What to do when you disagree on basic principles of naming??!

[whizzyrocket]

My husband and I agree on a lot of things but not this. He, poor chap, was christened Norman and has suffered for it all his life (boys' school and then the military- teasing inevitable) so he claims that all names should be easy to shorten so they don't get cursed with appalling nicknames at school. I on the other hand want to give our son a name I like that other people will actually use rather than just using a nickname all the time.

Names like Reuben and Felix aren't uncool and people would actually use the name rather than shortening it; whereas if we called him Frederick, he would forever be a Freddie to everyone but me.

What do you think? Do nicknames bother you?

This is our short-list: Felix, Theo, Reuben, Oscar, Frederick, Edward. Felix is my favourite, Edward his. I'd love to know what you think.

[Xavielli]

I don't think you really have a disagreement here.... Whatever you name your child someone somewhere will give them a nickname whether it is actually connected to their given name or not.

All of those names are lovely. Edward is my fave of the list.

[MsChanandlerBong]

I'm not sure that nn's is something you can control. So if you give your son a name that you (both) love, then also make sure you love (or at least like) the various nn's that are associated with it.

To caveat though, I'm sure we all know people who are definitely Andrew-not-Andy or Stephen-not-Steve etc so if your DS doesn't like the nn's I'm sure he can deal with this himself in due course.

Personally I like all the names on your shortlist - but my preference is to pick names where there are recognised nn's (having never had a satisfactory nn in my life due to a rather standard 2 syllable name!) so I would probably go for Frederick. Lovely in its own right, but also like Freddie for a little one, or Fred as he gets older.

[Psammead]

I personally prefer nicknamable names. I have one and like it.

I think very long names attract more NN though, but like others say, you cannot really control it.

[ShoutyHamster]

There's NO point in worrying about or trying to plan nicknames. It is completely out of your control.

I'm not sure that the problem with Norman is its lack of nickname potential!

Go with a name you love - and an obvious, good short form is a bonus only - it may well be not at all what a. sticks or b. what they choose to call themselves!

All of your names are good!

[Mowlem]

I think I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum to you, OP and in line with your DH.

You say "I on the other hand want to give our son a name I like that other people will actually use rather than just using a nickname all the time." and to me that is where the issue arises - you're choosing a name you like, and forcing the name you like on your child whether the child likes the name or not.

I agree with your husband because I have an awful 1970s name, that I now refuse to be known by. My mother insists its a lovely name, but its not her name. Thankfully for me, my name is shortenable and so I have a nickname that I use instead. I would hate it if I couldn't use that.

Whereas you're choosing a name you'd like, your husband is trying to find a name that your child would like, and to give them options if they don't like their name.

I'm with your hubby btw. Both my names have shortenable names. DD1 has 6 alternatives, and DD2 has got 7 alternatives. DD1 is known by her full name (her choice) and DD2 by a nickname (of her choosing).

[Mowlem]

Both my DDs have shortenable names.

[Hassled]

I think sooner or later someone will find a nickname for any name. You're fighting a losing battle.

Mowlem makes a good point - something like Edward will give your DS alternatives should the next evil serial killer be an Edward and/or he hates it further down the line.

[Georgimama]

Nicknames aren't necessarily derivatives of the first name though. My brother went to school with a boy known universally as Sprog. I can't even remember what his actual name was. DD is called Sophia - no nickname there you'd think. 2 year old DN has given her the name Foo Foo. You cannot control it.

[nickelbabe]

i like names that have the potential to be nicknamed.

but i personally like full names.

So, you could have a Frederick and call him Frederick, and he could know himself as Frederick and like that, and insist that that is his name. or he could choose to allow people to shorten it.

I think that's the best plan - better than a full name that can't be shortened at all, and as your DH says, if he doesn't like it, he's stuck.

[oohlaalaa]

I love Edward with Ted as a surname.

Felix is a cat.

[oohlaalaa]

TEd as nn BTW. I like names that can be shortened.

[Greythorne]

You can never tell how nicknames are going to evolve.

My Dd1 is called Natasha and her nickname is Bumble (no connection with given name)

My Dd2 is Anastasia and her nickname is Daisia (corruption of Anastasia)

Choose a name you really like and don't worry what other people will use. You call your DC what you want, but you can't force other people to do the same.

I do know an Elizabeth who is known as Elizabeth and when she meets new people they often say, "Are you Liz or Beth?" and she says, "I prefer Elizabeth" and that is that.

[letsblowthistacostand]

My brother has a very easily shortened name, like Edward. To family and very close friends he is Edward (equivalent) and to everyone else he is Ed. I have never in 37 years called him Ed. He was given the nickname at school, both suit him, the nickname and the full name are very nice.

Felix Edward/Edward Felix are both lovely combos. That said, I think you should keep looking until you find something you both love--DH and I had completely different ideas what to name DD2. We went round and round with both of us suggesting names the other hated until finally we hit on one that just sounded right.

[MelinaM]

Edward is my favourite too, love it

[naughtaless]

Dd goes to school with a Felix. I thought she sat next to a girl in Religion, she was always going on about how Fee was a natural at Religion and Fee was the go to person if you had any questions. Then we bumped into Fee while out shopping. I was one shocked mama.
No matter what you name your child, they will get a nickname some how.

[lurkinginthebackground]

I like Edward best too.
Personally I cannot see the point in going to great lengths to choose a name only then to call your child by a different name. Pet names excluded.
i think this trend started when you couldn't give your child the shortened version of a name eg Milly would have to be Millicent.
I think some people are referred to by their full name, it depends how someone is introduced. For example I know a Judith, she is always Judith never Judy, she would correct them if they didn't call her judith.

[Hedwig3]

lurkinginthebackground I completely agree with you

...except Edward is a horrid name in my opinion.