22 month old with speech delay

[theDudesmummy]

Hi, I don't know what I am looking for really, maybe just a bit of moral support. My beautiful 22 month old DS does not talk (at all) and I recently took him to a private SALT, who did not make any specific diagnosis yet, but is sending me a "programme" to work with him to help him. She did say, after going through a questionnaire with me, that he had "gaps" in his development.

After doing some internet reseach I am beginning to get really really worried sick, mainly because he does not point, which appears to be real problem from what I read. I have tried over and over again to get him to point, at things in books, in the street, etc, it is ending up with him frustrated and crying and me upset and angry. I spend hours repeating simple words, over and over, reading him simple books and pointing things out, over and over and over again. In the bath I play with his boats and say boat boat boat probably five hundred times, every night for several months now. When we get in the car I say car car car as we drive, over and over, sometimes for an hour or more. He just does not seem to understand what it is about at all. He has not said one word. I am getting so upset my all this I am beginning to feel I don't want to be with him, even feeling angry and resentful with him that he just does not get it, which then makes me feel terrible, guilty, a very bad mother.

I feel very very bad writing that, I hate to admit it, but it is true and I feel this is beginning to affect my relationship with him.

I can't enjoy him any more, as I did so much when he was younger, I am beginning to dread spending time with him. I just want him to say ONE word, point to ONE thing, and he doesn't, ever. I have become convinced that he will never talk.

It is not helped by the fact that my DH is getting increasingly cross with me, telling me I am making a mountain out of a molehill and that DS is not really speech delayed and that the developmental guidelines in the books and on the internet are just people being prescriptive and judgemental with no validity. This has led to some big fights, which does not help my state of mind. (He does agree to go along with the programme the SALT sends, and is very hands-on and involved with DS's care, and I know will do all he can for him, but he is just not prepared to accept any "label" for his son).

I am sorry this is so long. I am becoming very upset and miserable over this.

[theDudesmummy]

PS he does make eye contact, laugh, enjoy a joke, run away and hide and find it funny, and obey simple commands, although not two step ones.

[isthismadness]

Sorry just a brief post but just wanted to recommend an amazing book called baby talk by Sally ward, about how to talk to kids to encourage children their speech. It does say that by getting them to repeat what you say, or get frustrated it can hinder their speech development.

[Clarnico]

how is his hearing?

[GKlimt]

I think that you need to make an appointment to see yr GP or HV this week -despite yr husbands misgivings.

There are lots of reasons why yr DC isn't talking yet - you need to find out now so that he can get the correct help.

Good luck.

[jellybeans]

My twins were simelar and had global delay and possible autism. We went through 2 years of speech therapy for one and 3 for the other and thankfully they caught up about 6 years old and DS is not autistic. They are both working above average now and even though i was worried sick at the time and one woman made me feel responsible for it they are fine now, it seems quite common for some children.

[theDudesmummy]

Hi there, thanks for the replies,

I bought the Baby Talk book several months ago and have been following it, still no words, unfortunately.

His hearing is fine, I am quite sure.

I have already seen the GP, then a private paediatrician and a private SALT. the GP didn't really have anything to say (this was three months ago now). The paediatrician wasn't much help either, saw him about three weeks ago. He said that DS was "within the broad range of normal development" (and DH keeps quoting this to me). I now that this is not really true and that not talking at all,or pointing, by 22 months is NOT actually felt to be normal by most authorities.

[theDudesmummy]

Jellybeans, it is encouraging to hear that speech therapy did help. I am feeling so nihilistic at the moment, like nothing is ever going to help and he will never ever say anything. If he just said one or two words I would know that he has the potential to say something, at the moment there's no evidence that he even understands that he is supposed to talk. He babbles away, sounds like words all the time, but nothing anyone can actually understand.

[theDudesmummy]

PS madness, I suppose maybe I have been getting to pressured in trying get him to repeat what I say, it is probably beginning drive both of us mad. But I am just so worried and can't get him to say anything

[AllSheepareWhite]

Do you do baby signing? It can help minismise some of the frustrations in communication and can be done alongside prompts for speech.

[CoteDAzur]

I would be more worried about no pointing than no speech at this stage. That should be looked into.

Three languages are spoken in our house so I wasn't worried when DD wasn't saying much when 2 years old. Her paediatrician at the time had said "If she says one word correctly, there is nothing to worry about".

Taken together, no pointing and no words at 22 months is quite worrying, I agree with you. In your place, I would push to have all the tests and assessments. This is not about yearning for "a label" but getting all possible help available for your baby's development.

[StarExpat]

Was he born early?

My DS didn't start saying words properly until 20/21 months. He's 2y 5mo now and has been doing very well now.

Some children do take a while with language but it doesnt necessarily mean anything sinister.

[theDudesmummy]

His hearing has not been tested since the hearing test after birth, but he hears and responds to everything.

The SALT mentioned the possibility of baby signing. I mentioned it to my DH and he hit the roof (cause of our biggest fight ever) saying that his son is not "deaf or retarded" and was going to learn sign language over his dead body.

I don't know what more I can really push for at the moment? I have seen a consultant paediatrician (which was paid for private health insurance) and then a private SALT who he referred me to at my insistance (which I paid for myself, very expensive it was too). She would not make a diagnosis at this age, she told me, and she is emailing me a "programme" next week, to work on. I am really afraid that it is going to turn out to be more of what I have already been doing for months: ie speaking very clearly to him in one or two words at a time, repeating things to him, reading and pointing out things in books, showing interest in what he is doing and telling him the names of things he picks up or looks at etc etc. None of this is working.

[theDudesmummy]

Star, he was a month early (and small 4lb 4oz). Good to hear your DS is now doing well

[StarExpat]

That month could make a difference. Honestly I was really worried about DS and we thought he'd never talk. But now he says full sentences and complicated words. It all of a sudden just "clicked". Does he say mama/dada sort of words?

[GKlimt]

I think that you probably need to go back to yr GP!

Does yr son 'babble' , have good eye contact, or do anything else wh worries you like blank spells, rocking?

[StarExpat]

Oh and we did baby sign but it didn't really do much for him, tbh.

He just needed time. Some children just need time. I'm a teacher. A few years ago a little girl in my class (age 7) wasn't reading at the "expected" level and parents were pushing for a dyslexia label...etc.
In February, something just clicked and she was reading at the same level as her peers by June :) now, for some children this is obviously not always the case. But sometimes children just need time to learn and do things in their own time.

[ilovedjasondonovan]

My DD1 didn't say her first word until 23 months old. She then was speaking sentences within a couple of months, but had problems saying 'f' and 's' and 'th' etc. She had about 9 months of speech therapy from the teachers at her nursery (attached to her school) and now at 4.8 you wouldn't know she was a very slow starter.

[Chundle]

Hi my dd is nearly 2o months and has 6 words but has lost a couple and we been told she needs speech therapy. You say ds can't point but if you say 'look at that' and point at something does he look in the direction you point? As that can be just as important as pointing himself. I would go to your HV or GP fo referral as quicker you get things looked at quicker try get resolved x

[HadMyTwo]

Hi, my daughter is 2 years 5 months old now and I can only recognise one proper word, Mama, which usually is also like mamamam so not that proper. We have been to the GP, hearing test and SALT. All think she is normal developmentally. She does point though. I am worried in an underlying sort of way but not overtly so. She makes me understand what she wants by signs made by herself like pointing to her mouth to indicate she wants food.

The only advice I would give is to keep on trying all you are trying but try to relax and enjoy him nonetheless. Best wishes :)

[theDudesmummy]

Thanks everyone for the feedback, I do at least feel I am not alone, although I can't stop being awfully worried.

To those who have advised I seek more help: I'm not sure what more I can do at present in the way of seeking help/assessments/referrals. As I said before, I have sought help, the GP referred me to a consultant paediatrician, whom we saw, and he then referred me to a SALT, whom we also saw. I don't think going back to the GP will be much use, unless, I suppose, I was looking for a second opinion.

I was a bit surprised that the SALT did not ask for a hearing test, to tell the truth, but it is the case that he understands what is said to him, and I explained that to her.

My DS is such a cute, lovely, active, affectionate, lively little thing, and I feel bad for not just appreciatig him as he is (as my DH keeps telling me I should do), but I can't help losing sleep over this!

[TotalChaos]

I did get a hearing test for my DS but as he had some words, SALT correctly thought he was unlikely to have a hearing problem as his pronunciation was so good. Agree with Lady, about getting a hearing test done, it is such a bogstandard precaution to rule out a hearing problem as being behind a language problem.

[TotalChaos]

In terms of what to do next - actually I think it would be perfectly acceptable to go back to GP,asking for hearing test explain you are concerned, tho SALT and paed were laid back about the speech delay, and ask what he recommmends. I appreciate it is a lonely place, when family and professionals seem a bit disinterested whilst you fret, and it is hard to push yourself. But given the length of NHS waiting lists, it is worth you pushing for an ASD/multidisciplinary assessment asap.