Will my baby ever sleep through the night?

[mookymim]

Hi everyone, I'm new on here so bear with me if I don't get things quite right :)
I'm looking for advice and/or reassurance, my DS is 6 months old and just won't sleep through the night, I started weaning him at 21 weeks thinking this might help him sleep (he was also showing signs of being interested) but it hasn't changed anything.

He goes to sleep at 8.00pm wakes at 1am then 3-4am then again at 6.30am at this point he is usually wide awake. It's like having a new born again, I'm getting really down with sleep deprivation, it makes me feel miserable through the day and as a result can't enjoy my little one as I'd like. I feel like I'm a walking zombie. Other mothers talk of how their babies are sleeping through (even at a younger age).

He is still currently still in our room with us, I'm wondering if moving the cot to the nursery would improve things, we plan to do that this weekend. Has anyone else got a newborn 6 month old!

(confused) xx :(

[TooManyPufflesInMyIgloo]

Umm.

I don't have any advice on how to get him to sleep through. I can only say that he is not remotely unusual - all the mums whose babies sleep through are talking about it and all the others are keeping quiet.

My third baby started sleeping through (10-7, maybe 5 nights a week, unless he was ill or going through a growth spurt or there was an R in the month) at around 6 months, and I thought he was such a fantastic sleeper, cos dc1 and dc2 didn't manage it until around 2 years old.

Sleep deprivation is the pits. But I found it helped to concentrate on working out how we were all going to survive it, rather than stressing about how I was going to change my baby. Babies tend to change themselves in their own good time.

[suwoo]

My 4 year old and 19 month old don't sleep through the night. Ever.

Some babies don't you know, it's not a given.

[picc]

IME all it'll mean if you move him to another room, is that you'll have to walk further when he wakes up. Sorry!

I feel your pain (DS2 doing similar at the moment... although wakes even more often most nights).

DS1 was a frequent waker too, but now sleeps well, so the answer to the OP is yes he will sleep through at one point... just maybe not for a while....

IMO, some babies just do it later. Won't get into debate about sleep training or whatever... do what's right for you....

I survive by co-sleeping after a couple of wake-ups. Oher people may have other suggestions. But it won't last forever....
(although I have to remind myself of this, too, on particularly bad nights...)

[picc]

X-post with TooMany

I agree: the key to survival is to stopping wondering why, and to just concentrate on how (you'll survive!)

[mookymim]

Thanks for the advice everyone, I guess I do tend to get hung up on the 'why isn't he sleeping' thing but I think it's a kind of anxiety response from lack of sleep, I know lots of women are in the same boat but I feel unable to cope much during the day on so little sleep.

I don't have any family or friends around that can take him for a few hours even. Because he's my first baby I think I'm just constantly worried that I'm doing things wrong. i knew motherhood would be hard but freaking hell I wasn't expecting to be so utterly exhausted and rattled.

But I will survive and look back and laugh I'm sure.

Thanks again. xx

[makemineawine]

I have a 9 month old dd. She goes to sleep at 7pm but always wakes up through the night. On a good day, it can be as late as 5/6 am but on other days (nights) such as last night, it can be as early as 11 pm. Rather than have her get upset and spend time trying to settle her in her cot I just bring her in with us and she snuggles in and falls asleep straightaway. I know it's not everyone's idea of a solution but it works for us and I don't feel sleep deprived (until she starts pulling my hair in her sleep!).

[mookymim]

Thanks, I've tried bringing him into bed with me but he just cries and kicks about, although I do tend to BF him in bed until he falls asleep and then I put him back into his cot, (not ideal I know).

[goosey123]

Things definitely improved for me when dd2 moved into her own room at about 5 months, probably because I didn't have to respond to her for a few minutes and discovered she did sometimes settle herself back down. And whenever I share with her now (she's 8 months) it surprises me what a distrubed night we have.

Things were also better when weaning kicked in. I'm not sure if this helps, but it might get better!

[mememe30]

Hi, I'm sure your baby will sleep through the night. It might be soon but it could also be a while yet. As a mother of a 7 year old who has never slept a full night, due to a medical condition I would advise trying to find ways of dealing with how your feeling rather than ways to get baby to sleep.

Rest in the day as much as possible.

Cuddle your baby and enjoy the time with him. Its not his fault that he can't yet sleep a full night.

Talk to people and be open. I found more people admitted to their children not being great sleepers the more I talked about it.

Take any help you can to enable you to have a nap.

Don't over fill your day. You haven't had enough sleep.

I admit though that when my son was six months old I was in very bad place in my head and not doing anything I suggest and wouldn't even let anybody help.

My daughter slept 10-7 at 9 weeks so my son was a shock.

[RitaMorgan]

Have you tried a dream feed at 11pm? Formula for that feed sometimes helps (sometimes disturbs sleep more though!).

My ds is 7 months and has just started going 8pm-6.30am with a formula dreamfeed at 11pm - at 6.30am I breastfeed him in bed and usually get another hour's sleep that way.

[notnowbernard]

OP - I would kill for your baby's sleep schedule

Mine is 7m, won't go down until gone 9, then wakes every 1-2 hours

Happy days

[triskaidekaphile]

Are you anti sleep training? Many babies respond well and quickly to controlled crying at six months plus.

[tryingtoleave]

He's not sleeping like a newborn - he's sleeping like a 6 month old.

Mine have just started sleeping through more or less regularly. My ds is 4.5 and my dd is 2.

On a more (hopefully) helpful note, does your ds eat a lot in the day? If so you could try not feeding him when he wakes, at least for one of the wakings. Sometimes if they are used to having a feed their tummy will wake them up.

[piprabbit]

Could you try going to bed at 8pm (at the same time as your DS)? Just for a little while.

At least you'd be getting the best part of 5 straight hours sleep - plus the bits and bobs from later in the night.

Might just be enough to keep you going until he falls into a new pattern.

[ThePippy]

With my DD she slowly increased the time between dream feed (11pm) and middle of the night feed, then suddenly it started going backwards and I was pulling my hair out thinking she was never going to go through, then suddenly after probably the worst night yet she just suddenly stopped waking and has never woken in the night (other than through illness) since. We did nothing different on the day/night she started sleeping through, and had made no attempt to reduce her night feeds to get her used to having less. She wasn't on solids at the time and I have to say was pretty rubbish at drinking her milk, partly due to reflux, so had way less than the daily min recommendation on many days (although gained weight fine) so I actually don't think it is anything to do with having enough food and much more to do with the baby being ready.

Hope you get some zzzzz's soon, I coped really badly with sleep deprivation so I know how tough it is.

[BertieBotts]

You could read the no cry sleep solution - it has strategies to help extend your baby's sleeping time (without controlled crying etc) but also some stuff on realistic sleep expectations. Honestly you are not failing because you haven't "managed" to get him to sleep through yet. He will do so when he is ready.

I was really laid back and did nothing and DS slept through from 7 or 8pm to 7am when he was 2 years old. They do get there by themselves eventually! :)

[Firawla]

I would try him in his own room, it did help with both of mine, although saying that both of them dont always sleep through these days at age 1 and age 2, but they were not too bad as babies

[mookymim]

Hi, all thanks for your reassuring words and advice. My DS had a pretty bad night last night woke up every 2 hours :( He does manage to sleep for the first 5 hours 8pm -1am, 'Piprabbit' I have tried going to bed at 8.30 but often end up laying awake fretting till midnight!

It is reassuring to hear that I'm not alone though, I guess the problem comes from family members shaking their heads and telling me that he 'should' be sleeping by now, so I'm constantly being made to feel it's something I'm doing wrong.

I'm going to take the advice of trying to just accept that it is just part of DS's development and try to enjoy him as much as I can, he is such a lovely baby boy.

He's moving to his own room at the weekend so fingers crossed. :)

[nenevomito]

I've discovered there are no magic ways to get this to happen.

DS finally slept through when he was around 18 months and then became an early waker. DD slept through at 6 weeks and gets a good 12 hours every night.

Tried everything with DS and it made not one blind bit of difference.

[thebeansmum]

Oh mookymim you poor thing! I know people will always have a 'we're worse off than you' story, but it doesn't help when it seems there are so many people BETTER off than you! Sleep deprivation is pure hell - that's why it's used as torture! I really think putting him in his own room is worth trying and sticking with, we did with ours on the advice of my brother and his wife. I think if the baby cries, we wake up, but also, in a room with you and your partner the baby may be disturbed by noises we make - snoring, moving around etc. Try to sleep when he does - even if it means going to bed at 8 with him, doesn't exactly give you much adult/tv/quiet meal time I know, but it's not going to last forever (I promise) and it's better than being like a zombie. Lots of love xxx

[Pinkjenny]

My 3.10yo dd has never slept through the night. Ever. Not once. Never.

My 15mo ds has slept through since about 9 weeks.

You have my sympathies. I pray that she grows out of it.

[ShowOfHands]

Oh gosh. Two night wakings for a 6 month old is just so normal. And under a year they go through so many developmental spurts that their sleeping patterns change regularly. As soon as they're working on a new skill (rolling, walking, talking, crawling etc) they can't sleep well. Throw in teething and normal coughs/colds and separation anxiety and it's hardly surprising you get broken nights.

Once you've accepted it's normal and you're not failing at all, it's easier to handle. Promise. If you feel he's waking like a newborn (which really he isn't) then you go right ahead and act like you have a newborn. I always figured it was easier to change what I was doing than change the developmental norms of a baby. So sleep when you want (during the day is fine), don't worry about cramming things into the day, perfect house etc. Take time to rest, eat well and enjoy the baby you have not the one people incorrectly tell you that you should have. It WILL get better but look at you ds. Just look for a minute. He was born tiny, unable to eat, sit, play, smile, laugh etc. Look at him now. That is taking effort and time. I'm not surprised he's restless/hungry in the night. He's changing daily.

[GingaNinja]

Just to repeat what everyone else has said - he'll sleep when he's ready. You are not doing anything wrong. DD has been a variable sleeper (to put it mildly) since Day 1 (she's now 21 months). A good night at the moment is only one waking. Her last 'through' night was 8th January 2011; before then 27th September 2010. Not that I'm counting. Walking seems to have helped fractionally.

As to comments from the family - just try to nod, smile and change the subject, specially if they're not around to actually help/give you a night off. I've had lots of family comments particularly making unfavourable comparisons but then my sister produced 2 teenagers-at-birth - her youngest slept through from 9 days old FFS. Sorry this isn't more help but good luck. There are an awful lot of us in the Twilight Zone!

[petisa]

I have a 6mo dd2 who goes down at 8pm, usually wakes at 11pm and 5am and up for the day at 6-7am and I am over the moon about this! However, last night she did wake up at 10pm, 1am, 5am and decided 5.45am was the start of the day, grr!

Dd1 slept 9pm-6am with only one awakening at 11pm from 6 WEEKS and at 4 months was sleeping 8pm-7am. Lucky me!!

[tiktok]

This isn't a sleep/waking problem.

This is a confidence problem - it will help to address the comments of people who undermine you by saying what your baby 'should' be doing in a way that gives you the upper hand, and which demonstrates your understanding of your baby's normal sleeping and waking pattern and your acceptance of this.

It is usually easier to change yourself in this way - 'cos you are an adult and can think logically and decide to change your behaviour - than it is to change your baby :)

There's a great phrase often suggested on Mumsnet for people who make unwanted comments - you could try it:

Unhelpful relative: Is he still waking up? Honestly, I don't know why you put up with it....he should be going through by now. You'll have to get a grip!

Mooky: Gosh - that sounded a bit rude and critical of me. Did you mean it to come across like that? BabyMooky's perfectly normal, you know!