Changing name(24 Posts)
This probably sounds a bit confusing (that's because it is!) but I want advice. Our DD was going to be called a particular, very elegant name that DH and I had both agreed on. But, on the second day of her life, I decided she looked like another (very cutesy) name. DH loved it too. We announced the cutesy one. A week or so in, I started worrying that the cutesy name wasn't strong enough to carry her through her life. So DH agreed to put the original name we'd come up with on the birth cert - for when she was older - but as the cutesy name had sort of stuck, we carried on calling her it. However, blame hormones or sleep deprivation but I now want to call her the longer, elegant name because I think it's more fitting and, if I'm honest, the nicknamey name is just that - nicknamey. But she's nearly six months old now. Will people think we're utterly crazy if we start calling her by the long version? Some people know it's on the birth cert. Others only know her by her nickname. As I said, a tangled web! The whole thing is stressing me out. Often, I'll be cuddling DD or playing with her but instead of enjoying my time with her, I'll be obsessing about her name. I blame myself for the whole tangled web and worry about what people will think. DH isn't too concerned - he just wants me to stop fretting.
Tough one sparkle. Most parents rethink the names of their children over the course of the first few years as names have connotations that change or something.
It sounds to me like your dh is so laid back he let you make all the decisions which puts more pressure on you tbh. He's just going with the flow.
I'm intrigued as to what the names are.
I'd ask your family and friends what they think. But give her a few years and she may well decide for you!
Thanks for taking the time to reply. I probably shouldn't disclose the names or it could out me! I could private message you.
The thing I am worrying about is that the cutesy name could lead to teasing as it's quite unusual. We both loved the longer, elegant name. It was just that it didn't seem to fit a tiny baby. I blame the gas and air and very long labour for befuddling me! And my other half is fairly relaxed although I think that this is upsetting him as it's taking the shine off what should be a very happy time.
I just worry that we have not done her justice in choosing the right name for her. I've told trusted family and my best friend, who all said they were happy to call her whatever we like. It's more DH's family (who initially expressed dislike over the cutesy name but have now embraced it and probably couldn't handle any more confusion) and other friends who I worry about.
If you've got the name you'd prefer to call her on her BC, why not gradually drop it in subtly! I calmly children nn's sometimes, and other times their actual name. If you've really set on her BC name, call her it every now and again and if anyone says anything, explain that it is on her BC and you think it suits her! Eventually, people will get used to it! Don't worry though, she's your baby, you should be allowed to call her what you want!
I think you are over thinking it. If a friend told me they'd changed their baby's name because the first one didn't feel right, I'd just accept it. I might roll my eyes and laugh, for about a nano second, but it isn't that unusual.
Go for it - change her name now if that is what you want
I'd go with your preference and change it while she's too young to get confused, people will understand why and as you said her other name is her 'real' name anyway as it's on her birth certificate.
If the one you use now is 'cutesy' she'll than you for changing it when she's older.
If the names are at all similar, then it should be quite an easy process to just gradually introduce one over the other, I guess.
If they're completely different, then just take more time over it.
Is the cutesy name a short version of the longer name? By the way I know a few people that have different names on their birth certificates than what their parents call them. My guess is that the parents did exactly what you did so I think this is much more common than you realise.
I think you are worrying about all this a little too much and I don't think it will be too difficult to put right if that's what you want. I would just tell people that the original name on the birth cert is x and you decided at the time to call her y instead but having heard it so many times you regret calling her y and are going back to x. People might think about it for a while, but I really don't think it will be an issue in the future. Once you get the ball rolling any fuss that it causes will die down. You never know you may actually get some people saying that x is much better and they are glad she's not going to be called y.
I wouldn't worry about teasing, at least until she's at school (but even then there are lots of weird and wonderful names at most schools!)
As others have said, its not unusual for children to have a NN but once she's at school the teachers & other children will use the name on her BC if that's what you tell them to use, so as long as you're dropping it into conversation occasionally DD won't be confused and will know that's her 'real' name.
My parents both called me different versions of my long formal name (think along the lines of Elizabeth/Liz/Lizzy/Beth) while everyone at school called me the long version and I was never confused! I now call myself a different version altogether - its nice to have choices!
Others who know DD by her NN now will realise that as she grows up the more formal name is more suitable for that setting, you can all still call her NN at home.
Just change it - start calling her the name, and then explain it is actually her real name! The ILs may still call her the cutesy name - it won't matter that much if they do. I have a niece called Elizabeth - her mum calls her that, the ILs call her Libby - which was how she was originally introduced - and her dad calls her Betsy. She manages.
Thanks for all the help! Feel a bit better now. I think I probably am over thinking it. I don't live anywhere near my family and although I love being a new mum I sometimes feel a bit isolated and lose confidence. I think the name worry is part of that - am just terrified of getting things wrong. It sounds like it's a common occurrence!
Meant to add that the cutesy name is a very old fashioned diminutive of the long name but not much used any more. So people already thought the names were a strange mix and we kept having to explain it all - think Margaret nn Daisy (that isn't my DD's name though). But I know I should probably stop caring what others think!!
It's true what panic said up the thread actually. People will (should) just accept it. You are the Mother and that's that. It's very early days and I promise you, this is quite common.
If your dh's family raise eyebrows for any longer than a minute, sod 'em. She's your daughter and I'm sure it's a beautiful name.
I think lots of people have a proper name on their BC and a cutsey family name. I know a few where a sibling's mispronunciation "stuck." When my DH first met my family, it took him a while to sort out which cutesy name went with which proper name.
I think you'd have more of a problem if the proper name wasn't on the BD.
You can start calling her by her BC name and introduce her as that to others, and why not let IL's decide what they call her? If it's only a pet name from them then it's quite sweet.
All my boys answer to all sorts of nicknames, some of which have nothing to do with their actual name! They get used to it.
Thank you - already started calling her by the longer name at baby groups, classes etc and it really does suit her and feels right. No one seems to mind. So I think all is good. Feel much better. Thanks for your help everyone. Really appreciate it.
my dd is called Lucy by everyone, but on her birth certificat she has a longer more elegant name that Lucy is a short version of (it is also Dutch). We deliberately put the longer one on the Bc so that when she is older she can use the longer one, as I think Lucy is a but little girly, and longer one more professional.
We often use the longer one though, as with all my dcs i will sometimes call them their whole name (first and middle) sometimes when I am cross and sometimes affectionately. I think it is quite normal and OK to have both expecially as they are related. Loads of people do it - think of Kate short for Catherine, Megs for Megan, Kit for Christopher and so on.
My IL all now use Lucy's full name as they are Dutch, so they like it better, and now she signs off on birthday cards to them with her long name and to the UK family as Lucy.
FWIW my mum called me Daisy May loads when I was little - total nn, bears no relation to my real name, and my poor brother was known exclisively at home as Bean until he met his future wife and insisted we stop, which we did overnight he re-acquired his real name.
Don't worry, introduce her as 'long name, but we call her short name for short' then you have both
I am pregnant at the moment and like the name Peggy, which is my gran's name. I never realised it was actually from the name Margaret though, which I'm less keen on.
I have come across a few threads like this and I just think if you say " x is actually y on her birth certificate, but I like the nickname x"... well what are people going to say!? If they say it is confusing just point out the people named things like Richard (Rich, Rick, Dick), Robert (Bob, Rob, Bert), Elizabeth (Liz, Libby, Beth, Lizzy etc).... they all get called different names AT THE SAME TIME and cope!
I know a boy that everyone calls Mark but his parents call him Chris. I don't understand it but it doesn't really matter what I think of that! So even if your nn is very different than the bc name, it still won't really matter!
Just wanted to say thanks for the responses. Feeling much better about it all now. The nickname does make sense for the long name - it's just that she was originally introduced as the nickname rather than the long name so it may take people a while to get used to it. But we're using both so she'll learn that they are both her names and shouldn't get confused. We've definitely learnt a lesson from this - next time (if there is a next time), we have to be sure about the name before it is announced!
sparkle - are we allowed to know your dd 2 names?
My cousin called her son Nicky from birth but had John Nicholas on his birth certificate, even though she knew she was always going to call him Nicky. I don't know why she didn't just put Nicky on the BC but hey ho, we're all different. And other peoples opinions don't matter at the end of the day.
You are so right Michellephant. People can also get a deed poll if they really want the name they call their child to be on legal documents such as their passport etc in the future. It doesn't matter what is on the birth certificate as long as you are happy, it also doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Give them something to talk about. haha
It's totally fine to call her the long version.
Glad you've sorted it now
Better not say names on here as may out me! Will pm them if you really want to know. Saw MIL at weekend and explained it all. She agreed it was a good idea. She was the one I had previously worried about as she made comments about DD getting confused. So if she accepts it, sure everyone else will. So all is good! Thanks everyone.
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