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Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Find baby name inspiration and advice on the Mumsnet Baby Names forum.

Baby names

Is it ridiculous to be worrying about this?

23 replies

Choccyhobnob · 03/03/2015 13:27

We are expecting DC1 and have pretty much chosen our names. There is really only one boys name we can agree on and although there are maybe 2 or 3 girls names we 'like' we have our heart set on one in particular.

Now. I know 5 people in our friendship group due to give birth before me and it is actually stressing me out worrying that one of them will use our name! (I know it's a stupid thing to worry about but I am!)

4 of the friends are the wives of DH's friends who he went to school with and is still really close to, I'm friendly with the girls but I don't meet up with them outside of group occasions (weddings/birthdays) where all the husbands are there too. We don't live really near (hence why I don't socialise with them) but I have known them for nearly 10 years (DH for nearly 30!)

Other friend is my cousin (don't live near but pretty close relationship).

So my question is.....if any of the above used THE name you had your heart set on would it stop you using it??

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Heels99 · 03/03/2015 13:29

Yes it might do. Keep an open mind is there any reason to think they will use the same name?

Heels99 · 03/03/2015 13:31

Email Them all saying finally picked names! We have chosen x and x!
Then that may put them off picking the same names.

GlitzAndGigglesx · 03/03/2015 13:31

No. I've never understood why people get upset over names. Unless it's a really unique out there name, there are going to be thousands of people worldwide with the exact same name

Choccyhobnob · 03/03/2015 13:32

Just the reason that they are nice mainstream names and there aren't really a large number of boys names in particular that I can imagine us all using iykwim?

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BikeRunSki · 03/03/2015 13:33

If they don't live nearby and you don't socialise with them, then why does it matter?

DramaAlpaca · 03/03/2015 13:36

No, I don't think it would stop me using it. Maybe it would if it was a very unusual name, but otherwise I think it would be fine.

I know what you mean, though. DSIL was due to give birth a few weeks before me & I dreaded her picking the name I wanted to use, especially as the cousins would have the same surname. Thankfully, although we both had boys, she didn't use the name we'd had our hearts set on for months.

Choccyhobnob · 03/03/2015 13:37

Only because DH talks to his friends pretty much every day (they have a group whatsapp thing) so maybe it would be more of an issue to him. I prob see everyone 5 or 6 times a year? I don't think DH would have a problem with it though as he has a common first name whereas I don't know anyone with my name so he doesn't view same names as a problem anyway lol

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Heels99 · 03/03/2015 13:52

Why don't you just tell them the names you have chosen then?

squoosh · 03/03/2015 14:09

It would be a bit weird to email someone with a list of chosen names. I'd read that as a bit of a 'hands off our names' message, and that would seem a bit bossy and controlling.

Heels99 · 03/03/2015 14:14

If a friend emailed me and said,' finally we have chosen names! We have picked harry and Emily, have you had any thoughts? ' I wouldn't think that was weird.

Choccyhobnob · 03/03/2015 14:15

My thoughts exactly Squoosh! I think they already think I'm a bit 'common' for wanting to find out what we're having, they would never dream of it! If I revealed the names too they'd think I was weird I think....lol

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OutragedFromLeeds · 03/03/2015 14:16

You need to get in first and 'claim' the names! Tell everyone the names you've chosen. It doesn't matter if the children have the same names, but this way none of the others will be able to moan about 'copying' or anything.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 03/03/2015 14:22

5 of my close friends are due in the month before me. One has already given her names which I think is her way of claiming them . None are names I would have used anyway!

squoosh · 03/03/2015 14:23

If you're likely to see them prior to the birth you could 'casually' pop into conversation the names you're absolutely set on. So even if they do then use them at least they'll know you'd thought of the names ages ago.

And as for them thinking you're common for wanting to find out the sex of your baby...................what a load of nonsense!

OutragedFromLeeds · 03/03/2015 14:24

You don't need to email them. Get DH to announce it on his whatsapp group. 'Choccy and I have finally managed to agree on names!! Can't wait to meet little Dick or Jane!!'

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 03/03/2015 14:27

You can't "claim" names!! Especially if they are Harry and Emily-type names!!

OP, don't fret over this. By all means send a low key email with your thoughts on names, if this is something you would naturally do anyway. Or DH could mention it to his friends when he sees them. Chances are they won't choose the same names anyway, given how many hundreds there are to pick from. And if they do, see then how you feel about your children having the same names - you might find it doesn't bother you at all.

But don't get too set on just one name anyway - when DC arrives s/he might just not look like a Harry or Emily and you have to think of another one

Bowlersarm · 03/03/2015 14:27

I think I would tell people your name choices.

Choccyhobnob · 03/03/2015 14:40

I think I've realised that this is more about me worrying what they all think of me than about the babies having the same names (I.e them thinking I copied them worries me more!). I definitely wouldn't be one to email them but I probably will be invited to a couple of baby showers so might mention them then.

This has really highlighted that I worry about what they think of me and that I don't fit in. They are not horrible people at all, just that they socialise with each other all the time and are really close and I'm always a bit left out of conversations etc.

So after that little detour and self help therapy.....I don't think I will mind if they use the same names. They are not especially unique but I think I will let them know (casually when I see them - not in a group text!!) what the names are....

Thanks for letting me ramble!

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lovemummyhood · 05/03/2015 23:18

Sounds like you are decided but I don't even know that you have to say what your names are to the expectant friends. I think even just the fact that you have decided on one for each gender would then let them know that even in the unlikely event that your child was named the same as theirs, well you had the name picked even before their child was born :)

RL20 · 06/03/2015 20:43

I know what you mean! It's hard for me as I'm unbelievably fussy with names, to the point where I am nearly 34 weeks pregnant with a baby boy and have only liked 3 names throughout.
Another that I did like is completely original and I only know of a footballer that has the name (Rio). It was a name that I had never told anyone about but always sort of had my heart set on it because it's so different, is a Spanish name and I have Spanish in my family, and is also the name of or family's dear dog that passed away last year.
And then... Someone we know named her little boy Rio!!! I was gobsmacked and so annoyed! It was complete coincidence obviously, but I now feel I can't use the name!

stuckonnames · 08/03/2015 08:59

I don't think you are at all silly for worrying about this, but I do believe that you should definitely stick with the names you love. No one owns a name and you may always regret it if you don't use it. Remember your baby is probably going to have a completely separate life to the children of these friends and their paths may only cross a handful of times, plus your DC may not even know who these people are when they are older! (I do think its different when its a family member tho).

I think the best approach is not to say anything at all until they announce their baby's arrival and it has the same name. Just make sure you write straight back and congratulate them on their great taste as you have also chosen said name for your baby. Maybe if you see them earlier then also drop into conversation that you've already settled on your names so they know you've had them for a while.

I think if it does happen, sticking with the name shows that you are strong in character rather than being a copycat! After all its only due to timing that they got in first.

I hope this ramble makes sense, clearly I've dealt with this myself recently and I'm really glad we stuck with our chosen name for DD despite it being recently used by a best friend! (who was flattered and not at all surprised we had chosen the same name) Good luck!

Choccyhobnob · 08/03/2015 10:21

Thank you just found out yet another friend from that group is pregnant and due 3 weeks before me! Serious baby boom around here!

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CruCru · 10/03/2015 13:23

Hmm. I do see what you mean but I do think it would be unreasonable to announce your names so they can't pick them. That would be putting them in the position you dread - if they plan to also use Imogen (say) then it will be super awkward if they use it knowing you were planning to use it. Particularly if you end up using Joshua.

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