Opinions on double barreled surnames please.

(31 Posts)
honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 20:15:07

I am having a wobble, I am 40+1 weeks pregnant and we are 98% decided on our baby's name.

We had decided to give the baby y DP's surname which is S v a n b e r g (sorry about the funny spacing I don't want google to bring up this post) It is a Swedish name and is pronounced svan-berry it means swan mountain.

My surname is B o s w o o d and we are not married so I would not share a name with my baby.

Today I have been feeling sad that I am about to give birth to a baby that won't have my name, the baby obviously will be half of me and half of my DP but I have grown him and will give birth to him and it feels unfair that just because of tradition the baby will get my DP's name.

We have thought about the advantages of both names, we live in Sweden and unfortunatly being Swedish is seen as a good thing, there is still some discrimination against people who are not Swedish. My DP's name will probably give DS an advantage when it comes to job applications. My name would be rare in Sweden so he would be easilly identifiable.

When I travel alone with DS I will have nothing in common with him, I have a UK passport and he will have a Swedish passport, I won't have any way of proving we are related (they don't do birth certificates here.)

Another issue is that they are very strict with names in Sweden, you are not allowed to have double barreled names unless you can prove cultural reasons. So 2 Swedish people can not give their child a double name but a Spanish person living in Sweden could give a double name, I think I could say it was culturally relavant as most of my family have double names I only don't because my father was rubbish and didn't deserve to give me his name

The final issue is that my surname will not be on the official list, you need to apply to the tax office to get the name approved. I don't think they would refuse the name but it would be a hassel.

I'd love to hear opinions, do you or your DC have double names? is it worth the hassel?

Thank you sorry about the essay! I hope it is just late pregnancy hormones making me worry!

MissPricklePants Sun 09-Dec-12 20:17:24

dd has a double barrelled surname, no issues with it but she usually gets called by just her first surname as it is quite a long name when all together!

PessimisticMissPiggy Sun 09-Dec-12 20:24:03

I didn't take my DH's name when we married. My DD has my surname as a middle name. If we'd double barrelled it would have sounded shit.

Shinyshoes1 Sun 09-Dec-12 20:31:36

My children are double barrelled . DP never married, we have 3 children but I didn't want them solely having his surname

Leafmould Sun 09-Dec-12 21:10:04

I read on another thread that having to prove anything like family link or dispute with the swedish authorities leads to a delay in registration, and then also a delay for registering your child with certain services [schools?] which puts them at a disadvantage.

If this is the case, I would choose a name from the list.

Wrt travel, your child can have dual nationality, so can get a uk birth certificate and passport too. Do Swedish passports or Id cards detail the names of both parents? Some eu Id cards do, which can be very handy for proving parentage.

TremoloGreen Sun 09-Dec-12 21:13:28

Same as Miss Piggy. Married but kept my name. I thought our surnames together were a bit unwieldy so I will give our baby my name as a middle name, then if it comes into question with passports etc, my name will be in there.

Leafmould Sun 09-Dec-12 21:14:32

I have bumped the thread which mentioned the issue with the personal number and the delay in registration. It is called 'should there be a list of government approved names'

NotChristmasCarol Sun 09-Dec-12 21:20:56

Hello honeytea, I remember your post about your DS's first name about a month ago. Not on point for this thread, but did you decide to go with that name? I liked it.

honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 21:58:50

Thank you for the opinions smile

notchristmascarol we have decided to go with the name we were considering which is Ellvin, so long as he looks like an Elvin smile

Also we have decided to have 2 middle names, mine and DP's grandfather's names so he will have 2 middle names already.

It can be a problem with school registration is the name is delayed sad Unfortunatly my grandfathers name B r y a n is not on the Swedish list so we will have to wait for that to be approved. There is no reason why they will refuse it though.

Me and DP are getting married next year so maybe I will just drop my name and take his name, I just never thought I would do that.

Alisvolatpropiis Sun 09-Dec-12 22:13:41

I think it depends on the surnames. I'm not sure your surname and your DP's go that well together because they're both quite long. Rhys-Jones,Fortescue-Smythe sound good together but both yours and your DP's surnames are quite long.

As you're getting married next year it makes sense to just give your dc your husbands name and drop yours on marriage.

I don't really see the issue with dropping maiden names,but I'm not particularly attached to mine as it's awful. grin

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:20:33

I think it depends. two simple sur names together can sound good. Like Flynn-Barrett for example. Two sur names that compete with each other and don't run well together, no...........

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:22:04

The Swedes have a LIST??

honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 22:24:55

I think it is a good point that our surnames don't really compliment each other, especially as they are not from the same country and DP's surname sounds very Swedish and mine sounds very English.

Yep the Swedes have a list, they are very into social control.

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:28:22

surely the sur name B0sw00d-Svan berg would give your child an edge because it would be obvious they were bilingual? I know most Swedes are very good at English though. Would being HALF english be a disadvantage at interview confused .

FryOneFatChristmasTurkey Sun 09-Dec-12 22:29:36

Mine is double barrelled, both parts being from dads family. It's a long story, I won't bore you, but I've never had a problem with it. And if DP and I ever get married, I'm not changing my name. It was way too much hassle to change addresses when we moved, I'm not going through all that again..grin

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:29:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:30:14

sorry sorry will ask for that to be deleted.

exoticfruits Sun 09-Dec-12 22:30:27

I hate them whatever - it really isn't a problem not sharing a name - even my DCs don't share the same surname and it is no big deal.He will know who he is -which is what matters. If I had a double barrelled name I would drop half as soon as I was old enough and just keep the one that sounded the best.

GinSoakedMu1berryLush Sun 09-Dec-12 22:31:29

I've asked for that to be deleted. blush

honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 22:36:04

The Swedes are nearly all as good as bilingual often with a 3rd language such as Spanish or German along side English.

There is a general feeling that immigrats should blend in with the Swedes so something that makes you stand out like an unusual name (even a name from a country like the UK) isn't a great thing.

honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 22:37:54

I wonder if anyone has had problems traveling with DC with no shared name?

Can you just take a child out of the country who doesn't share a name (or nationality) with you?

VenusRising Sun 09-Dec-12 22:42:47

Give him your name as his third name, then he can choose how it appears.

We registered our DCs as double barrelled.

He might not always live in Sweden, and then he can choose his own name from all the names you have given him.

Good luck with the birth and beyond.

seeker Sun 09-Dec-12 22:45:53

My childrennhave a double barrelled name and it has never been the slightest problem- they have treavelled with their father qnd with me separately perfectly straightforwardly.

However it is very important to remember that women's last names are much more ugly, unwieldy and dicficult to spell than men's- so you may want to go with his name. Children find it so much more of a challenge to have the same name as their mother than the same name as their father. And women are constitutionally better equipped to lose their name than men are. This is all scientifically proven fact.

exoticfruits Sun 09-Dec-12 22:46:10

I don't know about nationality but we have never had the slightest difficulty with a name- never even been queried.

exoticfruits Sun 09-Dec-12 22:47:54

grin seeker.

exoticfruits Sun 09-Dec-12 22:48:24

Just do what suits you as a couple.

Leafmould Sun 09-Dec-12 23:14:36

I have a different surname to my kids. I regularly get asked what my relationship is with them at immigration, on entry to the uk. I tell them they are my kids, and they give me a leaflet recommending that I travel with their birth certificate, as that names both parents. This is why I asked upthread if the Swedish passport/ ID card has parents named on it like some eu documentation does. This would resolve that problem.

honeytea Sun 09-Dec-12 23:24:13

I am not sure about Swedish kids passports, the adult passports don't have the parent's name on them but the kids ones might be different.

I travelled with my sister and cousin (both children) who both have my surname + an extra name, it was no problem when I went through passport control with them but my DP tried to go through passport control with my cousin and they were very unsure if he should be taking a child through, they called me over (I was at another passport control station with my sister.)

exoticfruits Mon 10-Dec-12 07:31:31

I have travelled lots with just me and my DS with a different name and never been asked once.

puddock Mon 10-Dec-12 07:48:21

I know a couple of Swedish/English couples living in Stockholm, the kids have the English surname with no mention that this might bring disadvantages... don't know the ins and outs of documentation rules though.
My children have two surnames, mine then DP's (no hyphen). It's caused no problems and I'm glad they have my name. If they find it too long or unusual and choose to use one or the other when they're older, that'd be fine.
I think in your position I might have your surname as a middle name - no rule against having more than one of those?

puddock Mon 10-Dec-12 07:50:19

Oh yes, I also know friends who don't share a surname and who gave their DC a different surname to either of them. They live in another EU country and found it useful to have some sort of official document attached in all of their passports confirming their parental responsibiliy. Is something like that an option in Sweden?

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