Parents hate our first choice name

(95 Posts)
polkadotsrock Sun 30-Jun-13 17:39:51

My parents have made it clear that they do not even slightly like our first choice name for our DD- will I care less when she's here, will it grow on them or will it forever be a 'thing' between us?? I honestly don't know why it's bothering me so much, perhaps because we had universal agreement on DS' name?

Shybairns Sun 30-Jun-13 17:43:53

What is it?

And its really nothing to do with your parents what you name your own child. They had there chance when they chose their own childrens names. I bet noone challenged them on thier choices.

LesAnimaux Sun 30-Jun-13 17:45:04

It's bothering you because they are being rude. (You have to tell us what the name is now,though!)

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 30-Jun-13 17:47:04

Do you think they have a point?

Assuming that it's just not their taste - stuff them, it's not their baby they don't get to choose. Next time they mention anything tell them they are being very rude.

polkadotsrock Sun 30-Jun-13 17:49:49

It's Meredith. I don't consider it to be overly controversial but they say its old ladyish and couldn't suit a little girl :/

Shybairns Sun 30-Jun-13 17:54:03

It will grow on them when she has been born.

trikken Sun 30-Jun-13 17:54:15

It doesnt matter if they like it or not, it's your choice. Meredith is nice though.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsHuxtable Sun 30-Jun-13 17:59:03

My mum did this to me. I didn't speak to her for about 2 months. I'm sure she now couldn't imagine DD to be called anything else. However, I've learned my lesson and will not be telling her any name choices with this pregnancy.

Meredith is lovely!

roundtoit Sun 30-Jun-13 18:00:01

They have had their turn to name their children its your turn now and I think Meredith is a lovely name.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 30-Jun-13 18:06:08

It's lovely.

They had their name choosing name,they need to pipe down.

As it goes,I've never met an elderly lady Meredith. I have met elderly gentlemen named Meredydd (original spelling,prn slightly differently) in the more Welsh speaking areas of Wales.

LovelyMarchHare Sun 30-Jun-13 18:07:04

I have a Meredith (nearly 4) and it gets so many favourable comments from people. I was quite surprised so many like it at first. Obviously I love it and if you do stick to your guns. She goes by Merry as a nn and fortunately it suits her personality!

CointreauVersial Sun 30-Jun-13 18:07:53

I didn't tell my mum beforehand for precisely that reason. She was a little scathing when the choice was first revealed (after the birth), but 10 years on admits she has grown to love the name.

Really, it's your choice, and don't forget, her name choices are probably 20-30 years out of step with what is currently in vogue.

MissStrawberry Sun 30-Jun-13 18:11:14

None of their business.

Don't discuss it with them anymore.

They are under the illusion they have a say. Tell them quite clearly they do not. How bloody rude of them.

If you like the name, have it. If they don't then they don't have to see the baby.

I really like Meredith!
When she is born surely the arrival of a real live baby with a real live name will be the important thing?... I would have thought they will forget their hmm ness!

MissStrawberry Sun 30-Jun-13 18:12:31

How big of people to admit they have grown to love a name belonging to their grandchild. Bloody hell.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sun 30-Jun-13 18:14:57

Why on earth did you tell them before you had her and it was a 'done deal'? That's asking for hassle.

notaverynicemum Sun 30-Jun-13 18:16:22

IGNORE!!!

Meredith is lovely. Non offensive. Totally lovely. And even if I (complete stranger) didnt think it was - I would still be saying ignore them.

Calle your DD what you like. Once she is here and they start using her name - they will forget they ever hated it. It will just become the norm.

Its tough luck if they dont like it and want to cause a fuss. They had you and called you what ever they did because they wanted to (and if they cowtowed to anyone else - then thats their issue and not one to pass onto the next generation). Its now your time. You call your baby whatever you like and dont be shamed or made to feel crap about it.

Depending on your sense of humour you could say yep - infact you have changed your mind and now have decided on Vimto,Domestos,Heinz or something else totally outrageous, to make them talk you into reconsidering Meredith!!

Ashoething Sun 30-Jun-13 18:17:23

We also had this with our dd. Every name we mentioned someone-usually mil-would pull a face and say they didn't like it. I know they are not overly keen on the name we did eventually pick either.

With our 3rd dc we had a name picked out quite early on but refused to tell anyone what it was-we had learned a lesson! The only negative comment we got when dc arrived was from bil who said to dh "its a bit posh"hmm

You will never please everyone so please yourselves-I think Meredith is a beautiful name.

polkadotsrock Sun 30-Jun-13 18:19:53

Thanks all, I'm hoping they'll have time to get used to it! Can just see their faces when they're telling friends etc and the thought of that is bugging me. Not to worry, I shall don my big girl pants and do as DH and I desire.

fuckwittery Sun 30-Jun-13 18:21:12

Meredith is lovely. Bit of advice that is too late now, NEVER tell anyone your name choice until the baby is here. It's much harder for them to criticise once the baby is actually named.

fuckwittery Sun 30-Jun-13 18:22:15

Someone I work with hated the name her daughter chose, and screwed her face up when telling me what a horrible name it was. I thought she was totally bonkers as its a lovely name, plus a bit mean to express such dislike for her granddaughter's name. so the only people who will look silly if they pull faces when telling their friends the name is them.

thegreylady Sun 30-Jun-13 18:23:11

It is a lovely name.I wish I could have used it-it is really beautiful.

isitsnowingyet Sun 30-Jun-13 18:23:53

Love the name Meredith - if they don't like it - suggest Ezmerelda instead grin

TeWiSavesTheDay Sun 30-Jun-13 18:26:21

Ha! We are calling DD2 Meredith as well.grin

Honestly, it will be fine, and know that you have the moral high ground over manners forever more!

MadameGazelleIsMyMum Sun 30-Jun-13 18:27:15

Do not allow your choice to be affected OP. we told my parents our proposed name for DD. They made their feelings plain. In a post c-section haze of drugs, knowing my mum was about to arrive, I made DH agree to change it to something they did like. I liked it too, and it suits DD, but I should have gone with what I liked.

With DS, we announced the name after birth. DF said it was ok, DM hasn't commented on the name to me once which means she thinks its awful. In fact, my cousin told me she to my aunt that DS was "lovely despite the name". But do you know what? I genuinely don't give a shit. We love it. We got a whole raft of compliments.

So, morale of the tale - stick with what YOU like!

Elquota Sun 30-Jun-13 18:29:47

It's a lovely name.

There are lots of old-fashioned names being used again these days, so it won't stand out as "old ladyish" at all.

Breezy1985 Sun 30-Jun-13 18:31:22

Ignore smile

My mil did this to us, made me even more determined to use it, and I did. DD is almost 9 and she never mentioned it since, people always say how nice it is and she always agrees with them grin

MissStrawberry Sun 30-Jun-13 18:31:31

I don't understand why anyone would say anything but what a lovely name when told the name of a new baby.

DoItRight Sun 30-Jun-13 18:32:35

So? Your child, your choice. They got to choose when it was you. Ignore.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Sun 30-Jun-13 18:41:09

Never tell!

It's nothing to do with anyone else.

mellicauli Sun 30-Jun-13 18:47:28

I think they have overstepped the boundary here. This child will stretch your body to bursting point, attach itself to you for 6 months or so, deprive you of sleep, drain your bank account and your emotional reserves. The responsibility is yours and although others may offer o help when it suits, ultimately its yours alone. And that's why you are allowed to choose the name! And unless they are going to take n a good portion of this burden, their opinions should never have been expressed in the first place. It's just rude

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 30-Jun-13 19:15:41

Never ever tell RL people a name choice especially grandparents because if you do they go buy a dog and name it the name you wanted to use.

FairyArmadillo Sun 30-Jun-13 19:50:31

I think if you don't use the name you'll regret it. Seem to remember a couple of comments on baby name threads that go along the lines of- "I told people the name. They didn't like it so I named the baby something else. I wish I'd stuck with the name I like." Call her Meredith- it's not everyday you get to name your own child. Parents and in-laws have had their turn at this.

Artichook Sun 30-Jun-13 20:06:52

We recently named DS a name my in laws hate. They have been very vocal about their hatred and it really bothered me in my post natal, hormonal state. TBH it's taken the shine off the name for me and I wish we'd chosen something less controversial (not that DS has a particularly odd name but I knew in laws would hate it and see it as an 'old man' name). If I could rewind six weeks I'd name him something else I think.

DontmindifIdo Sun 30-Jun-13 20:14:24

This is why there should be a leaflet handed out when you have your midwife booking in appointment about the importance about never discussing baby names in advance. At this stage, they think it's not set so they can negatively comment and influence your choice. If you had waited until their new granddaughter had arrived and annouced her name, they probably wouldn't say anything negative because it was too late at that stage to change it.

Anyway, it's a lovely name, remember, their names sound like old people's names to you, your parents are hearing the 'granny chic' names and picturing an old woman of their grandparents' generation. they probably haven't spent much time in the company of toddlers to realise. You've picked a very cool and classic name.

Startail Sun 30-Jun-13 20:18:26

My DD isn't called what I'd have liked because my mum and sister laughed and said it just made them think of an annoying celeb.

I used it as her second name instead, she and I still like it and I wish I'd used it

Her name is pretty, but far too common.

Startail Sun 30-Jun-13 20:19:24

Meradith is lovely

Viviennemary Sun 30-Jun-13 20:24:06

Well it is difficult if they hate the name. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with Meredith. It's a perfectly nice acceptable name. What about offering to let them choose a middle name.

MustafaCake Sun 30-Jun-13 20:24:58

Meredith is a gorgeous name!

I made the mistake of telling my mother the name we'd chosen for DS, she said she hated it and would never call him by that name.

Needless to say we never told her what we planned to call DS2!

Just ignore her, you will always get people who don't like the name you choose. As long as you and your DH like it, go for it!

TeamEdward Sun 30-Jun-13 20:25:44

My parents knew my gran would not like the name they'd chosen for my brother, so came up with a faux name (same initials) to tell her!

MustafaCake Sun 30-Jun-13 20:26:20

What about offering to let them choose a middle name

What about telling them to butt out and let the baby's parents choose?! They've had their go at naming babies already!

IneedAsockamnesty Sun 30-Jun-13 20:28:30

Artichook,

In your shoes I would be wishing I had well mannered less self absorbed relatives.

LesAnimaux Sun 30-Jun-13 20:31:02

It's not old ladyish. I know a 6yo Meredith, but no old ladies. I guess your in-laws associate it with someone they have known.

LesAnimaux Sun 30-Jun-13 20:32:01

And for what it's worth, I didn't used to like it, but it's really grown on me. smile

DontmindifIdo Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:08

Artichook - don't let them spolit it, do you still like the name? Does your DS suit the name? The old man thing is just that people who really are old don't understand they are fashionable now, your DS's name is unlikely to actually stand out when he's with other DCs a similar age, at DS's nursery, his name stands out more because it's not a particularly "grandad chic" name!

Your PIL will get used to the name, it will suit him. If you picked another name, you know you'd always regret not being brave enough to use your first choice.

MissStrawberry Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:33

Let them chose the middle name then you are rewarding them for their rudeness.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:34

Meredith is lovely. More to the point it's a real name, inoffensive, not the name of a mass murderer and not being taken over by the screechy brigade. If you'd said the name was La-a (ladasha) or pixiebell or the ubiquitous ellie-Mae (both lovely in their own right, sadly hijacked) then I may have sympathy for them.
My friends daughter is calling her soon to be born son an odd name, my friend would be mortified to use it. I can completely understand and sympathise.

joanofarchitrave Sun 30-Jun-13 20:34:48

It's just a generational thing. There is a name that appears to be coming back in, which if my daughter-in-law (not yet in existence) told me was to be my grand-daughter's name, I would have to take a moment to control myself because I think it is so incredibly ugly. But of course it's not, it's just a name. Call your baby what you like.

DramaAlpaca Sun 30-Jun-13 20:35:48

I would guess that your in-laws are thinking of it as an old-fashioned name, something from their own generation, which probably puts them off.

But it's a beautiful name, and long overdue a revival.

Anyway, it's entirely your choice & nothing whatsoever to do with them. Go with what you like & they will come round eventually.

ChewingOnLifesGristle Sun 30-Jun-13 20:36:28

It's lovely imo but that's beside the point it's your choice. I wouldn't have said the name until the baby is born.

Tbh when I read of situations like this it never ceases to amaze me that gp's/extended family feel it's acceptable to behave in such a controling boorish wayhmm Sod 'em.

In fact I'd be tempted to tell them the baby will be called F'Tang F'Tang Ole Biscuit Barrel the Third and spend the next few months laughing to myself at their reaction.

Mintyy Sun 30-Jun-13 20:39:11

Ignore your parents. They got to choose when you were a baby. Actually, let it be known that you do not approve of their disapproval.

Snazzywaitingforsummer Sun 30-Jun-13 20:39:58

How odd of them to say that - I have never met an older Meredith so I don't have that impression at all! In any case it is entirely your choice and you shouldn't be swayed by family preferences.

FreakoidOrganisoid Sun 30-Jun-13 20:49:17

My family hated dds name. They've got used to it now. It's her name, so they think of her when they use/hear it rather than the preconception they had before she was born.

WeAreEternal Sun 30-Jun-13 20:53:57

It's a lovely name, tell them to stop being so silly.

DuchessFanny Sun 30-Jun-13 20:57:11

It's a gorgeous name ! Go with it !

DownyEmerald Sun 30-Jun-13 21:45:48

I've never met a Meredith so have it has no associations, altho' possibly a character in The Dark is Rising?

Anyway FWIW I think it's great.

Onesleeptillwembley Sun 30-Jun-13 22:11:16

Can I just add, the only Meredith I knew was old, would have been about 95/6 now, and very, well I suppose you'd say posh. My Father's Aunty. She was also the funniest, can't say sweet, she was wicked, in a good way most accepting, wittiest lady. She was also probably one of the youngest minded people I've ever known. So I don't see it as an' old' name.
She would have both loved and hated Mumsnet.

lola88 Sun 30-Jun-13 22:26:54

My mum HATED ds's name I mean really hated it but once he was born it grew on her and now she likes it.

I have an unusual name myself not very unusual now but in the 80's it was and my gran hated it said it sounded made up and could I not be called something normal but she got used to it and likes it now.

My mum also has a name which is now normal but in the 60's it was way out there, her grandparents hated it the priest almost refused to christen her because of it but my gran went ahead and her parents accepted it and never mentioned now liking it again.

Call her what you like they will get used to it even if they still don't like it

bugsybill Sun 30-Jun-13 22:53:13

Don't discuss any more names with anyone.

If your parents bring it up tell them firmly that you are not discussing it anymore and that names go in cycles of fashion and generations.

They might not like your choice but they will have live with it. Tell them your choices are not up for discussion.

There is nothing wrong with Meredith, it is just a generational difference and your parents would have been quite unusual to name a baby that in the 70s/80s as there were plenty of middle aged and old aged merediths back then which is why they think it is old, frumpy and unusable. It is a bit like why we would be less likely to name babies today Jan, Alan, Lisa, Donald or Jenny.

ByHecuba Sun 30-Jun-13 22:58:53

Meredith is great. How rude they are.
Both my DM, DF and PILs were very hmm when we told them what DD's name would be and it upset me at the time. When she was born though, the pride in their voices when they spoke about her showed that they'd got over it.
Hope your parents are the same, but if they do keep on about it you're going to have to tell them it's not up for discussion and they need to pipe down now. As everybody else has already said, it is your choice!

WhiteShakette Mon 01-Jul-13 11:57:23

Lovely name, and even if it weren't, none if their beeswax. I agree telling family the baby's name in advance is fatal. Don't be drawn into further discussion. My parents and ILs don't like my son's name, though they have never explicitly said so. They think all children should be called by the most ordinary of the top five names, so they won't stand out in the playground, and the boys, especially, should all be called John or Connor or Paul or Anthony, in case they are teased.

Peachyjustpeachy Mon 01-Jul-13 12:01:39

if i would have had a boy, I'd have liked to call him Sean. Pronounced Shaun.... simply because my mum would have to call him Shaun even though she INSISTS its pronounced Sean to rhyme with bean! grin

good job i had a girl!

notso Mon 01-Jul-13 12:28:54

grin Peachy

I can't imagine not discussing names with family and friends. For me it was part of the excitement of being pregnant. We didn't ever say "we are calling the baby ...." but said "I like Jonah" or "How do you think Francesca sound with our surname".
I liked hearing their suggestions and opinions.

DM, DSis and DBil all said they didn't like the name we chose for DS3. We still used it, DH and I love it and no-one has mentioned it again.

So what if other people don't love our name choices, as long as they love the DC who have them I don't care!

CPtart Mon 01-Jul-13 13:09:42

Lovely name- stick with it on point of principle. We chose not to call our DS a hideous name that had been in the family for four generations. The silence was defeating!

Next they'll be trying to influence where she's christened, what school she goes to etc, etc.

sleepingbeautiful Mon 01-Jul-13 13:47:57

I agree with all the other comments, just ignore your parents. Mine were super rude about DDs middle name and recently my Mum admitted she likes it after all noe (11 months later).

Justfornowitwilldo Mon 01-Jul-13 18:01:17

Do you love your parents naming choices? Mine chose names I wouldn't pick and my ILs chose names I loathe. As they've decided to share their opinions perhaps you might want to add your views on their naming taste grin and point out that they've had their turn.

spangledboots Mon 01-Jul-13 20:05:57

Meredith is a beautiful name and if that's your choice it doesn't matter what the rest of the family think. They'll get used to it! It's not as though you're planning on calling her something completely ridiculous.

bishboschone Mon 01-Jul-13 20:07:20

My parents weren't keen when I named dd but it suits her and everyone loves her name now. Go with what you like . Grandparents don't get a say about names as far as I'm concerned .

DStone Mon 01-Jul-13 21:24:47

Meredith is a lovely name...my mum wasn't keen on my dd1 name and kept suggesting alternatives. Months later she told me it had grown on her and she couldn't imagine my dd being called anything else. Dd2, s-i-l wasn't keen on the name knew a woman she didn't like by the same name and thought it was too common we chose to ignore her. At the end of the day you can't please everyone all of the time so go with what makes you happy she's your baby..

PeriodMath Mon 01-Jul-13 21:27:12

Never reveal baby names to anyone before the baby is born.

Never, never, never.

People are far less likely to offer their opinion on it once baby is born and named and there's no going back.

polkadotsrock Mon 01-Jul-13 21:28:58

Thanks everyone, you've really buoyed us and I'm feeling more convinced than ever that it's the right name for her. So glad I posted smile

Turniptwirl Mon 01-Jul-13 21:51:40

Meredith is lovely esp Merry for short!

Lurkymclurker Mon 01-Jul-13 21:53:14

Mil told us she didn't like our choice (Emilia) and said she would call her Emma - I said that's fine I will just correct you, every time!

Move on to dd 21 months and since day 1 she has never been called Emma, mil realised its our choice and that the name suits now she is growing up - stick to your preference or your parents will be thinking they have a say in everything!

Xmasbaby11 Mon 01-Jul-13 21:57:29

It does sound old fashioned, but that seems to be trendy these days so it's probably not unusual.

It's your choice though - you should stick to your guns!

Maud2011 Mon 01-Jul-13 22:13:13

It's beautiful - and not your parents business!

birdofthenorth Mon 01-Jul-13 22:40:34

DS is 11 weeks and not one of our four parents like his name. Doesn't stop them showering him in cuddles and love... and we like his name, so it's tough luck on their part!

Heart7 Mon 01-Jul-13 23:31:28

I love the name Meredith, was on my list for this pg but DH vetoed hmm

But when this baby is born, our girl choice is one that both my DF and best friend have both kindly informed me they don't like. Oh well, we love it, you will get used to it!

Go with Meredith please, it is beautiful, and you will regret it if you don't.

SixPackWellies Tue 02-Jul-13 09:45:48

Another one who likes Meredith.

Tell them to STFU. It makes me so angry when people do this.

(We had people pull faces at our DS1's name when they first heard it and comment 'how boring'.). it is a common name...... but rarely used now and now we have people only comment how lovely and underused it is.

This is YOUR baby.

And congratulations. smile

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 02-Jul-13 12:11:44

Meredith herself will win them over to it smile

Claryrocks Tue 02-Jul-13 13:41:26

Meredith is a gorgeous name! Ignore.

TheRealFellatio Tue 02-Jul-13 13:45:57

I can understand why they don't like it - it is a generational thing, and to them Meredith is not old enough to sound quaintly retro and hip, and not new enough to sound edgy and modern and hip. They feel the same way about Meredith as I'd feel about Tracey or Alison or Kim!

But it's your baby and they need to learn to get over it.

buttercrumble Tue 02-Jul-13 13:46:20

What a beautiful name , hard luck if they dont like it. Its your choice im sure they will come round. smile

5madthings Tue 02-Jul-13 13:46:40

Meredith is a lovely name, it was on our list for dd, we went with Merryn and the nickname merry smile

My mil didn't really like any of the names we chose for our five, but they have grown on her.

Go with the name you love!

sheeplikessleep Tue 02-Jul-13 13:48:48

Meredith is a gorgeous name.

We told SIL our name for DS2, her response was she screwed up her nose and said "oh I don't like that". I am 32 weeks and we have definitely decided on said name. Can't wait to see SILs reaction wink.

MadeOfStarDust Tue 02-Jul-13 13:53:17

It is a lovely name ....I have a slightly cautionary tale though...

Dh's brother and wife had a little girl called her XXXXX (say) MIL on arriving at the hospital say "XXXXX WTF kind of name is that " ..... roll on 5 years and it is written in their divorce petition as a contributing factor...

HeirToTheIronThrone Tue 02-Jul-13 13:57:19

I know a 6 month old Meredith. She goes by Merry which suits a smiley, chubby baby down to the ground!

elfycat Tue 02-Jul-13 14:09:01

I'd tell them how much you hated your own name and would have rather been called XXX so if they could keep their useless skills at naming babies to themselves, that would be great.

But no-one ever said I was nice grin I've given DD1 a really rare spelling of a more common name so I'm going to be in trouble with her later on. I've already had to correct it at her school before she starts. DH and I love it though.

Meredith is lovely, go with Meredith.

Gerty1002 Tue 02-Jul-13 14:18:57

I'm having this same dilemma with the name Isaac. My parents hate it and were mocking it (after a few vinos) and it really put me off the name - I actually took it off our shortlist. We've now vowed not to tell anyone the names on the list, and after much deliberation have put Isaac back on it. If we choose it, they will just have to get over it.

ChunkyPickle Tue 02-Jul-13 14:28:57

This is why we don't tell anyone our choices (not that we have anything we really like yet for this one). Meredith is lovely, refuse to discuss it, and let her win them over with it.

wonderingifiam2013 Tue 02-Jul-13 14:44:55

FWIW - I think Meredith is a lovely name smile

We too have picked a name we know EVERYONE hates! And, due to me being a stubborn cow it just makes me giggle grin

I know everyone hates it as DC1 has a teddy bear with the same name and the faces that are pulled for it being just a bear's name are priceless so I can't wait to see their faces when it's a baby name! Although if we have the opposite sex ... that won't be as much fun wink

DrSeuss Tue 02-Jul-13 14:46:09

Meredith is a beautiful name. The only famous one I know of is Meredith Grey but I love her too!

Simple equation- no egg/sperm = no vote!

MadeOfStarDust Tue 02-Jul-13 16:37:48

Meredith Baxter - actress, producer and breast cancer campaigner. (in real life..)

BeCool Netherlands Tue 02-Jul-13 16:39:11

You can't please everyone - so please yourself!

FobblyWoof Tue 02-Jul-13 19:04:16

I'm the opposite, if close relatives don't like it it makes me all the more keen grin

I think it's because DP's family like really unusual names and I really don't so I know they'll never be on board with the names we like but they never say so. And if my family don't like my names I think they're rude for saying so and so I'd ignore them anyway!

As an aside, I love Merideth, it's beautiful!

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