Did you/would you go for a 'safe' name so as not to upset ...

(143 Posts)
wonderingifiam2013 Fri 06-Sep-13 13:40:16

Parents and in-laws?

I know people have strong views on revealing/not revealing names before baby arrives but both DH and I do not want to share our names before baby arrives. We don't know the sex and want to introduce baby to everyone by his/her name.

With baby #1 we were bombarded EVERY time we saw family members with name suggestions and questions even though they knew we wouldn't reveal the names we had chosen.

This time it's only just started (well past half way rather than just conceived last time! grin) and isn't half as bad as last time ... yet!

But ... my inlaws were introduced to a baby the other week who had a name we secretly loved, although not top of our list, and totally slagged it off and asked why on earth you'd call a baby that?

Now the name we like for a girl is quite 'safe' although not overly popular ... whereas the boys name we both like will be greeted with shock/horror ... which both of us giggle at as it makes us want to use it even more so!

Therefore - are we being stubborn in wanting to use a name we know the family won't like and should we go for a safer more traditional name?

SHarri13 Sat 07-Sep-13 10:29:21

I put safe names in the 'booooooring' box. My husband and I both had slightly different names and loved it, it was nice not having 5 others of the same name in our classes at school.

Aurora was my favourite Disney princess smile

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 07-Sep-13 12:11:24

I am horrified at the rudeness of people who criticise the names people choose for their children! I really don't understand what gives them the right to impose their taste on you as if they are the arbiter of taste in baby names...

Dh and I will not tell people our name choice until DC arrives. Anyone who doesn't like the name can go swivel grin

justmuddlingthroughit Sat 07-Sep-13 12:14:29

Btw, I love Aurora. Just beautiful, but not overly girly. I won't be able to use it for my dd though, due to an 'r' related speech impediment!

And Cassius is cool. Strong and classic.

pyrrah Sat 07-Sep-13 13:02:36

We told people our name choices at the same time that we said we were pregnant.

DD has a fairly 'safe' first name and two unusual but not way out second names (both greek goddesses).

If we had had a DS then we had very traditional family names for first and middles.

We told people early for several reasons -

a) they could get over any dislike long before the baby arrived and

b) a lot of my family were pregnant at the same time, and while I don't agree with 'booking' a name - we were quite happy if someone else used any of ours - we didn't want to be thought to have 'stolen' someone else's choice should they choose the same.

In the event, only grandmothers expressed issues about the choices... one said she didn't understand why all her grandchildren chose names that in her day belonged to housemaids (there's a Polly, a Tilly and a Daisy and she was in her 90's).

The other thought we planned to use the first and second in combination - eg Lily-Grace - and said she felt sorry for our child. When she realised that only the first would be used she decided she liked them.

We had Edward picked out for a boy, but not liking Ted, Teddy, Ed, Eddie etc were planning to use Bear as a diminutive and got a few raised eyebrows over that. I know 5 'Bears' of varying ages - and there is always Bear Grylls - so I didn't see why it was considered so weird.

Aurora is a beautiful name - 4 year-old DD says she wishes she had been called Aurora!

Betty3boys Sat 07-Sep-13 13:54:58

Definitely go for the names you love. I reluctantly agreed on a 'safe' choice for our eldest when he was 10 days old and to this day (he's almost 8) i hate to admit but I wish we'd used his middle name, although I can't imagine him being called anything else now! I then firmly chose and stuck to our other two and love both their names, despite sometimes getting mixed reactions!
My sister's niece (on her hubby's side) is called Aurora. She is 9 and is a lovely, confident very pretty little girl. It's a lovely name! And Cassius was on our short list for our thirds middle name - great name too smile
Good luck with everyone choosing their names, it can be very difficult! smile

Theonlyoneiknow Sat 07-Sep-13 13:59:10

Apparently DS has a " naughty boys name " WTF?!! And that comes from friends, not family.

MortifiedAdams Sat 07-Sep-13 14:06:39

Is it Ryan TheOnly? Seems to be considered a naughty boys name round our parts.

Shapechanger Sat 07-Sep-13 14:22:56

Aurora is a lovely name, it won't date and it can travel anywhere, career-wise. This is important IMO.

I know girls named Heliotrope, Apricot and Flame - all girls. shock

Personally I detest sentimental names that make children sound like toys - I also know a Dolly and a Tinkerbell and a Blossom. Sadly Tinkerbell is a bit of a lump which makes it even more inappropriate. I think even Daisy, Maisy, Milly and Poppy lack enough gravitas - sorry if they are anyone's choices.

Better hope none of these girls want to be a barrister, an acccountant, a doctor or a pilot, or really any job that requires being taken seriously in what is still, unfortunately, a man's world.

Shapechanger Sat 07-Sep-13 14:24:42

Don't really understand the fashion for Victorian names either - Maud, Ada, Agnes, Agatha (know all these). These are just ugly.

We horrified our respective families with our baby name choices. They're unusual and very old fashioned. And ugly, according to everybody in our families.

I got my Dad to calm down about them by telling him that a) Mil hated dd1's name and b) is is the name of the beloved of his favourite Renaissance poet. DD2 has a virtue name and I was able to point him at a very beautiful (now elderly) famous actress & an aristo model with the same name, indicating a glamorous & beautiful context. Don't remember how DH pitched them to his family, except that we were asked why we couldn't use pretty names like Tiffany and Mackenzie. grin

Middle names were our mothers, so that was easy.

I love the name Agnes, btw. It's not ugly at all, and means lamb. Ada is short for Adelaide, which is also lovely.

Champagnebubble Sat 07-Sep-13 15:46:14

Stick to your choices and don't tell anyone until your DC is born. That is my own mum's advice to me and I intend on following it!!!! I know my parents will have different taste, they are a different generation smile

Ham69 Sat 07-Sep-13 16:23:06

It's very unlikely that you'll share the same taste in names as parents/ in-laws. Names go in cycles and what appeals to us is unlikely to appeal to the last generation or one before that.
Just pick what you like, they've had their turn!

johnworf Sat 07-Sep-13 21:03:16

Four DC (and one DSS) and only one of them has appeared in the top 10...nay, the top 100.

Thomas (Tom) is now in his mid twenties and I think it's been popular pretty much in the top 10 for most of those years. It's a lovely classic name but also contemporary also.

As for the others they have what a lot of people would view as boring (i.e. non fashionable) Not that I'm worried smile

johnworf Sat 07-Sep-13 21:03:55

Too many 'also' blush

pointythings Sat 07-Sep-13 22:14:54

weegiemum that is scary! Mine are Katherine (12) and Rachel (10).

They both have middle names which belong to various grandparents, aunts etc., but their first names are new to the family. I just wanted something everyone could spell and pronounce and which would not indicate to anyone how old they are so they can lie about their age if they want to. grin

bigbuttons Sat 07-Sep-13 22:16:23

My eldest 5 have pretty safe names. My 6th does not. You either love it or hate it. Bit of a controversial name in a very middle class family and schoolwink

pointythings Sat 07-Sep-13 22:17:38

My oldest goes by Kate these days. And I love 'Rory' as a shortening of Aurora. Just fabulous.

mikkii Sat 07-Sep-13 22:18:46

To complicate matters when choosing names, DH is half Spanish/half Italian and we wanted names that work in all 3 languages.

DS got Italian names, Alessandro Valentino, but we use Valentino as his given name. We figured if he hated his names he could use Alex.

DD1 is Gabriela Faith (Sanish spelling, not a typo) Faith is one of my middle names.

Our surname is unusual, even where it comes from and very foreign. When choosing names for DD2 DM suggested Sarah which is my other middle name. Now whilst I don't dislike it, it s bland and boring. It also doesn't go with our surname.

Also, how did DM think "Sarah" would feel when her siblings are Valentino and Gabriela? That we couldn't be bothered to think of a decent name for her?

DD2 is Luisa Amelia.

I also know DM does not like DC names, but she wouldn't dare to tell me that.

It is a tradition where DH is from that first son is given DH name, first girl mum's ame. No way was I saddling my PFB with DH's name!

We chose safe because we like safe. Our surname is too common for an unusual name to sound anything but wanky anyway.

DancingLady Sat 07-Sep-13 22:37:04

DD has a very unusual name (Eastern European) and the only comments I've had are 'that's a really pretty name'. I told my DM beforehand but not DMIL, as I didn't think she'd like it... (DH family are English and pretty conservative). It's a family name and was really the only one I wanted. Middle name is Romy, which me and DH love.

Surely your child will transcend whatever name you give them, and own that name?

LOVE Aurora (I know a lovely 5-year-old Aurora) and ditto Cassius. If you happen to love a 'safe' name like Tom or Emma, use it, but it'd be quite sad to choose a 'safe' name because you don't want your DC to stand out or be bullied. Bullies will find any reason to pick on a child, whatever their name is.

PoshCat Sun 08-Sep-13 00:27:09

DP made me play it safe. My eldest DD has a name I would never ever have chosen myself. It's an ok, "safe" name but it would never have figured on any of my baby name lists.
DD2 has a name I chose. Safe again but it was my decision. He doesn't like it. :-(

youarewinning Sun 08-Sep-13 08:09:34

Firstly congratulations grin

YANBU to choose a name you love.

My DS has a 'safe' name. Name was discussed early on when we found out he was a boy at 20 weeks. We found out due to complications and wanted an identity for him of it did go wrong iyswim? Name also needed to be something OK in Spanish and English (pronounciation wise)

He's a Tomas but we had Sofia for a girl.

I've since fallen in love with Pheobe for a girl!

invicta Sun 08-Sep-13 08:28:02

Love Aurora ( pretty and feminine) and Cassius ( strong name)

Go with names you love. My niece has an unusual Welsh name, or at least it's unusual when she visits us in England, but most Welsh know it. I have a foreign middle name which I love.

I went for safe names ( 2xboys). I love the names I chose, but part of me wishes I chose more unusual names - not weird but names such as Cassius which are unusual, but easy to spell and pronounce. My grandad and great grandad both have the same unusual middle name and I also wish I 'd kept that tradition going. It didn't occur to me at the time. I did give them, what I thought were more unusual middle names, but dc1 s name then became popular as a first name.

I also considered Leo and Dylan as names - both unusual but not difficult to spell or pronounce. However, tony Blair and Catherine Zeta Jones names their children with these names, so I avoided them in case they became popular, or people thought we were given them celeb names. I don't know any 13 year children by these names!

3boysgirlontheway Sun 08-Sep-13 13:31:12

My first has a very safe name, my next two have biblical names that are well known but, not top 100. DD's name is unusual where we come from, when we announced her most people hadn't heard of her name in years. It's popular in the UK (top 50)

I loved Aurora but, it makes me think of the movie theatre shooting now and I can't get that association out of my head.

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