Is this name 'taken'?!

[AmelieRose]

I'm currently pregnant with DC1, a girl, due in ten weeks. DH and I have a shortlist of names that we like, but are waiting til the baby is born before naming her. There are a couple of frontrunners though.

Was discussing our list with my mum last week and she said about one name (one of our favourites) 'Oh, that's the name of your cousin's little girl. Lovely name.' I had forgotten this because I never see this cousin (the last time was about twenty years ago!) and have never met his wife, or this child. I am in touch with my aunt and uncle and see them about twice a year - they all live about 300 miles away.

Anyway, my mum told me yesterday that my cousin's wife is up in arms because we are considering calling our baby the same name as her little girl. I think this is ridiculous, as does my DH, mum and aunt. Also apparently the cousin's name is 'Name-Mae' rather than just the name itself. What do you think? These children will probably never meet each other for god's sake!

[soontobeslendergirl]

Being a stubborn begger, it would probably encourage me to use it more! :o

However, it personally wouldn't bother me too much unless it was quite a rare name.

I have 6 siblings and 3 of their names were subsequently used by my Mums siblings for their children and 2 were used by my Dads brother for his children.

So that was direct cousins never mind children of cousins - we just all go on with it :)

[soontobeslendergirl]

I'd keep it on your list and use or not use it depending on your thoughts on the day and ignore the other issue completely.

[AmelieRose]

I agree soontobeslendergirl - if anything it makes me more likely to use it!

It's not especially unusual - a bit more unusual here in Scotland, although I know a couple of little girls with the name here. Where they live it's very common - she probably goes to nursery with loads of 'em!

[soontobeslendergirl]

well, I'm Scottish too, that'll explain the joint stubborn streak!

[IamInvisible]

My cousin named her DS2 the same name as my DS2. It didn't bother me at all. The only person it confused was my gran. She had to write "Big X" and "little X" on Christmas presents!

[Andcake]

You're major mistake here is discussing names with anyone other than DP. You should have just announced the name after birth. I don't think you can use it now. But of you had just announced it when baby was here you could have. Sorry

[treaclesoda]

My son has the same name as my cousin's son. He is twenty years older than my son and I have never met him and am frankly unlikely to.

It never even occurred to me that my cousin could possibly be offended by it (and she wasn't, as far as I am aware). I think it more likely that she was hugely complimented by the fact that I thought the name was nice enough to want to use it myself.

Your cousin sounds rather easily offended, and as such I think you should just use the name if you like it. She'd probably find something else to be offended about anyway.

It would be different if your cousin lived next door and your kids were a similar age etc, but clearly that's not the case here. No one owns a name.

[soontobeslendergirl]

Maybe it's just because I come from a big extended family, but I don't even have any idea what a lot of my cousins kids are called. Met up with an aunt at a funeral and found out her daughter has 2 kids, her boy has the same name as my eldest and her girl is called our girls choice name that we never got a chance to use. We just thought it was a nice coincidence - I'm sure they will never meet each other either.

[AmelieRose]

Ha ha Iaminvisible! These two won't share any living grandparents otherwise I could imagine chaos!

Unfortunately we're an oversharing family Andcake, wouldn't get away with keeping our list of names secret even if I wanted to

[DramaAlpaca]

Of course you can use it!

It would be different if you saw your cousin regularly but you don't, and also her child's name is hyphenated with Mae, making it different enough.

If you love the name, don't let your cousin's strop put you off it.

[Minty82]

You haven't seen them for 20 years?! Of course you can use it!

[Beccadugs]

Go for it!

My cousin named her son the same as my brother. They see each other all the time. No problems!

The wife'll get over it.

[AlpacaYourThings]

Oh honestly, use the name!

Unless it is a made up name she wasn't the first person to use it. She has no 'claim' over it.

[AmelieRose]

I am glad that you have all confirmed my thoughts: she is clearly mental!

I had no plans to not use it by the way, just wanted the vindication of mumsnet that I am right!

[missingwordsround]

Where distant cousins you never see are concerned, I wouldn't even think twice - of course you can use it. (Naming your child does not give you exclusive rights over that name.)

Cousin's wife sounds a tad unhinged TBH

[TondelayoSchwarzkopf]

I have 32 first cousins, and they all have another 50 odd children (and a couple of grandchildren) between them - I'd be buggered if I had to find out what they are all called. I would discount the 5 or so that I am still I touch with but, like you, I haven't seen most in 20-30 years.

If you like the name stick with it.

[bouquetofpencils]

This cousin's wife is being very silly.

If you saw them often, as I do with my cousins, you probably would already be aware of their child's name and therefore maybe never seriously considered it.

But you don't, and you won't, so it neither here not there. So it's nothing to do with her what you call your child.

If you do meet at some family do, just compliment her in her great taste in names.

[SpocksThirdEar]

If you never see her then I don't see the problem, it's not like they're going to get confused.

And even if you did see them it's not that bad. DH's brother has the same name as his cousin and I don't think any of them were ever bothered despite being a close family.

[lottiegarbanzo]

They are fools.

What was your mum doing telling them though? I'd be cross about that.

[HootOnTheBeach]

That's ridiculous. Use the name. What's she going to do? Turn up and you after 20 years apart?

[Boygirl5]

If you want to use it then use it! If they want to rant and rave about it, leave them to it! You just enjoy your baby with whatever name you choose x

[changeforthebetter]

Cousin's wife needs to get a grip. Seriously, does the woman have nothing more pressing to worry about?

Good luck with your pregnancy.

[atthestrokeoftwelve]

I agree with andcake.

Never discuss names with anyone except your OH. It will lead to situations like this or give people the opportunity to tell you they don't like a particular name which you may love but will sow seeds of doubt in your mind.

People will be outspoken about names before the baby is born- and you will never please everyone- but most are too polite to criticise after the baby is born and named.

Keep the name choices to yourselves. Once baby is born then announce.

[AmelieRose]

Thanks for all the responses. We all share the same conclusion that my cousin's wife is off her head .

As far as sharing names, it doesn't bother me at all what others think of our list. I'm happy to share our list with family and friends - it won't influence what we call her. In fact, my mum doesn't really like any of our names, or at least she has some that she dislikes less than the others!