Oh pants

(33 Posts)
anotherbitofcake Tue 24-Sep-13 18:10:07

My friend has just chosen the name we were going with. Had a cry - bloody hormones - and now had a word with myself to not be so silly :-( anyone else had this? Trouble is not really sure of any other names....

BishBashBoshBoo Tue 24-Sep-13 18:44:49

I would just stick with it. Just politely say to your friend that's what you were planning (NB Do not ask) and that you're going to stick with it.

Dh told me we couldn't call dd our favourite name as his close pal's dd was called that. dd is now 6. we've seen his pal twice in that time.
Whilst I love dd's name now it still hurts a bit that we didn't use our favourite name.

No-one owns a name. Just use it.

elcranko Tue 24-Sep-13 19:11:41

Tell your friend that that was the name you were planning on using and that unless you can think of one that you love as much to use instead, then you intend to still use it.

looki Tue 24-Sep-13 20:00:29

How close is your friend? Do you see each other all the time etc? Will the babies be weeks or months apart?

Its easier said than done to use the same name as someone you are friendly with.

My colleague was pregnant at the same time as me and one of my big fears was that she would use my girls name. Throughout the pregnancy I made a point of not talking about names etc and kept hoping my baby would be born first as it would have been hard to go back to work feeling I had 'copied' her name. Sounds irrational in hindsight but I am pregnant again and the same fears are occurring (this time with the wives of two of DHs childhood friends). I want my baby to have her 'own' name among our circles if that makes sense?

anotherbitofcake Tue 24-Sep-13 20:02:56

Really? I think I'd feel like people were thinking I was copying them. Urgh so pathetic. Will sleep on it. There are more important things to worry about that's for sure. Still feeling pathetically sorry for myself though ha ha thanks x

anotherbitofcake Tue 24-Sep-13 20:03:38

We are close and see each other a lot

StrawberryMojito Tue 24-Sep-13 20:04:19

I would use the name anyway unless the girls were going to grow up close and attend the same school etc.

anotherbitofcake Tue 24-Sep-13 20:05:26

Watching bake off and drinking tea pretending its wine :-)

SuffolkLatch Tue 24-Sep-13 20:07:03

My BIL did this (and knew he had), I was so upset and cried. We chose another name and it took me a while to grow to love it, but now I much prefer it to our original choice. DN's name has surged in popularity to ubiquitous and I'm so glad we didn't end up using it.

You'll find another name to love.

MortifiedAdams Tue 24-Sep-13 20:08:24

Just say "wow, you have excellent taste! This one is going to be a George too" (nb I just picked George at random)

Use it. She might move to Australia next year never to be seen again and you'd be gutted. Unless of course you're already in Australia... smile

CruCru Tue 24-Sep-13 20:29:03

I am 38 weeks and have a friend who is about 40 weeks (also with a girl). I am now quite paranoid that she is going to use one of the two names we have picked (no especial reason why she would).

I sort of agree that you shouldn't feel as though you can't use the name...but in the same position I wouldn't (particularly if you see them a lot).

squoosh Tue 24-Sep-13 21:28:24

I probably wouldn't use it now myself.

meisiemee Tue 24-Sep-13 21:32:57

My cousin and I both have sons with the same name... I spoken to them, kind of telling them that I 'was' choosing that name and hope they didn't mind. Chose the name want its for life smile x

Crabbiesnlime Tue 24-Sep-13 21:38:18

My parents did this - I was born shortly after their friends dc. We loved having the same name growing up smile

Smartiepants79 England Tue 24-Sep-13 21:41:44

My mum and her best friend both had little girls and both chose the same name. They both loved it so why not?
I really don't get the issue myself.
Just use it if you love it.
I think it's quite a nice bond to be honest.

Playboxpony Wed 25-Sep-13 08:32:15

I really feel for you - this has happened to me twice - where friends have used names that we have mentioned we liked :-( it's awful, and I did feel silly that I felt I had some "ownership" of the names (which of course I don't). So.... using the same logic, your friend doesn't have ownership of the name either so if you feel really strongly about it, just use it! Good luck

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Wed 25-Sep-13 09:44:41

Oh dear what a shame it must be infuriating.

Did the two of you discuss names or were you keeping it under wraps? If you love it use it. Anyone ever comments you just say you've planned on using it since forever.

TalkativeJim Wed 25-Sep-13 12:54:15

I can see both arguments, and I think that it depends just how popular or well-known the name is.

If it's madly rare and the fact that she's used it is the weirdest thing ever then yes I'd let it go as it would look as if you'd copied.

If however it's Amelia, Isabella, Ava, Ellie etc.... I would go for it.

TalkativeJim Wed 25-Sep-13 13:06:26

...incidentally, the fact that she's used it may mean that the name is more popular than you think - maybe on the way up. So this could be a bit of a blessing in disguise depending on how you feel about that!

...a friend had a similar situation about six years ago. She was gutted as she couldn't believe that her friend had happened upon the lovely, unusual yet classic name she'd chosen. The name was Ruby. Now she's so relieved that she was forced to go with something else, as she particularly didn't want a too popular name.

Tell us the name - we could a. assess popularity and b. come up with some alternatives for you!

squoosh Wed 25-Sep-13 13:08:43

Yes, if the name is Jack or Olivia you're fine. If the name is Lars or Persephone it might be a bit weird.

rachel234 Wed 25-Sep-13 14:02:28

Imo the main purpose of a name is to identify a person. I would therefore give your child his/her own name - will make life much easier.

There are thousands of lovely classic names to choose from - have a look at the list of ALL names given last year on the ONS website. There must be another name you love that is more likely to identify your child (than the same name as your close friend's child).

anotherbitofcake Wed 25-Sep-13 14:38:57

It's Alfred or Freddie for short so it's popular but not really top ten. I think she may use Alfie though which may help though I'm not sure yet. I think I'm just being irrational about it all. It's a tough one. Thanks ladies for words of advice. X

UriGeller Wed 25-Sep-13 14:46:25

Our dd has the same name as my fathers ex. My ex step mum! The woman he left my own mum for. Imagine how many noses would've been put out of joint if I had that sort of family grin ?!

It's a beautiful name, so we chose it.

TeaCuresEverything Wed 25-Sep-13 15:23:08

Call your ds Frederick nn Freddie? Then you still get your name x

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