Boy's name dilemma

[BikeRunSki]

Thank you ladies for talking me through Adam and Eve muddle a few days ago. But here is boy's name dilemma.

We always said if we had another DS his first name would be after DH's grandpa. It's a nice name, with good nn and goes well with DS1's name. Middle names are sorted, really want this as a first name.

Now 9 weeks pg with DC2.

Earlier this year friend had a baby boy and called him the name. He died when he was 3 weeks old. Ordinarily I would have thought "No one owns a name, they'll just have to be one of several". This lady is not a close friend, but is a friend, lives nearby, in a small village and her DD is same age as DS1, so we will always see her at school, parties, playground, duck pond etc.

If DC2 turns out to be a boy can we still use this name - we'll find out sex at 20 weeks anyway. Should I ask her if she minds/tell her in advance and warn her? It's not an unusual name and she is likely to come across others in time. And it is a family name, it's not like we are picking it at random because we like it.

[Underachieving]

Speak to her. It's a hard topic to broach but her feelings could go either way. I expect you will find that she thinks it would be beautiful to have another William/Charles/whoever about the place. It is likely to be quite a popular name if it has lotsof nn's, and is a revisted classic.

[Finessa]

That's really difficult - I'm not sure. The timing will make a difference. Using the same name in November might be a bit more acceptable than using the name right now, so soon afterwards. Within a year or two people will not necessarily remember and would probably use the name if they liked it anyway.

It also depends on the name. If it's a really popular name at the moment or a good solid traditional name then I think you probably could use it but if it's something distinctive/quirky/unusual then maybe not.

Can you tell us the name?

[BikeRunSki]

DC2 is due end of Oct. Name is a good solid traditional name, although none in our circle of 2 year olds/new babies at the moment. She is a very anxious and nervy person anyway. Once we know if DC2 is a DS, I will go and talk to her.

[BikeRunSki]

It's Frederick/Freddie.

[Finessa]

Yes, I think you probably could use the same name then but going to talk to her would be a good idea.

I'd leave it until September/October though as she will probably need to discuss how she's feeling with others. This might end up with the whole village others knowing the sex and name of your baby well in advance. It might be slightly easier for her to hear a few months later on too.

Also you could say it's one of two or three possibilities, explain the grandad link, and if you are not letting people know the sex in advance you could lie and suggest that you don't even know yet whether it's a boy or a girl yet. (Is that a bad lie or a white lie? )

Plus you might change your mind about the name in any case. I've almost "decided" but am still changing my mind on a daily basis :)

[Finessa]

Love Frederick/Freddie :)