Need advise on sons constant lying, at wits end what to do, he is 6.

[bouncy]

I am really at my wits end, my son has been constantly lying for a while now. I don't know if I am being pathetic and whether I should let it go.
The lying is not about major things, its more about the silly things like when I say something to him he will say "Oh I was going to say that" or when he is doing his learning, he will spell a word wrong, I correct him and he will say "yeah I spelt it wrong on purpose, I know thats how you spell it". I know my son was lying as its the first time he has tried to spell the word and he has spelt it like its pronounced.

Do I let it go as its minor or do I stamp it out now, and if so what on earth do I do. I have tried sitting on the stairs, he happily sits there for 15 mins at a time and then carries on lying 10 mins later, I have took his telly out, and have taken away his toys nothing seems to work. I am at my wits end and need advice.

[bouncy]

Thanks, no he tends to tell the truth 99% of the time on things that matter.
Normally I do let it go, but its annoyed me today, due on so thats perhaps it.
I didn't want to let this go if he then starts lying about other things.

[bouncy]

thanks that has made me feel loads better

[bobbybob]

I had pupils that constantly did this (one of them is 13). I didn't class it as lying, as I think it's more wishful thinking or saving face.

In the first instance I would have just quipped "great minds must think alike then" and in the second I would have said "what a strange thing to do to get something wrong on purpose" and made a confused face.

I honestly think your ds will think he is being punished for getting the spelling wrong rather than for his "lie".

[tigermoth]

I agree with sobernow, as long as he isn't getting people into trouble with his lies, or telling major ones, then don't stress to much about it. It really does sound like your son is trying to save face.

Have you tried making the odd spelling mistake in front of him to show him that even you don't things right all the time?

Is there anyone in his immediate family ( your partner, older sister etc) who is a perfectionist and gets cross when others make silly mistakes. Perhaps there's a child at school who calls him 'stupid' for making mistakes? I wonder if he is picking this up from someone else?

[soapbox]

I almost take the opposite approach to this kind of lying!

I think sometimes they need a way of keeping face so that they can try more challenging things without feeling like they have failed! Otherwise they might give up trying because the 'cost' in loss of face is just too high.

I wonder why you are so keen to focus on the things he doesn't get right and then argue about exactly what he said - rather than focus on what he did get right?

We often give people face-saving mechanisms, its part of what oils our social interactions - and I would say an important social skill for a child to learn. In fact probably more important than knowling exactly how to spell a particular word!

Perhaps you need to cut him a little slack - he sounds like he is trying hard to please you - use that to your benefit!

However, you know your child better than any of us do, so you need to adjust your approach to suit him

[MaryP0p1]

For a child to lie he has to understand the difference between the truth and a lie. One way to look at it is that at least he bright enough and has reached that developmental stage!!!!

Seriously, my dd did the same about the same and still does to a certain extend. Silly things like my brother did that, or pretending she know nothings about how her name has been drawn on her wall/bed etc. Its frustrating. I have sat down with her and said
1 it upsets me to hear you lie
2 I will be more angry if you don't tell me the truth (and I then try very hard not to be cross when she tells me the truth)
3. I can't beleive you when you tell me lie. Its important to tell the truth and the reason why.

Perhaps find some books about lies in the library, it might more clearly get the point across and raise some other reason for telling the truth you haven't thought of.