Name dilemma

(17 Posts)
Jw35 Thu 12-May-16 05:06:24

I'd already picked the name Violet for my baby girl due in 11 weeks time. However my sister died a few weeks ago and her name was Eleanor (known as Ellie). I decided to use her name as a middle name some time ago, so Violet Eleanor and had a post on here a while ago with lots of positive comments on it.

However, now I'm not sure whether to swap it to Eleanor Violet, in memory of my sister. I do like it and would quite like to use Ellie in day to day life as that was the name my sister was known by and it would feel special etc...however..

1. Is it too soon? My sister died on the 31st of March quite suddenly of severe aplastic anaemia after only 3 months diagnosed with the condition. Would it feel to raw for the rest of the family/her children/close friends?
2. I have a 12 year old daughter called Lily (and my 16 month old is called Eve and known as Evie) would Ellie be a tongue twister with those two?
3. Would the baby be associated with sadness or is it a lovely thing to do?

I think Violet sounds better with my other girls names eg Lily, Eve and Violet rather than Lily, Eve and Eleanor/Ellie but for meaning I think it would be so significant to use Eleanor.

Me and my sister were 16 months apart and close all our lives. She joked while in hospital about using her name if she died sad she was joking but it's stuck in my head! Neither of us thought she would die!

Help!

ifigoup Thu 12-May-16 05:37:32

Whilst using your sister's name for your DD is a lovely tribute to her, it's also potentially quite a big burden to carry. As you say, it's very soon for other friends and family to get used to the name being in everyday use again.

I therefore think you're doing exactly right by using Eleanor as the middle name and Violet as the first name. It honours your sister but also lets your DD be her own person.

So sorry for your loss. And all the very best for you and your new arrival.

MimiSunshine Thu 12-May-16 06:57:23

I agree, a lovely tribute to your sister as a middle name (you could use Vellie /Velly as a nickname) but I would give your daughter her own first name.

2016namechangecomingalong Thu 12-May-16 07:04:11

I agree, it is lovely as a middle name. Ds's middle name is that of a good friend that died the year before he was born.

I too think that using it as a first name is perhaps too big a burden and in a way not letting your DD have her own identity if that makes sense? People would constantly be clarifying which Ellie they were referring to.

I think the middle name is a lovely tribute to your sister in itself. flowers

DartmoorDoughnut Thu 12-May-16 07:05:52

Lovely idea but I agree that it is probably too soon. Plus I think it would mean your DD will always be compared in some way to her aunt and I'm sure she'll want to be her own person. Violet is a beautiful name, as is Eleanor - I'm an Eleanor so slightly biased! Really sorry for your loss flowers

julfin Thu 12-May-16 07:31:23

So sorry for your loss flowers

I agree with others that it's quite a big responsibility for a little girl to bear. She would have a lot to live up to and it might put a lot of pressure on her. I think it's better to let her have her own first name, and having Eleanor as a middle name would be a lovely tribute.

I also agree with you that Violet is beautiful and works really well with your other two children's names.

mrsschu Thu 12-May-16 08:47:38

It's a lovely idea to honour your sister in that way. I had a similar situation with my DD. My cousin died about 7 weeks before I was due with DD. I contemplated for a time possibly using her name as DD's first name but in the end settled for using it as her middle name. I'm really glad I did, I think it may have been too upsetting for my family to hear it used all the time so soon after my cousin had died but her middle name is something which means a lot to me now and to family also. Violet Eleanor sounds beautiful. And so sorry for your loss.

Twinklestar2 Thu 12-May-16 08:48:42

Beautiful name and a lovely tribute to your sister. Violet Eleanor is lovely.

septembersunshine Thu 12-May-16 18:02:40

I would go for Violet Eleanor. You are giving your girl her own name (something that is just for her) but also honouring your sister. One of my friends once told me that someone had named a new baby after a recently deceased family member and every time she heard it, it was incredibly painful. In the end she couldn't even call the child by that name. They had to use an abbreviation.

Eleanor was your sister. Violet is your daughter. When people say her name they will think of her only. I would use Eleanor as a middle name. I'm sorry for your loss op.

Sgoinneal Thu 12-May-16 19:58:11

Agree with what everyone else is saying.
You will know she carries your sister's name. Violet is beautiful and goes well with your other names,

bibbetybob Thu 12-May-16 20:05:17

I vote Violet Eleanor. You don't know how people might react if it's the other way round, it could cause all sorts of problems.
Love the PPs suggestion of Vellie as a nickname, though.

daisydalrymple Thu 12-May-16 20:13:34

I'm so sorry for your loss. My best friend died 9 years before my dd was born. I always knew I was going to name her after her.

I hadn't anticipated how strange it would feel having a daughter by the same name as my best friend, and although dd of course never knew my friend and totally suits the name and its hers, for me I'd use it as the middle name if I had stopped to consider how it would make me feel.

Both Eleanor and violet are beautiful names. I hope all those memories of happy shared times with your sis help you over the coming months. Very best wishes.

manicinsomniac Sun 15-May-16 23:02:32

So, so sorry for your loss.

Only you know the dynamics of your family and whether you could use Ellie as a first name but I would leave it as it is personally. I think Violet Eleanor is beautiful and using Eleanor as a first name would be too much for me to cope with in your shoes. My sister means more to me than anyone else in the world and to use her name for a child of mine would choke me every time I had to say her name. I'd almost start resenting her for existing when my sister was gone. But it's a personal choice. If the tribute means more to both you and your family the other way around then go for it.

ample Sun 15-May-16 23:19:34

Sorry for your loss flowers
Violet Eleanor. Giving your DD the honor of her Aunts name as a middle name is lovely.

BackforGood Sun 15-May-16 23:31:05

Sorry for your loss. I agree with everyone else, please don't use your sisters name as your dd's first name. People will need to take about her and refer to her, and Ellie needs to stay as her name, and not be taken over by your dd. Your dd also needs to be able to grow up her own person, and not have any kind of burden of responsibility of living up to your sister's memory.

strandedabroad Sun 15-May-16 23:39:22

Hi Jw.

I agree with Violet Eleanor. Personally it would be the way I would like to celebrate my sister if I was in your situation.

Hugs and flowers

PickleBot Mon 16-May-16 16:06:16

Maybe ask the rest of your family what they think?

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