Any ideas how to get ds (5yrs) to wind down. At wits end!

[IDismyname]

Ds has been back at school now (in his 2nd year) for nearly 2 weeks, and has already had time off due to a viral infection and a subsequent rash. It used to be tonsilitis, but he had tonsils out over the summer, so I guess this virus sort of took its place!

My problem is how to get him to wind down after school. We have reading and spelling to do, but when he gets home, all he wants to do is make things. We made a papier mache model, gingerbread, robots out of boxes and lego creations, and that was just in the first week

He's very like dh, who is always very fired up, and who just goes and goes - like he has duracell batteries. I don't want to stop ds from being creative, as I think it's his way of winding down after school, but come bedtime, he cannot go to sleep before 8.15 or 8.30, and is up, raring to go at 6 am. He looks exhausted, with dark circles under his eyes.

I try and keep w/ends fairly low key, although we're going through a lots of class birthday parties this term.

I've tried longer baths (with lavender oil), longer reading time, warm milk and - in a desperate measure - sleepytime tapes with suggestions of balloons, swimming with dolphins etc. Nothing seems to work.

His behaviour ranges from the quite good, to having enormous tantrums, and being put in his room for "time out". (YEUCH - snot all over his carpet )

Is anyone experiencing this? Can anyone help?

Any suggestions appreciated.

Thanks

[Lara2]

He may look exhausted, but is he? Obviously, only you know that. My DS1 was always the same, and have never been able to get him to go to sleep before 9pm - he's nearly 11 now and will go until 8.30pm when he has to go to bed and read, chill out, and then he'll drift off soon after 9pm (if he's not reading under the covers!! ). I tried all the things you mention and in the end realised that I'd just have to accept the way he is. He is ADHD, so we've always stuck to a routine, but given up totally on the notion of any adult time before 9pm. I guess, it's whatever works best for your family - you may want to be child free before 9pm!

[tigermoth]

blue2 your son sounds really good at amusing himself. All that making and constructing. The teachers must love him!

I agree with lara, it may just be that a bedtime before 8.00 is just not going to work with him. My sons have rarely been asleep before 8.30 pm ever (they're now 4 and 9 years). But you know your son, and so if you feel he is really tired, I can see why you need suggestions about bringing his bedtime forward.

Have you tried taking him to the park after school? collecting conkers etc - or when you are at home with him, let him ride his bike on the pavement or a suitable area while you walk beside him? anything you can do easily and safely. And now there's a chill in the air, that can be more tiring IME. Fresh air and exercise followed by supper is my favourite way of getting my lively sons to calm down.

HTH

[aloha]

10 hours sleep doesn't seem extremely short to me though you will know better if he seems tired. Does he drop off in the car? Or do his teachers say he seems tired in class? If not, maybe dark circles are natural to him.
How about putting him in bed at 7.45 and letting him read or play quietly in bed so you get some more adult time and/or not allowing him to get up (or at least not leave his room) before 7am and maybe he'll start to sleep slightly longer in the am?

[kmg1]

blue2 - just to put another opinion, 10 hrs does seem extremely short to me. My dss are 4 and 6, and either would be dead on their feet with just 10 hrs. They both still need 12+. If they don't get enough sleep their behaviour plummets, they just become incapable of listening properly, or seeing anything from anyone else's point of view. A few random ideas for you, hope something helps.

Firstly, you may need to give it a while. DS2 ALWAYS goes to sleep very quickly (within 5 mins), but hasn't for the past week or so. I am (optimistically) putting this down to the stress, trauma and upheaval of starting school. He needs a while to adjust to the new routine.

Currently working for us is an alarm clock. DS2 was never very good at staying in bed til a reasonable hour, and would get up when he was still tired. We have just got an alarm clock, which is set for 7.30 am. If they stay in bed quietly til then they get a sticker, and the first one dressed and downstairs for breakfast gets another sticker. (Stickers then converted into pocket money on Saturday). 3 weeks in and it's working well for us.

After school time is tricky - there is a thread on here somewhere with suggestions. I'll look for it in a minute.

DS1 often comes home and wants to continue with some project from school, but this tends to keep his mind racing, so I prefer to steer those sorts of things towards the weekend. If they are really tired, I put on a 'young' video - Old Bear, Beatrix Potter, Bob the Builder, or Postman Pat - and just let them chill.

Don't know if this will help, this is what we do after school:

3.15 Walk home - as Tigermoth says fresh air and exercise can help a lot. It also gives them chance to feedback about their day, so if anything's worrying them they can get it off their chest.

3.45 DS1 has a snack, ds2 has his 'tea' sandwich. (They are hungry and need something to keep them going at this point).

Then they have free play.

4.30 Teatime - ds2 just has fruit, yoghurt, cake ...

5.00 Take turns in bath, doing homework, having bedtime stories, (watch Blue Peter and Newround ds1). DS2 goes to bed at 5.45.

DS1 then has some time with us; we read to him, he reads to us. We also play a lot of board games, and card games, or watch videos.

Sorry this was so long - hope something is helpful to you.

[kmg1]

This thread may be helpful too

[tigermoth]

just realised your son wakes at 6.00 am. My sons who go to bed after 8.30 don't wake often till 8.20 am, so get in at least a 10 hour sleep. Just wanted to clarify that Mind you from day to day it varies, especially for the oldest.

[colette]

I think different children need different amounts of sleep just like adults. My dd 4 1/2 goes to sleep about 8.30 and wakes about 7.30am . I envy a friend of mine whose 2 1/2 yr old sleeps 3hrs in the day and 9 or 10 hrs at night . You know your own child . A bit of physical activity after school is a good idea . I think settling back into school is titing . Ds is throwing a wobbler (11wks) must go

[colette]

That should be "tiring" not titing . Must be me thinking ds needs feeding

[sb34]

Message withdrawn

[Tom]

If he's like your hubby, then why not get your hubby to start work early, finish at the same time as school, and get HIM to be all manic with the lad

[Cam]

I think young schoolkids get hyper when they're tired so he may need more sleep. Like kmg my dd (6 yrs) needs 12 hours to be fully rested. Its great that he wants to make things, my dd would do this all the time too given the chance, but it may be a bit over-stimulating every day after school. Agree on being outside keeping them calm inside!

[IDismyname]

Thank you all for your feedback; sorry - not been able to get back to you for a few days.

Childrens sleep requirements are so, so different - amply demonstrated by all the responses! Ds has never been the greatest sleeper, but I've been very concerned that he has been falling short.

Strangely enough, he seems to have nodded off to sleep before 8 pm in the last few nights, rather than 8.30, so perhaps school tiredness is "kicking in". He went to play with a friend for an hour or so yesterday, so perhaps that helped.

The whole afternoon post school business is not helped by the amount of homework we have to get through. The poor chap is only 5, and he has reading which takes us 30-40 mins (probably takes other children less time, but he is a slow reader - bless), they have a spelling test every Friday, so we have to "coach" them for that (very gently), and he has handwriting practice too.

That adds pressure onto me to ration time for playing after school, and leave enough for him to get some work done, before he's too tired to do it.

Our fault... private school... and they don't half expect them to hit the ground running at the start of term. However, to balance this out, his last year consisted of 30 weeks of school and 22 weeks holiday. Shame they can't extend the term a bit more and ease off the pressure.

Will try more trips to the playground or a bit of bike riding after school, as it does seem to work for some of you.

As for your comment, Tom - I WISH! Dh out by 0630 and not home until 8.30pm!

[Jollymum]

blue2-just a thought! I've just been to someone to help me stop smoking (proud thread coming up!) and she's given me a relaxation tape, which she says is OK for children over the age of 3. If your little one would stay still that long, is it worth trying something like that? I did mine yesterday and I didn't even get to the end of it, 'cos I was fast asleep. Dh had to come in and turn off the CD player. LOL