Would you use a name your DH didn't like?

(41 Posts)
curiousgeorgie Fri 15-Feb-13 09:01:15

I thought we were 100% set on a name for our DD... Have been since before I was pregnant.

Then last night DH tells me that actually he doesn't like it at all if he's being honest but knows I love it so I can still use it if I want.

What would you do? Not using it feels really sad, but how can I give DD a name her daddy dislikes??!

drownangels Fri 15-Feb-13 09:03:46

No I wouldn't.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Fri 15-Feb-13 09:05:21

No I wouldn't, would you be happy if your DH chose a name that you didn't like?

I had a couple of names for my daughter that I loved, but DH didn't like them at all, and so I didn't even contemplate them.

You definitely need to be in agreement on a child's name.

ladymia Fri 15-Feb-13 09:06:35

No I would never do this.

curiousgeorgie Fri 15-Feb-13 09:11:06

I wouldn't have considered it at all for all these months except he's been telling me he likes it for a year...

TheTiger Fri 15-Feb-13 09:13:59

No I wouldn't. It's a joint decision. Has he said why he's suddenly changed his mind?

armagh Fri 15-Feb-13 09:15:42

No. But it would be difficult. Could you use it as a middle name?

LalyRawr Fri 15-Feb-13 09:18:54

My OH & I had a name picked out from the second I found out I was pregnant. I woke him up at 3am when I was 38 weeks sobbing that I hated the name.

Never once did OH expect our baby to still be given that name.

I couldn't imagine having a child with a name I didn't like, wouldn't expect my OH to do just that.

curiousgeorgie Fri 15-Feb-13 09:39:29

He's changed his mind because we've had a pretty negative reaction to the name from family & friends. He said he didn't care about that, but that the 'last straw' was when his friend at work 'laughed at the name' which I just don't get. It's a little bit unusual but certainly not laughable. Most people on here loved it.

poppydaisy Fri 15-Feb-13 10:05:20

No, I don't think you should name your dd a name that you don't BOTH love. Please continue to look - there must be a name you both like!

Ilovecheeseandlovinglife Fri 15-Feb-13 11:03:57

Me and hubby agreed on a name then he went off it. He knew how much I loved it and couldn't come up with a better name so we went with it. He loves it now that he has our baby's face to put with it. As far as I'm concerned its you that's carrying the baby and it'll already have his last name so mums should have final say on first name! X

LittleChimneyDroppings Fri 15-Feb-13 11:07:29

I had the same problem as you with dc2. Dh changed his mind at the last minute, after the name had been agreed for months. I did think about going ahead anyway, but thought it wouldn't be fair, and might also have a negative impact on dh bonding with dc if he hated the name.

KirstyoffEastenders Fri 15-Feb-13 11:08:55

What is the name?

SugarMeFingers Fri 15-Feb-13 11:10:16

I really loved the name Imogen for my second dd, but DH wasn't overly keen, he didn't hate the name but didn't love it either. He did like the nn Imy tho.
We went with Imogen and he loves it now, he associates the name with her now and it really suits her.
I wouldn't have chosen a name he hated, but to be honest he really isn't bothered with names, he sees the person and thinks the names kind of attaches to them over time!

curiousgeorgie Fri 15-Feb-13 12:26:24

It's Seraphina.

I've posted about it before I know, but that's when it was me & DH loving if against the world wink

diddl Fri 15-Feb-13 12:28:12

How long has he been telling you that he likes the name when he doesn´t??

Weird!

Can´t help thinking that he does like it really, but isn´t brave enough.

My own Mum told me that she didn´t like PFB´s name-after he was born!!

I told her that I wasn´t asking her opinion-but informing her of her GS´s name!

diddl Fri 15-Feb-13 12:29:14

I think that that´s lovely!

What has he suggested?

Thumbwitch Fri 15-Feb-13 12:30:03

I don't think I would, no.

But it's a bit different for you, isn't it - your DH is allowing other people's perceptions to put him off and that's a bit feeble, IMO. So he should man up if he genuinely liked the name before and say "sod the others" - children grow into their names anyway and people with any sense stop being wankers about the names and just accept that the child is called that. People who can't stop being wankers about it should just fall our of your circle of acquaintance.

I like Seraphina. I like Serena too - my great gran was called that, I would have liked to use it for a DD if I'd had one.

badtime Fri 15-Feb-13 12:37:33

It sounds like he does like it, but doesn't like the reaction.

People wouldn't react like that if the name was already attached to the baby, so to speak.

I probably wouldn't use the name if he really didn't like it, but I would try to get to the bottom of things before making any decisions.

Sashapineapple Fri 15-Feb-13 12:58:43

No, it has to be a joint decision. Although I do think it's a lovely name, prefer the spelling Serafina, but if your DH doesn't like it then it's a big no.

curiousgeorgie Fri 15-Feb-13 16:09:23

I love the spelling Serafina actually. I've been torn between the two.

I've spoken to him about it and basically he loves Sephy / Serry or any nickname, but thinks he's going to be uncomfortable when people laugh when he says her whole name.

He's been telling me he like this name, and referring to our future baby by this name for about two years all in all, since we first started thinking abou ttc again.

ladymia Fri 15-Feb-13 16:12:53

I think it's a very marmite name, I for instance do not like but but many people do. So I think the mistake he made is telling people whereas if he waiting until after she was born people would have not said a word about it.

But then again sometimes people go off names too, perhaps he's just gone of it. I know I have gone off names for no particular reason.

People would NOT laugh if he told them "my baby's name is Seraphina" after she is born

flowersinherhair Fri 15-Feb-13 17:23:19

I did. Dp and his whole family were against the name I chose but my pregnancy hormones made me very unreasonable about it. I compromised by choosing a safe middle name that dd could use when she was older as they said she would get picked on at school. Her name is beautiful and everyone comments on how lovely it is and how much it suits her. It's not even a weird name, she's called Violet. I had to compromise when second dd was born and let him choose the name, which was an ok name but I didn't love it iykwim.

flowersinherhair Fri 15-Feb-13 17:25:15

Also the family have said how wrong they were and they also love her name now :D

CheeseStrawWars Fri 15-Feb-13 17:29:56

Your DH's colleague is rude. I think it's a lovely name.

While I wouldn't use a name my DH hated as I would expect that courtesy to cut both ways, I'd expect him to have the balls to stick by his original decision and trust his own judgement. So I'd fight my corner in this particular instance.

Sarafina is another variant, though I prefer yours.

TheTiger Fri 15-Feb-13 17:33:26

Oh, I think it's a beautiful name. What a shame he's changed his mind. Could it be her middle name?

thunksheadontable Fri 15-Feb-13 17:40:47

I did.. but not purposefully. We hadn't fully decided and a few names were in contention, no vociferous objection but no names loved by him.. but when ds came out I just blurted out "Oh hello my little Rory" and there was no going back.. there was no malice or aforethought, I can tell you, and dh did get used to it!

WhichIsBest Fri 15-Feb-13 17:47:43

I wouldn't use a name my partner hated.

SanityClause Fri 15-Feb-13 19:14:14

When naming a child, decide on a name both of you agree on.

Don't tell anyone until your DC is born, the announce it as a fait accompli.

(Some people may still be rude about it, but you will know what to think of them.)

Harrysmummysarah1 Fri 15-Feb-13 19:43:36

No both must parents must like.
Any name me or dh vetoed or didn't like was out the question

Startail Fri 15-Feb-13 19:47:52

No, And personally I think Serafina, is a bit faddy.

Yamyoid Fri 15-Feb-13 19:51:58

Not quite the same but Dh was always quite 'meh' about dd's name before she was born. I always liked it and we couldn't agree on anything else. When she was born he was insistent that her name should be this one I liked but I felt uncomfortable. 24 hours later I agreed but either way one of us would end up with a name we didn't love. Dh chose her middle name, which was his grandmother's.

HecateWhoopass Fri 15-Feb-13 19:57:20

I like it.

but no, I wouldn't insist on a name my husband didn't like. Just as i wouldn't accept him trying to insist on a name I didn't like.

You're going to be calling your child this for the rest of your lives. you both have to love it. Either of you insisting on a name that the other doesn't like is unfair.

MidnightMasquerader Fri 15-Feb-13 19:57:41

What on earth are either of you doing telling people her name before she's born?!?

Honestly - it's the worst mistake you can make.

Seraphina is a lovely name. You will always get people ready to voice an opinion before the baby arrives, but if you announce the name as a fait accompli once she has arrived, you just won't get the same opinions at all, except from the worst sort of socially inept idiot.

Stop telling people her name!! There isn't a name out there that everyone likes, so of course some people won't like your choice. You can't reasonably expect everyone to. It's fine though, because it's not their baby. wink Keep it to yourself from here on in. smile

Harrysmummysarah1 Fri 15-Feb-13 21:38:19

Love the name seraphina my self smile

galwaygirl Fri 15-Feb-13 21:44:53

I would, especially if it was Seraphina

Thumbwitch Sat 16-Feb-13 00:15:12

I'll say it again - he needs to man up and ignore people who laugh at his potential choices. Why on earth does he give their opinion the weight he does? This is going to be your DD, yours and his together - YOU are the only ones whose opinion actually matters, IMO.

IF he still likes it but is being overborne by these rude people, then still use it; as others have said, anyone who still laughs at the name after being told that it is your DD's name is someone you don't need to know any longer.
If however, he has genuinely gone off it to the point where he'll cringe every time he says it, then find another one.

echidnakid Sat 16-Feb-13 05:25:58

I wouldn't insist on a name my DH didn't like but in this case I wouldn't be happy just giving it up because he's letting outside opinions give him the jitters. I'd be talking to him about how much weight he gives others' opinions versus how much he trusts his own judgement and yours.

If he really can't get past it then you have to find something else IMO but hopefully he'll see sense!

PurpleStorm Sat 16-Feb-13 15:27:39

I wouldn't insist on a name that DH didn't like.

But from what you say it sounds more as if he's decided that he doesn't want to use it because his family and friends don't like it.

JenaiMorris Sat 16-Feb-13 15:33:32

It's a lovely name.

You get bad reactions whatever you say you're going to call your baby; some rude fucker will say it's pretentious, boring or common and do this ===> hmm

JenaiMorris Sat 16-Feb-13 15:34:42

I backed down from Skywalker as a middle name on dp's suggestion though - he had a very valid point and I was a bit mad with pregnancy hormones grin

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