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Behaviour/development

A bit concerned about ds re: school friendships

7 replies

Mandy03 · 14/02/2006 08:42

My ds is turning 6 in July & he's just started school this year. There's a couple of boys in his class that he knows from pre-school, but he's been separated from quite a few of the kids he was with last year. My concern I guess, is that even though he seems to have someone to play with every day and is a sociable child, he doesn't have a 'best friend' as such - he didn't have one last year either. His pre-school teacher told me last year that he always had someone to play with, but he just hasn't had a 'special friend' since he started school, if you know what I mean... just several kids he plays with but isn't particularly close to. Is this quite normal? Unfortunately he left all his kindergarten friends behind when he started pre-school somewhere else. I just thought he might've really clicked with another child at school by now. The other thing that gets on my nerves is that a boy who ds REALLY likes seems to be very fickle when it comes to ds - sometimes he'll play with ds, and other times he just tells him to 'go away'. I know this is probably quite normal but I don't think ds understands why it happens - he really likes this kid and I think it upsets him. Today I asked him who he played with at lunch time, and he said he went to a special Valentine's Day class (they did art & craft, played games etc) in the lunch hour instead of playing with his friends. He said he did this because he wanted to.

Maybe I'm getting too concerned over nothing, I mean he has had playdates etc with other kids and he is not shy or anything, but I just wonder if it's normal not to have a best friend or a 'solid' couple of friends, rather than flitting around with different children.. thanks.

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Mandy03 · 14/02/2006 08:43

BTW I'm in a different time-zone, in case anyone was wondering..........

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Twiglett · 14/02/2006 08:51

I didn't think boys did 'best friends' I thought they did 'gangs', girls seem more prone to the 'bestest friend' thing

at least that is my experience with my very sociable 5 year old

although DS thinks whoever he is with at that moment in time is the bees knees

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Mandy03 · 14/02/2006 08:58

Yeah I'm not sure Twiglett - whenever I see him after school he's usually running around with up to 6 other boys, so I guess it is a sort of a 'gang'. Some of the other boys DO seem to have quite a solid friendship with one or two other boys though, which is why I'm asking... ds doesn't seem to have that closeness with anyone.

I just hate this 'go away' thing between children . I remember it when I was a child - one day someone was your best friend, the next day you're being told to get lost. Some things never change do they?!

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Bozza · 14/02/2006 09:02

Mandy it sounds to me like your DS is doing fine. Of course, you are a typical mother (I am just the same) and you worry about him. It's hard to let them go and get on with making their own friendships. DS does sort of have a best friend but that's because I am friends with the mother so they have spent lots of time together and we have helped each other out with childcare, had sleepovers etc.

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ProfessorGrammaticus · 14/02/2006 18:11

I have two boys and I think this is entirely normal. Both mine play with lots of different people and I think it is healthy for them - they always seem happy with it, anyway. Only (v slight issue) has been for DS1 when one boy has wanted to be his friend exlusively and DS hasn't wanted this. Don't worry, I would say.

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sunnydelight · 14/02/2006 20:06

I think it's a boy thing too. Both my sons (now 12 and 7) have plenty of friends, but they just don't do the "best friend" thing. I can see my 3 year old DD already getting into it and can see the problems it's going to cause - be grateful!

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mszebra · 15/02/2006 05:20

ds1 is 6, he does and will play with anyone but has a best mate (for last 8 months or so) that he would like to be with 24/7.

Maybe you could encourage friendships between your ds and other boys (that you do like, and that are less fickle) with playdates.

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