I still can't remember daughter's name at 3 months old.

(47 Posts)
3luckystars Thu 15-Sep-16 11:04:11

I have the loveliest little girl called Abigail. I agonised for months about a name, I had lists and more lists, but couldn't settle on anything.

Anyway, when she was born, dh arrived in with the older children and they insisted she was Abigail, so I agreed. I know it's her name, we have had her baptised and the priest said the most beautiful words about her name, there is no other name, but I just can't get used to it.

When people ask me, I can't remember it, it happened again this morning.
I am worried that I have lumbered her for life with a name that isn't pretty or girly. It wasnt my choice and she deserved a great name.

Has this happened to anyone else? My other children's names were picked out months before they were born so I loved the names from the word go. I am stumbling over my baby's name all the time and I feel so guilty because I don't love it as much.

Can anyone reassure me or offer any advice. Thanks so much for reading.

Thurlow Thu 15-Sep-16 11:08:45

It's a lovely name, it really is. And some things take a weird time to stick.

The first time I get a letter address to DD by her initials, so A B C Smith, I genuinely stared at it for about 5 minutes before I worked out who it was for.

I'm pregnant now and for the life of me cannot remember how many weeks I am, I must look an idiot when people ask me and I just stare blankly at them.

Is there a shortening that comes more naturally to you?

3luckystars Thu 15-Sep-16 11:18:18

I thought I would call her Abi, but everyone is calling her Abigail. I thought Abi would be easier to remember but it isn't!

A mother at the school gate said " I heard you called her something ammmmmm...... different" and dhs uncle told us he is calling her by her middle name instead! I know I will get used to it eventually, I just feel really bad about it all because she is so cool. I really never fully believed she would make it, so I just want the best for her I suppose.

Thank you for your lovely post.

StVincent Thu 15-Sep-16 11:21:44

What do you call her in your mind, or when you talk to her? It may be that you've got a better name for her anyway.

You don't necessarily have to change it, you can just call her something else. Sure we all know people who are known by something completely different to their real name.

BendydickCuminsnatch Thu 15-Sep-16 11:24:59

My niece is called Abby, I think Abigail is one of the girliest names ever! It's lovely. Underused too.

It took me about a year to be able to introduce my son as the name we call him, because people always misheard it for something more common and I felt silly! So i introduced him as his long name which we never use and he doesn't recognise grin

NameChange30 Thu 15-Sep-16 11:25:46

Do you have another name in mind?
It's reasonably easy to change the name on her birth certificate before her first birthday.
If you felt pressured into giving her a name you don't like, and regret it, you have every right to change it. But I do think it's strange that you got her baptised with a name you're not sure about.

3luckystars Thu 15-Sep-16 11:36:54

No there is no other name. I would change it if a different name suited her,but i tried them all out and she is definitely Abigail.

I kept seeing it in the baby name books, and skipping over it because I didn't like it. I had a feeling in the back of my mind that I was going to end up giving her the name Abigail, but couldn't figure out how that could possibly happen.

I hope I grow to love it and stop saying "I didn't pick it out" every time I say her name. I just felt like such a complete idiot this morning when I couldn't remember it again. I am really grateful for the replies.

Thanks so much for the advice.

rackhampearl Thu 15-Sep-16 11:40:32

I changed my daughters name a day before she changed 1 cos I couldn't get used to it, it felt forced and I tended to call her 'the baby' which wasn't fair.

ineedbanoffee Thu 15-Sep-16 11:44:02

OP, are you otherwise okay? It sounds like you a very difficult time with the pregnancy, if you weren't sure she was going to make it, and if you have other DCs you might not have had time to really process all that. This feeling might be more linked to the difficulties you have had and the worries you had about her than about the name, really? I hope you are okay and people are taking care of you.

FWIW, Abigail is a beautiful, beautiful name. Classic and stunning. You can't go wrong with it. It has a beautiful and joyful meaning, and can be shortened to Abbie or Gail depending on what she likes later in life (and is gorgeous by itself), so she has plenty of options with it. I'm sorry your family bombarded you at a vulnerable time - I'm glad they were excited about the baby, but maybe you need a bit of space of your own?

Hugs.

rackhampearl Thu 15-Sep-16 11:46:01

Love message ineedbanoffee. Wish I would have asked how OP was feeling. flowersflowers

crayfish Thu 15-Sep-16 11:48:08

I love Abigail, it was my first choice for a girl but we have one in the family so didn't feel we could use it. I think it is really girly, classic but not overused and Abi is a great nn. Its the perfect name!

Can you just start calling her Abi? We have a baby Penelope in the family and for some reason at first everyone kept getting her name wrong, I think it was just a bit of a mouthful maybe. Now she has become Penny and it seems to fit her mcuh better.

3luckystars Thu 15-Sep-16 11:52:01

You are right, even during the labour I was still saying "are you sure she is ok?" I was in shock afterwards.
I lost 2 before her so I suppose I just want to do everything right for her, and giving her a nice name was really important to me.

You have said such nice things, I am reassured now. I suppose it will just take time to get used to it.

crayfish Thu 15-Sep-16 12:10:06

It does sound like you have been through the mill, I'm so sorry for your losses.

Do you think that maybe you are having this mental block with her name because subconsciously you are still afraid to get too attached or see her as really 'here' in case something happens to her? Sorry if that's completely barking up the wrong tree.

As for the name, it's really lovely and she will grow into it. My DS has a very grown up name for a baby and it has taken a while for him to grow into I think.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Thu 15-Sep-16 12:15:24

If you force yourself to use her name a bit - Abby, if you prefer - it'll start to feel second nature, and it'll become "her name" in no time. Other people will pick up on it, too.

flowers

Arfarfanarf Thu 15-Sep-16 12:21:04

Abigail is a beautiful name. Classic, elegant and doesn't date. If I'd had a girl, I would have called her that. I love it.

fwiw, my children are now 16 and 17 yrs old and there are times I blank on their names.

Or call them by each other's name.

Or the cat.

Or random words like buggerlugs, chuff (I know. It just comes out!!!), chuffalump, hunnybun-neigh or claptrapvonshpilderbeans. hmm

So if you're simply blanking - good! It gets worse grin

Seriously though, it happens. 3 months is a very short time. You're still in 'holy crap I had another baby' territory. grin Give yourself a break.

And if you absolutely are not getting on with the name, as already said, there is time to change it.

Arfarfanarf Thu 15-Sep-16 12:22:08

xpost, I am very sorry for your losses. thanks

steppemum Thu 15-Sep-16 12:30:16

Abigail is lovely.
It was one of my favourite names, but we couldn't use it as Dh is Dutch and it is pronounced very differently in Dutch.

Fairybella Thu 15-Sep-16 12:33:12

OP
I was the same with my little one... It's almost like your unable to accept they are here for keeps and naming her makes her real. It takes time and then the name fits and you accept baby is here to stay

Thurlow Thu 15-Sep-16 12:38:25

flowers You've had a tough time and it sounds like you are focusing on this a little bit, which is no surprise. Be kind to yourself, it might take time but it is a beautiful name

LucyInTheSkyWithDonuts Thu 15-Sep-16 12:39:40

Abigail is a lovely name, strong, classic and very feminine. In fact, one of the cutest, full-of-fun little girls I know is called Abbie and it totally suits her. smile

WuTangFlan Thu 15-Sep-16 12:46:37

Why didn't you get any say in your daughter's name? Is that at the bottom of why you feel unhappy, that you feel you were "bullied" into it a bit?

Fwiw, it is a great name and I've only ever known lovely Abigails.

Niklepic Thu 15-Sep-16 12:49:18

It's a lovely name, it really is. Tbh I had a bit of the same dilemma with DD2. We really struggled for a name and ended up with Olivia which we had passed over a few times because how common it is.

She's 3 1/2 now and shes just about growing into Olivia (although we all call her Livvy).

Niklepic Thu 15-Sep-16 12:52:22

Sorry posted to soon. What I was going to say was that I thought Olivia was a bit of a grown up name for a little baby and I felt strange using it. Shortening it to Livvy definitely helped make the name hers.

Cakeofmanylayers Thu 15-Sep-16 12:53:20

I had a similar experience with my DD OP, it wasn't so much that I couldn't remember her name more that it felt sort of clumsy and 'wrong' when I said it. I also had a really anxious pregnancy, had lost 3 babies previously and was afraid to let myself believe DD would make it. I don't know if it's connected but it does seem possible to me, the good news is that it does get better, it just takes a little time. FWIW I also think Abigail is a beautiful name and the fact that there isn't another name you would prefer makes me think this is less about a name and more about you processing everything you've been through to finally have your baby. Hang in there, her name will click eventually flowers

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen Thu 15-Sep-16 12:55:01

Ds is 15 and there are STILL occasions when he'll take me by surprise and I think ' Blimey, I'm a mum!!!'

It's early days, use her name every day, you're probably sleep deprived and adjusting. x

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