Names with bad memories

[Trinaluce]

Just wondered what people would think of someone using names that hold bad memories? One girl's name that I adore was the name of one of our cats when I was little. Aside from the weirdness of using a former pet's name (in fairness it was a 'proper girl's' name and not 'Tabby' 'Tigger' or anything), this particular cat was run over - and by my mum of all people! (Long story)

Would it be weird to use this name given the history?

Honest opinions wanted, I'm not dead set on it or anything, just wondered what everyone's gut reaction would be - especially if you were my mum

[thereisalightanditnevergoesout]

I've called my DS the same as our (still living) cat (again, a proper boys' name), so perhaps not the best person to advise, however, we may not have used it if our cat had met a sad end (though we had another cat that was runover, but didn't ever consider that name for DS).

Have you asked your Mum? How long ago did it happen?

[Trinaluce]

We're talking a good 20 years ago. We had three cats, all with 'proper' names and I associate the other two names too strongly with cats to use them. But I think becase I don't remember this cat that well (other than her untimely end) I don't associate it the same way. I know mum was devastated about it all though and wanted to get some views before broaching the subject with her.

[peeriebear]

A girl I went to college with had a very pretty name I hadn't heard before. I then had months of her and my long term boyfriend sneaking round behind my back and lying and insisting I was going mad/being paranoid. I lost 2 stone! THAT name I will never use... Fucking bitch.

[catwhiskers10]

I couldn't help laughing at this thread.
thereisalight how do you distinguish between your DS and the cat when you are using their name IYKWIM?
Don't think there is anything wrong with using a pets name for a DC and i think if i had done it my family would have had a chuckle but accepted it could you test your mums reaction by claiming to have forgotten the pets name?

[Trinaluce]

She knows me too well: my memory's far too good, and I was in the car at the time!

One part of me thinks 'use it, it's only me, mum and my sister who'd really remember' - but the other part can't help feel I might be jinxing the poor child in some way - and that the only people that remember are the ones I worry most about upsetting with it...

[thereisalightanditnevergoesout]

It is a bit confusing to be honest! Sometimes the baby jumps when I should at the cat for scratching the carpet, and sometimes the cat thinks he's in for a bit of a fussing when I'm talking to the baby! Otherwise we refer to Baby Angus or Angus the cat.

OP it is tricky maybe you could say something along the lines of, 'One of the names I've alwys liked is (cat's name)' and watch your Mum's reaction? The thing is, if it was a fairly usual name it might not be so bad. If it was unusual, she might not have enountered many since it happened. Does that make sense?

[Trinaluce]

It's a fairly 'normal' name - but I wouldn't say it was that 'usual'. It's not been in the top 100 since 2003 and I don't know any other little girls with it.

[catwhiskers10]

I'm inclined to say if you really love the name then use it regardless and within a short time it won't be associated with the cat any more (hopefully!)

[NotAnotherNewNappy]

This is one of the very few instances when I would say no, for the sake of your mum's delight in her future grandchild, please don't use it. The name will always be associated with feelings of guilt and sadness for her, it would be such a shame for her feelings about her grandchild to be tainted with this.

[thereisalightanditnevergoesout]

'it would be such a shame for her feelings about her grandchild to be tainted with this.'

Hmm - I was thinking about it from a different point of view - that your Mum might be upset that you'd use it, and that it'd remind her what happened but NotAnotherNewNappy does have a point there.

[cloudydays]

Maryz that's so sad for both of your friends (especially the one who lost the child, of course) :(

I don't think that in the circumstance you describe, though, it's fair to say the other friend "shouldn't" have called her daughter after her Granny. Losing a granny can't compare to losing a child (nothing can, I'm sure) but if she had always intended to honour her grandmother by naming her child after her, I don't think it's at all fair to expect her not to use the name.

Of course your grieving friend's feelings don't have to be fair (I'm sure she'd have plenty to say about what's 'fair' in life), and I can completely understand why she can't forgive the fact that her daughter's name was used again (and so soon) within the same circle of friends. But objectively, I don't think the second friend did anything wrong at all to name her daughter after her granny as she had already planned to do. If it hadn't been a family name, and a name chosen specifically to honour someone that she had loved and lost, then it might be different.

I know that's not the point of the thread but your post just struck a chord with me.

[ValiumSingleton]

I thought you meant names like Myra or Maxine!

[thereisalightanditnevergoesout]

Yes, Valium that's where I thought this thread was going before I opened it, too.