Same name or choose another, dilemma

(26 Posts)
PragmaticWench Thu 22-Nov-12 21:54:55

So, one of our antenatal group have called their newborn Elliott. Of our short list, this is the one name DH and I agree on, although I worry it's a little popular and it's not the favourite for either of us. Our compromise name I suppose. Could we still use it; she's a new friend but I think I'd be a little annoyed if I were her?

Our other name choices are Austin, Marlow or Elian. One of these DH loves and one I love, but we can't seem to agree.

I'm 39 weeks already and it's worrying me that we can't decide. Whereas we have a girls name that we both love.

chocolateicecream Thu 22-Nov-12 21:59:03

Austin is a fab name, Austin Elliott. I would choose to not use it because it was a compromise choice, not because of someone you have just met.

You could well have a girl and never have to worry smile.

RosannaBanana Thu 22-Nov-12 22:27:31

My advice would be to see what he looks like smile

I also probably wouldn't give a name same as your nct friend- you may do lots together in the early years and maybe beyond and it could grate a bit- for you both!

PragmaticWench Thu 22-Nov-12 23:09:00

Hmm, tricky. Thanks for the replies, having some outside viewpoints is really helpful and we're not talking to RL friends/family about names.

ConfusedandBemused Thu 22-Nov-12 23:12:00

I love the suggestion of Austin Elliott....tbh I would be annoyed if I was her! I suppose it depends on how much you will see each other, do ye socialise in the same circles?

forgetmenots Fri 23-Nov-12 08:30:54

This really depends on how good a friend you think she will be to you I think, maybe you could ask her politely if she minds (and respect the decision?)

I got a lot of help on a similar topic recently and I've decided to pick a new name, but this involved a much more unusual name and very close friends:www.mumsnet.com/Talk/baby_names/1614043-Using-same-name-as-close-friends (sorry for long link I'm on my phone).

Good luck smile

PragmaticWench Fri 23-Nov-12 08:47:52

I think I'm secretly hoping that DH will decide he loves my favourite name as much as I do. I don't want him to just agree, without actually liking it, which makes me awkward I know!

Of Austin, Marlow or Elian, which is best? I do like the suggestion of Elliott as a middle name instead, thanks for that!

RosannaBanana Fri 23-Nov-12 08:48:53

I love Elian!

5 years on I am only in touch with 2 of my antenatal group. I would regret it if I had changed a name so as not to annoy someone I no longer saw.

Having said that, it's not your favourite name anyway, not sure what I'd do in that
situation. But then I have an Elliot so I'm biased!

All the Austins I have taught have been a bit rough. Just saying, don't intend to be rude!

Flutterbutterby Sat 24-Nov-12 22:00:45

Hmmm, having a name that is slightly more unusual is important to us so a) yes if we were in your position we would want a different name and b) if I were in their position I would be a bit disappointed if you chose the same name. I understand that as antenatal groups meet quite late in pregnancy it's likely that each couple would have chosen their favourites before they even met, however, it would make me think twice.

Over 4 years on we still regularly meet up with 4 other families from our original 8 (antenatal). Having said the above, 2 of my post-natal group called their DS2 the same (popular) name 6 months apart and no ill will!

Frikadellen Sat 24-Nov-12 22:09:15

wait until baby arrives and see what he looks like if it is Elliot then use it. dont worry so much.

15 years on I have facebook contact with 3 of my NCT friends. We didnt name dd2 a name we really liked due to one of them having used it and now I think why did it worry me..

Leafmould Sat 24-Nov-12 22:35:50

Marlow is a good name. And Elian. Not too keen on Austin though.

Cahooots Sat 24-Nov-12 22:50:53

You can use the name if you want. smile It would be very confused shock for the other Elliot Mum to be put out if you choose the same name. It would be a different if it was a very unusual name and it was a very close life long friend.

LoveYouForeverMyBaby Sat 24-Nov-12 23:05:44

Personally if I loved the name it wouldn't bother me in the slightest if someone in my nct group used the same name. But if you're not bothered then perhaps there's your answer.

Runningblue Sat 24-Nov-12 23:14:23

Don't change just because someone else has used the name first. Ante-natal groups are v transient, I am still friends with 3 of my group from the original 7. And of those 3, the 3 that matter, I don't think they would give two hoots if I'd named DS the same name as one of theirs..
Now expecting dc2 and 2 of our short list names are the same as friends childs' names. I am hoping they see it as a compliment, and, after all, they don't know the name!

If its not too late, you could say 'fab name, that's our favourite too!' as part of your congrats to them then they have prewarning...?

Runningblue Sat 24-Nov-12 23:14:59

They don't OWN the name- sorry!

As others have said, if it's not your favourite anyway, probably won't be an issue. Don't go for a compromise though - just keep arguing talking until you've worn him down found something you both like.

Do think Elian has a nice ring to it though.

Congratulations BTW!

RillaBlythe Sun 25-Nov-12 19:37:17

Oh God, use the name! Give them a heads up if you like but honestly in a year you might have drifted totally apart.

PragmaticWench Sun 25-Nov-12 20:29:52

Some very reasonable advice on here, thanks! We're leaning towards Austin, Elian or Marlow, I think, but if we do decide on Elliott, I'll have a chat with my friend first.

Why is it so difficult to decide, we've had eight months and we're still arguing!! I seem to be losing all sense of perspective on what I actually like. confused

sugarapplelane Sun 25-Nov-12 20:44:49

Choose Elliott. Please!

Marlow is the name of a town near us, a very pretty town, but a town none-the-less.

Elian sounds a bit wierd, not quite finished.

And well Austin is my surname, to be used as a surname, and only as a surname in my opinion.

No one owns a name. If they did my Mother-in-Law would not have named my Husband the same name as two of her cousins named their sons!name in my

galwaygirl Sun 25-Nov-12 20:51:30

I wouldn't use it - there are so many names to choose from an you could end up great friends, you obviously have similar tastes ;-)
I saw my ante-natal group at least weekly for the first year and now we are still in really regular contact and meet up often.

YoullScreamAboutItOneDay Sun 25-Nov-12 21:00:06

I would use it if you decide you want to. But I would warn her in advance and explain that it had been your choice from before her son was born. DD1 is 3.5 and I see one of my NCT friends regularly. I'd be really annoyed if I had ditched a name just to avoid matching one of them.

However, I think I would try hard to find a name that wasn't a 'compromise' name.

sausagesandwich34 Sun 25-Nov-12 21:04:41

my NCT group ended up with 3 girls called Molly

by 12 months only 2 still met up and now 10 years later none of them meet up

you can't base your decision to name your baby on your ante natal group

messtins Sun 25-Nov-12 21:34:06

I still see six of my NCT group 6 years on. We had nearly this situation, one of the DC1s was a nameless boy for ages and eventually used the boys name chosen by one of the group who had a girl. 2 years later she wanted to use "her" boys name so there are two of them with the same name. It caused a bit of friction for a while. If you were dead set on the name I'd say go for it, if you feel it's a compromise anyway then choose something else.
I like Marlowe of your suggestions.

1978andallthat Sun 25-Nov-12 22:02:02

After a few years most antenatal groups have drifted apart or people have moved away. So do it.

How long ago was her Elliott born? I would have been tempted to say at the time "Ooh Elliott, lovely name, you have great taste as thats at the top of our shortlist".

You may well grow apart from your group - if you want Elliot, go for it.

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