mil keeps trying to put me off my name choices..

(30 Posts)
ditsydoll Mon 20-May-13 21:41:26

We have decided on Esmé for a girl and my mil just keeps offering alternatives.
I have brushed it off until now. She has asked countless times what we've decided on for a girl and every time we give the same answer she just looks disappointed. Were not definitely having a girl but If we do I don't know if she will ever get used to the name.
I don't want her to put me off but at the same time I wouldn't like to think she hated Dds name.

nocake Mon 20-May-13 21:43:37

Stop talking to her about it. If she asks again just tell her that you're undecided. Once your daughter is named she'll suddenly find that she likes whatever name you've used.

ClaraOswald Mon 20-May-13 21:44:45

turn around and say you have reconsidered Esme and will call her Ermintrude instead.

frustratedashell Mon 20-May-13 21:45:27

It's your daughter, your choice!

TheChaoGoesMu Mon 20-May-13 21:48:08

Esmé is a beautiful name.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 20-May-13 21:48:55

I'd probably give her my best concerned face and say Mother in law, dear, we've told you so many times what our choice is. I am getting concerned about your memory. I think we really ought to take you to the doctor if you can't remember that our choice for our baby if our baby happens to be a girl is Esme...

pictish Mon 20-May-13 21:50:48

People change their minds about baby names all the time. She probably thinks it's fine to keep suggesting ones she has thought of because the babt hasn't been born yet.

Unless she has outright said she doesn't like Esme (which is lovely) she most likely means no harm.

SanityClause Mon 20-May-13 21:51:19

Don't tell anyone until your baby is born. IME, it was hard enough finding names that the two of us liked, without involving the rest of the people in the world.

Now that you've told her, just smile and say "mmmm". Then announce "her name is Esme" when she is born.

ditsydoll Mon 20-May-13 22:02:20

Thanks everyone, iv just been trying to be as polite as possible (when I really want to ignore her when she asks now)
I know she doesn't like it because when told that were using Esmé she makes a face and goes hmm how about... Once didn't bother me but she's not letting it go! Lol
Il just do my best oh that's a lovely suggestion but were still using Esmé face next time it comes up :D

SanityClause Mon 20-May-13 22:26:21

Incidentally, I know a grandmother who hated her grandson's name (Arthur).

This woman was polite enough to keep her mouth shut, however!

Anyway, now that the name belongs to her beloved grandson, she loves it.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 20-May-13 22:49:57

She's being really unfair - she had her chance to name her children, and now it's yours. I bet she wouldn't have thanked her MIL for disapproving of her name choices.

When she asks, just say 'the same name, we haven't changed our minds', smile, and the forcefully change the subject. It's a nice name - it's not like you're choosing something ridiculous, so she has no right to influence your choice; it's not her place.

If you go with something else to placate her and regret it, you'll feel worse about that, than going with the name you love and her not liking it. Especially since she will inevitably come around to it. And probably much sooner than she thinks, since it will all be wrapped up in the lovely little entity that is her granddaughter.

CharlieBlanche Mon 20-May-13 22:56:21

Never tell!! Just say either that you haben't decided or that it's a secret.

We chose very, er, regional names for our children. I'm fairly sure that they wouldn't have been my families first choice but on being presented will shiney, new babies they just happily accepted the names as the price of cuddles

Once the baby arrives people rarely comment the way they do in advance.

cansu Mon 20-May-13 22:58:35

You made the error of telling before the baby is born. Never tell because people will always try to foist their ideas on you. By the way Esme is lovely!

MyShoofly Mon 20-May-13 23:03:08

I think you care too much what she thinks. Picking a name one of parentings great and special joys....she's had her turn now its yours.

if she brings it up again just advise her she's already been told in a polite but firm manner.....it's not a democratic decision and she will love her grandchild whatever the name.

MyShoofly Mon 20-May-13 23:06:26

by the by...I saw a similar face when we told my MIL DS2s name...I advised that we were telling her the name, not asking for opinions. That was the last she ever mentioned it.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Mon 20-May-13 23:12:45

Never tell, that way you won't get anyones opinions.

starfishmummy Mon 20-May-13 23:16:27

We just didn't discuss names. Someone asked and we told them Archibald Algernon for a boy.....and they believed us!!

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Mon 20-May-13 23:16:44

Yes, I have to say, we didn't tell a single soul either DS's or DD's names until they were born.

Saved a lot of hassle.

snickersnacker Tue 21-May-13 07:08:31

'We've got a few ideas but we're waiting to meet the baby before we decide.'

Big smile, change the subject, present the name as a fait accomplish after the birth.

It's entirely possible that you'll change your minds when baby comes anyway so no point in dealing with hassle now!

olivertheoctopus Tue 21-May-13 08:21:37

Stop talking to her about it! I'm not discussing with my MIL anymore because she's made it quite clear she doesn't like one of our preferred names and frankly, I don't give a rat's ass. You name your child what you like.

perplexedpirate Tue 21-May-13 08:33:54

If DS had been a DD he would have been Ivy. When I told my (utterly lovely but nutty) Nan she gave me a list of pre-approved girls' names to choose from! She's no longer with us but I still have the list, just in case. smile
Fortunately she loved DS's name.

formicadinosaur Tue 21-May-13 16:01:31

Don't discuss it with her. change the subject. then when the baby is born call it what you like

PourquoiPas Tue 21-May-13 16:09:18

Next time she asks give her a crazy name she'll hate I used things like Stormm and Beyonce

It'll make whatever you do choose (and I love Esmé) look better by comparison.

Floggingmolly Tue 21-May-13 16:12:15

It's the risk you run when you share your child's name with all and sundry before they're even born. Why do people do this?

NeedSomeSun142 Tue 21-May-13 16:13:11

Tell her to piss off and get used to it, then blame it on your hormones grin

Cockadoodlequack Tue 21-May-13 16:20:04

MN has taught me many things, and not discussing names before a baby is born if you wish to avoid hassle is one of them.

That said, I did discuss names with my mum before DD was born- but we didn't know if the baby was a boy or girl, and didn't firmly decide on a name until she was born only had a shortlist. And crucially, I trusted my mum to give her opinion on a name only if I asked for it and to be tackful in doing so!

In your case, I think you need to find a way stop discussing it with her. Just be vague when she asks and say you haven't really decided yet. Then call the baby what you want. Esme is lovely smile

JojoMags Tue 21-May-13 16:38:08

esme is lovely. Both my mum and MIL did a similar thing with DS1 and barely concealed their dislike of the name.We ignored them. Now he's 5 and its not an issue. With DS3 we had a name we loved and listened to their criticism (more explicit this time!). Still regret listening as it is a beautiful name. So ignore her, go with what you love and stop discussing it with her.

schplappo Tue 21-May-13 17:20:50

When our DD was born and we told MIL her name, MIL kept emailing us other names, which we ignored. She persisted with this until we told her to stop. I still don't think she likes DD's name but it didn't take too long fr her to get used to it.

Stick to your choice - it has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 22-May-13 12:24:22

Is she anti your choice of name for a boy or have you kept that quiet from her?

Pobblewhohasnotoes Wed 22-May-13 13:58:18

Floggingmolly Tue 21-May-13 16:12:15
It's the risk you run when you share your child's name with all and sundry before they're even born. Why do people do this?

Exactly! Don't share your name choices if you don't want people's opinions.

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