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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Why are Ds1's table manner so bad? what have I done wrong?

21 replies

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:06

We always sit at the table, set places etc, Tv is off 99%of the time, Ds2+3 eat nicely and use knives and forks (even Ds3 who is only 2)
But, OMG Ds1 is appalling at the table. He swings on his chair, fidgets, uses his fingers, when he uses the fork it's in the weirdest way, talks/interupts constantly and all this results in him taking ages to eat his dinner, we;ll all be finished and he's still not even half way through. It drives me absolutley mad.
Every single dinner time we have to say the same stuff to him - "sit still" "please use you fork" "hold the fork like this" "sit properly" etc etc etc etc over and over again. It's a constant on going battle!
I just cannot understand why it's so bad, his brothers aren't like it so why is he so bad at the table?

I really really hope someone has the answer because I'm soooo fed with it I could cry.

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LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:21

They're not fussed when the Tv is off either, so the time it is on really isn't the problem.

Anyone got any ideas?

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Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:23

How old is he?

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:24

6

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NotQuiteCockney · 30/10/2005 09:24

It sounds like he's enjoying the struggles - arguing is more interesting than sitting still and eating.

I've had this problem a bit with DS1 (4), and ended up being a lot more strict. He would postpone starting eating for ages, so I started saying "start eating now, or the food is gone". And I don't fuss so much about fidgeting, and so on, as long as he's sitting safely, and getting food in his mouth relatively efficiently.

Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:24

Is he LH or RH?

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:24

Right

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Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:27

Just wondering because my ds1 is LH and has alwasy been a bit unsure which way to use the knife and fork. I think you just have to keep on at them. When one of ours is talkig to much and falling behind with the meal, we just tell them to stop talking and get on with the meal. I suppose that sounds a bit harsh - mealtimes are supposed to be sociable times, etc - but you have to teach children that a mealtime is a balance between eating and talking.

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:29

I'm not sure if we could be any more strict.
Honestly, we have to tell him every single time we sit down.

The only time we don't have the problem is if we make him sit in the kitchen on his own!! I don't want to do that though but when I've got sooo fed up with it it's the only time I can eat my dinner without a battle.

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Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:31

Sometimes I despair when we have a meal. I sit next to my two youngest and I must admit as long as the older two are eating, I don't worry too much about how they are doing it. When dh eats with us though (at the weekends) there seems to be a constant litany from him of "Sit on your chair properly", "Use your knife", "Don't use your fingers", "Turn your fork round" etc and my older two are 9 and nearly 8, so a lot older than your 6 yo. It is a bit depressing to think they still can't eat properly, but, a I said just now, you just have to keep on at them.

I know my parents always nagged us repeatedly about table manners ("Elbows off the table!" I remember well!) and now I am nagging my kids, so it must have got into my head eventually.

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:41

It's the the thought of it "eventually" getting through to him that drives me to despair!

Ds2+3 aren't anywhere like it, I just can't understand it.

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LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:41

It's the the thought of it "eventually" getting through to him that drives me to despair!

Ds2+3 aren't anywhere like it, I just can't understand it.

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Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:42

You have to keep on at him though because if you don't and ds2 and 3 see him getting away with it, their table manners will go downhill too. It will get better though, don't despair!

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 09:50

Ah, you see. Thats's the thing we do keep on at him, every time we sit atthe table but it just doesn't make a difference.
I'm sure ds2+3 are Ok because they see the hard time ds1 gets.

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Lonelymum · 30/10/2005 09:52

Can you try and turn it round and make it a more positive experience, eg letting him have a treat if he sits and eats his meal in a reasonable time without constant reminders of how to use his knife and fork properly? You know, a Supernanny type approach?

Personally, I just keep on with the "Don't do that!" and "X, shut up and eat!" but I know a lot of people swear by the positive rewards system.

puff · 30/10/2005 09:55

Have you tried a stint of completely ignoring him and constant heaping of praise on ds2 and 3? Might be worth trying that for a week - hard I know. If you see any positives with ds1, praise heaping too.

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 10:04

Puff, we do priase the other 2 in the hope it will improve things. Maybe I should increase the levels....
but TBH I'm more with you LM in the "Just eat FGS" category.

We've pretty much tried everything so I have a horrible feeling we're going to still be saying all this when he's 10, 11, 12.....

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LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 10:05

Puff, we do priase the other 2 in the hope it will improve things. Maybe I should increase the levels....
but TBH I'm more with you LM in the "Just eat FGS" category.

We've pretty much tried everything so I have a horrible feeling we're going to still be saying all this when he's 10, 11, 12.....

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LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 10:05

uggghh, sorry about all the double posts

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rummum · 30/10/2005 10:22

we brought my daughter a different style of knife and fork... its wide at the top instead of thin so you can rest your fingers... they just fit more snug into your hand... this helped her. I will try to find a link...

LadyTophamHatt · 30/10/2005 13:31

anyone else got any ideas?

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callaird · 30/10/2005 16:58

Hi, I'm a nanny (have been for 19 years) and find the easiest way to get them to eat is to give them a set time, i.e. he has 20 minutes, then you take it away (actually throw it away, don't give any chances!) or as long as it takes the next slowest to finish. Don't offer him anything else until the next meal (kind of defeats the object if he has snacks afterwards)But explain it to him before hand, but get him to stay at thte table until everyone has finished desert. Then sit down and talk to him afterwards, ask if he knew why you had done it. Explain, explain, explain, and then when he does start eating properly lots and lots of praise. Believe me when I tell you, no child has ever starved, they will eat if they are hungry.

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