Sebastian...

[Mrsfullhouse]

Do you think we could use Sandy as a nickname for Sebastian?

I'm close to giving up on this poor baby's name, I just can't seem to settle on one I love. In fact I'm going crazy and I'm running out of time.

MIL hates everything except Roderick, they are super posh and have a lot of influence (financial and emotional blackmail) over my lovely but wet Dh.

Here are the few I've come up with... please help me fall in love eith a name so that I don't have to call my son Roderick...

Jonathan (Jonty)
Sebastian (Sandy)
Lysander (Sandy)
Jeremy (Jem)

Help!!!!

[marmitelover]

Roderick would get teased no end t school! I've always liked Jonty as a nickname for Jonathan (but it does sound a bit posh). I think Sandy works for Lysander but not Sebastian. I don't like Sebastian myself - but I think it would Seb rather than Sandy.

It's always hard but it is your baby - not your MIL so make sure you choose something you like. You could always wind her up and tell her you are keen on something you'll know she hates and then she'll just be grateful when you choose something less bad?!

We had a strict 'not for discussion' rule on names with our 2 so that nobody could dump their penniworth in.

[EyelinerQueen]

Well first of all the naming of your child has shite all to do with your MIL. Why are you pandering to her? And why does your DH have no balls?

That aside I think Roderick is absolutely bloody awful. So is Sandy. So is Jonty.

Lysander is a great name.

Sebastian is ok.

Jonathan and Jeremy are a bit dull.

[WhispersOfWickedness]

I love Sebastian! It was on my list but we have a long surname so it just ended up too much of a mouthful Not sure the nickname Sandy works with it though, he'd end up as Seb or Sebby at school (or Baz, like a boy in my school )
I really like Lysander as well and Sandy is a more obvious nickname Also a lot less popular. So my vote is for Lysander

[StoneFoxMama]

We have a Sebastian, he gets Bastian and Seb but Sandy would be pushing it.
I second the poster who said if you absolutely HAVE to discuss it with mil (you don't) drop in a 'beyond the pale' name. If she's anything like my rather u/c parents and pil they'll hate modern names so slip one in and watch her turn puce. It's none of her business.

Lysander is gorgeous and lends itself to Sandy but I recall from a previous thread your surname with Sandy sounded a bit comedy-are you still set on Sandy??

Jonty is fine and much improves a rather dull full name.

[StoneFoxMama]

Chant WELEASE WODEWICK when you are full term around your mil, see how much she likes it then!

[cakeymccakington]

Why don't you just call him sandy if that's what you like?

[Mrsfullhouse]

I've been singing to the baby, callung him Sandy, and it's just sort of stuck. And yes it soubds ridiculous with our surname, but so does everything except family names on Dh's side that already exist.

The truth of the matter is that I'm stuck vetween two worlds and two incredibly overbearing grandparents. Mil is a total bitch. Super posh, old money and bullies my Dh into getting what she wants- they lost a baby thirty years ago that they called Roderick and now want Ds2 bamed for him. Ds1 is named for her father. When I said (both times) that I didn't like the name, she broke down dramatically saying it was like losing baby/ her father all over again.... dear god.
The flip side, my father. Farmer done good as it were, not posh at all, but well off, and would be cruel about a 'posh' name. He's a total bully.

Jonathan and Jeremy are indeed very boring.
Lysander- a bit poncey
Sebastian- don't like any if the usual nicknames.

Nickname is important- especially with stupid surname.

So lost on this :(

[EyelinerQueen]

That sounds horrible for you Mrs .

Without wanting to sound too harsh, you need to remove your MIL from the equation. She had her children and named them. Her loss is tragic but she doesn't get to relive her lost son through your little boy. And her hysterics are just a way of trying to manipulate you.

If you love Sandy then I would go for Lysander. It is a wee bit poncey but it's also really cool and definitely not overused.

It's impossible for you to please everyone around you. So concentrate on pleasing yourself (and your DH) and everyone else will just have to like it or lump it!

for you!

[Mrsfullhouse]

I would love to remove Mil from the equation (on a permanent basis!) But she somehow gets her own way on everything... typical conversation goes like this...

Mil- so how's my baby Roddy doing?
Me- ha ha, we've not decided on a name yet.
Mil- (sniffs pointedly) well, if you're going to keep us in the dark, we may aswell not be having a grandchild.
Dh- Come on Mother, don't be like that.
Mil- Well, you've clearly decided to take HER side (nodding at me as if I were a dead rat)
Dh- We've been thinking about Jonathan...
Mil- (brightens)... how about Roderick?...

Me- (dreaming of slipping weed killer into her earl grey) silence

[callamia]

Oh god, naming your baby after the lost baby is terribly sad, but it's a pretty grim idea. I'm sad for your mother in law, that she must still be grieving so much for him - but projecting that onto your baby is a dreadful idea (I know you know this!)

I like Sebastian a lot, Bastian is lovely and One of my favourite people in the world is a Seb too. Sandy doesn't work as a nickname for it, but who cares - with your surname (are you with the C surname?), it could just be a play on names rather than needing to relate to a given name (does that make any sense?)

[Mrsfullhouse]

Oh also- when I say I don't like Roderick, I get accused of insulting her dead baby!!!!!

Aaaaaaaaaagh!!!

[Mrsfullhouse]

Ha ha Callamia, no, we're not Sandy Castle!
Our surname is House, which is almost as bad!

[cakeymccakington]

Eyeliner is right.

Have a talk with your dh. Decide on a name, and stick with it.

I would then just repeat to her that "we've chosen a name actually, but thank you"

[StoneFoxMama]

Could you go down the diplomatic road of 'dh and I have been discussing Roderick and feel that it has already been claimed and belongs to the memory of dear lost baby'
Though she sounds a little unstable so may not take notice of subtle diplomacy, you need to start responding with reasons why you don't want the name otherwise she'll keep suggesting it.

[callamia]

Oh, I wish you WERE Castle...
StoneFox has the right idea I think - you can't really argue with a statement like that, but it's kind.

[DebbieOfMaddox]

Sandy's normally a nn for Alexander, isn't it? Do you dislike Alexander as a full name?

Of the options in your OP, I'd go for Jonathan nn Jonty. Jonathan is pretty classless in and of itself.

[Biscuitsneeded]

Could you use Roderick as a middle name? Then, if Sandy is what you like best, you could call the baby Alexander Roderick (Alexander is good choice because CAN be posh but doesn't have to be!). You get the name you like, MIL is to some extent appeased, your father has nothing to tease.
Or you could do that thing of naming him Roderick Alexander but saying 'he'll be going by Alexander/Sandy' because Roderick belongs to you and you chose that name especially for him...

[snoggle]

Alexander is a lovely name.
How do you pronounce Lysander? I don't think I have ever met one!

[Mrsfullhouse]

I love Alexander, but unfortunately this is an ex-boyfriend of mine (Dh calls him soft cock, so haven't got round to broaching that suggestion yet...)

Lysander is Lie-Sander.

I haven't met one either, which I think is what's holding me back a little.
I also think I may be leaning towards it as I know it would make the Mil choke on her Fortnum and Mason quail eggs and it would jyst really annoy my father to the point of distraction.

[snoggle]

So the emphasis is on the San?
It's nice!

[saffronwblue]

all the names on your list are fine. Jonathon is cool and will fit across classes. Please don't call him Roderick - don't saddle him with your mil's unresolved grief. I don't mean to sound callous but your baby is not the right vehicle for this. I sense you may have many battles ahead re her world versus your world so I would put down a marker now.

Could Andrew be nicknamed Sandy? Or go European and go for Sandro!

[Mrsfullhouse]

Andrew too is out. My god awful brother who lost all of his money to a mail order russian bride... not a fan!

[Blueberrybaby]

Agree with everyone else who says put your foot down now. Use Roderick as a middle name if you must. A friend of a friend changed the name of their baby because MIL threw a tantrum and said she wouldn't see her grandchild if they named the child the couples chosen name. So they changed it to a MIL approved name and I can't help thinking that now they have capitulated MIL will now think she is in charge. Don't do it.
FWIW I really like Sebastian but Sandy doesn't work as a nn for it. If you really like Sandy then I think Lysander has to be it. Or Alexander if you can convince DH.

[PatriciaHolm]

Maximilian (Max)?
Tobias (Toby)?

[cakeymccakington]

i really like the name Lysander. if you and dh both like it then do it!

i like the idea of telling MIL that Roderick belongs to HER baby.