Typical behaviour in a one month reflux boy baby? Little eye contact

[SweetFudge]

I've a newborn about 1 month and 3 days and he was diagnosed with reflux about 2 weeks ago. I breastfeed and am getting more and more concerned with the fact that he doesn't look at me when I feed him. When he is quiet and I am sitting facing him, he might look at me briefly and then prefer to look elsewhere.

He might occasionally look at DH or me or sometimes follow us with his eyes when we come into the room but much prefers to look around or past us at things.

I think I am getting distressed because I spend much of the time holding him upright on my shoulder and the rest of the time he is squirming or crying from the reflux and so feed times are the only real times he is quiet for a bit and is an opportunity for me to bond with him.

Also, I'm finding the reflux difficult as he hardly sleeps and I just don't want for there to be anything wrong at this point.

Any other babies who didn't make eye contact for a while past first month?

[Enid]

sorry no real help but if it reassures you I dont think any one month old babies make eye contact?

[colditz]

at one month old he can hardly see you, much less make eye contact.

[foxinsocks]

I can't remember when they start smiling - is it 6 weeks? If you are concerned I would ask the GP but from what I remember, mine were barely awake at that age (other than to feed).

Is he puking a lot? It's very hard with reflux babies because they do spend a lot of time wriggling and unhappy and puking. Do you go to any baby groups? I found them an absolute lifesaver with mine, especially when I found one that didn't seem to mind mine puking all the time!

[aloha]

It's normal! His eyesight is very poor anyway and he will recognise you by scanning the shape of your face and your hairline at this age. He will know your smell though, and the sound of your voice. At two months, babies change developmentally and their vision improves dramatically.
He will bond with you via feeding, holding, smelling you and feeling safe in your arms, not via eye contact at this stage.
I sympathise re lack of sleep etc. It's awful.

[Cooperoo]

Hi, I am sorry I have no words of wisdom for you but just wanted to say that my dd2 didn't make much eye contact with me at all at this age. She too seemed to look at everybody and anybody apart from me. However she is now 12 weeks old and gazes at me, smiles when she sees me and follows me around the room. I don't think they see much at one month and so try not to worry. I hope you get some help with the reflux too. I know this can be a nightmare to cope with, but it will pass.

[SweetFudge]

Thanks for the reassurance. I think I am just getting too stressed and tired from our ds's reflux episodes and the worry of it is affecting how I see everything with him, if that makes sense.

[foxinsocks]

it does make sense but don't forget reflux is in most cases a temporary condition. I know that doesn't help now and I still think that GPs/HVs underestimate the effect it has on a mother's confidence (because you end up so knackered from all the effort of stopping them being unhappy/extra washing etc. on top of the lack of sleep/shock of new baby). Whatever you do, don't let yourself get down about it all - it sounds like you're doing really well.

[LIZS]

It is easy when you know there is a problem to look for other things that aren't really there. dd had reflux but wasn't diagnosed until 8 weeks by which time she'd got an ear infection from bacteria in the regurgitated milk in her throat. Don't know what support you are getting or advice given but it helped that dh took over at night when she was unsettled and he'd sit up in a chair with her. Also she would only settle when supported up such as in her car seat or bouncy chair. However part of what you are experiencing sounds like normal new born behaviour, reflux aside.

[SweetFudge]

I haven't been to any baby groups as I spent the first two weeks following an emergency section getting mobile again and then ds's reflux was diagnosed shortly after.

I'm going to try some baby groups soon. I know I should to get some company and some sanity. I'm just so tired at the moment. The only way ds is comfortable at the moment is if he is lying on my chest with me sitting upright and so I try to have some sleep that way and pad cushions around us. I surround him with one of my breast feeding pillows. Elevating the moses basket doesn't seem to help him much.

[Enid]

do you have a Wilkinet?

a lovely cudddly (fiddly at first but you learn quickly) sling so they can stay upright cuddled to you and you can get on with things or just rest a bit.

[LIZS]

dd slept inside the v-pillow too !

[SweetFudge]

I'd bought a betterbaby sling off e-bay and I'll give it a go today by taking him to the park for some air.

Good to know ds isn't the only one sleeping in a v pillow!

You're right about the confidence thing, foxinsocks. I'd felt absolutely over the moon and really confident about ds for a week after his birth and right now, I feel totally without control or direction.

I realise it is unreasonable to want to be in control of a situation where babies are concerned. I guess it is a matter of slowly changing my mindset and accepting that I will have to wing each hour as it comes.

The fact that you've had reflux babies and that it does get better is something I'll have to keep telling myself when he can't get comfortable.

I have been putting ds for short periods of time in the car seat and rocking him in it but have been told that it is bad for the development of his spine. So far, I've ignored that advice as it does give me a break.

[foxinsocks]

Did a GP diagnose your ds or was it a paediatrician? Have they give him any medication?

I remember only too well the falling asleep on my tummy thing! Dd was very comfortable in that position. 4 weeks can be a difficult time because this is the time they often get colicky as well - I also remember it as the time when all your good-feeling hormones from the birth seem to disappear and get taken over by pure exhaustion.

The first few months are hard, but once they reach around 3 or 4 months you can start to get into a loose routine of naps and feeding which will probably make your day a lot easier and by the time they are 6 months and having some solids, you'll probably find you have a defined morning, afternoon and evening with more regular naps.

Have you got one of those bouncy chair things? They are slightly tipped up but still flat. I used to put dd in that and rock it with my foot.

[LIZS]

I was advised by our paediatrician (was abroad so to see one was normal) that the risk to spines is very slight and have known babies even sleep overnight in them, with reflux,bronchiolitis, croup etc. although would only consider doing this exceptionally. dd spent much of the first four months in a chair (if not at home, on the run to and from ds' preschool) and it had no impact on her physically long term as far as we can tell. She's 4 now although very petite. Her reflux really improved once she got up on her feet.

[SweetFudge]

Ds was diagnosed in the A & E of the Royal Berkshire Hospital and kept in for four days after that. My community midwife had said he'd bad colic when she saw him at 1 week so we put him on Colief. I went to visit my sister and took ds with me and it just didn't feel right with him that night. He'd breathe fast and hard frequently since birth but his breathing just got more laboured that day without pause and then he kept chocking on vomit he'd bring up during naps. It certainly did not seem like colic by that point and it was midnight on a Friday so we ended up in A & E.

An ECG was done and an X Ray scan showed dark patches on his lungs. A hole in his heart was also found and blood tests were done. I'd been Group B strep +ve during pregnancy so the worry was that the laboured breathing and patches were due to a late onset infection from the Group B or improperly formed lungs. We aren't too bothered about the heart murmur as my mum has a congenital one.

When ds was finally diagnosed with reflux,it was a huge relief to match what he had to the correct condition. He's on Domperidone, Ranitidine and Gaviscon.

I'm glad to hear this paediatrician say upright in a seat is okay and was going to continue anyway. I'll look into getting one of the tilted baby chairs for ds.

Foxinsocks and Lizs, how were your children diagnosed and even with the medication, are there still days when their reflux seems to get worse and other days when it seems better?

[NotQuiteCockney]

Goodness me, SF, you've had a rough start with your new baby! I've not had anything like the same sort of problems, but I can confirm, that, with both my boys:

• they didn't make eye contact at 1 month, and
  
• the first six weeks sucks. It gets better when they start smiling at you, I promise.
  
  Are you sleeping with your baby? That often helps difficult sleepers. (Not sure how you manage keeping him upright-ish at the same time, though.)

[foxinsocks]

wow SF that's quite a beginning to his life!

Did they give you any tips on making his sleeping more comfortable? It must be very worrying for you if he is choking on his milk. Here is a support group for infants with reflux. It's quite interesting reading the other stories on here living with reflux UK

Both my dd and ds had reflux. Dd has just turned 5 years and ds will be 4 years soon but the memories are still fresh in my mind (it lasted around a year with dd, around 9 months with ds though both still have weak tummies to a certain extent)! They were diagnosed by GPs but ds was seeing a paed at the time as he had prolonged jaudice and bronchiolitis.

We had great trouble with the medication but I do remember there being good days and bad days. What I realised by the time I had ds was how important it is not to overfeed - it's so hard when you're breastfeeding to get it right but overfeeding definitely makes them miles worse.

[Jimjams]

Have you seen the amby? designed for babies with reflux. DS3 loved his (is still in it at 8 months and started sleeping through really soon after getting it when he was about 4 weeks old- prior to that he would only sleep on his tummy on me).

They have a good resale value on ebay so you could always sell on if it was a disaster.

[LIZS]

Wow, you have had a worrying start. no wonder you are so exhausted.

dd was diagnosed by the paediatrician with no specific tests. As I was breastfeeding there didn't seem to be much point in starting on medication which needed mixing but did have Thick n Easy to add to the odd bottle of ebm and when I eventually introduced formula at around 7/8 months. Some days were better than others and I found it really easy to avoid being sociable with others for fear of her throwing up everywhere or being miserable.

tbh by the time she was diagnosed the worst of her pain had passed and she was starting to sleep through. We propped her cot up on Ikea step stools (so it was a good foot higher at head end) and put rolled blankets under the mattress of the moses basket and pram. btw she loved being in the Baby Bjorn carrier as she was held close but upright.

She was still sickly after weaning onto solids, althoguh some improve then, and had smooth purees a lot longer than ds had. At a year she would still gag easily and bring back most of her meal but it did improved as she cruised and walked, which was fortunately on the early side. Even now she will still be sick easily if she has a cough.

hth

[SweetFudge]

Thanks for the input, girls. I'll try anything TBH and will look at the amby on ebay, Jimjams. Appreciate the weblink, Foxinsocks and have put it in favourites now. Lizs, when you say footstools under cot, do you mean under the front 2 legs of cot and did you get them recently? If so, I'll go and look in Ikea this weekend.

Ds is on my shoulder now - just fed for 6 mins. I am trying not to overfeed but he seems to want to feed pretty much every hour for a part of the day - Any tips on not overfeeding? My latch on is fine as I had midwives to look at it and ds regularly latches on for a few mins and then latches off crying so to get the full 15 mins for hindmilk is not always possible. (Have been told that 8-10 mins minimum is needed before hindmilk comes in) Which means he wants to feed again in a quarter of an hour.

I do then feed on the same breast till at least 15 mins in total time is achieved but sometimes he will continue wanting to feed again very soon. It isn't a growth spurt as it has ongoing for more than a week and a half. Comfort sucking perhaps? I've tried dummies but he hates it.

I'm going to take him for a walk now so may not reply till later but really, thanks very much for being supportive. It has really made me feel better today.

[NotQuiteCockney]

SF, from what the BF experts on here have said, I wouldn't get too bothered about hindmilk. It's not really a different thing, it doesn't "come in" exactly, it's just that the fattier milk sticks to the side of the reservoir, so you get fattier milk, the emptier your boobs are.

And at four weeks, he's still pretty confused about where he is, what's going on, etc, never mind the pain from the reflux.

[Caththerese1973]

I don't remember my dd looking at me much when I was nursing her as a very young baby. She would just look around and contemplate other objects mostly. My dp and I would joke about the way she liked to look at the ornaments we had on the picture rail high up. I do remember that when she finally started smiling and making faces back at me...wow! It really made it all seem so much easier.
Tiny babies can be a bit scary. They're just little feeding machines. I agree with poster who said 'first six weeks suck'. Very true. And you have had a rough start. Given all the tribulations the poor kid has had so far, I would not be surprised if he turns out to be a little slower than average in tuning in to you and responding to you. He's probably been in pain and pain always makes us more withdrawn, whatever our age. Don't worry though. By the time he's 3 months or so you'll wonder how you could ever have been worried about him - he'll be smiling and cooing away and all the rest of it.

[LIZS]

sweetfudge, we used stools like this which have a textured surface and rubber edged base so the feet of the cot don't slide around. They were placed under the two feet at the "head" end, creating about a 30o angle. If you got more you could stack them to get it an inch or so higher each time. if you want to use the moses basket you can place it inside the main cot, perhaps if you warmed the sheet on you first to get a familiar scent/temperature he'd be more compliant about sleeping there.

btw the steps have also proved very useful later on for toddlers wanting to help in the kitchen and to use in the bathroom.

[Jimjams]

I tried raising the cot- didn't work- ds3 just screamed as soon as he went on his back- but the amby- ahhh bliss Wish I'd had it for ds2 (who would tolerate his side in a raised cot, but never his back).

[pinkpip100]

Hi Sweetfudge,

You poor thing, being a new Mum is hard work at the best of times without all of the extra heartache and worry you've had thrown in. Just to add to the words of reassurance, my DS was diagnosed with reflux at 7 weeks, and is now a healthy, happy almost 7 month old, who admittedly is sick quite a bit but certainly nothing like those early months. He was a bit late smiling, and even then didn't smile very often, which I think was due to the discomfort he was suffering, but you'd never know it now!

My best advice is to arm yourself with plenty of bibs and muslins and get out to as many baby groups as you can manage. That's what kept me sane, and you'll find that there are others in a similar situation to you to share worries with. I know its so hard when you're shellshocked by the lack of sleep, but it really does help. Also, I found that when I was really tired, taking DS to bed with me for a few hours in the afternoon helped both of us to feel a bit better. Everything else can wait!

hth a bit.