Calling baby the same as a friend's baby. Don't know how to handle.

(44 Posts)
Uhoh2007 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:30:10

It's an old friend from college days. We meet up in a group of housemates perhaps twice a year? We all lived together for three years so were very close. We would always invite each other to big events (weddings etc) but we're not in each other's everyday lives as in she lives in a totally diff part of the country and I'd maybe text her once every 6 months or so.

Last week she had a baby Emma - i'm due shortly. I appreciate this isn't exactly the most original, but it's not really list topping at mo. Anyway, we have had the name chosen since finding out we're having a girl - but have only told a few friends. We already have a DD and I just know I'd have been quite upset (irrationally?) if the other person had gone ahead with the name with it being our PFB.

Rightly or wrongly we're going ahead with it as we've always called the baby Emma, have sorted her room with name on wall etc etc

I just don't know how to do the right thing here in terms of telling her? She's so, so lovely and I want to handle this right. Please help me!

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Sat 23-Mar-13 21:33:53

Have you spoken? Could you not say something like 'can't believe you've picked the name Emma too!! Haven't we both got good taste in names?'

I wouldn't be worried if a friend used the same name as me, quite flattering really. It's not an unusual name.

Uhoh2007 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:38:13

I text her last week but it was in reply to the birth announcement text and it's the very last thing I'd presume you'd want to hear post birth! Or be bothered with!

Was waiting for maybe dust to settle? Oh God feel so uncomfortable about it.

RubyrooUK Sat 23-Mar-13 21:38:51

Why don't you write her a card/email saying congratulations. And then put something like this:

"Congratulations on the birth of Emma! It's such wonderful news and I hope that you're feeling well and enjoying those lovely newborn days. Hopefully you're not too tired.

You have also chosen baby Emma a beautiful name. Actually, she will shortly have a namesake round our neck of the woods as that's the name we've already chosen for our upcoming [DD2]. I hope the two Emmas will share lots of exciting adventures in future - what a lovely extra link between us.

Congratulations again. Can't wait to meet baby Emma (and soon introduce you to ours when she is born). All our love, X'

Coconutty Sat 23-Mar-13 21:40:00

Wait til you feel comfortable and then say how amazing it is you are still on the same wavelength as your bump is Emma too.

You could always text a picture of the wall.. ie proof that you're not copying, it is genuinely a coincidence?

NaturalBlondeYeahRight Sat 23-Mar-13 21:42:15

I didn't use the name I wanted as I had a cousin with the same name. Used it as a middle name instead. I still regret it (a bit) and now we only see them every couple of years.
The awkwardness will only last 5 minutes. It's not like you live around the corner.
Could you make up some sentimental reason why you HAVE to use it? grin

Uhoh2007 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:42:38

Rubyroo - that's a very thoughtful and lovely way of putting it. Can you be my friend please?!

Thank you coco and natural too.

Do you think our grandmothers worried about this when every other baby was called John? grin

Send the congrats card and say 'Fab name!'

And then forget about it. I'm sure if she's as nice a friend as you say she'll not give it a thought. Unless you've started dressing like her...

Honestly, it the grand scheme of things, it matters not.

mum47 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:48:48

Just be honest about it - pick your moment yes, but just say it like it is in your post, in the nicest way and having regard to pregnancy hormones smile. You have always called your bump Emma and you still want to use the name.

There is no point in complicating things, that's when they start to backfire. What Rubroo suggests is nice but I would be saying it to her face to face and not in a card, so there is no room for misunderstanding. If she is a true friend, she will be fine.

Congrats on your impending Emma btw!

Uhoh2007 Sat 23-Mar-13 21:49:42

That's the thing Natural - that's just her name! And we couldn't think of calling the baby anything different. We'd so regret changing it now. However I can remember just how proud I was when announcing DD1s name and think I would have been a bit upset if the situation was reversed. But I'm not sure. Perhaps more so if it was a best friend from home?

I know Itchy. However after having my PFB I didn't think this way. I'm (thankfully) a bit older and wiser and knackered

StoicButStressed Sun 24-Mar-13 01:40:59

OP - for what it's worth....

When preggers with one of my DS's, he was DEF going to be a 'Seb'. About 2 weeks before he was born, one of the couples from da NCT group had a boy and named him.... yes, Seb. So (other than now using Seb as his 'name' on say, MN, instead of his real name), he did NOT become Seb as he HAD been up until that point.

And whilst I - and more importantly HEsmile - love his name, it does still rankle a bit if reminded of fact that HAD a name for him; dumped it for ALL the wrong reasons; and that COULD - and probably SHOULD - have just used the bloody name we had for him!

On that note, may I wish you huge congratulations on the imminent arrival of your gorg DD EMMA smile

MadamGazelleIsMyMum Sun 24-Mar-13 09:26:54

OP, tough one, and I know why you are worrying about it as I would too. However, Rubyroo has it perfectly. Do that, and enjoy your DD.

mayanna123 Sun 24-Mar-13 10:13:07

I'd choose another name. There are thousands of names out there and wouldn't it be great for both girls to have their own identifiable names? Is there really no other name you love?

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sun 24-Mar-13 10:34:14

I did actually copy someone elses name in school - we are not close and our dcs are 8 years apart byt it is an unusual name which we blatantly copied. I did approach the mum before and she brushed it off with a laugh. we went ahead anyway. I love the name and we rarely come in to contact wiyh the other child / mother. but when we do, it is a little bit cringey to be honest. However, no regrets. I would imagine you will feel the same. She will always think you copied whatever. Do you like Emily?

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sun 24-Mar-13 10:35:46

I did actually copy someone elses name in school - we are not close and our dcs are 8 years apart byt it is an unusual name which we blatantly copied. I did approach the mum before and she brushed it off with a laugh. we went ahead anyway. I love the name and we rarely come in to contact wiyh the other child / mother. but when we do, it is a little bit cringey to be honest. However, no regrets. I would imagine you will feel the same. She will always think you copied whatever. Do you like Emily?

LeChatRouge Sun 24-Mar-13 10:43:06

My friend had a baby two weeks after me and chose the same name. Quite an unusual one, they were the only two in their year with it.

I was not in the slightest bit bothered, I just said to her 'Don't we have excellent taste!'. Just use it, don't feel anything but happy.

Uhoh2007 Sun 24-Mar-13 11:22:24

Mayanna and Ohhelpo - we just can't use another. Emma is just the name and has been since we found out it was a girl. We've been very excited about it and i know i'd so regret changing it. Totally understand what you're saying but it's just not getting changed. If it had have been best mate round the corner then perhaps we would choose another? Daily contact with another Emma of the same age might have been oddish. But although a good friend we're just not involved day to day or even week to week (or month to month really).

I just need to know the best way of dealing with it. I'm going to take Ruby's suggestion and send a lovely card and present - and a nice note about the names being the same.

Perhaps the sonographer has got it wrong an a boy pops out!!! I'm thinking that would be the ideal situation now smile.

Ohhelpohnoitsa Sun 24-Mar-13 11:51:45

poor you. just get it over with. the sooner the better. tell her in the same way you have explained it to us.

Yfronts Sun 24-Mar-13 23:08:56

Just email her if you prefer. Congratulate her on her baby and mention that great minds think alike and she must take this as a compliment. You decided on Emma too x many months ago and can you believe you already have a name plack on her wall ready!

MidnightMasquerader Sun 24-Mar-13 23:47:24

Anybody who chooses a popular name has to be realistic about the fact that other people, even in their own circle, may choose the name.

If it was a more unusual name, then it'd be more of an issue, but not with Emma. smile

ravenAK Mon 25-Mar-13 00:00:09

Equally, from the other side of this, when dd2 was born an old friend of mine, pregnant at the time, texted congratulations with a jokey 'You bugger, you've nicked our name!'.

I definitely hadn't - hadn't seen this particular mate for a year & we had never discussed baby names.

She subsequently named her dd something different, & I've always hoped she didn't ditch her first choice because of us; it really wouldn't have mattered if our dds had shared a name & I'd hate to think we spoiled it for her. In fact, another friend liked the name so much she shamelessly copied it for her dd a year later. That's fine too.

If your friend is a good mate she won't mind at all, surely. Rubyroo's text is a good one.

Astley Mon 25-Mar-13 13:27:20

Please don't liaten to the advice to fill her congratulations card with a load of stuff about what you will call your DD shock

That is just ridiculous. Use the name, but come on, on her congratulations card?!

Uhoh2007 Mon 25-Mar-13 13:39:54

What do you reckon Astley? I know what you mean - she's just had her first baby!!!! It's not about me - but equally do I just spring it on them when we announce?

Astley Mon 25-Mar-13 13:46:08

Just mention in casually over the next few weeks. Don't make a big song and dance when she has just had a baby about what you will call yours!

I wouldn't mind someone using the name, but I would mind getting a card that had a massive section of, frankly BS, about 'the special bond' our children would have now you were going to use the same name. Let her have her time in the sun.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now