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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Behaviour/development

Dummies - Cheeky friend!!!!!

58 replies

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:08

I was out for lunch with an old work colleague the other day with my dd(1), ds(40 and her ds (2). She's always been a bit of a "know-it-all", especially when she was pregnant!!!!!!! but this really made me grit my teeth...

She offered to give me a lift home, so I said that would be great! She offered to hold dd while I folded the buggy, when I lifted dd out of the buggy she was sitting on a dummy. I picked the dummy up and handed it to dd as opposed to sticking it in my pocket to gather fluff. Dd put it in her mouth.

My friend them looked at me in horror and said "WHAT did you do THAT for??" "She didn't need the dummy!!!" She then took it out of dd's mouth saying "THats dirty and horrible and you shouldn't have that!!!"

WTF? I just said "I only gave her it to hold whilst I got the buggy folded. And besides just coz your ds doesn't like a dummy doesn't make them dirty and horrible!!"

She said to me "Well you won't be saying that in a years time when you can't get it off her?"

I said.... ahem I do have a 4 year old.... I have been through all that.

The subject was then dropped with her sitting with a smug grin on her face at the fact that she did her good deed for the day by removing dd's "evil" dummy.

I'm fuming! Wouldn't you be???????

OP posts:

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Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:09

I mean my ds (4)..... not 40! PMSL!!!

OP posts:

gscrym · 12/09/2005 11:18

Place DD's dummy in her ds's mouth when she isn't looking and tell her that he swiped it from her. Also give her a good hard kick for being so rude. Whether she dislikes dummies or not doesn't give her the right to remove one from your child.

Shades1 · 12/09/2005 11:18

yep, but the "experts" we have around us can't help but give advice even when not needed. I'd love to have her confidence though, I can't imagine taking control of my friend and her childs development like that

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:20

lol gscrym. I like your style! Its not like she didn't try him with a dummy! She did..... but he didn't want one! So now she's all high and mighty like its a reflection on her as a better parent than me!

She was the same when I told her that my DH has a play station and ds watches him playing it!

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weesaidie · 12/09/2005 11:27

Typical. I know a guy who took my dds dummy out of her mouth (17 months) and said, 'you're too old for that.'

He said he playfully but I had to bite my tongue... he also told me he didn't like the nursery I was sending dd too and I was less reticent at that remark!

The thing is, he didn't think he was doing anything wrong.

Oh, I am beginning to wean dd off dummy this very week, but not because of his comments!

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:32

I had a dummy when I was young. I remember when I was about 3.5yrs old my Mum stood on my favourite one by accident it broke. I was gutted! She didn't buy me anymore though and it hasn't had any major lasting traumatic effects on my adult life..... surprisingly!

I don't get it really..... why are people:

SOOOOOOOOOOO presumptious
SOOOOOOOOOOO bothered about dummies. Its something they suck on for comfort.... who cares really???? I had them.

Has there been some sort of research that I#ve missed suggesting that dummy-suckers are more likely to become serial killers??????... or worse..... Tories?

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TracyK · 12/09/2005 11:34

I agree with her that you shouldn't have handed the dummy to your dd - as she hadn't asked for it - but I would have kept my mouth shut - it would be none of my business.
I don't know how many people I've seen - feeding a baby/child, take the bottle out and pop a dummy straight in. I don't agree with that - but don't mind if a baby/child asks for a dummy because they want/need it.

weesaidie · 12/09/2005 11:35

Listen to this my girl. I was never allowed a dummy... so I sucked my thumb.

Guess what, sometimes I still do! Its awful, my parents tried to wean me off it several times but I always thwarted them. Finally before secondary school I forced myself to stop. Nightmare, I couldn't sleep for a week.

Some babies like to suck and they will find a way! At least you can take a dummy away... eventually...

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:36

TracyK - You don't have to agree with it! What difference does it make to you.... or my dd for that matter if on that occasion she was given a dummy to hold for a second!!!!!!

Its beyond my understanding as to just why people feel so strongly about it! I don't like seeing kids with gel on their hair.... but its more of an annoying niggle than downroght disgust!

I just can't imagine myself being SOOOOO arrogant about another person decision to allow a dummy.

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Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:39

WS - My brother sucked his thumb. When he got teeth his bottom ones cut his thumb SO badly that he was contantly getting infections there. Nodoby could stop him sucking his thumb... you can't detach it. Dd found her thumb at 10 days old..... so I bought her dummies instead.... MUCH better than what happened to my brother. He's 16 now, but still has visible scars on his thumb!

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SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 11:40

Oh how I love the way people love to judge! We all have our ways and our reasons, and if we don't ask for or need help when there isn't a problem, why do people feel the need to give it?

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:40

TracyK - Ooops, I didn't mean for my post to sound so aggressive! Sorry.

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TracyK · 12/09/2005 11:40

Yes - but she didn't hold it - she popped it straight into her mouth. Surely you are reinforcing that its' fine to suck on a dummy and will confuse her when/if you try and wean her off it?
I can't talk tho - cos my ds sucks his 2 fingers and I can't through them away! Have managed to get him to keep his hand out of the front of his nappy tho - by saying 'HAND!' loudly.

crazydazy · 12/09/2005 11:41

Cheeky cow!! I would have been fuming, I hate do gooders who think they know how every single child in the world feels.

My friend is like that too only with her its baby dinners, she thinks she's the worlds best mother because she cooks all her own dinners and them puts them in ice cube trays and then uses them daily.

Fine if she can be bothered to stand there and cook!!! Poor kid is having the same food every single day for 2 weeks but what the hell its good for them!!!

I fed my kids baby dinners, heinz, cow and gate and they tried something new every day and I feel as a result they will try anything now because they had a variety when they were babies!!

TracyK · 12/09/2005 11:42

s'ok Toothache - I knew you didn't meant to sound agressive!

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:43

Thats exactly it Suzy! There wasn't a problem! Dd was fine, I was fine, my ds was fine and her ds was fine. So WHY create a problem???? Dd is shy at the best of times, but with this big woman who she doesn't know holding, ripping a dummy out her mouth then giving her a row for having a dummy.... she BURST into tears. Said friend looked so happy with herself like "there, now she'll be a much more balanced and nicer person!".

ffffffume

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SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 11:44

I would have been the same, and dd is walking around with a dummy in her mouth right now!

Toothache · 12/09/2005 11:46

I find dummies are also useful for stopping dribbles.... kind of plugging up the hole, so to speak.

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crazydazy · 12/09/2005 11:46

If you love your kids why not let them be kids and enjoy their little comforts!!!

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 11:50

Exactly CD!

gscrym · 12/09/2005 11:50

Give her a kick, it'll mimic the upset dd would have felt having her dummy ripped out.

On a totally different note (in a thread hijacking way), toothache do you work for BP or Innovene and are the looking for man-techs in Grangemouth at the moment. I was going to send a CV in.

starshaker · 12/09/2005 11:52

i would be raging i didnt intend to give dd a dummy but when in the hospital she used to use the bottle as 1 (she suck then spit the milk out) thought id rather have her with a dummy than wasting so much milk all the time. if any1 says to me about her dummy i tell them to have her for a day without it and see how they do (they all decline) i have a very happy baby who only really wants her dummy to play with or if shes tired.

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codsicle · 12/09/2005 11:53

I hate them

SleepySuzy · 12/09/2005 11:54

I do but too late now.

chloe55 · 12/09/2005 11:54

Hmmm the dummy debate - I am having discussion with DH as to whether we will introduce a dummy or not. MIL dead against them but I had one and it didn't do me any harm - I think it is far worse to see a 15yr old suck her thumb than a baby/toddler with a dummy (there were a few thumb suckers at my school). Saying that DH doesn't ad never has had a dummy or sucked his thumb so I guess it won't always end that way. Anyway - I'm rambling, back to the point - YES I would be FUMING if a friend found it her place to tell me how to bring up my child.

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