mean in the long run that she thinks it is ok to shout at you..
I think that with an 18month old, they are too young to understand naughty behaviour.
What i did with mine was to distract them from doing the things I didn't wnat them to do.
She is just exploring the world and not really being "naughty" IMO. I tried to see it that the so called naughty behaviour was just things that she was doing that I didn't want her to.
I wouldn't have thought strapping her down for 5 minutes is very pleasant for either of you too.
I don't think "No" worls at this age either.
Do lots of positive clapping, smiling, praising when she is doing things you want her to do, and gently moving her and distracting her when she is doing things you don't want is a much much clamer and nicer way to be.

I do know how you feel fairycakes, they seem to just drive you round the bend don't they? It is so easy to get stressed with them. At the moment I struggle with my 2.5yr old wanting to bash things all the time. I find it hard not to lose my cool really, but on the days where i am calm, i find it all goes alot better.
HTH

[zippitippitoes]

I don't think naughty is a worthwhile concept at this age

they are just too young

of course life for them is fun and as you've found your efforts are interpreted as a game

that is how they are programmed to learn so by far the bset teaching tool at this age is play and distraction

it's time consuming but no more so than trying to practice the naughty step or similar when they are not ready for it

[nulnulcat]

my dd is 2.2 now and getting naughtier by the day! she laughs when i tell her off i warn her she will get the naughty step and she goes and sits there anyway think she is trying to get credits for next bit of naughtiness!! was washing up in kitchen and she was shouting through to me mummy im being naughty and she was washing the living room floor with the shampoo and conditioner she had managed to help herself to from the bathroom step honestly i think evern supernanny would have her work cut out here! havent a clue what to do

[fsmail]

My DD is 19 months and going through the same thing. I am trying to ignore any things that she does that she knows are wrong, unless they involve crayons and anything dangerous. She deliberately does things now to get a reaction and I am trying not to rise to it. Not easy I will grant you but am trying distraction. The hard thing is my DS who was always well behaved is now being cheeky at the age of 5 and I wonder whether they are both playing off each other wanting attention. I am trying to do things on their own with each of them and then getting them to play together. It is hard work this parenting lark!

[madrush]

Don't know if any of you have same as in our house but often "naughty" moments coincide with times I'm trying to do something else and it's really just the little angels trying to grab mummy's attention back.

Fairycakes, is it possible that you could temporarily cut down what you're doing around the house etc and really make some time to play at dd's level each day to give her the attention she wants in a positive way? You really do need to ignore the bad and remove attention from her when she does what you don't want and lavish time on her when she's doing what you want.

[fairycakes]

thanks for the messages, i will try to saee it as her not being naughty, i do give her a lot of time and attention, but maybe im not as patient as i should be so i will ty and work on that one! i think your right those who sy its just her trying to get attention....it is ahrd work isnt it!
nulnulcat - sorry shouldnt laugh, but that is quite funny what your dd did! xxxx

[izzybiz]

its reasurring to read these messages, my DD is 21 months now, but has been like this for a few months.
i was getting worried that it wasnt normal, and that she would have ADHD or somthing, after reading these posts its good to know shes not the only one!

[laughalot]

Wow am i glad this thread was started my ds is 19 months and he is the same he dosent no when o give it a rest the are really hard work but they just want to play which i know is hard if you are house proud like me.

[SusieR]

Hi,

My DD is exactly the same, and it seems that she does it when I am trying to do something, or when she is tired. I saw the Baby Whisperer programe the other day and she was suggesting to try and not use the word NO and replace it with something like "mummy prefers it when you don't climb the table ect". I know it sounds a bit PC but I have been trying not to say NO and Stop It all the time and I do think it might be having an effect. However, I am fully expecting things to change again.....

[MrsBigD]

ds is the same :) so your dd is perfectly normal.

I think at that age it's defo not being naughty (well not all the time) but more a case of discovery - how far can I push mama/papa ;)

Though ds does understand the word 'no' and being cheeky... looks at me with his funny look... sort of tilts his head down and looks up at the same time if that makes any sense and then carries on. I ignore him if there's no danger of injury to himself or whatever he's torturing. Though now he's started running up to me, grabbing me by the hand, leading me to where he wants me and pulling me down to sit with him ... ergo... MAMA GIVE ME ATTENTION if I do not follow him straight away he lets rip! And tells me off in his baby babble... rather cute really event though very exhausting

We also have a dd (4yo) and he's just started being jealouse/vieing for attention as soon as I pay her some attention iykwim...

it can only bet better :)

[Auntymandy]

if she is doing dangerous stuff then you need to try and stop her, try not to say 'dont' try and get her to do something else! If she likes climbing take her to soft play, gym minnies etc.

[Pfer]

My DS is just the same at the moment - he's almost 18m. He's just exploring the world and testing the boundaries. I try not to lose my cool and unless he's doing something really bad or dangerous I try to ignore behaviour I don't want to encourage. If I say no he's getting a reaction and that's what he wants, if I ignore it he sometimes gets bored and stops doing whatever it is. Sometimes, not mostly, just sometimes.
I don't think that at this age they are capable of being 'naughty' even though it feels like it. They know they shouldn't be doing something but they don't know why and they enjoy getting reactions. We know it'll pass, just got to wait it out and hope the house insurance will cough up!