Friend has used our first choice girl's name - WWYD?

(19 Posts)
Braywatch Thu 18-Feb-16 10:11:34

I made friends with a lady who was about the same stage of pregnancy as me about 6 months ago. We've never discussed name preferences. She had her baby early (but full term, baby has come home), and she has named her baby our first choice girl's name.

We don't know what we're having so there might be no problem if we have a boy, but if we were to have a daughter, can I still use my first choice name, the same name as her daughter? We have one other possibility for a girl's name (DH is very fussy about girl's names), so if the baby suited the other name we could use that. If she didn't though, I'd still want to use my first choice, I'm 36 weeks and I don't want to start thinking of alternatives at this stage when I've had my heart set on it for months.

Should I tell my friend now that I might end up using the same name, or wait until our baby arrives and the name is settled and then say? (Will be a non-issue if the baby is a boy.) I don't want to upset my friend, but don't want to settle for another name if the first choice name works. Any advice appreciated - sorry for he long post! By the way, the name isn't anything out of the ordinary in terms of popularity, I think it's in the top 20 for baby girls.

YankNCock Thu 18-Feb-16 10:15:10

You don't change your choice of names for a 6 month friendship. Name your kid what you want! If she has a problem with it, you shrug and say 'great minds....'. Actually, if she has a problem with it, don't be her friend.

gymboywalton Thu 18-Feb-16 10:16:01

you say 'oh what a beautiful name! that's what we have planned too!'

and then you call your daughter whatevcer you want

you've known her 6 months

NinkyNonky Thu 18-Feb-16 10:16:36

I would use it without question. It's a new friendship so you don't know how long you'll be friends for anyway. I don't think you need to tell her in advance either unless it comes up in conversation, just explain that you had it picked out ages ago if you do use it.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries Thu 18-Feb-16 10:18:34

Yeah just use the first choice name! No one owns a name so if she kicks up a fuss it's her problem smile

Braywatch Thu 18-Feb-16 10:46:11

Thanks for your replies. I think you're all right, although we get on really well, I don't know if we'll remain friends for years, whereas as a name lasts a lifetime. Thanks for the reassurance ☺ we'll just go with what suits our baby best.

susurration Fri 19-Feb-16 19:55:45

To put it into perspective, I had a friend at school whose parents had wanted to call her Kelly but didn't because their friend who lived three doors down used the name two weeks before hand. They were no longer friends just because they had lost touch. They were still bitter about using a different name 16 years later (although they were a bit odd anyway.)

leoniethelioness Sat 20-Feb-16 12:23:27

If it is a really unusual name I would probably have a rethink. If it's something like Emily or Sophia, I'd just go with it.

thebiscuitindustry Sat 20-Feb-16 14:27:58

> you say 'oh what a beautiful name! that's what we have planned too!'

I agree. Use it anyway.

AlmaMartyr Sat 20-Feb-16 14:47:47

In this situation, I would absolutely use the name I already had planned. You'll regret it if you don't and you lose touch. Plenty of people have friends with the same name, it isn't a problem smile

trixymalixy Sat 20-Feb-16 14:58:50

My neighbour and I were pregnant at the same time. We found out that we both wanted the same girl's name if it was a girl. It was special to us Asia was DH's grandma's name.

In the end we had a girl and she didn't. She has now moved country and I would always have regretted not using the name.

Frazzled2207 Sat 20-Feb-16 15:10:11

Absolutely use the name you want. It would be different if it was your bff or a close family member (though they would be U if they chose a name they knew you favoured).
Just make it clear that you think your friend has excellent taste as she has chosen a name high on your list

Btw I had a similar issue but the friend had a girl and me 2 boys so all happy.

Shemozzle Mon 22-Feb-16 22:03:35

Definitely use the name of you have a girl but I strongly disagree with not mentioning it first. She will likely be upset if you don't but if you explain now she is more likely to believe you weren't copying.

Tinkalinka Tue 23-Feb-16 20:44:40

My friend and I were pregnant at same time. I mentioned our favourite girl name and she said that was also a forerunner for her. Neither of us minded. We both had boys but 2 years later I had a girl and used the name, a year later so did she. Use the name x

AprilShowers16 Sat 27-Feb-16 08:30:20

Use it smile if you stay close friends your daughters will probably love having a close friend with the same name

Raines100 Sat 27-Feb-16 09:23:29

I was on both sides of this with DS2 (top 10 name). We picked his name when we were ttc, and just as we were announcing the pregnancy at 12 weeks, a friend of a friend gave birth and used the name. A few months later, a lady I'd become friends with from DS1's school used the name, too. We all just complimented each other on our great taste.

Miffyonline Sun 28-Feb-16 10:44:09

We had the same? Our 2 boys now have the same name, no problem....

MamaLazarou Sun 28-Feb-16 11:52:04

Is it an unusual name? If so, I would understand if your friend found it strange that you chose the same name. If it's Olivia/Isabelle, don't give it a second thought.

wispaxmas Sun 28-Feb-16 14:07:00

Use it! I have a COUSIN a year younger than me with my name!

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