Wish we hadn't said anything...

(66 Posts)

Hey there! I'm 26+3 today and so we know we're having a little girl and decided to come up with a few names we like and we absolutely LOVE the name Alice. The thing is, we didn't want to keep it from the family, but now I wish we had, because the MIL sings that bloody song who the f* is Alice every time I see her! I've tried explaining (in the nicest way possible) that I don't want people telling us where else they've heard any names we've chosen, and that not many people under 35 have ever heard this song! I know none of my friends had!! Feeling really down now because I really love that name and so does my OH but I'm starting to get hormonal annoyed whenever we are around her. Any suggestions to stop me saying something or clipping her around the back of the head would be appreciated sad

Chocotrekkie Tue 16-Apr-13 16:16:42

My mum did this - said if we were having a boy it would be robin. Sung some old "robin hood robin hood riding through the glen..." song every time.
Had 2 girls but totally put me off.

Alice is lovely..

Offcolour Tue 16-Apr-13 16:19:17

Alice is lovely. Ignore mil.

MolotovCocktail Tue 16-Apr-13 16:19:53

What a shame for you! And how rude of your MIL. I guess this is a lesson as to why toy should never reveal baby's name before the birth (don't listen to me - I blacked to my DM and my auntie well in advance of both dd's births smile )

Maybe get your OH to have a word with his DM? And if she's still being rude, maybe say something like 'Excuse me? Stop being so rude about your granddaughter's name'.

FWIW, Alice is lovely, IMO smile

MolotovCocktail Tue 16-Apr-13 16:21:47

OMG! My autocorrect is bloody embarrassing!

'you' not 'toy'
'blabbed' not 'blacked'

blush

AnythingNotEverything Tue 16-Apr-13 16:22:12

We might have an Alice too smile

I agree with the pp - tell her to sop being so rude about ER grand daughter. Why do people think thy have a say?!

Excellent choice.

AnythingNotEverything Tue 16-Apr-13 16:22:34

Her granddaughter, obviously!

phantomhairpuller Tue 16-Apr-13 16:27:23

My MIL does exactly this! I'm nearly 39 weeks and we still have no names we're really fond of thanks to that bloody woman! Everything we suggest we get 'ooh no that reminds me of xyz' or 'oh, does that not make you think of so and so'. We're now not going to even mention names to anyone until DS is born and we introduce him as whatever we choose to call him! wink

Jellykitten1 Tue 16-Apr-13 16:27:53

I think you should say something. Not all confrontational but something like...

"MIL, it's really nice that we have all hmm have a little giggle about the "who the is Alice" song since we mentioned the name. But the other night, I got a bit upset about it because hearing the word next to our baby's name just felt a bit horrible. Would you mind if we don't sing the song again? That would be great. Hey, have you got any suggestions for the middle name to go with Alice?" (big smile)

No need to let it fester or get her back up. By suggesting you've all been enjoying the little joke with her she won't feel singled out, and getting her to think up middle names gives her something more productive to do with the name Alice than sing a really awful song about it smile

purrpurr Tue 16-Apr-13 16:28:40

Please tell your MIL to stop being rude. Love the name Alice!

FoofFighter Tue 16-Apr-13 16:29:15

Ahh you've learned the age old lesson of NEVER reveal your name choices to ANYONE!!

I have an Alice. My GM hated it and said everyone would call her A lice. as in headlice. stupid old bat

Nobody did, everyone loved it and fwiw she thinks the song is great now she's 21!

Thank you so much for all your support! I keep trying to say something but she's one of those typical old bats women that think whatever they say is right (if we had a boy she insisted the middle (or first) name would be Donald!!!!!!) You know the sort that start with "I won't tell you how to live your life BUT" I just don't want to be around her anymore! I find it really difficult to not snap at her! I've considered telling a little porky and saying we've changed our mind and then just when the baby gets here name her what we like? blush should've kept my mouth shut!!

Hedwig3 Tue 16-Apr-13 18:10:36

You need to think of a name which she will like even less.

Then tell her that she has really put you off Alice so you have chosen this other name. As she thinks it worked before she will keep going on about the new name to put you off.

Then you announce your new daughter Alice. It is too late and she may even be relieved if she really disliked the other name!

I have an annoying and controlling MIL too but the most annoying thing is that she has the MIL of everyone's dreams envy

ShadowStorm Tue 16-Apr-13 18:15:16

I like Hedwig3's suggestion about finding a name she'll like even less.

I think i might have to do this, might cheer me up when were at their house anyway, she might just go back to pointing out how spotty ive gotten with pregnancy - shes a charmer i tell you wink thank you for so many supportive replies xx

tomatoplantproject Tue 16-Apr-13 18:19:24

I'm an Alice. That song was the bane of my life a few years ago - it was rereleased. But it hasn't been mentioned for years. A couple of people have noticed the A Lice. But that's it.

The things that really annoyed me growing up were Alice in Wonderland (esp when I can be a bit dozy) and being called Alison.

Ignore her. It's not a bad name to have grin

MummyBurrows Tue 16-Apr-13 19:35:48

I love the name Alice,its my tied with my current fave name if me and my DH find out our DC is a girl!

MILs can be a right pain,mine is a nightmare at times and I found the only way to deal with her is to not mince my words and tell her outright exactly what I think or how I feel about something. Perhaps do the same thing with ur MIL? May well shut her up. Also think coming up with a name u know she'll hate to get off her the alice song is a great idea! Perhaps say ur guna call ur DD Doris or Mildred for example or a strong foreign name of some sort if she's a bit racist ;) xx

rowtunda Tue 16-Apr-13 19:41:50

Alice is lovely - ignore MIL completely

Ps I'm 32 and remember the song but who cares!

everlong Tue 16-Apr-13 20:33:45

I love Alice too.

Just tell MIL to shut it and do it now because you don't need winding up!

Catsycat Tue 16-Apr-13 21:02:48

This is the sort of annoying thing my mother would do. Fortunately, our 3 girls have really unusual names. She does, however, exercise her wit by referring to them as "your bisto kids", which makes me grind my teeth.

If you can't bear it next time, just leave the room and let her make of that what she will.

Of course, you could tell her politely that you don't like it, but it depends whether it would be worth your while, i.e would the likely response of all parties involved be worth getting the irritation off your chest, or would more stress ensue. I tend to save direct confrontation for the massive issues my MIL and DM both occasionally choose to interfere in, so it retains impact. If I picked up every annoying thing they did, it would be a war zone (I, on the other hand, have no annoying habits and always behave perfectly grin).

KittenOfDoom Tue 16-Apr-13 21:09:31

Thing is, there will always be someone who sings that song at you and your daughter. (Even if it's the original clean version). It's inevitable with any name that features in a popular, famous or catchy song. And even if you avoid "song names", you never know if some new song will come out .....

GirlOutNumbered Tue 16-Apr-13 21:09:52

My MIL hated the fact that we chose Henry. She keeps calling him Hooray Henry, insisting that everyone else will too. They don't.

taurean Tue 16-Apr-13 21:13:41

I have an Alice, never had any reference to that song which at 35 I'm only vaguely aware of!!

KittenOfDoom Tue 16-Apr-13 21:43:17

It will happen, sometime, someplace.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 16-Apr-13 21:54:24

I have never heard of this song but if it is something your MIL thinks is hilarious promise her you'll tell DD what Granny used to sing when she's old enough.

Talking of middle names: if she is angling for influence I'd tell her quietly what a shame she doesn't like Alice since you thought it went well with her name... Oh well!

Alice is a classic name don't be put off it by some daft song.

CheeseStrawWars Tue 16-Apr-13 21:59:21

Tell her she's showing her age.

BananaHammocks Tue 16-Apr-13 22:05:51

I know the song and I'm 29! Wouldn't be my first thought on hearing the name Alice though, perfectly normal, pretty name.

iamci Tue 16-Apr-13 22:17:29

Alice is one of our favourites too.

I wasn't going to discuss names but also found myself talking to mil about them.

me: I like the name Isla.
mil: oh I don't like that.
me: tbh,you don't get any say in it.
mil: I'll just call her lulu then.

!?
I love her to bits but that annoyed me!

daisydalrymple Tue 16-Apr-13 22:22:57

Next time she sings it I would say "that's quite rude actually. Are you going to sing that to your granddaughter when she's here and introduce her to that kind of language?"

1944girl Tue 16-Apr-13 22:35:33

Alice was my MIL's name!.

Neither of our parents liked the names we had chosen for our two sons.That was too bad, they just had to start liking them.

My brother was given the name of a character in a film my mother saw when she was pregnant with him.She said no one in the family liked it simply because it so unusual at the time and no one had heard of it.She told them he is my baby and I'll call him what I like.

KittenOfDoom Tue 16-Apr-13 23:15:25

Living Next Door To Alice A catchy little pop song with an underlying poignancy.

The "who the fuck is Alice" version is a later parody.
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Living_Next_Door_to_Alice

KittenOfDoom Tue 16-Apr-13 23:19:58

Meant to say, it wouldn't bother me. My name is Kathleen, and when I was a child one of the old uncles used to regularly break into "I'll take you home again Kathleen". I didn't mind, it felt quite special having my own song.

EATmum Tue 16-Apr-13 23:30:24

We have an Alice. No one has ever sung that song to her as far as I know. I'd be furious if they did (she's 9).
I think that while in the womb everyone has an opinion, but the moment they meet your DD and Alice becomes HER name, whatever they thought of it previously, it'll be the best name in the universe. Because she'll be perfect (based on my experience!)

nooka Wed 17-Apr-13 06:23:55

Just find a name that you really don't like with a really catchy old tune associated with it and say that you've changed your mind an that's your new choice. Like Delilah (My my Delilah) or Billie Jean or Carrie Ann

Here's a good list to give you some ideas grin

yawningbear Wed 17-Apr-13 07:36:05

Agree with Nooka, tell her you have completely gone off Alice and her name is going to be Delilah grin

Alice is a gorgeous name btw and try not to let MIL grind you down, I'm afraid that the err, more difficult ones tend to go into overdrive when their grandchildren actually arrives, best to prepare and have avoidance tactics at the ready.

Moominsarehippos Wed 17-Apr-13 07:44:19

I'd just point to my belly and hiss 'she can hear you!', then pat tummy and say 'grandmas only kidding'.

She's rude! And probably thinks she is highly amusing too.

SarahAndFuck Wed 17-Apr-13 09:38:59

Tell her that she's upset you so much with the Alice song that you've decided not to use it and are just going to call the baby after YOUR mother and grandmother.

But not after her. Because her name makes you think of some other crap song/a school bully/someone horrible off the TV/a nasty old lady who sings rude songs about her grandchildren.

SarahAndFuck Wed 17-Apr-13 09:45:33

Actually, when the "Who the...is Alice?" song came out, a colleague had a two year old daughter called Alice and she still tells the story of how some stranger heard her call her daughters name and sang the "who the..." line at her.

And she very politely said "Alice is my two year old daughter who is standing right behind you!"

Apparently the man was very apologetic. It won't be the first thing most people think of when they hear the name now, but your MIL might not be the only one who thinks it's funny to sing it to you.

3rdnparty Wed 17-Apr-13 09:53:06

Alice is lovely ignore her about that...... but you could just come out with a list of names she'd really not like to give yourself some fun, a new one a week! grin

Thank you so mich for your replies its nice to know people have had Alice's and nobody has sung that to them, its bad enough now but i think id lose the plot if she did it when the baby is here, thank you everyone xxx

dinkystinky Wed 17-Apr-13 10:12:20

Tell her she's right and you've decided to change your choice of name to Chardonnay Capriciosa as there are no songs about those names - that should shut her up.

And ignore, ignore, ignore - Alice is a pretty name and if you and DH like it, that's all that matters.

LittleBearPad Wed 17-Apr-13 10:21:09

Alice is lovely and your MIL is an old bat and bloody rude. Ignore her or tell her not to be so rude about her granddaughter.

Chocoflump Wed 17-Apr-13 11:14:16

Love the name Alice. Next time she sings 'who the f* is Alice' just reply 'she is your granddaughter and this is wearing thin.'

Can sympathise about people always Singing songs about your child's name- my DS is called Alfie and people are always singing 'what's it all about Alfie' to him. First time it happened, I was in a shop and he was about 7 months old. I was talking to him and used his name and a little old lady must have overheard and ce over singing it to him. I'd never heard this song before and thought she was nuts, so nodded politely and hurried away! Went to a cafe and put him in the highchair and a staff member then started singing it to him. I seriously thought i had been set up and there were secret cameras filming me- I was half expecting ant and dec to come up to me gringrin

Since then I've heard the original, and he's now 3 and we must have heard random people singing it to us at least 50 times.

My 7 month old daughter is Ruby- the younger generation song kaiser chiefs 'Ruby Ruby Ruby' and the older generation sing 'Ruby don't take your love to town.'

Next child I should just call Bob- there's no songs about a Bob is there?! wink

Chocoflump the really silly thing is her son is called Alfie and it frustrated her whenever people sung that around her!! She gave me a ring earlier and asked about names again so I tried avoiding the subject and she said 'why don't you go for something unusual, all the names you like are boring' shock just to let you know, her sons are called Alfie, Joe and Jacob hardly the rarest names! Gah, I might just block her calls and lock the doors wink

Chocoflump Wed 17-Apr-13 12:00:18

Play her at her own game, tell her yes, you will go for something unusual, you've always loved the name Coconut. gringringrin

Haha, the problem is, she quite seriously said 'you could call her Mackenzie and then we can buy her the Mckenzie tracksuit' ??!! I think she'd like it if I told her I was going to call my baby Princess Tallullah Pineapple or something equally ridiculous, might just say we're going to call her Kevin. Especially if it is a girl. See what she has to say to that!

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 17-Apr-13 12:15:12

By suggesting you've all been enjoying the little joke with her she won't feel singled out

Someone suggested this upthread, it is a kind thought but otoh if MIL is the only one chanting this song it really shouldn't be up to OP to pretend they've all had a laugh about it and it doesn't hurt when actually, it is irritating/upsetting/infuriating.

"Go for something unusual" okay, tell her you and DP have decided to call DD whatever day of the week she's born on.

DC2 has a name that is a song.

We nearly rejected it because I knew my mother would sing the song.

In the end, after DC2 was born, DH told them what the name was and said that under no circumstances was the song ever to be sung in my presence, laying it on a bit thick with the hormone bonkersness although it wasn't just that.

So far she has complied, but I've seen her start automatically and then stop herself.

It's bloody rude of your MIL, and her son needs to Have A Strict Word.

Alice is a beautiful name. I adore it, and the song is one of the last associations I have with it.

thegreylady Wed 17-Apr-13 14:09:17

I am 69 and have never heard that song! Alice is a really gorgeous name-just go for it smile

Jellykitten1 Wed 17-Apr-13 14:42:58

Donkeys: It was me smile and I wasn't being kind! It's actually a manipulative strategy.

The thing is, the OP wants MIL to stop singing it without a confrontation.

Suggesting that they have all been enjoying it is a manipulative sweetener, as if she just said "I find it annoying, so stop it" (or words to that effect) MIL could act all wronged "it was only a bit of fun! <huff>" and it turns into a drama.

MIL will find it incredibly difficult to find a "latch" to get annoyed about if OP presents it sweetly. (is the idea).

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 17-Apr-13 14:54:53

A cunning plan Jellykitten1 got it now. smile.

You guys have cheered me up no e i was worried she'd en up putting me off it but i think im just going to wind her up subtly wink such a bad daughter in law... Haha

Moominsarehippos Wed 17-Apr-13 23:07:35

I'm wondering if her name has a suitably irritating song? Or maybe a grandma theme?

Jellykitten1 Wed 17-Apr-13 23:21:07

Moomin Grandma We Love You?? (St Winifred's Choir) grin

Moominsarehippos Wed 17-Apr-13 23:24:20

No - she'd probably like that. Is "Mad Old Bat" a song?

Pollykitten Wed 17-Apr-13 23:30:49

Please tell her your daughter will be called Granola!

Another one here with an Alice who has never had the song sung at them. No one has ever mentioned it.

Ahahah she doesn't like Margaret, its both my Nana's names so might tell her were naming after two of our favourite people ;)

Alice is a lovely name.
I think the idea of feeding MIL with a name she'll really hate as the new alternative is genius. Particularly if its a name that will make her feel a bit excluded. eg saying your mum suggested X and you've decided it's the new name. I bet she'd be v jealous that the other grandmother named your child.

bootsycollins Thu 18-Apr-13 09:06:56

What's mil's name? I'm sure we could come up with a filthy foul mouthed less than complimentary song featuring her name for you to chant at her grin

Why the fuck would anyone want to stress out a pregnant lady? Least of all the pregnant lady whose carrying your grandchild? Mil's a dick wad.

bootsycollins Thu 18-Apr-13 09:07:19

By the way Alice is beautiful thanks

DanniiH Thu 18-Apr-13 09:13:09

Ha ha love the idea of a decoy name! Maybe something like Harmony Petunia, she'll go to town on it! I love Alice it's a really pretty name! What a piece of work singing that about a baby though, she sounds like a nightmare! I'd feel like using violence if I were you but calm and calculated could win out here! Good luck not killing her! x

Ps we had similar problems when choosing names for our first child, he's a boy but before we knew that we loved the name Astor for a girl but someone's said what? Asda?! Annoying! Liked Samson someone said it sounded like Samsung! So what! x

We have a plan in place! OH is going to ask DM one more time not to sing and after that i have no mercy haha! Im thinking anything goes to make her skin crawl grin

DanniiH Thu 18-Apr-13 10:05:52

Oh so she has been told before how annoying she is! Unbelievable! Honeysuckle is another good one to tell her. I'm trying to think of any other song names you could use! I'll have a think. x

bootsycollins Thu 18-Apr-13 23:02:22

Tell mil she's inspired you with the Mackenzie track suit idea but you prefer Adidas grin

Demelzajane Fri 19-Apr-13 05:57:55

You could start singing Donald where's ya troosers!! Sorry that's petty but as soon as I read that post is all I could think of lol!

I love the name Alice too - so stick with it :-)

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