DP won't let me pick our daughter's name!

(138 Posts)
JassyS Fri 28-Oct-16 17:48:53

Our daughter is due soon. DP wants her to have his surname, so I said that's fine, as long as I get to pick the first name. He says no, so I said, we double-barrel her surname, then we both get to pick a first name that we both like (but not love - there isn't a name we both love). Or she has my surname and he can pick.

He still thinks I'm being unreasonable! angry

Lunar1 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:52:42

I'd like to recommend calling her Blanch.

I'd keep trying to find something you both like and double the surname.

MrsJoyless Fri 28-Oct-16 17:52:59

Fortunately he has no rights here as you are not married. Register the birth without him, leave him off the BC and pick whatever combination of names you like.

instantly Fri 28-Oct-16 17:53:14

So he gets the choice? He's not going to compromise?

Or does he think you should both pick the name? I.e. Agree on it rather than let you choose?

bigfriendlygiant Fri 28-Oct-16 17:54:06

Give her your surname or double barrel.

JassyS Fri 28-Oct-16 17:54:50

He thinks that baby should get his surname and a name that we both agree on but a name that I don't love (pretty much!) but if we do that, I think we should double the surname

DoinItFine Fri 28-Oct-16 17:55:08

Just tell him you'll register her without him present and pick both names yourself if he doesn't stop being such a dick.

And definitely give her your surname, either with his name or on its own.

WaxingNinja Fri 28-Oct-16 17:55:20

Or as you're not married you go and register the baby on your own and call them whatever you like.

Tbh, as you're not married, I'd insist on my surname being in there somewhere if it were me.

RiaOverTheRainbow Fri 28-Oct-16 17:56:05

All of your options sound fair, if he wants a say in her first name you should get a say in her surname. Has he given a reason why he doesn't agree?

ByeByeLilSebastian Fri 28-Oct-16 17:56:08

Well unfortunately for 'd'p he has no choice in the matter!

ThatStewie Fri 28-Oct-16 17:56:15

If he won't compromise, then name the baby yourself. I'd also be raiding an eyebrow at such ridiculously controlling behaviour.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 28-Oct-16 17:57:24

I wouldn't give baby his surname until you are married

That aside - why does he not let you pick or at least meet halfway (you are the one doing it all)

That said - dh picked our two Dc names because I did not have a preference - genuinely

sonlypuppyfat Fri 28-Oct-16 17:57:39

Well he would say you're being unreasonable because he sounds like a right tit. Seriously why do women have children with such idiots , back up over this and he will try and rule you forever

BreatheDeep Fri 28-Oct-16 17:58:00

The whole name should be a mutual agreement in my eyes. I wouldn't say I pick that bit, you pick that other bit. You should both agree/compromise to all parts.

JassyS Fri 28-Oct-16 17:58:31

Breathe, that's what the double-barrelling option is

WeArePregnant11 Fri 28-Oct-16 17:59:30

The kiddo either gets a double-barrelled one or you (alone!) get to decide.

Or the kiddo gets your surname and he gets to decide.

However, imo both should get to decide....

MrsJoyless Fri 28-Oct-16 17:59:33

If he wants the baby to have his surname, then he should marry you, and you will change the baby's surname at that point. It's one of the "perks" of marrying your child's mother.

WeArePregnant11 Fri 28-Oct-16 18:00:07

I mean, both should have the right to decide together what's the last name and the first name is going to be...

JassyS Fri 28-Oct-16 18:00:54

Mrs, I wouldn't take his surname though?

Lewwat Fri 28-Oct-16 18:02:25

Unless you cooked up that baby completely on your own then you have no moral right to do as people on here are suggesting.

How would you feel if the man was allowed to just register the baby without your permission!

Quite a shitty thing to do really.

Decide on a name you both like.

AGinForEachMakesThree Fri 28-Oct-16 18:03:08

It's a tough one but I suggest finding a name you both agree on. Failing that, threaten to register whatever name you like, alone! That should get his ass into gear.

DP named our first I picked the middle name, I named our second - he hated it but I wouldn't budge, he picked the middle name and we both named our third together although it was a name he chose I instantly loved it. They all have his surname.

MrsJoyless Fri 28-Oct-16 18:03:14

You don't have to take his surname, but you can change the baby's name, as she then becomes legitimate. Admittedly, you would still have a fight on your hands if you want the double-barrelled option, but it sounds as if you are open to the idea of her having just his name. But you have all the power here, so you must do exactly what you want.

JassyS Fri 28-Oct-16 18:05:35

Lewwat, he won't agree to a double barrelled surname so I'm not going with a name we just agree on and I don't love when she will have his surname.

I'm open to the idea of baby having his surname if I get to pick her name, as I'll use my mum's name as her first name (I absolutely love it tbh!)

FenellaMaxwell Fri 28-Oct-16 18:06:06

Umm, what Lewwat said! hmm

Chinlo Fri 28-Oct-16 18:06:25

If you don't have the same surname as him then I would personally insist on a double-barrelled surname. Then choose a first name together, preferably one that you BOTH like a lot, if not love.

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