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Behaviour/development

Sharing - what age can you expect a child to "get" it?

20 replies

Socci · 25/10/2005 15:30

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 25/10/2005 15:32

i have no idea what age they really "get" it but i would encourage it as early as possible

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doormat · 25/10/2005 15:33

agree with stbhl
I have always encouraged sharing from an early age, it just happens one day

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Socci · 25/10/2005 15:34

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MarsLady · 25/10/2005 15:34

I don't know that they ever truly understand sharing... but I think you should encourage it, but not beat yourself up cos the baby doesn't understand.

The only way they learn to share is by being made to share.. and it's a painful process.

you should see the DTs when I try to get them to share with each other lol and as to the 13yo? lol

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northerner · 25/10/2005 15:35

Huh! My ds is 3.5 and still doesn't get it. Toddlers think the world revolves around them, sharing is a foreign word

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buffytheharpsichordcarrier · 25/10/2005 15:36

I agree with starlover too, I started explaining it very young. too early to get angry or to expect them to share without prompting but it is part of life IMO and it is never too early to encourage it

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northerner · 25/10/2005 15:36

Except of course when Mummy is eating sweets, then I get told I have to share

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suzywong · 25/10/2005 15:37

I agree with 3

and then at 4 they use it as a premise for sanctioning taking things off other kids

"Excuse me, Tarquin, won't share his Wiggles pogo stick with me"

talk about a backfire

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 25/10/2005 15:37

yuou can encourage it by making them share! ie if they're playing with other kids then you say
"let's let X have a go with this toy now" and hand it to X
just keep emphasising that it's nice if everyone gets to have a go with all the toys

and of course if the sharing causes a tantrum then distract with another toy

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doormat · 25/10/2005 15:37

socci by playing ie "ta can mummy have some"
i used to do this when they were in their rockers and pull funny faces etc and then gradually extended it to other people in the household

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handlemecarefully · 25/10/2005 15:44

Well dd "got it" sometime between the age of 2 and 3.

I have no choice but to practice it with her 18 month old brother, since they fight over the same toy at times so I have to say "Ds it's your sister's turn now, give it to her", taking the toy off him if he doesn't volunteer it himself. He screams blue murder sometimes and looks really hurt and put out. I then say "Good boy for sharing, it will be your turn soon", and insist that dd returns it to him for "a turn" after a few minutes.

I don't feel I have a choice but to to enforce sharing and turn taking, even if he doesn't quite get it - because I have to demonstrate fairness to his slightly older sister (who is not old enough to accept - "but he's a baby, let him have it if he wants it" arguments)

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Blu · 25/10/2005 15:46

Socci - we had a nanny who bruhght her own child of exactly the same age. We needed to get them to understand quickly, because otherwise every day would be non-stop misery!
I decided that 'sharing' is too wooly a term and concept for tiny ones, and we settled instead on the notion of 'taking turns'.
We set up a game of taking turns, and made it v funny - each of them having a turn for about 2 seconds, then the other, then the other. It helped them understand that if another child had a toy, they could have it in a minute, and that if they did let the other child have it, they would get it back. A bit like learning that when Mummy disappears, she does come back again.

They cottoned on to this at 18m, I think, and DS has been (mostly) v good at sharing ever since.

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madmarchscare · 25/10/2005 15:50

DS 23mos almost get it. It was quite easy to get to this point as we started encouraging it quite early. However, Im sure there will be moments as he gets older. Im just hoping they wont be as bad.

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Socci · 25/10/2005 15:50

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doormat · 25/10/2005 15:51

socci it is not forcing it is encouraging

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Socci · 25/10/2005 15:52

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startingtobehalloweenylover · 25/10/2005 15:53

how else do you show them how sharing works though?

if you always let them have what they want you are teaching them that if they make a fuss they can always get their own way...

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Socci · 25/10/2005 15:53

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madmarchscare · 25/10/2005 15:54

Socci, I think that part of the playing 'with ' could be helped along with a background (for want of a better word) of sharing.

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doormat · 25/10/2005 15:58

socci your statement
" I have to say I dont agree with forcing sharing in a very young child"

i dont think none of us can force our little ones to do anything

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