Need help with childs surname - unmarried parents.

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

The issue is:

My surname is deeply unusual - if you were to google it I would come near the top of the first page - it is also one of those names that is always spelt wrong (even when you spell it for people), and that people totally struggle to pronounce (even when told) - would rather not burden child with this.

My partners name is very common - think "Smith"

If we use Smith as a surname, I will constantly be called Mrs Smith (as parent of child Smith)

I have read lots of stories about mothers being questioned at immigration as their surname is different to their child's surname.

I'm sort of attached to my surname and sort of don't want the line to die out .

What would be the best way to incorporate both of our surnames in such a way that usually (e.g. school register, bank cards) my child will be known as Child Smith, but my name is in there somewhere.

Middle name? (it doesn't sound like a forename at all)

Non-hyphenated double barreled surname eg Smith Myname ( I read somewhere that the convention with this would be to drop the second name except on formal stuff?)

[twosofar]

My DP and I are not married and have 2 DS's. Both have DP's surname. Not once have I ever been referred to as Mrs DP, nor have I ever been questioned at immigration. There are millions of mothers who have a different name from their DC's so I really wouldn't let that worry you.

However if you really want to incorporate your surname for reasons of posterity then I would definitely use it as a middle name. I have two friends who have done this...the names don't sound like forenames at all either but they only see the light of day on passports etc so it's really not an issue.

Not convinced about double barrelling...personally i think it's a bit naff (unless you are aristocracy with a real double barrelled number that's been knocking about since Henry VIII)

Just my humble opinion of course x

[JaynieB]

Same as twosofar - DD has Dads name not mine and its been no problem. I also have a friend that has a 'family name' as a middle name which you wouldn't have used as a first name either.

[PotPourri]

dle name, then it can carry on through generations rather than drop off...

[CuppaTeaJanice]

DS has a non hyphenated double barrelled surname. Both DP and I were the last in our family line, and neither wanted our name to die out, so we gave him both. Luckily they go together quite well, although there's one initial that we had to avoid when choosing his first name. We find he sometimes gets called by just one of the surnames, but it's not really a problem.

I knew a couple once, she was Miss Grayson, he was Mr Smith. They became Mr and Mrs Graysmith. Could you do something like this for your child's surname?

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Thanks for all the responses

I'll need to discuss it with my DP but it sounds like my surname as middle name is the way to go...

[seaturtle]

Like you my surname is very unusual and unique. DS's father's name is along the lines of Smith! We aren't together now and weren't officially when he was born. Anyway, in the last months of my pregnancy I decided that DS would have both of our names as his surname, hyphenated. When the hormones died down I had a,"What was I thinking!" moment (Think something along the lines of Firstname Aristotle-Simpson!). But it actually suits him, long and ridiculous as it is!

[SoupDragon]

Definitely use yours as a middle name (non hyphenated double surname). Then it's there, won't die out and can be used by the child(ren) if they want a more unique surname later!

[Meita]

quote: "Not convinced about double barrelling...personally i think it's a bit naff (unless you are aristocracy with a real double barrelled number that's been knocking about since Henry VIII)"

Really interested in this, as in a similar situation. But just as a note of curiosity, I spent last weekend studying family trees which in actual fact do go back to Henry XIII-era royalty... nearly all through the female line though, and the women seemed to more often than not "marry down", so no claims left over for me . Anyway what I meant to say was that those women, from "good" families going back to royalty, and their kids, obviously took their husbands' family names; but they mostly gave their kids (all of them) their own, "telling" family name, as a third forename. Sometimes these kids did the same for their own kids, sometimes not; after two generations, the name was usually lost. So, even if you ARE royalty, using the "middle name" approach won't save your name for posterity; only double-barrelling the family name will do that.

I have one of the most common names you can think of - it was exciting to see all those illustrious names in the family tree!

(Sorry - I do understand this is mostly off-topic - just felt like sharing )

[ItsAllGoingToBeFine]

Meita: but if the name dies out because my child doesn't pass it on then it's their fault and not mine

[SirBoobAlot]

We double-barrelled. Have had a few comments as DS also has two middle names, but hey; he can always answer, "Yes, I am royalty" if asked when he is older

We put my name first (which also caused a stir for some reason ) because it just sounded better.

[motherinferior]

I too have a surname that is frequently misspelt, unusual in this country, and usually mispronounced.

I gave it to my children. It is my name, I'm very fond of it, and I'm buggered if they're just getting their father's name. (Which is also frequently misspelt and not madly common in this country.) They got both.

[FourEyesGood]

Our son has my partner's name, with my surname as the first part of his middle name (we put it before the other middle name so that people wouldn't think we'd double-barrelled). We're getting married soon, and I'm looking forward to having the same surname as my son! But no, I've never been called Mrs [DP's surname].

[mathanxiety]

Double-barrelling has a lot to recommend it. I would ignore the issue of naffness. It has a lot of advantages.

[venusonarockbun]

But what happens when the double barrellers grow up and have kids with other double barrellers? It will get totally out of hand. FGS just choose one name and be done with it.

[mathanxiety]

They could toss a coin?

[Cousel]

i think double barrelled is naff, and that you are trying to be a social climber. my dd has dps name, and i think society is such now that people don't assume that parents have the same name as their dcs.

[CeciC]

I am married but didn't want to loose my surename, I come from a country that women don't change their surname went they get married.
My DDs have both my DH and mine surname, "double barrel". I wanted them to have my surname, they are my DDs too, I carried them and I gabe birth to them, why on earth should they just have my DH's surname? For me your surname shows your family, history, but for both parents not just one of them.

[twosofar]

OP

The line may well die out if you have a daughter - she is hardly likely to triple barrell her name if she marries and even if she did, her children are hardly likely to add one more name into the mix when they get marrid and so on and so forth. It's just not realistic in the long run to keep adding on surnames.

I think middle names (or surnames as middle names) can be carried on way longer as a family tradition for both boys and girls

[gonaenodaethat]

Surname as middle name is really common in Scotland.

[liamsdaddy]

My sisters kids (14, 16 18 yrs) have double-barreled their names to hers and her partners, although on the birth certificates they take there mothers surname.

The concept of my sister doing it for social climbing reasons gave me a fit of giggles (many reasons, but I don't see the local well-to-do-ers meeting in a converted bus for afternoon tea )

[jellybeans]

When I wasn't married my daughter had only my surname. We both changed our names when I married her dad. I had too many friends who had given the dads name and then split up and hated it and ended up with new partners/kids with all different names and being called the ex's name etc (ie Mrs ex name). I also didn't want to have different name to my own child or be different from hubby and all in laws, they would have loved that! Double barreling ours wouldn't work either and I am not keen on that. So my thought would be to give just your surname.

[thisisyesterday]

we gave our children both names, hyphenated too! poor little mites lol

never had any confusion as to who I am or whether the children are mine

we use both names for GP. school etc etc but in general they are just known by dp'#s name

[ZacharyQuack]

We're married. I kept my name, DCs have my surname. It has never caused any problem or concern. (I think FIL was unimpressed but he knows better than to think he gets a say)

[Blu]

DS has a hyphenated surname - both of ours. These days hyphenating is nothing to do with social clombing as it is associated with parents who may be unmarried, mothers who have ot changed their surnmae even if married and other enhancements or personal choices of the 'father's name' tradition.

I was under the impression that if it wasn't hyphenated then only the v last name wuld be the actual surname. But may be wring about that. Also we feared that it it wasn't hyphenated then ther would be confusion about whether the first surname was a middle name, or the first of a double surname, so could lead to many mis-filings. But other people have experience which is re-assuring.

DS and future partners will make their own decision on how to handle naming their own children - just as we did .

DS loves having a name fom each of his parents - but we have desisted from giving him a middle name, so that the whole thing isn't too long.

[tortoiseonthehalfshell]

Why not just give your child your surname?