"Reserving" ; baby names?

(41 Posts)
CruCru Sun 21-Apr-13 13:55:35

I have a family member who has a list (not a long one) of baby names she wants to use when she has children. I'm not planning to use any of these but...do you think this is a funny thing to do?

thermalsinapril Sun 21-Apr-13 14:07:10

In what way has she "reserved" them? Has she said she doesn't want anyone else to use them? If so, then she's being unreasonable, obviously. It's first come first served where names are concerned, and even then other people are entitled to choose the same names if they wish.

Yes it's bloody ridiculous. Does she pull the list out on first dates?

exoticfruits Sun 21-Apr-13 14:08:38

Smile, nod, ignore.

CruCru Sun 21-Apr-13 14:10:29

Well I do see your point but also I would be reluctant to use any of the names, given that I know she wants them. It would begin a child's life on a bit of a sour note.

exoticfruits Sun 21-Apr-13 14:20:45

I think it would be very easy to say- after you had named your DC , in a vague way - 'sorry, completely forgot'.

thermalsinapril Sun 21-Apr-13 14:24:38

She certainly can't bag all of them.

TheRealFellatio Sun 21-Apr-13 14:25:32

I don't think it's funny for her to plan ahead but I do think it's unreasonable of her to expect other friends and family to not use any of the names if they have a baby before she does.

The best way is to keep your list totally secret in your head. If you tell your friends it gives them ideas, and they will nick them and you will feel pissed off. If you don't tell your friends and they still use them, then it's evidence that you were not as original as you thought, and you should just up your game and look elsewhere for a name when it's your turn. If your friend picked 'your' name then chances are so will loads of other people.

thermalsinapril Sun 21-Apr-13 14:31:32

Are you thinking of using the same names? If she has others on her list she can always use one of those, if you've got there first.

MummyBurrows Sun 21-Apr-13 14:32:08

I don't think there's anything wrong with having a list of names in mind for when u have children..."Reserving" them on the other hand is completely different. U can't tell someone they can't call their child a certain name just because its one u want when u eventually have kids,that's wrong. If u know the names on the list then u can choose not to use them out of respect,especially if they're not names ur likely to pick anyway but if there's one u really really like and want to use then go ahead and use it, like thermals said,its first come first served when it comes to names anyway. I'm sure there's plenty of other names on this list the FM can use when the time comes,plus who's to say she will have enough kids to use all the names or that her future baby daddy will like or agree to using any of them anyway?!

DontmindifIdo Sun 21-Apr-13 14:38:11

I have a good friend who has had 2DSs, however when she was expecting the second and didn't know what she was having, she was informed that one of the few names she and her DH could agree on was not 'allowed' as it was her grandmother's name and her older sister (not pregnant) had always said she'd name her DD after their grandmother.

As I said, she had another boy so it wasn't an issue in the end, but I did think it bonkers that they all pandered to this and she had ruled out the name on this basis.

OP - 'reserving' names like this is a sign of someone who thinks they are more important than everyone else, I have no problem with ignoring that. if you like that name, it wouldn't be starting your DCs life on a sour note unless your whole family are in agreement she has a right to do this. You could say that it was always on your name list too...

ivykaty44 Sun 21-Apr-13 14:38:35

tell her all the names on her list are already reserved by another family member - for their animals so it would be unwise to use any of the names as she may offend uncle or great aunt etc grin

MiaowTheCat Sun 21-Apr-13 16:52:53

I got given a list (a long list) of names by MIL that SIL had dibsed when I got pregnant.

Good job she had different taste to me.

MortifiedAdams Sun 21-Apr-13 16:58:43

confused I have a list of baby names I want for future dc I may or may not have. Wouldnt bother me a jot if someone I knew used the names - there is a finite number of names in the world.

Has she specifically said "dont use...."?

Are you creating a problem where one doesnt exist?

rowtunda Sun 21-Apr-13 17:33:25

What names are in the list - just being nosey!

CruCru Sun 21-Apr-13 22:52:14

I'm reluctant to say them as the whole family knows what they are. 2 girls names, 1 boys name, all very popular at present. I wouldn't choose any of them partly because I already know children with those names.

lottiegarbanzo Sun 21-Apr-13 23:06:51

Well she can't reserve them against the rest of the population making them more popular before she's able to use them, which is what happened to some of my favourites.

Has she never watched Friends? Saying your favourite name out loud is the best possible way to make your friend, who hadn't considered it previously, think they just must use that particular name.

Keeping quiet is the only safe option and allows you to change your mind without exasperating people.

tallulah Sun 21-Apr-13 23:27:14

I had a list, but it was private. As it turned out my list was of girls names and I had one girl followed by 3 boys. By the time I had DD2, 21 years after DD1, all the (then)unusual names on my list were in the top 10 so I didn't use any of them.

My BIL mentioned before they had DC2 that they were going to call their DD Sophie. We never mentioned that was the name of our cat, and they had DS2 anyway grin

My sister and best friend named their dds the names of my pet rats from a good ten years ago grin it was fun reminding them of the ratty heritage..

There are names i like for boys that i'd be sad if a friend used before we decided to stop at dc3 but i wouldn't have made a big deal of it, now i'd be happy for the names to be used just so i could say them and get that wee giddy feeling grin

nooka Mon 22-Apr-13 04:38:28

If it's only three names then really I can't see the problem. Likewise I don't see why a sibling saying they would really like to use a family name is a big deal. With thousands of names to choose from avoiding two or three doesn't seem like an issue to me. If I had a name I was very very attached to (which I haven't since I was very young and planning on 11 children hmm) I would ask my siblings / close family to avoid it, or more likely let them know it was my dream to use it.

exoticfruits Mon 22-Apr-13 06:48:38

I would keep quiet because they likely wouldn't think of it. I think people would think me odd if I 'reserved' a name, especially since I can't control whether they take any notice.

NotTreadingGrapes Mon 22-Apr-13 06:55:09

It's not U for her to have a list.
It is U for her to reserve the names (if not even a tad madster)

My Mum's friend's daughter, who I hadn't, and indeed, haven't seen since she was about 4 (she is now 35) went cosmic when I named dd because she was going to use it for her child. <nutter>

YoniOrNotYoni Mon 22-Apr-13 06:57:30

<outs self>

Many moons ago, my friends and I sat in a pub garden and wrote an Offficial list of Reserved Names. We signed it and everything grin

As a joke with your mate, fine. As a real attempt to ban a name, unrealistic.

Lancrehotpot Mon 22-Apr-13 09:53:27

It does make things a bit awkward. At a birthday meal a few months ago, my SIL not-quite-jokingly told me and DH the names she would choose for her future children and one of them was a middle name we had considered. Now I wouldn't go there. We are expecting DC2 and SIL has no plans for kids just yet. I just don't understand why people get so possessive over baby names.

expatinscotland Mon 22-Apr-13 09:56:42

Yes. I'd tell her, too.

HagsFlungOut Mon 22-Apr-13 11:29:21

Surely everyone has a short list of names they plan to call their child/ren. Many talk about it and others keep it to themselves. Why would anyone think this is "a funny thing to do"?

mylittlepuds Mon 22-Apr-13 20:27:21

It's not allowed!

MERLYPUSS Mon 22-Apr-13 20:41:52

I always wanted a Jacob. He turned into Isaac. Use what you like if you beat her chances are she may not have wanted it after the event anyway.

FreedomOfTheTess Tue 23-Apr-13 12:31:08

When we were in our early teens, my sister and I used to argue over who would get to use the name Jack, as (a) we both loved it and (b) it's the name of our grandfather.

Well I say we would argue, my sister (who is younger than me) would be doing the shouting, I would be the one saying "it will simply be a case of who has a boy first."

Roll on a few years, and I fell pregnant at 19, and had a son. I named him Jack. Sister was furious.

Six years later, when pregnant with DS2, she tried to present DH and I with a list of names we were "forbidden" from using. We laughed at her and didn't even look at the list.

Lo and behold, the name we used (Alexander), was one of the names she wanted to "forbid" us from using.

DD's name (Sarah) also made her grumpy, as she liked that too.

We're both pregnant now - I'm due on 14 July - she's due on 19 August (her first child). We're both expecting girls. We have respectably agreed not to talk about names. If we use something she is considering, sparks will fly again, of that I'm sure.

But anyway, the gist of all that was, no-one can reserve names. It's a case of who gets there first in my book, and as far as my sister and I go, I have gotten there first. Just the way life goes I'm afraid.

Pyrrah Tue 23-Apr-13 12:40:35

My youngest sister has always loved the name Violet since she was tiny - long before it became popular again.

DH's grandmother was called Violet and it's a name I also liked (fortunately DH didn't) but I would have felt terrible if I had used it as I know how she feels about it - even if she does end up with a DP who doesn't.

What we did do - since 4 family members were pregnant at the same time - was to tell people straight away what our name choices were for both boy and girl.

We didn't care if they used them, but we wanted to avoid being accused of nabbing someone else's choice.

I supposed I'd be slightly miffed if a family member named their child the exact combination of first, middle, second middle that we have still got picked out should we have a second, but again we know that we can't be accused of nicking it which would actually upset me more than someone using the names we liked.

Having big long lists and expecting people to avoid the whole lot - especially if they are common/popular names is madness (and even more so if you're not even pregnant/TTC)

everlong Tue 23-Apr-13 13:37:46

Does she expect nobody else to use them OP?

Throw a baby name book at her and say you have reserved the whole lot until you know what you're going to choose.

Thankfully me and my OH are both the eldest children and the only ones in a relationship (and I'm pregnant). My OH is a primary school teacher and doesn't want to name our baby a name that one of his pupils has. Fortunately we have our names planned and he hasn't got any of them in his class this year, hopefully he wont in September either!

KittenofDoom Tue 23-Apr-13 15:07:30

This is a bit of a non-issue, isn't it? OP's relative has made a shortlist of three names she might choose from, none of which OP wants to use herself.

Move along, nothing to see here.

Polkadotfanatic Tue 23-Apr-13 17:42:04

What kitten said

Cookethenook Wed 24-Apr-13 10:23:18

Hm, yeah, it's funny and i think it's a little odd to come out and say it.
Having said that, i wouldn't use Ralph or Vida (grandparents names) despite loving them both, because i know how much it would mean to my brother if he could use them for his children.

OkayHazel Wed 24-Apr-13 16:58:26

There's nothing wrong with having a list of names you want to use in the future, but to forbid others is stupid.


I do have a list of baby names I like (I make lists of everything as I have such an awful memory i am likely to forget any names I like by the time i have DC!)
But this list is for me, to remind myself, I've never shown it to anyone else (not even DH)
My first and second favourite girls names have recently been used by an acquaintance (sister of my close friend) but that hasn't bothered me or made me decide I now can't or wont use them

KittenofDoom Wed 24-Apr-13 17:59:37

Where has the OP said that the relative has "forbidden" others to use the names?

CruCru Wed 24-Apr-13 18:23:47

I don't know whether the names are forbidden. It would seem a bit weird to use them though, given I know that a close family member is desperate to use them.

I am not planning to use them but the boys name eliminates quite a few girls' names as they would shorten to the boys name. Does that make sense?

TheSecondComing Wed 24-Apr-13 18:36:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

melodyme Sun 28-Apr-13 19:18:12

Reserving names for uncertain future children is presumptuous and a bit self-important isn't it? All of my family and friends had extensive discussions about possible baby names and still do from time to time. It's quite fun! No one, however, has ever reserved one for themselves. Loving a name...hoping to use a name, it's normal. Restricting an actual pregnant person from using a name, because your hypothetical baby may need that name some day is ridiculous.

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