OH ruined my names :(

(22 Posts)
CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 00:29:40

I barely had any names picked as I'm really struggling with boys names (girls were easy in comparison) I told OH not to tell everyone coz they nit pick.

He's told everyone at his work and all his family, who has ripped them all to shreds and because I'm hormonal (and now 8 month gone) I'm utterly furious.

He didn't even need to tell me he told people either?! Or that everyone hates them sad

They took me over a year to think of and now they feel totally spoiled and god knows if I can even come up with anything else in time angry I won't be telling him if I do!

Kelsoooo Fri 22-Jan-16 00:33:30

Erm, aren't you meant to choose together?

emotionsecho Fri 22-Jan-16 00:37:50

What were the names? Did/does your OH like them? Has he any alternative suggestions?

Headmelt Fri 22-Jan-16 00:38:20

What were the names on your list op?
Maybe we could suggest alternatives or variations on them for you to consider if you don't want to use the names you have

CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 01:15:52

Kelsoooo I wish. He, and I quote "doesn't like any names at all" hmm

He didn't like or dislike them, he will tell me if he hates one and I get shot of it but otherwise tells me to pick them myself. Which makes me wonder why he even bothered telling anyone sad

Thanks for the offer of help but I tend to like the names MN'ers can't stand so I'd probably just wind myself up even more lol

My main issue is, if he had any input I would appreciate it, but after demanding I do it on my own he then feels hell bent on making sure there's no names I like either!

QuietWhenReading Fri 22-Jan-16 01:23:04

Cumbria the only people entitled to choose your baby's name are you and your OH.

It does not matter one iota what his colleagues think. They are not people who matter in your life.

His family will get used to whatever name you pick and will love it because they love the child.

I understand why you are upset. Your OH was in the wrong.

Try to have a calm char. You baby's name will be important in your life. You should choose it together.

There are lots of wonderful names out there, I'm sure you can fine one to agree on.

flowers good luck

pinkyredrose Fri 22-Jan-16 01:23:36

Why did he tell everyone when you asked him not to? Will he be sharing all the details of the birth and your leaking boobs etc? Tell him to out a sock in it and start respecting you.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost Fri 22-Jan-16 01:39:21

Why are you worried. That Joe Bloggs and Old Tom Cobbley, and the rest of them don't like your child's name. Did you get a say in naming their kids.............Didn't think so.

CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 01:45:53

More so that he said his family hated them. And that's the most upsetting for me. I don't want it to dictate my choices but it does put a dampener on everything when it's the only names I had and hate is a very strong word

CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 01:46:35

Thank you Quiet and I agree Pinky he's in the bad books!

cranberryx Fri 22-Jan-16 02:28:37

This happened to me! Every name got shot down, and at one point my MIL even made me cry.

I loved the name Willow ever since I was a little girl, and before I knew DS was a boy I wanted it for my daughter. She kept going on about how it's an 'old man's name' (wtf) and now I feel like I can't use it.

I would go back over your list and settle on about 3-5 names and then don't tell anyone any of them! Then when baby comes you have 42 days to decide! When I was on the postnatal ward, a lady only decided 4 days after her dd was born. It's not uncommon.

Valentine2 Fri 22-Jan-16 02:50:03

Me and DH picked the names together and although my side of th family was divided, his side unanimously hated them (I think mainly because they actually wanted to choose them which I could never allow). We went on to have the names we picked and liked and made sure everyone accepted them as that was our choice to make, not theirs. Don't listen to anyone about this matter. You won't get a unanimous approval ever anywhere anyway. So why bother? It's you who will be seeing them for the next 20 years or so on daily basis. Lol. You might as well name them the best you find.

QuietWhenReading Fri 22-Jan-16 07:21:12

If he worded it so strongly, perhaps it's an excuse, a way to tell you that he hates them.

You do need to sit down and talk this out and find a compromise, there must be some names he likes. Find one you both like, he view is as valid as yours on this.

Parenting is a series of join decisions and compromises - you ate about to start a life time of that, you might as well start now.

CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 13:49:18

Quiet We have named a child previously, one we lost so we can agree if he bothers. He has decided he doesn't like any other names at all and it's at the point now where I've had to "nag" for constant input (which I hate doing). I've decided to step back and stop asking at this point. Because I can't bare the phrase "I dunno, you decide" anymore.

If he hated them he could have told me, I'm super reasonable and would have just looked for something else. It's not a situation I wanted control over. We've done the "both write a list and find our favourites from each list" activity, the resulting names from that are the ones he's now dismissing. Oh and he only had one name on his entire list and I despise it confused

CumbriaMum91 Fri 22-Jan-16 13:49:51

*If he bothers to make an effort

Oops

QuietWhenReading Fri 22-Jan-16 14:08:29

Cumbria I'm so sorry you lost a child.

Perhaps that's at the heart of it. Is your OH worried about the safe arrival of this baby? It would be understandable.

You don't have to have a name ready in advance for the baby. You could wait until he or she was born and choose then. You get a little while to register the birth depending where you live in the UK.

Perhaps take the pressure off yourselves a bit and take some breathing time.

I'm sure the baby won't remain nameless!

lovesunnysummers Fri 22-Jan-16 14:47:35

My name is French and quite unique (even for French people). When my parents chose it, none of my grandparents liked it nor could pronounce it properly. My parents went with it anyway. As it happens, because my grandparents are an older generation, the name made no sense to them. For my parents generation and for me, we all love the name. I often get compliments, it shortens into something really nice and I love how unique it is. The only people that still struggle with it are those one of my grandparents generation. Hope it helps. x

Paintedhandprints Fri 22-Jan-16 21:04:46

Both my mum and dh's parents were the only one to look gone out when we announced the name of our ds. Everyone else said they loved the name. (although it gets the meh reaction on here). We knew we'd picked a good'un. Never tell anyone the name til the baby is born. Your dh doesnt sound very invested in the child. I guess he may be worried about miscarriage again and doesnt want to get emotionally invested. I'd be very annoyed he'd blabbed too though.

3luckystars Sat 23-Jan-16 10:02:38

I think you should ignore all comments, write out your list and tell him he is not allowed remove a name unless he replaces it.

I can't believe he discussed your names!!!! So sorry this happened. I hope you figure it out and find a lovely name.

zippyswife Sun 24-Jan-16 20:42:03

Third time round for me and I've learnt not to tell people our name list. Last time we nearly called ds2 Rex. We didn't but it's still on the cards this time. The amount of family that have recently laughed at the name and said how good it was that we didn't choose it. Personally it's making me like the name more.

Ignore other opinions. Do what you want.

My dh sounds like yours btw. He has only this week started talking about names- and my c section is booked for next week! Drives me
Insane.

Enkopkaffetak Sun 24-Jan-16 23:33:52

OP when my son was born my mothers reaction to our chosen name (Conrad) was " thats HORRIBLE" her tone was one of utter horror.. HOW could we call a child that ... FFW 12 years and she came to visit during the visit she said to me.. " I always liked the name Conrad its such a good strong name"

She had got used to the name, she had started to connect it with her grandson whom she loved.. and she had changed her mind (and in her head that = she had never disliked it)

same thing will happen with your dh's children. I told my work collegue the same story when she told her her first grandchild was due and her DIL had said to her " you wont like any of the names" and adviced her to just smile and say " OHH lovely"

For next time. Use the names you kinda like but know you wont go with. So for example dh and I spoke about Alexa a lot for a girl but decided we didn;t like the NN Alex for a girl so took it off " the list" (even though we like the name) So if people said " what names are you thinking about ?" I would say " we both kinda like Alexa" I was telling the truth just omitting the part about how we wouldn't be using it. I do kinda like Alexa. I found I didn't mind them disliking or dishing a name that I already had disguarded myself.

As it was with our 3 girls we had possitive reactions for their names.. Just DS had a issue smile

Enkopkaffetak Sun 24-Jan-16 23:34:57

(should have read same thing will happen with your dh's family but I hope it still makes sense)

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