Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4(777 Posts)
Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:
Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird George 24/07/11
Sarahmia baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12
Just wanted to add a huge congratulations to Bezzyk, and to your DH for playing midwife!!! Hope you are all settling in well.
Mrsbigz, wishing the time past so Callum can come home with you. Glad the feeding is going well
Hope all you other lovely ladies are well? Sienna is now 4 1/2 months old, rolling, teething, babbling and generally making day times so much more fun. The girls are still in love with her as are we. Just wish we could all shift this rotten winter cold.
Oops just posted this on the old thread so here we go again. Super intro natz - i feel so incredibly proud to have been part of this thread
Ahh Bezzy what a wonderful story - you brought a tear to my eye then! So happy for you all!
Congrats also to Bluecat. Just take each day at a time, easier said that done i know but coming on here is a great support.
Good luck with your appointment Kittens - let us know how it goes?
All good here, Felix is WIRED - like a wind up toy on acid! He is uber determined, impatient, short tempered and down right stubborn but also the happiest little guy in town Oh and commencing TTC in the not too distant future!
Lovely introduction Natz - looking forward to seeing the list grow and grow. Sounds like you're hoping to help with that then Katie?! Not sure we're quite ready to relive those first few newborn weeks just yet. I know its well worth it in the end, but I value my sleep too much to TTC again for a while! Glad to hear Felix is doing well. I could describe Jacob pretty much the same way. They're funny to watch aren't they? Fascinating to watch how they learn to do stuff. Jacob's developed his own special way of moving around on his belly or kneeling up and 'walking' on his knees. No interest in proper crawling and very little interest in standing up or walking like the rest of us. Who knows where that came from, but he's happy. Sounds like Sienna's doing really well too Natz, well done! And lovely that your older girls are joining in.
Anyway, I only stopped in to bookmark the thread from the sparkly new laptop I treated myself to yesterday, so I'd better get back to the washing up.... Hope everyone else is well and hope kittens gets on ok. xxxxx
What a lovely long list! I hope it provides some reassurance to those about to embark or currently on the scary journey of pregnancy. And it will be lovely to see that list grow and grow as it undoubtedly will.
Congratulations Bezzy, what a fab birth story! I hope you're enjoying these early days with your new little lady.
MrsBigz - sounds like your wee man is coming on leaps and bounds. Great to hear. Will look forward to your post when you announce his homecoming. Hopefully not very far away.
Ghislaine - glad the end is in sight re your parents! How is everything going?
Congratulations to Bluecat. I remember you from the sister thread and it's lovely to see you here. I know it's scary but we are all here to handhold and reassure when we can.
All good here. Kades doing great, still mellow and mega cute. Feeding going well which Im delighted with after the problems I had with DD. Still doesn't sleep for more than 3 hours at a time but I don't really mind!
Hi to everyone else!
Ha LP - know what you mean about the sleep. If we are lucky enough to have another baby though i feel confident that i could get through it this time IYSWIM. Jacob sounds awesome - would be great to get them together again now they are a bit older so let me know if you are ever down this way.
Hi cherrybug - glad Kade is doing well, jealous of his mellowness!! Felix has a little sofa thing of his own and when i say 'relax' he goes and flops back on it and say's 'ahhhhh' but only for 3 seconds at a time, he doesn't quite get the concept of relaxing yet . Well done with the feeding xx
Marking my place on the new thread. I love the "list of hope", may this thread continue to offer support and comfort!
Congratulations Bluecat, day by day, it's the only way forward. And Bezzy, oh my God, what a birth story! Congratulations, and I hereby declare that your DH will no longer be Captain C(ondom), but Captain M(idwife)!
Katie, so now we're all watching this space I loved your description of Felix, he sounds a lot like Coffeebean, who is however not short tempered (yet), but I can see this coming. He just doesn't stop, ever, and man, the "talking"... he is so smiley and just points at everyone when we're out and about, then grins at them when he gets their attention. I can't believe he's one next week, it's bittersweet, where did the newborn days go? At the same time, so exciting to see him grow and understand more.
Today it's 2 years since we lost Silvia and I can't believe we are in such a different place than last year, when I was hoping and praying I'd bring a healthy baby home! I am sad, but it's a different sadness, a settled one, an accepting one. I can't imagine my life without my little boy, and this makes it easier to accept what was before.
I am rarely posting these days, but I am reading and thinking of you all. I wonder where Mishta and Cantdo are, I hope all is well.
sorry for the very short post but just wanted to let you all know that Callum is BACK HOME!!!!!! we got
released discharged yesterday late afternoon so have had a whole day back together as a family. He seems to have settled in well, and feeding is still going well (although am doing on demand rather than the scheduled every 3 hrs they have in SCBU!). DS1 and 2 are being really cute with him - keep wanting to stroke his head and/or kiss him - which melts my heart! thanks for all the support you ladies have given me, both through this pregnancy and also the past 5 weeks with his early arrival. can't believe he's 4 weeks old today!!?
will be back soon for a proper personals post, but just thought you'd all like to know the latest update xxxxxx
Very fleeting post as trying to
wrestle put the kids to bed.
Congratulations Mrsbigz! So glad Callum is finally home. Lovvely to hear how well he has settled in and am very happy the breast feeding is going well.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you, I hope yesterday was not too bad. I think every anniversary will be sad, but as you say, a different kind of sad. I look at Sienna sometimes and wonder if everything with Cara was just a really bad dream. I was thinking about Cara yesterday and thinking about what life would have been like if she had been able to be with us, and I realised that we would not have had Sienna if she had. Not that that makes loosing Cara any better, but I am so thankful for Sienna and just couldn't imagine our family without her in it.
Big wave to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you lots xx
Hello all, I haven't posted on here for ages. I have been lurking occasionally though. I just came on to say Thankyou all for your wonderful support since 2009. Without you I think mentally I would have been in a much worse space.
I have just finished a set of counseling sessions and feel like things have really moved on for me. (Sorry, this is sounding so selfish). The reason for my post is to thank you all... as stated above!
Without you lovely, supportive, non-judgmental, open, kind and wonderful ladies getting to where we are now would have been much harder. DH and I have decided to finish our family chapter and we have an appointment on the 28th of this month for his vasectomy. I hope this doesn't come across as weird but I am posting it here to show that there is hope for everyone. We had a whole raft of issues and managed to overcome them to get to a point whereby we feel happy (wrong word but not sure what to replace it with) and in control of our fertility and family making choices again.
Must dash, littlestar is currently tackling bigger star to get at a toy. Waves to all.
This is the first time I post in this thread. I had a termination in december because of a chromosomal abnormality. Just a few days ago I got a positive pregnancy test. I'm happy of course but I can't help worrying. The abnormalities were not hereditary but I'm worried already anyway. If I'm in week 4 now CUB and CVS is several weeks away, how can I stop worrying in the meantime?
hi glad to see the new thread. I too feel like I have moved on massively since I joined the last thread - allstar we are in a similar place to you and dh is awaiting the snip! I am both sad and pleased at the same time.
Hello linn welcome to the thread. I dont think you will be able to help worrying through this pregnancy to be honest. I personally tried to blot out all thought of 'having a baby' and just thought of it as a pregnancy as much as was possible. I didn't dream or think about how it would be when the baby was out and found it hard to consider what sex it might be. I suppose that helped me to not bond too much in the womb in case it happened again. I also tried to take it a step at a time but sometimes that's easier said than done. If possible I suppose you can enjoy the fact that the conception bit is out of the way.
Hope everyne is well. congratulations on getting callum home. x
A very quiet congratulations! I agree with Manitz, you probably wont stop worrying throughout this pregnancy. I had a termination in Sept 2010 due to a heart defect which meant baby would not survive, and she also had Turners Syndrome, both of which were just bad luck and unlikely to reoccur in future pregnancies. It was my 3rd pregnancy and the problems were detected at the 12 week scan so the termination was just 3 weeks later.
I fell pregnant again in Jan 2011 and throughout my entire pregnancy there was very few days that I didn't worry about one thing or another with regards to the pregnancy and our baby. Our gorgeous little girls was born 4 days late on the 26th Sept. Compared to my first two pregnancies, our 4th was by far the most stressful, for no other reaon than the fact we had experienced the loss of our 3rd baby.
I didnt tell anyone other than DH and GP in real life that I was pregnant - I told the ladies on this thread straight away for moral support! Nobody knowing IRL made it easier to carry on as normal and even occassionally forget that I was pregnant. With 2 older children it was easy to keep myself occupied and busy.
I hope the wait for your scan goes quickly and smoothly. Keep us posted and pop on here as much as you feel you need/want to, we all know what you're going through x
Hello all, rubbish day here! Just been made redundant bit crap timing soon as we have just bought a house and are hemorrhaging money on all the building work it needs before we move in (whilst also paying rent on our flat as well as the new mortgage!) and also considering we are going to start TTC next month. ho hum.
Linn- welcome! like the others have said i don't think there is much you can do to stop the worry but i hope the long list of thread babies helps a bit coming on here for some hand holding is also a big help.
Coffee - lovely to hear from you. Coffee bean sounds exactly like Felix who is also a crazy smiley thing.
Mrsbigz - super news you are out of hospital with Callum - keep enjoying that lovely cuddly stage, oh gosh am getting so broody!
Allstars - hi, thanks for the lovely post and lovely to hear from you
Kittens - how you doing? did your appointment go well? xxx
Lots of love to everyone else xxx
especially hello to cherrybug, natz, ghislaine, manitz, and mrsbigz. I have often thought about you all and wondered how you were getting on, its been nice to catch up reading on here. I was begining to think I would never make it over here. But I got my BFP on my third cycle of clomid. I had a scan yesterday so its all feeling very real as got to see the heartbeat as 7 weeks. Now trying not to worry too much on what seems like a long road till 12 weeks.
love to everyone xx
Oh Flower!!!!! i just popped on and this message has completely made my day!! many congratulations - it is SOO lovely to see you over here, i've often wondered how you are getting on, yet feel awkward posting on the sister thread sometimes. Hope the time passes quickly to your 12wk scan and that you have a healthy and uneventful pregnancy!
hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals, was only just skim-reading but saw Flowers post and had to respond! xxxx
Flower!!!! I'm SO delighted to see you here. What good news! I know it's early days and you'll be worrying like mad but fingers crossed for a very uneventful pregnancy. Good luck for the 12 week scan.
MrsBigz - great you have your wee fella home, hope he's settling into Chez Bigz well! What an ordeal for you, glad its behind you.
Katie sorry to hear about redundancy. Rubbish! These things often come at the worst time, I got made redundant when I was pregnant with my DD which was awful because it meant no mat pay and I couldnt get another job as I was pregnant. But it all worked out in the end and I'm sure it will with you. Good luck.
Linn - as others have said, lots of handholding here through the journey. Congratulations and take one step at a time.
Kittens - thinking of you and hope your appointment went well.
Natz - glad all is well with your family. I know what you mean about being so thankful for Sienna and not being able to imagine your family without her now. I look at Kade and think how he is a pure joy that has come from such a sorrow. I'm very grateful for him.
Ghislaine - how are you getting on? Have you hung the flags out to herald your parents departure? Hope you're enjoying some peace and quiet now.
All good here, we've finally got around to planning our wedding and have set a date for September. So the pressure is on to lose weight and get organised. Natz - when is your wedding? Are you all prepared?
Hi to Grandj, Babylily, Manitz, Coffee and everyone else. Hope all is well!
A very fleeting stop in (Sienna finally asleep after the evil toothy-pegs have been causing her much pain and discomfort, and they aren't even close to coming through yet!!), just wanted to say a congratulations to Flower!!! Wonderful wonderful news
I hope the wait for the 12 week scan isn't too stressful, I look forward to hearing an update soon enough xxx
Cherry, Congratulations on setting the date! We get married in just over 6 weeks (11th April) and am nowhere near the size/shape I wanted to be but the dress looks lovely and hides my wobbly bottom very well. All prepared other than that!
Katie, so sorry to hear about the redundancy. How rubbish! Hopefully you will be able to find something else quickly. If not, gives you more energy for TTC
Hi to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals xx
Hi everyone. Congratulations Flower! great news. And Linn, welcome.
It's wedding thread as well as baby thread it would seem! Good luck Natz. What will the girls be wearing to the wedding?
Happy birthday Coffeebean! Can't believe he and Jacob are one already. Where does the time go... and Katie, I'm sorry about the redundancy. Hope you find something soon -and as for ttc, good luck with that too. Exciting you have something to take your mind off the job but appreciate you want/need another one asap so fingers firmly crossed for you!
Good that Callum is home now! He has done so well.
Hi to Allstars; it's been ages... your DS must be nearly two like Babycant. Family complete here, too. I couldn't go through pregnancy again; just the thought of an anomaly scan brings me out in a cold sweat.
Babycant is a real character - never stops talking, even in her sleep. I wonder where she gets that from...
Hi to everyone else. Kittens, thinking of you.
WHERE IS MISHTABEL? Thinking of you, too.
Hello all, am new to this thread although I have posted in this topic area before and had huge help and support a couple of month ago when I was struggling with the terrible guilt of a termination for T21 last summer. Am finally expecting DC2 after a rocky road of 2 mmcs and the termination all since DS (who is nearly 2 and a half). We were totally thrilled to get a low risk result from the nuchal tests etc, decided not to have a CVS and are trying to move forward with a smile, having got safely past all the points where we have lost babies in the past. We have finally been able to tell people the news and start to believe it ourselves. I am 41 and have been diagnosed with low fertility so we were not sure we'd ever get to this point.
What I wanted to ask though was about people's reactions to hearing the news. Where people know a bit about what we have been through, I have had mainly very cautious reactions - "oh, okay, er ..." - and I have had to spell it out to people that all is fine and we are happy. It doesn't really matter and I can understand it, but it did take the wind out of my sails the first few times, particularly when we are trying not to worry. Has anyone else had this?
tbh I reacted to my own pregnancy like your friends i found people too optimistic for me if anything and would have to brush aside their reassurances that everything was bound to be alright. guess everyone is different but just try and ignore them and feel how you want. congratulations by the way, rushing b4 battery runs low
Ahh, I've found you all!
Sorry, just paying a fleeting visit, as usual so apologies for lack of personals. Although I did want to say congratulations to Natz and Cherry for your impending nuptuals! Very exciting!
Lovely to hear from Allstars. Glad you are feeling good and settled.
Katie, bugger! You poor thing! What awful timing .
Hello and lots of love to all the rest of you lovely people.
The latest with me is that I have been on my first cycle of Letrozole and Ovitrelle ovulation trigger shot, which is known as "Super Ovulation" treatment. The idea to to try and get 2-3 eggs out a month to give me a better chance to getting a BFP. My consultant didn't even seem that phased by the mention of scarring at my scan. He has put me on a drug, which is actually an HRT drug, to build up my womb lining and it has done the job just fine apparently. I am also using progesterone supplements (suppositories -Mmmmm!) from mid cycle to lengthen my luteal phase. So, all good fun! I've been going through a bad patch recently. The loss of my mum has really just hit me quite badly in the last couple of weeks, which alongside the side effects of all the hormones and steroids are really making me feel pretty miserable. Also my grandma has been getting worse, literally by the day, with her dementia which is also really hard as I am very close to her. This is why I'm not really posting much these days as I am so swamped by all the stuff that's been going on here that I find it hard to keep up with what's going on with everyone else. I feel bad just coming on and banging on about myself and not giving much back.
Hello again, thanks Cant, girls are wearing ivory dresses with burgundy sashes and flower petals in the skirt (BHS kids clothing) and my bigger bridesmaids wearing burgundy satin dresses. Can't wait for the day to be here so I can stop stressing put over everything!
FindingItTricky - congratulations! We had mixed reactions from friends and family which as you said takes the wind out of your sails as the excitement is there for you. We learnt to ignore the negative reactions as it was hard enough trying not to think about the 'what ifs' without others voicing their concerns. I wish you a happy non-eventful pregnancy
Kittens, lovely to hear from you, I'm sorry things are so rough with you at the moment with regards to your nan and dealing withyour grief too. Ambery pleased to hear the treatment is doing what it should though, really hope this leads to a happy announcement soon.
It's the anniversary of Caras due date today, have not found it too bad to be honest. We are going out tomorrow to get a trinket box to put the rose from her funeral in, it's still on the shelf in the dining room untouched since the funeral. The girls are getting bigger and like to examine everything so we have decided to grind it up and keep it in a box. Lit a candle and had a few glasses of wine and thought a lot about her and how far we've come in 17 months.
Off to bed now to welcome in my hangover (get one just from smelling wine these days!)
night all xx
natz i thought you were doing some morning drinking and realised it was a midnight post. i think it's a great idea to have a momento like that of cara.
Kittens Its nice to hear from you but I'm sorry you are not further on in the conception process and that things are tough for you emotionally at the moment. I think the first stage of grief takes about a year (from what i remember from counselling) and it is still very early days for you. I feel Im quite good at the whole grieving thing having lost my sister and various relatives over the years but I cannot imagine losing my mum as it is such a key relationship and i guess that it's a loss you don't ever truly get over. I hope it becomes easier for you to bear over time.
Actually I've been thinking about my sister a lot recently as she was 7 when she was knocked down and 8 when she died (and this was 24 years ago so i suppose it doesn't disappear), my daughters are 7 and 9 and I guess their ages and the fact that I have to let them walk on their own soon/now brings it home a bit I am being as adult and sensible as possible about it all and the oldest is getting her freedom a bit now. x on a lighter note babyman is doing very well and gaining weight although he has dropped way down the chart he is now following the bottom line and is starting on purees etc now.
Hi everyone! Sorry for my absence. All good here, just had ongoing issues with 15yr old DD mainly, which now seem to be sorted. If I start about that now though, this'll end up a mile long, so I'll leave it for another day.
I had sooo much to catch up on..
First and foremost, Kittens, I was so sorry to read about your Mum's passing. I thought of you on Christmas Day, as I have many times since, and reading through, I just can't believe what a rough time of it you've had. I remember in one of my last posts, I assured you we'd be here for you if you needed, and then I go AWOL for a couple of months I'm just glad the other lovely ladies were here for you.
The saying that comes to mind when I think of you is 'Its always darkest before the dawn'. Well your dawn must surely be just around the corner!
As for your Grandma, dementia is probably the one illness where the families of the person affected usually suffer more than the person themselves. I used to work in a dementia-specific unit, and while I loved working there, you'd really feel for the families when they'd come to visit. The confusion and hurt they'd be feeling was almost palpable.
I hope with all my heart (as soppy as that sounds) that baby-wise at least, things turn around for you very soon, although I know it won't take the pain away of losing your mum, and slowly losing your grandma. Everything possible crossed for you here. And PLEASE, don't apologise about the lack of personals. I think I can speak for everyone when I say we understand and are just glad that you keep in touch and us updated on what's happening with you.
Thanks Shangrila and everyone else for the birthday wishes for Bella. Let's just say, she had a very Dora birthday. She is currently a bit annoyed at me because I won't let her cut my hair with her scissors (speaking from experience, safety scissors DO cut hair) so she's cutting Barbie's hair instead. I will have to put an updated photo up on my profile next time I'm on the computer. I thought of you all on her birthday, and how this place was such a support for me when she was ill. Brings a tear to my eye just thinking about it. Would love for us all to have our own FB page to share photos etc
Birthday wishes straight back to your little boy Shangrila if you're reading (did we ever have a 'pet' name for him?), and of course to Franklin. And also for Babycant, whose is just around the corner. Big 1st birthday wishes to Coffeebean and Jacob! Hasn't time just flown?!
Congratulations to all the new mummies! Mrsbigz, so glad all worked out well in the end. You certainly have had an eventful time of it. So glad he's home with you all now.
Ghislaine, on the safe, and, for this thread, uneventful arrival of Charles - although 'uneventful' sounds wrong for such a momentous event as a birth, but I'm sure you know what I mean
Bezzy! What a birth story - I couldn't believe it! Just beautiful, though I'd imagine it must have been quite dramatic at the time. And yes, definitely need a new nn for CaptC
MyAngelAva, what bittersweet timing Isabella's birth was - a gift from Ava xx
Hope I haven't forgotten anyone. Did we hear from Gillian?
A warm welcome to Linn, Flower, FindingItTricky and Bluecat (not positive if you've 'popped in' before or not), and congratulations to you all. No advice on how to get through the early days without worrying, except to keep busy and take it day by day. Actually, I think I worried more as time went on (sorry, not real helpful there). But, worry or not, the days will tick over and eventually you'll get there. This is a great place to unload those worries though, with those that have been there, and understand the madness of it all.
Manitz, that is so sad about your sister - I'm not sure I knew about that before. Without meaning to be nosy, can I ask how old you were at the time? You're right of course, no matter how much time passes, when we lose someone so important to us, it doesn't disappear. Might get easier over time, but never disappears. I think it would be sadder though if it did.
(On a lighter note, we found out a couple of days ago that Bella ISN'T allergic to cocoa, which we thought she might be. At least now she'll be able to have dairy-free Easter eggs this year. So happy )
Katie, so sorry to hear about your redundancy. Hopefully it'll be a case of when one door closes, another door opens. I checked out your wedding photos - just beautiful - you, the setting, the men in your life. Makes me want to get married :D Good luck with the TTC (DH is another on the list for the snip - if he's ever at home long enough to actually have it done)
I'm going to wrap this up now, before it gets any longer, though I'm sure there's lots more I haven't mentioned. A big hello to Cant, Coffee, Natz. Littlepoot and everyone that I haven't mentioned. I do think of you all, especially on a Friday and Sunday night when I'm watching Escape to the Country and 60 Minute Makeover - I love them!
Love to you all, and I promise not to be a stranger in the future xxx
(Apologies for any typos - my phone has a shattered, not just cracked - shattered - screen. Can barely see, though can't bring myself to send it away to be fixed. Sad, I know)
hi there mishtabel nice to hear from you. i was 13 when she was knocked over and she went into a coma with major brain damage and 14 when she died. The only good thing about it was it helped me make my decision when I had my first termination having had a sibling who was very sick. xx
Oh Manitz, I can't imagine how devastating that must have been for you, and your parents. As if teenage years aren't hard enough, to also have to deal with losing your little sister....there are no words really. I only hope that somehow you have felt her with you over the years - probably not coming across as I intend it to, but I hope you know what I mean. Much love xx
hi mishtabel, thanks very much for your sentiments. it was actually 25 years ago so I suppose the anniversary was on my mind but I always forget on the day and it was a long time ago so the old cliche that time heals is true. It was devastating for all of us at the time but the accident was the worst and her continued life beyond the accident made me wish for and believe completely in a need for organisations like dignitas, in the end her death was a relief as there was so little of her left.
And of course I grew up and moved on and it took a while but I think I'm a pretty rounded person now with kids of my own and a great life. My parents will always have it with them but the birth of their grandchildren has helped a lot but i dont think you ever get over it as a parent as you know yourself. I hope I never have to experience it with one of my children but I try not to let it make me too cautious with them but want to let them live a little. love to you too. x
i mean '25 years ago two days ago'
Hi everyone, and special hellos to Flower (hooray for clomid!), Linn and Tricky. Good luck on your pregnancy journey and take heart from the thread babies list.
waves to everyone else Kittens and Katie, I really hope things brighten up for you soon.
We are (I hope!) coming out of a reflux fog, my poor boy has been very grumpy and grizzly during and after feeds and he's none too keen on sleeping either unless he is attached to me or next to me. He doesn't like to sleep during the day for more than 20 mins at a time either! We're both a bit tired... Luckily for him he's rather cute.
My parents' visit ended prematurely when my father took umbrage at the way I reminded him we needed some help (ie I asked him to make me a cup of tea). They packed their bags and stormed out although not before they paid a visit to A&E because my mother had a headache. Drama, much? It was lovely and peaceful once they'd gone!
Hello lovely ladies. Today is the 3rd anniversary of losing my precious baby Daisy (and my baby Amy also has her anniversary next week). I'm feeling a little wobbly...or actually rather like I want to howl, wail and smash things, but there are lots of reasons why I need to keep it together today. But I thought I would pay a little visit to you all here.
I logged on, and what should I see on the intro post? My little boy's birth celebrated! Franklin would not be here if we hadn't had to let Daisy go. He is 2 and 2 months now, and totally adorable. Thank you so much Natz for the lovely list of babies. It is wonderful to see all the names I was so familiar with, that have had bubbas!
My Dd, 5, was asking me about Daisy and Amy the other morning. She asked some really hard questions...how big were they? where did they go? (I tried explaining about spirit, and not 'needing' our bodies when we die...phew) She wanted to know, did I dress them? Where did they lie? And most heartbreaking...where are they now, why couldn't we keep them and why didn't I keep them warm? Sob. I know the questions will come and I try to answer them simply and softly, but it's so hard, especially near the time we lost them.
Thank you for being here, and sending out love and very best wishes to you all.
Oh bless you lins. That must've been very hard. Little ones are so innocent and frank with their questions aren't they? Sending you a big hug. xx
ghislaine, I bet you wish you'd asked for that cup of tea weeks ago don't you? Glad to hear you've got a bit of peace and quiet now.
mishtabel, it's lovely to hear from you. Sorry to hear things have been rough for your DD. Is she still having problems with the bullies?
You're right mishtabel, dementia is very hard to watch as your loved one looses their grip on reality day by day. My grandma was a physchotherapist until she retired at 82. We used to call her "The Oracle" because she was the one with all the answers, who seemed to be able to make everything better. Now, when I need her the most, she is slipping further and further away. She has enough lucidiy to want to comfort and look after me in my sadness but not quit enough to be able to much about it. She is nearly 92 though, so obviously it's not a big surprise, just very sad to see her so helpless and not very good timing - although I suspect that's no coincidence.
Manitz - I'm so sorry you had that heartbreak of loosing your sister. It must be very poignant with your children reaching that age that she was when she died. Did you find the counseling helpful? I have just been for an assessment for grief counseling and am hoping they will find me a place in the next few weeks or so. I am a right bloody mess at the moment and I think it's going to be that way for a while, especially with my grandma how she is too.
Well, AF showed up this week so I'm back on the letrozole today. A higher dose this time so hopefully I will get more than one follicle for OH to aim at! Will keep you posted.
Lins, I hope you had a peaceful day yesterday. Your DD's questions are the ones we all ask ourselves - it is hard, I'm not sure I have answers myself, only emotions.
hi there. ghislaine I'm glad you are all back on your own again. Far more relaxing. Lins, although the questions are hard I think it is really good to face up to them so that the girls are always part of your family. I hate the idea that my babies would be dirty secrets. Kittens, I didn't get counselling at the time but about 10 years later I was pointed towards it by a friend when I clearly hadn't dealt with some of the issues. I called cruse and it was great, just over the phone the woman told me about typical grief for loss during the teenage years and the science behind it really helped me out - just knowing I had had a typical reaction helped me resolve some of the anger but it was all with hindsight so I'm not sure if it would have been so useful at the time.
I had some counselling at work following my first termination. It was useful and probably saved my friends from listening to me waffle. The guy just listened really. I think it probably has its place but to me it seems just a tool to help you work things out yourself. It has been more useful talking to /reading about others who have been through similar experiences.
wow - it's been quiet on here (and the sister thread) recently - hope that's a good sign and means everyone is out enjoying this beautiful weather!!
just looking for some handholding really....saturday is the 1st anniversary of the day we lost Eve. i can't believe it has been a whole year - it seems like just yesterday it all happened. If I didn't have Callum here as proof that it must have been at least 9 months (well, ok 7 months in his case) then i wouldn't believe it.
i've spent most of march so far re-living all of the events of last year...the horrendous nuchal, the decisions re: cvs/amnio, the amnio and of course the horrible waiting. and then of course saturday dh and i will go and visit her grave, but i'm hoping that i'll hold it together as he's then off to work for the day and i'll be home alone with the 3 boys. well actually the boys will keep me busy no doubt, but i actually want time to remember her. yet all the time i now look at at callum and realise that had we not lost her, then he would not be here now. sorry, am not making much sense. just wanted to talk to you on here as (typically) everyone IRL who knows, barely ever mentions her now and i doubt remember when her birthday is.
my mum however was a sweetie the other day - she's really into geneology, and asked me whether i would 'mind' if she added Eve onto our family tree.....that really choked me up - of course i didn't mind anyway - i'm babbling now and i've a cute little boy who's wanting a feed, but just wanted to drop in and hope that someone will come along to tell me that what i'm feeling is totally natural! xxxx
Blimey mrsbigz-your mum putting Eve onto your family tree got me choked up too. A fitting reminder. The first anniversary for me was the hard one. The dates and memories are etched on your mind so hard so of course it's natural to be thinking about her and reliving that awful time. For me it's faded dramatically, especially now I've got Jacob. But from what others on here have said, I think I'm unusually detached from my past nightmares. Just my way of dealing with it maybe. But for now, and especially for tomorrow, just hold on that bit tighter to dh and callum, and yourself for that matter. We'll be thinking of you.
just popping in to say hi to Mrsbibz, what you describe sounds totally natural to me. Because you lost eve you have callum, bitter-sweet, if that makes sense.
Thinking of you over this weekend, hugs xx
Thinking of you today Mrsbigz xxx
HI everyone, its been ages since I posted. Ive been very busy and dont know where the time went.
Ghislaine, I cant believe your parents storming off like that. You must have been both annoyed and relieved. Sleep will get better, hang in there (Coffeebean still not sleeping through but its so much better than the early days). He napped on me for the first 4 or 5 months, then went into his cot without any problems. I hope Charles will grow out of his reflux.
Lins, I was actually talking with DH about what we will tell Coffeebean when he starts asking questions about Silvia and why we go to visit her grave. I have no idea, probably a gentle form of the truth is best. Hard though...
Kittens, sending you my love, and as usual my fingers are crossed for you xx
Mrsbigz, I hope the first anniversary was not as bad as you had imagined? I am with Poot on this one, I found the first one much harder than the second one. I was a few weeks pregnant on the first one and I remember visiting Silvias grave and feeling so sad and afraid but so, so hopeful at the same time (and annoyed with myself for allowing myself to feel hope, and guilty for rushing into another pregnancy). I hope the day brought you some peace as well. For me too, the second anniversary was quite a peaceful day, the run up to it worse than the actual day. I remember reading ages ago a post by Shangrila, an old timer <waves if youre reading> , in which she was saying she feeled healed, and thats how I feel now I guess. I cant believe Im in this place now.
Quiet congratulations to Flower, Linn and Tricky, I hope you will find this space helpful.
Big hello to Cantdo, Mishta, manitz, Natz, Katie, Poot and Cherry xxxx
Thanks for the thoughts ladies. To be honest the day was bloody awful as on thurs morning I took Callum into a&e as his cold had got worse and he was working hard to breathe and feed - diagnosed bronchiolitus (although thankfully not the rsv strain which ds2 has when he was about 4 months old) and he was kept in under observation until Saturday thankfully he didn't need any oxygen or a tube fitted). But it meant that Eves anniversary was spent in hospital about 500 yards from where she was born. I couldn't get out to visit her grave as am feeding on demand (& he was doing little and often while so poorly) and SJ was looking after the other boys so I didn't have him with me either. I did however have one very thoughtful friend who knew the situation and who went and visited her grave 'on my behalf' (her baby boy is in the same cemetery) and left a pink teddy - so I was really grateful for that. I spent most the day in tears for her and worry for Callum and guilt about who I should be shedding the tears for!?! Aargh - not how I planned it at all. I've not had a chance yet to go and see her (although we're out of hospital now' as Callum still not 100% but I will as soon as I can.
Sorry for the me post - just had to let this out here xx
Oh poor Callum, and poor you, that sounds awful. It is strange how our babies' lives intersect like that. Your friend sounds brilliant, that was such a thoughtful thing to do. I remember on our first anniversary we didn't make it to the cemetery either (we'd gotten confused about closing times and left it too late). I felt dreadful and cried that I had let the baby down. We did go that weekend though. It's so nice that your friend was able to go and be with Eve while you were with Callum.
And I meant to say earlier that your mum sounds lovely <sniff>.
Mrsb sorry you had such a difficult weekend, hope Callum gets better very soon x
Natz not long till your big day now, hope you have a fantastic day! and Cherry hope the wedding plans are going well.
havingkittens, thinking of you and hope you are getting lots of support in RL.
I had my scan on monday, baby was very wriggly and would not stay still, all is fine and as it should be. We got our results today NT was 1.90 and our combined test risk for downs is 1:2335 which is better than I expected given my age. Now starting to feel more pregnant if that makes sense.
Hello to everyone else xx
Oh flower congratulations! Fantastic news. I bet you can hardly believe it?! I remember getting the letter through with my odds which were similarly amazing and I had to ring them to check they hadn't mixed me up with someone else. And I definitely know what you mean about feeling more pregnant now. You'll probably have another wobble by the time of the next scan, but just enjoy your mini bump and those lovely results. X
Oh well done Flower and baby flower! Are you going to have another scan before your 20 week one?
Hello, been a bit absent, sorry!
Just came on to rather belatedly wish Natz congratulations on her recent nuptuals! Probably/hopefully on honeymoon now but I hope you had a wonderful day!
Great news from Flower too. Congratulations to you too!
So sorry to hear about how the day turned out for you MrsBigz. I hope Callum is on the mend now and that you've managed to get some time to visit Eve's grave. It must've been so hard for you to be there at the hospital on that day of all days, but hopefully Eve was watching over Callum for you making sure he was going to be ok.
Not much to report here. AF just finishing, so embarking on my 3rd cycle of letrozole.
Hope everyone else is doing ok. Katie, have you had any luck finding another job?
Hi there, it's been a year probably since I last posted, but I just wanted to say a big hello to everyone, from down here in Australia.
I ended up moving here mid 2011, with my DS and my (now ex) husband. I am very pleased to be back home in Oz, though I do miss the UK in many strange little ways. It was over 6 years I was in the UK and I had my DS there, so it will always be a huge part of my life.
I am settled back in my home town, got a part-time job and DS is in pre-school (he is 3 now). It is great to be near my family again.
I have had to give up any hopes of having another child, since what happened with my husband. I am 42 now and not in any place to be getting into another relationship. It hurt for a long time but I am at peace with it now. And there is so much else going on (he is taking me to court - long story best left unexplained as probably risking defamation if I go into it!!!
But of course I have my beautiful DS who is just the light of my life. He makes me laugh every day, he's a funny little bugger.
I am glad to see so many more names added to the list of thread babies - congratulations to you all. I remember our meet up in London and trying to put the faces to the names again.
anyway big wave to you all from Mimsy... xxxxx
Oh mimsy-so lovely to hear from you, although I'm really sorry things didn't work out with your husband. I think we last heard from you when things were starting to get bad but I'd hoped for the best. Hope things get smoother for you soon.
Hey kittens my love. Good luck on this cycle. Hope the higher dose drugs are ok and don't give you too many side effects. And hope you're feeling kind of ok. xx
Things are very quiet round here. I guess that means quite a lot of being kept busy by little ones. Hope all's well though. Flower-how are you getting on?
Just a quick fly by visit to wave hello to all. Wedding was fantastic, emotional and just perfect. Am happily married and have been for nearly a week now!
Will read back and do a proper post soon xxx
Hi everyone! Been quite a while since I've been on. Have been having some scary health issues over last few months and am waiting to see a neurologist. So have been really preoccupied and worrying myself sick. Hopefully it'll be ok, we will see.
Congratulations Natz!! Glad you had a wonderful day, hope you all had a great time. I'm sure the girls all enjoyed every minute. Have you managed a honeymoon?
Yay Flower, great news! I'm so pleased you've got such great results. When is your 20 week scan? Hope you're feeling ok and enjoying pregnancy as much as possible.
Kittens hope your next cycle goes well and hope time is helping a little after the loss of your mum.
Mimsy, I think I may have joined around the time you left, I remember reading posts from you. Sorry you've had a rough time lately.
How is everyone else? It has been quiet hasn't it! Hope not because everyone is knackered! Kade is almost 6 months and still doesn't sleep more than 2 hours at a time. I'm hoping he'll get better once we start solids otherwise it's sleep training. Have bought No Cry Sleep Solution in preparation.
Right, DD is thrusting bedtime story book at me so must go - hi to all and hope everyone, bumps and babies are doing well!
Cherry sorry you are having a difficult scary time, hope things work out with your investgations, and Kade starts letting you get more sleep.
Natz Congratulations, glad you had a FAB wedding.
Kittens hope everything works well with your next cycle.
I'm doing ok, the sickness is now wearing off, and I'm getting used to my changing body. its all new to me, I've never been this pregnant before. I have my 20 week scan when I'm exacatly 20 weeks on the 23rd of may, see the consultant then but that is because I had fertility treatment so been refered back to him. Hospital and midwife have just reiterated last time was a horrible one off, so they dont see any extra concerns.
hello to poot, Mrsbigz, Ghislaine and everyone, hope things are going well.xxx
hi natz congrats on the wedding. mimsy it's nice to hear from you though I am also sorry that you were unable to work things out. I was wondering how you are and I'm glad you got to go home.
Cherrybug, I don;t know what's wrong with you but when i had ds I also found a lump on my neck and it took a year to sort out. it was a huge single nodule on my thyroid - i was absolutely paranoid the whole year and it was horrific. I think it's even worse when you have all the hormones flooding your system too. I hope you get some answers soon.
Kittens good luck with the next cycle.
All well here and am really busy. sacha is weaning and really strengthening up. x
just a quick visit from me i'm afraid - always seem to have a babe on my boob and i'm not too good at writing one-handed!!!
Hi Mrs Natz, congrats on your wedding - glad you had a wonderful day and are enjoying married life
Cherry, sorry to hear you've had a health scare, i hope that it is resolved soon and you can stop worrying, and that Kade starts giving you some sleep time!!
Flower - SO happy for you that everythings going well with your pregnancy - your 20wk scan will be here in no time?! glad the sickness is fading now and hope you're enjoying the new pregnant you xxxxx
Kittens, hope you're doing ok and this cycle works out for you x
waves to everyone else
just wanted to let you all know something - remember Callum was diagnosed with a CCAM while in utero (picked up at the 20wk scan) - well he had a CT scan in Oxford last month, and we had the results through last week and there was NOTHING to be seen on the scan at all!?!!! Consultant said it was one of those cases where the condition just rights itself. In fact had he be born at term it would have probably not have been seen at all - but because he was early they were chest x-raying him every couple of days. So that's a huge relief (though if you heard him when he cried you'd know there's not much wrong with his lungs haha!)
he's now 15wks old (though 6weeks adjusted) and we're just starting to get the first smiles.....aaaaarrrrrrr!!! x
Fabulous news mrsbigz, gosh you must be so relieved. I am so happy to hear that, you certainly deserve some good news after what you've been through.
Congratulations Natz, although you must already feel very married by now... I am bit behind with my personals. Mimsy, I am sorry things didn't work out, I hope you have lots of support in RL. Same for you Cherry, I hope you are well suported and that things are ok now?
As for us, my little Coffeeboy is 15 months, walking and "chatting" all day. As usual, sorry for lack of personals, I've had very little time to come in here lately. I wish we could meet up again though, that would be so lovely! Sending lots and lots of positive vibes to Kittens. I wonder how our founding members are - Cantdo, Mishta, Numpty, a big wave to you all!
It's so quiet here. And I keep forgetting to check in. I guess it's a good sign if people don't need to talk/have support. But I do think of you all.. Great news, Mrs Bigz. And how can Coffeebean be a toddler already? No longer a baby...
Babycan't is 2 now. How can that be? And do you know, I missed the third anniversary of the due date of my first lost baby last week. I just forgot. Which feels weird, too. But good, too, I guess. I am trying not to feel guilty, as that would be, well, pointless, really. I feel I have moved on - I'm not, in my own eyes, someone who has lost two babies - even though I have - the lost babies have turned me into who I am now, the parent I am now, for better or for worse.
I would love to hear everyone's news. Much love to you all.
Wow, Cantdo, Babycant is 2... although Toddlercant is more appropriate now. I am asking myself the same question, how can that be? I am sometimes looking at Coffeebean (but a bean he is not) and asking myself when he did grow into this funny little boy?!
I don't know if you remember but I also forgot Silvia's due date last year... I did feel awfully guilty, but at the same time it must be because this date is not as significant, for me, as the date she was born. And I feel that I have moved on, but as you say her loss is now part of who I am. At the same time, I want a second DC (eventually!) and I still have some anxiety inside.
Anyway, I'll cross this bridge when I come to it. I just wanted to say hello, really, and it's good to hear from you.xxxx
Funny how quiet this thread is at the moment. I quite often check but never seem to have enough time to actually post.
Cherrybaby doing grand but not taking to the solids at all. It's a real surprise as he seems so interested in watching us eat and so I really thought he'd be ready. DD took to solids no bother but he's a different story. Just doesnt seem to want to eat. I was hoping once he started solids he'd sleep a bit better so it's frustrating! Still feeding him at least 3 times during the night and the little monkey wont sleep in his cot. I looked back at DD's baby book and she first slept through at 10 weeks! Just shows how different they all are. Anyway not too stressed about it but hope he'll get his appetite for food soon. Makes life much easier when you can placate them with a rice cake!
Health wise I'm still waiting to see specialist. But trying not to worry too much.
Flower - hope all good with you and you're enjoying your pregnancy. What is your due date?
Ghislaine, Mrs Bigz, Manitz, Babylily, Grandj, Myangelava - if you're reading, hope you and your babies are well. MrsBigz - great news about your little one.
Kittens - hope 2012 is improving for you and you're doing ok?
Coffee/Can't - I forgot Leilas due date this year too. It passed me by. I dont feel it's a significant date for me really and feel much more emotional about the day she was born. Again though it feels less painful and more manageable now, though like you is a part of me. I'll never forget her and carry her with me. Coffee, I can understand the anxiety about doing it all again. Once you've been through that, pregnancy loses its innocent optimism. Perhaps next time though, once over the scan hurdles, you'll truly be able to relax and believe all will be well.
Natz - hope you're enjoying married life! I'm faffing about not really doing anything about the wedding and really need to get a move on. My task this week is to contact some dressmakers about the dress. I'm back to work in June so will have even less time to get things done!
Love to all
I've been holding back posting this, especially when it sounds like people are moving on.
I feel like I'm going backwards a bit. I found pregnancy not too bad mentally (apart from the obvious fears of something going wrong, right up until the last minute). But now my son is here I am struggling with how I feel sometimes. I love him intensely, and he delights me. I'm so happy watching him grow and develop. When he smiles I feel like sunshine explodes in my heart. But now I also have these feelings of "what if" - how would I have felt about my first baby? What would he have looked like? Like my son, but with down syndrome? How would I have reacted as a mother to him? At the time of the termination I never had any doubts, even though it was an awful time. But now I'm questioning myself. It's really hard to explain how I feel. I know I did the right thing at the time.
Ghislaine, I am spared those questions mostly because my babies had fatal conditions, which makes the 'what ifs' less compelling. But a friend of a friend has a little girl exactly the age my first lost child would be (just three) and of course my first child didn't have a condition that is always fatal (Turners), although it was in our case (and sadly is in many). Anyway I don't see this child very often but when I do, I imagine my missing child, only mine would have had (a non-fatal case of) Turner's, and I wonder what she would have been like. It's very fleeting though - I can't explain it - it's more like a passing wonder, rather than a concrete thought process or even a deep sorrow. Not sure how to express it. I have no points of comparison for my second lost child (I happen not to know children that age) and I find I remember her as she was when I gave birth to her at 20 weeks, rather than as she might be now.
But sometimes it occurs to me that I will always be accompanied by faint, passing shadows of the babies I briefly carried, and of lives that could have been. And it's almost comforting, actually, in a funny way. I should think you will feel that way too - I guess part of having your son is that he has both given you incredible joy and somehow also shown you more acutely what you lost with your first baby.
Coffee, I bet Coffee isn't such a teeny bean any longer! Interesting to hear you tentatively mention another baby. I should imagine the pregnancy anxiety never really goes away but must be less harsh than last time around. Did Katie start ttc again, or did I dream it?
Cherry, good luck with the wedding plans. Exciting. Can you tell us about the dress? As for the food thing, I think babies all do it at their own pace, not ours. I can imagine you want him to start eating though! I guess you just have to keep offering and try to chill. Easier said than done....
Wise words, cant. I guess I didn't think my feelings would manifest this way, especially as I found being pregnant again quite healing. I imagine it will get better with time. I suppose it's part of adjusting to being a mother to a boy who's actually here with me.
Did somebody upthread mention a meet-up? We could have another one! It'd be great to see all the old faces and meet the new ones. I'd love to see some wedding pics, I adore weddings. And baby pics (or in person!) would be good too.
hey ghislaine - reading your post struck lots of chords with me as i feel very similar to you. like you our dd had down syndrome - and also this cystic hygroma which the specialists were never really able to explain how it could affect long-term...spectrum ranging from nothing to possible severe brain damage. as you know on Eve's anniversary in March i was in hospital with Callum when he was poorly, and i had then (and often do) the same thoughts as you.....what would she have looked like. could we have actually coped with her and the unknown health issues that were imminent. most poignantly is when i see my two eldest boys around little girls (any age really, but particularly babies) - they are so loving and caring to them and treat them almost as though they should be on a pedestal. they would surely have loved Eve no matter what (that is the beauty of children - the innocent, unconditional love) and had we never known about her prognosis and she'd just 'arrived' we too would have loved her unconditionally.
BUT like you i look at Callum and can't imagine my life without him - he is a joy to be with (particularly at around 3 in the morning). i think that the questions and 'what if's' are a natural part of the greiving process - gosh if we didn't think these things occasionally then it almost makes a mockery of the hugely difficult decisions we had to make in the past. but what i always remind myself is that we made the right decision for her and our family at the time. and despite how much i desperately miss her still (although it is getting easier) i still am confident in that. sending you some unMN hugs though - it's a hard feeling to deal with.
on a lighter note - i'm all for meet-ups! love putting names to face
Thanks Mrsbigz, I think I even have the same triggers - at Easter we went out for the day and we saw a couple around our (advanced) age whose baby had down's. I couldn't stop thinking - did they know? Was it a surprise? Did they go through the same emotions and would they have decided differently? It brought it all back. You are right, if I didn't have those sorts of reactions, I'd question my humanity a bit. Hugs back to you.
Ghislaine, I am sorry you are struggling. Not more to add to Cantdo and mrsbigz... I also remember my little girl as she was when I gave birth to her. I did fleetingly ask myself what she would have looked like if we didn't terminate, would she have made it to term,would she have been able to smile, would she have known I was her mum... the prognosis was awful for us as the abnormalities were in the thalamus, the area in the brain which regulates all the senses. What I am holding on to is the certainty that I wouldn't have had my little boy if we had her, and I know this sounds awful, as if it was a choice between my two children, but it wasn't at all. I don't know how to explain it, I just can't imagine my life without him, and this gives everything another dimension.
On a lighter note, I did mention a possible meet-up, it would be nice to see everybody again.
I have to dash now, but thinking of all of you ladies. Big wave to Kittens.
Just curious - when you had your last meet up where did you all meet - and where is everyone from? X
Last time we met up was autumn ish 2010 and we met up in central London. so it was just the southern contingent (London, brighton, Cambridge and surrounds) who made it, but there were quite a few of us!
If another southern meetup happens then count me in. To avoid the potential for any uninvited attention, we got the people who wanted to come to say so on here then pm'd the details of where and when to meet. Kittens was our organiser and did a very fabulous job. x
hi, first post in this section.
firstly im so sorry for each one of you and your sad losses, its shocking to see so many names on here
i admire you hugely to have the courage to ttc again
i hope i will have the strength
we lost our much wanted and dearly loved baby boy in march due to hypo plastic left heart syndrome.
we are planning on ttc starting next month,
i think i'm going to avoid cleaning products and only have plant cleaning products on the house and avoid as many chemicals as possible, with avoiding certain diy jobs
try and eat as much organic food as possible
just trying to think of ways to be as healthy as possible, certainly for the first half of the pregnancy
i know i'm going to be an anxious mess.
my gp has put me on high strength folic acid, and i'm just trying to think of anything i can do to aviod this happening again or anything else happening.
hello and welcome to sad but trying mummy. i also terminated my pregnancy because my baby had a hypoplastic right heart, that will be 5 years ago on 5 july. I have since had two healthy sons and a third who had downs syndrome (that pregnancy resulted in a second termination). Downs was totally unrelated to the heart condition and pretty unlikely. I am sure you will find this board very supportive as i did through my pregnancies which had their ups as well as their downs.
Ghislaine, I have just caught up, your first post sounded like you were struggling a little but you sound like you have had good advice and now a bit more sorted. Just wanted to add my experience in case it helps. Following my first termination I had ds1 and suffered a bit of the blues for about a year. I found it a tough year despite being ecstatic to have him. I put it down to having expected to always be happy if only I could have a live baby but it wasn't the case. With ds2 this time round, I knew he wouldn't solve all my problems and havent had the same anxieties. As ds1 got older my anxieties diminished, think having a baby in the first year can make anyone feel a bit down as it can be slightly unrewarding and isolating.
As I said I am not unhappy or at all depressed this time round but I do always wonder about my lost babies. Especially downs as it is more visible. I wonder if parents with children with downs knew and how they feel. I always wonder what my babies would look/sound like. I like to think of them now as I think that is what ghosts are and how they remain alive and how their lives can be acknowledged. I don't know if that makes sense and I have to run now but I kind of sometimes wish i had him and occassionally though less so wish I had her too.
Would love a meet up too. xx
hi manitz, it's comforting to hear from others that they have gone on to have healthy other children
that must have been tough finding about one of your much wanted babies had ds.
how on earth did you cope second time round?
some idiot has said to me, that if i have another babes that dies it won't be as bad as i'll be expecting it
other people[my dad] has said to me is it worth it?
meaning don't get pregnant again.
i can imagine people won't be pleased for us if i did get pg, i can't imagine there will be the same joyful reaction normal people get, i'll be expecting comments of oh.......
that type of thing
i just feel if something like this happens again, it will totally break me
how many children do you have in total,? didy ou have any before you lost a child to hrhs?
did you do any thing differnt in the fololowing pregnancies?
how on earth do you cope with the 40 week pregnancy process?
i was htinking of taking it a day at a time with mini goals to focus on such as an 8 week scan, then a 12 weeek one, then an echo at great ormond street at 16 weeks
then the 20 week scan, then another echo at great ormond street again at 24 weeks.
Hi again sad but trying, I have four living children and had two girls who were 4 and 2 when I had my first termination. I think the idiot was right but said it wrong - they might have meant that you don't think you can cope but you do and you will - or they could just be an idiot. My dad had a similar attitude to yours especially with my last baby, really didn't think it would be a good idea for me to have another. they just didn't want it to go wrong again.
I approach it like I'm pregnant and that is great but I can't think of it as a baby. Just try and enjoy each stage for what it is. Like you are suggesting really. You just can't think of the future.
ghislaine, I also remembered that one of the big things that dawned on me after ds1 was born was that during the pregnancy I'd been looking forward to the baby's birth and a subconcious part of me thought it would be her who would be born (the baby I had lost). It was a bit of a shock when it wasn't and I had to love an interloper instead - I do but i have never loved any of my children immediately except like a really nice pet. Think I'm focusing here on the fact that you said you had gone backwards so apologies if you no longer think that. x
Hi sad but trying mummy. So sorry I hear about the loss of your baby boy back in march - I'm sure you will find a lot of support and handholding on this thread... I know that I did!
We lost a baby girl last march - we terminated as she had downs syndrome and also an enlarged cystic hygroma all down her back it is the worst thing I've ever had to go through.
I wanted to ttc again straight away (while I know others who have preferred to wait a little - I guess also depending in the diagnosis and whether waiting for pm results etc) we were very fortunate to fall pg again 3 months later and my baby boy was born (9 wks early!?!) in January. I didn't do anything particularly different in that pregnancy - id always tried to eat / live healthily anyway, plus Eve's diagnosis was just random, rather than being something I could have controlled/avoided. The women on here were amazing all the way through - of course you're going to be nervous/anxious when you fall pregnant but I found it helped to set small goalposts like you said. Viability scan, 12 wk scan (we also had a private, more detailed nuchal scan - which gave us the confidence to avoid further invasive testing).
For various reasons my pregnancy wasn't straightforward at all and had its for share of scares however ds3 is here and perfectly healthy - so goes I show it can all work out in the end.
Try and ignore the comments of others - I think mostly they mean no harm but often don't know what to say / how to say things to you when you've been through a termination. People didn't want us to ttc again - but not in a horrible way, just that they didn't want to see us go through such an emotional time again. But we knew we wanted 3dcs so we followed our hearts
Best of luck on your ttc journey xxx
thanks for such kind replies, feel quite vunerable at the moment so your kindness is appriciated
like with my dad i haven't asked for his advice, he just gives it to me.
i don't want other peoples advise, well not people i know in rl.
it's different on here because i'm asking for your advice
it does give me hope to read about other people that have gone on to have healthy babies, i truely admire you mothers you have such strength.
hopefully i will have too
manitz how did your 4 and 2 year old take the news, after your termination?
we have a dd who is just 5, she is not taking it very well at all.
i've been suprised and shocked at the depth of her grief.
i knew she would be upset as she was sooooo excited about having a baby.
but shes taken it hard and its difficult to see hersuffer
hi again. how far gone were you? I was 26 weeks so my kids were aware of the pregnancy. When we realised there was a problem we started going for cardiac scans etc so they wanted to know where we were going. I explained that the baby might not have all its parts to make it work. That meant that by the time of the termination they were aware there may be a problem. I dont remember them being that upset, mostly curious, I think it made the older one realise about mortality but the younger one was quite confused.
Why do you think she is so upset? do you think it's because she wants a sibling? maybe cos they had each other mine had less investment in the pregnancy. I also had the baby in july then the oldest started school in the sept and dd2 started preschool which was a massive distraction. Also I had been working but went on maternity leave so it was better for them as they got me home and I really focussed on them, so perhaps their life improved? we felt like shit so we went to some impromptu festivals and treated ourselves, i became a bit more fancy free. I was like mrsbigz and wanted to get pregnant as soon as possible. It didn't happen immediately but I had ds about 15 months later.
I think you give her a hug/lots of hugs. Its probably that she realises how fragile life is. x ps my dad also offers loads of advice - you'd almost htink he had a womb!
hi sorry i missed your reply. i was 22 weeks
dd has been in tears twice again today, i'm thinking of contacting someone about her.
i'm at home anyway so dont think its because she wants me at home, think shes just so sad as she was looking forward to the baby so much.
hey sadbuttrying - my situation was a little different to yours. i have to older ds's who were 3 and 1 when we lost our baby last year. because we'd had 2 mc's previously we'd decided not to tell them we were pregnant until our 12wk scan (or tell anyone actually!) and it was that scan that bore us bad news, so from then until 17wks when we finally tfmr, we didn't tell the children as we felt they were too young to properly understand. thankfully although i was showing, it wasn't enough for them (especially the older one) to notice.
however kids are very reactive to their surroundings and while i tried my best to hold things together i'm afraid that i was often in tears around them.
once we'd lost Eve and had her buried, we have taken the kids to the cemetary to visit her. we've explained that we're visiting their sister, and that while she was in my tummy, she was too poorly to be born like they were. the youngest still doesn't quite get it but my (now) 4.5 year old does ask lots of questions.
i found this book to be really helpful - i remember it from a funeral that i went to years ago, and thought then how it would be a really good way to help explain death/dying to kids. hope you may find it useful too?
thankyou think i'll order that, i ordered we were gonna have a baby but had an angel instead but its so sad, that i havent shown it to her yet.
but then again so is our situation, perhaps i will show dd the book.
i'll rty waterbugs
thanks for your kind message and im very sorry for your loss too
Hi everyone, and hello to sadbuttryingmummy, in response to your first post trying again is hard, and accepting that with pregnancy awful things happen that we have no control over is hard, you can do everything right and still loose a baby this happened with our first.
I had my 20 week scan yesterday and as the doctor said it has been a long and difficult journey, we lost our first concieved naturaly then 16 months ttc and fertility treatment to get this little one. In the end the fear of never getting pregnant over rid my fear of things going wrong, having said that I spent the first 13 weeks in denial even up till yesterday, and when the doctor told us to relax and enjoy our baby I got all emotional. I said to dh last night we are going to have a baby! most people have worked that out by 20 weeks but I havent dared believe it, probably wont fully until baby is safely in our arms as I dont feel I can fully bond, I need to protect myself still, and hope things will be ok when baby comes? I'm rambling now.
Scan was all fine, had to have two as baby was laying across me snuggled into posteria placenta and couldnt see tummy, face and brain first time after half hour and some poking baby moved, it was amazing to see all the chambers of the heart. As doctor said have now got over half way, so looking forward to due date, oct the 9th.
Sorry for the me post, hope everyone is doing ok
lots of love xx
I haven't posted anything in months. Just two days after my last post I started to bleed. I was almost angry with myself for testing so early, if I hadn't I would have just thought it was my period.
Im pregnant again now, week 12. Yesterday I had a CVS. My midwife referred me because I was so worried after what happened in december (had a termination because of abnormalities).
I almost tried not to look at the scan but couldn't help it and almost panicked inside when I saw a black area behind the neck, not as large as last time thankfully, but not thin either. :-(
The specialist said that it would not be any point in measuring because I hadn't taken the blood sample for a CUB. And that he did not want to worry me when I would have a definitive answer in a few days from the CVS anyway.
He did not seem that worried and said that during his 20+ years at the hospital he had only come across two women who had two different non hereditary abnormalities after another.
But I can't help worrying myself sick anyway.
Hi Linn - just jumping on to give you a ((hug)) and support for the CVS result wait. xxx
Oh Linn, I'm so sorry to hear about your earlier miscarriage. And I hope you don't have much longer to wait for your test results this time. Fingers crossed for a good result. In the meantime it is true that it is very uncommon to have two bad results in a row so hang on to that. xx
Linn - sorry to hear about the miscarriage. I hope you dont have long to wait for the CVS results this time and that when you get them you get the all clear and can relax. Let us know how you get on.
Flower - really great to her your 20 week scan went well. Just the last stretch to go now. Oct 9th will be here before you know it. I felt the same about not feeling as though I was bonding for fear of something still going wrong. I think it's perfectly normal though. I hope you're enjoying pregnancy despite this.
Hi everyone else - all ok here. I've actually been doing some wedding planning as it kind of dawned on me that september isnt actually that far away. Met with the dressmaker and am currently trying to decide on fabric. Also thinking about table decorations, flowers etc. I swore i wouldnt get dragged in to the whole wedding shenanigans but have found myself actually enjoying thinking about favours etc. I'm making everything myself - cake included so lots to plan!
Love to all!
LittlePoot - yes :-) I am so relieved! The CVS for the most common chromosomal abnormalities was clear! And I couldn't help to check and it's a girl. DS will be happy to get a little sister I think. So I am happy but a bit cautious, until after the later anatomy scan. If that's ok then I will really be able to relax. But happy for now! :-)
Woo hoo!! Such brilliant news. One more hurdle down. Am really pleased for you. x
Fantastic news Linn!!! So pleased for you, and congratulations on a daughter in there
Hello Poot - hope you are are doing well? xx
Linn, just popping onto say that i'm so pleased that your initial cvs results came back clear - and congrats on having a little girl
So sorry i've not been here for absolutely ages! Hope everybody is well.
I've not had time to read all the messages properly but Natz congrats on the wedding, sorry it's so late but glad you had a lovely time!
Welcome and congratulations to all the new people, Linn so pleased to see your CVS results were clear - fab news!
I have a little news myself. I tested on sat and am pregnant! Kept it a secret from DH until yesterday. He was doing the London to Brighton bike ride so i wrote it in a card and got Felix to give it to him at the finish line
We are really happy and excited - feeling pretty positive about it all, which i suppose is a worry in itself as i know it will be a real crash back down to earth if things don't work out. For now though i have a big smile on my face.
Lots of love to you all Katie xxx
LADIES.................Oh I am soooo pleased to have found you still here, I could cry!!
Hello to everyone, I hope you remember me (I'm on the list of Hope if you don't).
Do you mind if I join you again after a VERY LONG absence??
Katiecub Huge congratulations to you, I hope you have a happy and healthy 9 months.
Hello Linn as someone who's been through a CVS I can understand you delight at getting the all clear. I was in the same boat last Jan/Feb time.
Cherrybug, NatzCNL, Littlepoot and anyone else I have not name checked Hello Hello Hello....
I haven't caught up on the thread entirely so forgive me if I've missed anything significant.
I have some news........I am 11+1 today, 3rd Pregnancy, hopefully 2nd Baby and I had to come back because I need you guys. It wasn't until this afternoon when I was explaining to someone about my history that all of a sudden I thought 'No one knows what I'm going through and I really need to talk about stuff' and then I thought of you.
Quick memory jog on my history: May 7th 2010 Termination as baby had Annencephaly, I was 15 weeks. End of Jan/early Feb 2011 CVS @12wks as chance of Downs was 1:43, was given the all clear and went on to have a very healthy baby boy called George.
I'm a bit frightened of the outcome of this one. I have my 12 week scan on the 29th of June and could do with some hand holding.
Sorry it's a bit Me Me Me, will you have me back?
Congratulations Stormbird lovely to hear from you!!
I've been away for a wee while too but also back for some hand holding. Will hold your hand if you hold mine x
hello, congratulations katie and stormbird and linn I'm pleased your cvs is good news. Katie, my dh was doing the bike ride too. What time did yours start? I was by the first bit along the seafront at the wrong end from the finish line. dh finished about 2pm and started at 7.30 he loved it and we really enjoyed brighton. went for fips and sat on the beach for ages after. it was such a lovely day. the parking was manic...
good luck all 3 of you with your pregnancies. x
Hi Manitz - thanks
DH started at 7am and finished at 1.30 so sounds like they did it in the same time. I have done it with him and some other friends a few years ago and i think we finished at about 5pm then as i was so slow
Glad you enjoyed Brighton, am biased but i do think it rocks! x
Katie!!! Congrats - really pleased for you. And Stormbird, hello and congrats on your pregnancy too!!
A nicer bunch of handholders i've yet to meet (as i'm sure you know all too well!!) so am happy to share in both of your journeys and offer my virtual hand - this group was my lifeline last year xxxx
Woo-hoo! I step away for a few days and suddenly it's all go again in here! Hooray!!! Congratulations Stormbird and lovely to see you back. Blimey though, George isn't even one yet is he? You have been busy! Everything crossed for you. And massive hugs for you Katie! I nearly texted you the other day to ask you how you were doing but I didn't want to be sending you an "are are you pregnant yet?" text, so very exciting to see you back here. I do agree that Brighton rocks although I am also slightly biased. everything's crossed for you all. xxxx
Littlepoot Your right, George is only 11 months and I am practically 3 months pregnant. It wasn't planned at all in fact it was a huge shock and I cried for 3 days..........before I pulled myself together and just got on with it.
Manitz Mrsbigz Hello (WAVES)
I'm having a bit of a mental battle just lately as I am so worried that the upcoming Scan, Nuchal and Combined bloods are going to throw a spanner in the works.......What are the chances of being high risk again for downs?? What are the chances that this baby has Annencephaly?? Should I have just gone for a CVS to get it all over and done with?? This questions are constantly spinning through my head, it's all I can think about.........................I'm struggling to stay positive, today especially.
Hello! I thought I would stick my head in as I recognised a couple of names, and also see that there are a few of you fairly newly pregnant with the extra worry about scans that everyone in our position has. My situation was that I sadly terminated my 1st pregnancy just over 3 years ago for T21 and serious heart defects. I then miscarried pregnancy no. 2 soon after, before falling pregnant yet again and going on to produce our lovely little boy, who has just turned 2. I was never a very regular poster, but have found great support on these threads.
The latest update to this is that I had another baby - this time a little girl - 2 months ago. I hope that what I'm about to type doesn't worry anyone unnecessarily, but I thought it might be helpful just in case anyone has a similar experience, particularly as none of us go into scans with the naivety of first timers.
We had an early private scan at 8 weeks and saw a heart beat. But the 12 week scan was awful, with a NT reading almost identical - in fact, slightly higher at 4.7mm - than for the first pregnancy that we terminated. It was so like the first time - to begin with the sonographers were very chatty, but then fell increasingly quiet as they did the measurements. They said that they expected the baby either to have a chromosomal abnormality, or if not, then a serious heart defect, given the readings (and, I'm sure, given our history). We went straight to CVS as we couldn't not know. A lovely consultant, who recognised us from before, saw me crying in the corridor, and pushed the lab to get initial results back to us in 48 hours so we didn't have to wait over a weekend once again. And somehow, this time the results came back clear for chromosomal abnormalities. We had further detailed heart scans straight afterwards and at 16 and 20 weeks as they were still concerned about potential heart defects, but nothing was picked up, and our lovely little girl arrived 2 months ago.
I don't know if this is reassuring or not, so please excuse me if it isn't. I guess what I'm trying to say is that hopefully you will have smooth experiences this time round. It is still far more likely than not. But that if you should find yourselves in a position like me, there is still hope, even though it may not feel like it at the time.
My best wishes for your pregnancies!
Wow, I just decided to pop my head in and there's all this news! Apologies, I've not had a chance to read back very far either.
Congratulations to Katie and Stormbird on your pregnancies, and to Katerina on the birth of your daughter.
Thanks Katerina for posting. It goes to show that, as horrific as it is to see an increased nuchal fold, there's still a chance all will be ok. We all know that feeling of blood running cold when the sonographers go quiet. Good to know there can still be hope.
I am still on this Super Ovulation treatment. It's not been working so far. Last cycle I tried it I didn't ovulate until CD24 which was rather too late! I took a month off for a hysteroscopy last cycle and then despite pretty dire blood test results I've managed to produce to ripe follicles this month which I will be firing out ready for OH to take aim this week! Keep your fingers crossed for me. Time is running out!
Hope everyone is ok. xx
Oh kittens sweetie, I'm hoping so hard this works for you. I've been stalking you occasionally on the other board, just checking you're ok. Xxxx
Ahh thanks all
Kittens and Poot so lovely to hear from you old timers. Kittens i am keeping every possible part of my body crossed for you this month. You have not had IVF yet have you? Is that also an option? Really hoping that you don't need to think about that anyway.
Poot how are you and how is Jacob? Felix is very chatty now, really come on wth his language over the last couple of months and is hilarious.
Congratulations Katerina on the birth of your daughter, lovely news and i agree that's a great story to share. Nothing is certain is it? I'm so sorry you had to go through so much stress again though.
Mrsbigz - thank you so much for the virtual hand! how is your little one doing now? x
I bet Felix is brilliant! Jacob is finally thinking about learning to walk-he's never been very into moving about so no rush from him. But instead of learning words, he's learning animal noises! No idea why, but he can do elephant, snake, spider (tickly tickly), cow, cat, sheep, tiger (and any other roaring beast). But only says mummy, daddy and nana. Oh and dude! And I think we got noodle tonight (noo noo). So he can talk to the animals but is still rubbish at getting his point across to the rest of us! Ah well, hopefully he'll get it one day. It's so funny finally finding out a bit of what's going on in those little heads of theirs isn't it?
Blimey Katerina-another one with a tiny age gap. Congratulations! How has it been with two? Lovely to hear from you anyway.
Love to all. Xxx
Hi all, haven't been on here for ages, but just thought I'd have a quick check on everyone, Kittens in particular - everything crossed for you here too for this month Kittens xxx
Only had time for a quick scan, so I probably missed a lot - though I did see Katerina's, Katie's and Stormbird's lovely news so congratulations to you all!!
I have had such a horrible time with my 15y old dd these past few months. She started off the year alright at school, but sort of got in with 'the wrong crowd'. Long story short, she is truanting ALL the time, smoking (cigarettes and marijuana), lying, stealing (finally got caught the other day), is rude, has trashed her room to the point of vandalism, and taking off from home when she feels like it. She took off for 5 days about a month ago, and is gone again now - for 8 days so far, and I don't even know where she spent last night. The close relationship we used to have has just gone - I'm pretty devastated/sad/angry/lost about it all at the moment and I go from desperately wanting her to come home, to wanting to wash my hands of her all together for the hurt she has caused (which I know, sounds horrible). One good thing is that she has a lovely boyfriend who is trying to get her on the right track, though, the way she's going, he won't be around much longer, and heaven help her then. DH comes home today after being away for 3 weeks, so at least I'll not feel so alone in all this (though it has been a major worry for him while he's been away), and my sister comes up from Melbourne tomorrow, which will be nice, though I wish I didn't have all 'this' going on while she is here. If anyone had have told me a few months back I'd be in this position , I would not have believed them.
In happier news, my 17y old dd is fine, also has a lovely boyfriend, and Bella, who is now 2 1/2, is as cute as ever. She just woke up (7:30am) and said "Mum, time get up?" I told her, no, it's still early, go back to sleep - so she did. She's still BF morning and night, but I figure, as she can't have dairy, it's a bit of extra calcium/nutrients (though am quite happy to quit when she is!). She misses her big sister though, and is always asking where she is
Anyway, sorry for the me, me post, but I know you ladies will understand xxx
PS I just added a couple of recent photos of Bella to my profile. I also, a few months ago, updated my ('shitty' for those who remember) house blog if anyone still has the site address/is interested
Love to you all xx
Mishtabel how lovely to hear from you. So sorry to hear you have been having such a hard time though - can't imagine how worried you must be. Do you know where DD is when she is away from home? Is it something the school can help with or even the Police? I guess that could make things worse though. You must be very glad DH is coming home for support.
Had a look at the pictures of Bella she really lives up to her name - what a cutie! What is your house blog address btw, i can't recall it!
LP - Jacob sounds great fun! You are right it is so funny what goes through their little heads. Nice that he is not to bothered about moving - Felix is the complete opposite he won't sit still for a minute and hates being inside, soon as he wakes up starts chanting 'mummy park, felix park' i am frequently the only mum in the park standing there in the puring rain
Mishtabel so sorry you are havnig a tough time. Hello to you and I hope that things 'come out in the wash' as they say!!
thanks for the post Katerina and it does hold a glimmer of hope.
I'm having a very difficult time at the moment waiting for this Scan. I can't relax. I scrawl through all the posts in this topic upsetting myself that these horrible things happen to us ladies at what is meant to be a very happy time in our lives. I am petrified of what might be, more so than I was when I found out I was pregnant with George...............I think I'm going to be a nervous wreck on the 29th................
I joined a 'Due in January 2013' thread when I first found out and most of the ladies are so up beat and looking forward to their scans etc. it makes me feel incredibly guilty.
I just feel like crying at the moment, I want this 12 week scan over and done with!
Ahh, how sweet of you to check up on my Poot! It must be hilarious in your house with all those animal noises.
Mishtabel, I'm so sorry to hear of all your trials with your DD. Is it the same DD who was being bullied? Could it be that she's got in with an older crowd who seemingly accept her for who she is, even if they lead her astray? I hope you can work things out with her and this is just one of those teen things of asserting her own independence for the first time. Really upsetting for you and so difficult to know what to do. Little Bella looks gorgeous. I can't believe how big she is already. Actually, I guess all the thread babies that were born when I was frequenting this thread are no longer babies anymore. Time flies!
I'm sorry to admit that although I am so thrilled to hear how well everyone's doing with their little ones it also does highlight where I should've been now and how little progress I've made. That's why I'm only an occasional visitor, even though I think of you all often. I feel like I've gone on a bit of a downward spiral from being in a position of terminating two pregnancies but still thinking there was every chance of the next one working out, to then dealing with recurrent miscarriages but thinking 'at least I can get pregnant quickly and easily' to now having fertility problems. It's a bit like trying to climb a very muddy, slippery hill and I keep falling face down in the mud! Even if I do get pregnant, whether it be naturally but with drugs or by IVF I still have a pretty high chance of miscarrying and if I actually manage to make it to 12 weeks, well, we all know too well the worry that comes next.....
Sorry, bit blue at the moment! I'm struggling with a lot of stuff. Losing my mum is really hitting me hard at the moment too.
Hello. I wondered if I could join your thread.... you seem to be great at supporting each other! I could probably do with a bit of support and a bit of advice - I'm nearly 8 wks pregnant after having a termination in Jan as our baby had Edwards syndrome. I also had a miscarriage just over a year ago.
We do have a lovely little boy though, so I know there's hope!
I wanted to ask about early scans - what do they show and are they only done so that you can get a CVS arranged asap? In Jan the hospital screening midwife said that when I got pregnant again I could contact her directly and get an early scan at 8-9 weeks, but I'm not sure whether to do it or not as we don't want to have an invasive test unless there's some indication of abnormalities. Also, they had problems carrying out the CVS last time and in the end we had to wait for an amnio (which they also had problems with - didn't actually get it done till 17 wks).
I'm really worried about going for a scan and it kicking off all the worry and upset we had to go through last time, as I'm quite enjoying just being quietly pregnant at the moment!
Any info/advice gratefully received... Thanks
kitten completely understand why you are blue and why you dont visit here much anymore. but it is really nice to hear from you. I really hope you get what you want and tht things are on the up soon.
Mishtabel, i hope its a phase!
littlepoot, my brother was apparently the same, animal noises and he could find a biscuit tin after the first visit in a new house.
scampidoodle, i dont know much about early scans and havent had any earlier than 12 week nuchal myself. however i did opt for a detailed scan by a consultant at 16 weeks or so instead of cvs having had two terminations - one for a heart defect and one because of T21. Really glad to hear you are enjoying your pregnancy so far. Of course there will be worry but it's also possible to enjoy it in a quieter way than perhaps you would do if you had not experienced this - well that's what i found. welcome to the thread.
Scampidoodle, congratulations on your pregnancy!! Just to answer your question I did have an early scan at around 8 wks of my last pregnancy, but it was really just a viability scan (having had mc's in the past as well as a termination) - so all they really looked for was that the baby was in the right place and had a strong heartbeat. I'm not sure they can detect anything more detailed than that early on. Like you we wanted to avoid invasive testing so we had a private nuchal done as the nhs one wasn't all that thorough (our termination had been for t21 and heart probs) and from the results we didn't go for an amino but instead had regular scans throughout the pregnancy. My little boy was born in jan - 9 wks early albeit, but he's doing just fine :-))
Not sure if anyone remembers me, we lost an angel to t21 in March 2011.
Popping on with an update- our array cgh ICSI miracle baby arrived on 11/6/12 weighing 6lb15. Nicholas James. He is perfect and has made the pain fade away after our losses and a very scary pregnancy due to placenta praevia.
i remember you. congratulations. you sound great, hope you resting up. x
mrsbigz - thank you for the info. I think I'll just wait for the 12 week scan and hope for the best. Congratulations re your son! Good to know things can eventually go well.
Hello to scampidoodle and welcome looks like we have similar fears for our new pregnancies. I hope your 12 week scan goes well.
My scan is on Friday......fingers crossed xx
Will post again soon
congratulations blacktreaclecat - i remember you very well as our losses were very close to one another. so happy that nicholas has arrived healthy (also had placenta praevia so can understand that concern!!!) enjoy your time with your new miracle xxxxxxxxxxxx
Congratulations Blacktreacle lovely news!
Welcome Scampi and congratulations too! For my last pregnancy (the one after my termination) i was offered a CVS as standard if i wanted but choose to wait for the NT results - it turned out they were so low i didn't want to take the risk. This time round i will do the same.
Stormbird hope you are holding up ok. will be keeping everything crossed for you tomorrow please let us know how it goes - sure you will be just fine x
All ok here - abot 6.5 weeks now and feeling increasingly horrible. Retching started today too. Telling myself i'm very lucky and it's a good sign but am starting to feel very sorry for myself I keep thinking if it all goes wrong i will be going through all this for nothing and it will only get worse! Argh need to snap out of it! We are off on holiday on Saturday so that will be a good distraction i think.
Love to all xxx
ugh what horrible weather for you. I remember the heat and the smell of bins. bleurgh. have a nice holiday. x
Stormbird - good luck for tomorrow - hope all goes well for you.
Katiecubs I can sympathise as I seem to have all day nausea and I feel exactly the same way, about it possibly all being for nothing. I'm sure it's not been this bad before but it's supposed to be a good sign, isn't it?...
Not good news ladies. We have annencephaly again, can't quite believe it!!
So I'm home after seeing the consultant. Well the long and short of it is I wasn't taking folic acid until I found out I was PG and we didn;t find out until we were nearly 6 weeks so this is a likely reason as to why we are now in the same position as we were in 2010.
They have advised that as I'm 12+5 aMedical Termination is the only option and I am petrified as last time I was put under and had a surgical termination. Has anyone ever had a medical termination and can put me at ease. It's obviously not pleasant so please don't sugar coat it.............
Oh my God stormbird-I'm so sorry for your news. I know that anancephaly is one of those which is known can recur, but I had such a good feeling for you. I'm so sorry.
I had a medical termination for mine at 13 weeks and it wasn't a lot of fun for sure. Honestly, my advice would be to get straight into the pain relief rather than waiting to see if you need it. By the time it starts to hurt, it can then take a little while for the pain relief to kick in. You are allowed morphine, which helps to dull all the senses, and I was also told an epidural would be available, although I didn't go for that as I didn't want to have to stay overnight. I can't dress it up, it will be a truly shit day, but apparently safer for you and your future reproductive potential than surgery, although the exact cut off seems to vary between hospitals. The worst bit was probably having to take the pills a couple of days earlier then go home and wait. At least when you're in the delivery unit you know it'll be over soon. From induction, I think it took 6 hours for me. I didn't want to see the baby, although you can, and can spend a much time with them as you want. I just wanted it over and to go home to rebuild. That was really the worst part, although you know that already.
Sweetie, I'm so sorry and I wish there was more I could do to ease things for you. You know we're here for you. Xxx
Stormbird - you must be devastated. I'm so sorry for you.
Re-medical termination, I had one last time at 18.5 weeks and although it was very unpleasant, I found the hospital staff incredibly helpful and compassionate. I hope yours will be too. They had a special room they used for such things and it wasn't too much like being in hospital - I wasn't near any other pregnant women and didn't have to go into the main maternity/labour ward. I had about 3-4 hours of bad pains but when it actually happened it wasn't as bad as I'd feared. I didn't take any pain relief because they offered pethidine and I know that makes me go funny. I could just about cope without it (and I'm really not good with pain) but definitely if you know you're ok with whatever they offer you, then take it - you should make it as easy as possible on yourself.
Thank you ladies, I have to be honest and say the thought of actually having to give birth (and I cannot put this any better so I am sorry if I offend anyone) actually turned my stomach when the consultant told me this was my only option. After reading your posts I am beginning to feel a little more comfortable with the idea of the Medical Termination. I feel pretty numb at the moment. DS is definately getting us both through it though, he is such a little treasure.
Littlepoot on the grounds that this will be the best option for me physically in terms of getting pregnant again I feel it is the right thing to do (well as far as terminations go that is)......
I'm a little worried now about becoming obsessed with getting pregnant again.....one of the first thoughts that crossed my mind was, where is my CBFM and I wonder if the battery works . Is that weird??
I can't believe we're going through this again...................!
I know exactly what you mean. I couldn't imagine how I was going to get through actually giving birth. But you kind of get through the day on adrenaline (and in my case, morphine on tap) and like scampi, the staff were amazing. Really supportive and totally got it. I told them at the start how I felt about the whole thing and how I couldn't think of this as giving birth to my baby, it was just a procedure to get through. So that's how they played it and they really were amazing. The numb part you know-sadly-but I'm so glad you at least have ds to help get you through. They recommended I wait three months after before getting pregnant again but there's no hard evidence to say that's necessary. Definitely best to wait until you've had one normal cycle, but then just see how you feel. xxx
Scampidoodle. I'm so sorry. I have had two medical terminations. the first was for HRHS at 26 weeks. Then 3 years and 2 pregnancies later I had one for T21 at 14 weeks.
I feel that medical was most definitely a better option as i was able to grieve during teh event rather than doing so later. I didn't feel so at the time but I now think it was hte better option. I have always held each baby and taken photos.
take care x
Hey stormbird, how are you getting on? Hope the weekend is passing smoothly for you. I'll keep checking in in case you need a chat. xx
stormbird, obviously my message was meant for you. really sorry. hope you are coping ok. x
My weekend is dragging littlepoot , I feel like its prolonging the pain in a way. Luckily though we have DP's mum running round after us and we were out all day yesterday and today we have shopping to do for DS's 1st birthday so hopefully our minds will be occupied today.
DP's mum has also insisted on having George this evening so we can prepare ourselves for the phonecall tomorrow to go in for the first lot of drugs and we don't have to rush around getting him ready as he will already be with her. Makes perfect sense I know, but I cannot help feeling like I just want him close all the time!! DP is planning on pampering me apparently!!
My mum is on standby to jump on the train and come to help us get through it aswell but I haven't made a decision as to whether I want/need her here yet. Does that sound terrible?? DP thinks we should ask her to come, he thinks I'm going to need my mum more than I think.....says I put up this strong front, like I don't need anybody and could get through anything on my own, when really I could do with relying on people sometimes - his truthful opinion and he's probably right!! So I'm considering asking her to come tomorrow, although I feel terrible cos my dad had a massive op 3 weeks ago and is still in pain but apparently he's not too bad and has my brother and sister to help him and my mum hates the tube and I worry about her getting down here on her own even thgouh she is more than capable - she's only 53 so not a doddery old woman!!!
I think we have agreed that we would like to not see this as giving birth but the means to an end (sounds terrible but DP and I could not cope well emotionally otherwise). We have decided to not see/hold the baby also (somehow I feel utterly terrible about this).
Will I have to push like when I had George??? (probably the stupididt question I have ever asked)
What will they do with the baby afterwards???
A few days after we termianted last time we went to Epsom Downs at dusk with 2 cans of Carling (classy) and let a huge chinese lantern go with a verse written on it as a way of bringing what we had been through to a close and saying goodbye. We will hopefully do something similar this time round too but would love to know if anyone did anything along those lines...if you don't mind sharing?
scampidoodle , manitz & littlepoot thank you so much for your posts, they have really helped.
I'm holding on to the hope now that we have a bright, loving, hilariously wonderul and handsome little boy asleep in his cot and we created him and we can and will give him a brother/sister one day.
Stormbird I don't think your questions are stupid - I'm not sure about pushing but I'd think only a bit if at all... (mine was a bit later on but the baby was at least 2 weeks behind in size and I didn't have to do much).
I think that from 12/13 weeks the hospital have to arrange a cremation. We were given the chance to attend the short service. Someone at the hospital should talk through all of this with you as I think they all do things slightly differently. We found attending the little funeral really helpful (although definitely one of the worst days of our lives) - somehow it meant we could start to try and move on. We were able to choose some music to be played at the end, although I can't ever hear that piece now without thinking of that day.
I really understand what you say about your son getting you through this - I remember thinking that I didn't know what I'd do if we didn't have our son - I don't think I could have coped. Your DP sounds lovely and I'm so glad he's looking after you and you have support. I had to get my mum to come as my DH had to go back to work the next day but she could only stay a couple of days. I thought that would be awful and I'd fall apart on my own, but I think DH and I needed time on our own to deal with it all so it was for the best in the end.
I'll be thinking of you. x
Here are some more details. I hope it is not too much information for you but this is what I experienced:
You have given birth before so I dont think you will have to push. I have had a small prolapse so am very careful about these things. Because you don't have to worry about air etc, you can just let the baby come out naturally by relaxing. I had had two previous sections so was also concerned about my scar rupturing (this was with my 14 week fetus) so i was in hospital the whole time from the drugs. It took two hours from pessaries - you only have to get to 2 cm. The baby was small enough to fit in my hand. I think he came out in his sack as i asked the nurse if i should look and she arranged him for me before i looked. As i said, it helped me, particularly as it looked like a fetus not a baby - compared to my previous termination at 26 weeks.
My friend had a termination and didn't want to see the baby so they took a photo for her and put it in an envelope in case she changed her mind later.
After my 26 week baby was born the hospital arranged a cremation. For my 14 week baby it was a communal cremation with a service which we attended. You can ask for the ashes, the first baby we had the ashes scattered by the hospital bench in the crematorium gardens. For this one we did not feel it was as important as the gestation was so much less and it was more our hopes that we were mourning. It is different for everyone.
when these events have happened to me I do not want anyone around me except my children and my husband. It was nice that my parents helped me on a practical level but i wanted to shut down so I would not have wanted them to stay. Everyone is different though. EAch time the only positive thing I could take from it was that what i have is amazing and should not be taken from granted. I did not push myself and just lay down in the grass with the kids or sat and played with them instead of cleaning the floor.
I hope that makes some sense and that you are able to find something to help you get through the next few days. I hope ds 1st birthday is a good distraction, he is so little and at such a nice age. xx
Oh lovey. It is great you have your family round you to help, although like scampi, I did kind of need us to be on our own too. The waiting is awful. I'm afraid it doesn't get any better once you've had the pills either but not much longer then you can start to rebuild. One thing I do remember doing is eating all those things you're not allowed to have when you're pregnant. Seafood, runny eggs, blue cheese-the lot. The situation was just so out of control, it was my attempt at rebellion I guess. A bit of light relief. X
littlepoot i went to a dinner party and i couldn't drink even though I knew I was having a termination on the monday. Strange isn't it. I think you are right. once it has happened you can rebuild. x
Thank you so much ladies.......I can't express how much your posts are helping me to get through this. The advice and experiences are really heling me to come to terms with the inevitable.
I'm back at the hospital tomorrow so I shall update you all when I get back
Hey stormbird. Hope you're bearing up ok. Thinking of you. X
Hi ladies......there's news........it turns out that the consultant gave me misleading information last friday (apparently cos he's new to the hospital) and after consulting with the Midwife Counsellor this morning we ARE able to go ahead with a surgical termination. The only set back is that we will have to wait until friday which I am quite happy to do under the circumstances.
I admire you all for being strong enough to go through the Medical Termination but I do not feel that I could cope with this emotionally.
So in a twisted sense, today I felt 'happier' and much more comfortable about the inevitable.
My mum and my sister are coming down tomorrow afternoon to help out with George as DP's mum has to go back to work on Wednesday.
So we are back to playing the waiting game..........
Oh that's good. It wasn't a case of me being strong enough though-there was just no choice at our hospital. I had the surgical procedure for my later missed miscarriage and it was fine. Easier all round, but then the circumstances were different too. I wish you didn't have to wait all week, but glad it's a bit easier for you. X
I'm glad you're able have the procedure you want - such a shame you had to go through all the additional worry for a whole weekend. I hope the waiting isn't too awful for you. x
Sorry littlepoot* and everyone else. I hope I didn't offend you with my comment about being strong enough when It hadn't even crossed my mind that some just don't have a choice. I've been a little bit self-obsessed over the past few days!
Thank you again for all your support and I hope everyone is well xxx
Not at all offended sweetie, don't worry. I just meant to explain that I want strong either and didn't see how I could make it through the medical procedure. But somehow we all make it through all this crap don't we? Although in your position, it's probably hard to remember that you really can make it through. Hope ds is helping the week pass a bit less slowly for you. x
hi, we are much stronger in retrospect, have to keep remembering how awful it was at the time, now had time to deal with it. i didn't have a choice either but you make the best out of what you get. good luck with the rest of the week x
Thinking of you for today stormbird. Hope all goes . x
Hello ladies, all went very well today - it was a surprisingly pleasant day, for want of a better word!
Went in at 7am and got home at 7pm. We've grieved all week and a little this morning and this afternoon we felt relief.
We have an appointment in a few weeks with the consultant and may be reffered for genetic counselling - has anyone had this before? What does it entail?
We will be heading for the downs again in the next week with our lanterns to say goodbye.......but we're ready to move on now
Hope you are all well xxx
Glad that it went ok and it's becoming a bit easier.
Your lanterns sound like a lovely way to say goodbye - I think these things help. x
I felt relief as well. the waiting is the hardest part and making the decision and finding out there is a problem...
genetic counselling for us was finding out it was just one of those things and a rough idea of chances of it happening again. I have read many similar things on here. Not particularly illuminating I'm afraid. It was just a meeting with a geneticist. PS had ups and downs following termination so expect a bit of a rollercoaster. the bad days became less frequent over time but as scampidoodle says glad it went ok. x
Oh Stormbird i'm so so sorry you have had to go through this twice. Sorry also for my very late message, i hope you dodn't think me rude, but i have been on holiday for a week and just logged on to check up on you.
I don't really know what to say, other than it's just so totally unfair. It sounds like you are being incredibly brave though and i don't want to drag it all up again when as you say you have done your grieving and are feeling some relief.
re. genetic councelling - i did have this but like manitz said they just told us it was one of those things. I was sort of helpful to hear it officially even though we already knew that anyway.
I'm so glad friday was as ok for you as it could have been and agree the lanterns sound like the perfect way to say goodbye. Thinking of you all xxx
Hello all. Things have gone very quiet around here so I wanted to see how everyone is doing? Katie, scampi and blacktreacle-how are you getting on? Can't be much longer until the scans? Hope you're all doing ok? Kittens-I'm assuming no news is not good news at all. Hope you're ok. And you stormbird-hope you're getting through. xx
Hello everyone, I hope everyone is ok. Stormbird, I am so sorry you had to go through this again... I am glad you had support in here, but it's so unfair that you needed it.
I've been very busy and didn't have a chance to post. I don't like to come in here and not write any personals, but please excuse me this time, I'm just checking in. All is well with us, Coffeeboy is 17 months and does NOT sit still for one minute. I don't need an alarm clock anymore as he is waking us up at 5.30am, 6am is a lie-in now. I feel very tired but very happy at the same time, and I still feel like I live in a bubble, despite work being manic and having to juggle a million things.
Katie, I don't think I told you Congratulations before, it must be so exciting but so tiring at the same time. Are you feeling anxious this time? I would love another DC, not for a while yet, but still the thought of another pregnancy terrifies me.
Kittens, still thinking of you X
Hello to everyone else, and keeping everything crossed for the upcoming scans.
Hello to everyone. Hope you're doing ok, Stormbird.
My scan's on Mon 30th, which will be 13 weeks. I didn't go to the doctor's till after 9 weeks and was a bit shocked that she got me in to see the midwife the next day. For some reason I found the booking appointment really emotional and was in a state for the rest of the day. No idea what I'll be like on Monday... Does anyone know, if I explain a bit to the person doing the scan, will they tell me straight away if everything looks ok or not? I remember last time she just spent ages looking and not saying anything at all, then getting other people in (who also didn't say anything to us) and I don't think I can stand that again... I'm sure with DS the person doing the scan and the midwife (it was in a midwife unit, in a different area) were both talking to us and showing us stuff from the word go.
Oh scampi, you sound like I was. I was pretty much a gibbering wreck by the time they called me in for my scan and I did exactly that and told the consultant I needed to know exactly what was going on. They were really helpful and supportive, so I would definitely recommend you make it very clear how you feel. Will be keeping my fingers tightly crossed for Monday. x
Hope you are all ok. Funnily i have my scan on monday the 30th too so really hoping it is a lucky day for the both of us scampi. I will actually be just under 11 weeks as they went by my LMP and i have long/irregular cycles but i figured i would rather have an earlier one and then go back for the full test. i had an early scan at 7+5 too and i can now get the heartbeat on a doppler at home - gives me some peace of mind but obviously i don't know if anything else is wrong.
I have good days and bad days with the worry, i am trying to be optimistic but at the same time very scared of the upcoming scan. I know i'm lucky though - i have friends who are having serious problems concieving and at least if i get bad news i seem to be able (so far) to get pg easily. I really can't imagine how horribly unfair it would be to get bad news at a scan after years of trying and IVF.
Coffee i think i have said it before but coffeeboy sounds just like Felix, sometimes i wish he had an off switch ;) there has been one update lately though - he has started to like TV!! fireman sam in particular and will sit still for a whole couple of episodes - it's a real revalation! The rest of the day he still spends bouncing off the walls though.
Much love to Stormbird if you are reading xxx
Little Poot, thanks for the reassurance - I'll definitely say something before the scan.
Hope your scan goes well Katiecubs. I'm trying not to think about it all too much (easier said than done) but I think I'll be in a state by Monday. At least I feel much more prepared this time and aware of what they could find (we were totally unprepared for anything untoward last time and I just wanted to know if they'd found a heartbeat). Good luck for Monday. x
Hello everyone, sorry I've been missing. I am so sorry to hear your news, Stormbird. I too have been through this twice and I know how crushing the second time feels. I did however go on and have a second healthy daughter and I am sure you will get there too - early days though; be kind to yourself.
Scampidoodle, I didn't need to say anything - the consultant could see it in my face and was very good at saying things straight away. I had the screen turned off initially too. But in case your consultant is less sensitive than mine, do say something. And good good luck on Monday- and Katie too! I know how scary it is-but it's also a good hurdle to cross.
Kittens, I've been thinking about you; this has to be your year. You've been so stoic. I don't know where you are at with it all but I send you much strength and hope.
Hi to Poot, Coffee, Manitz, Natz, and everyone else! Coffeeboy 17 months?! Babycant is now very much LittleMissCant just like her big sister. She sings, never stops talking, and now likes to correct me ('no mummy, Incy Wincey Spider isnt your favourite, Little Miss Muffet is your favourite') and choose her own clothes ('I dont like this dress! I want the spotty one!') and looks like butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, all blonde hair and blue eyes.
No real news from here. It's been more than three years since our second termination. Sometimes it feels like a dream (I know that sounds terrible). But I still feel my heart in my mouth when scans are mentioned.
I do think of you all a lot, even in absentia. This will always feel like a home of sorts for me. Thank you for that. And a final GOOD LUCK for the scans next week!
Just a fleeting visit-good luck for the scans tomorrow Katie and scampi. Will be thinking of you. xxxx
Thanks for your comments and good luck wishes. Katiecubs - how are you doing? Hope all goes well. x
Thank you all!
Scampi - feeling really nervous this morning - you? Just want to get it over with now but it's not till 3.05pm. Ahhh.
Wishing you the best of luck too xxx
Mine's at 3.30 so a long wait for us as well. Yes, really nervous too...
Just back - all looking good - so relieved
Was actually a bit further on that i thought (11+3) so they were able to do the NT after all. I will get a call in the next few days if i come back high risk but the nuchal was 1.1 so that's a good sign.
Thanks for all the well wishes everyone - hoping to see Scampi back soon with good news too xxx
Hi, yes - all looking fine so far for us too. Relieved but a bit wary about the Down's tests. Apparently I'll get a call sooner if the risk is very high, but if it's normal then it'll be three weeks before we hear. I'm 38 so the risk is pretty high anyway.
All this worrying is so exhausting! I've not really done anything today but I'm shattered!
Katiecubs - glad to hear your news. Are you going to tell people about your pregnancy now? (or have you already?) I'm trying to avoid making a big thing about it just yet but I'll have to tell some people soon I suppose. Only told parents so far.
Super news Scampi!!
I am trying to be optimistic so will be telling people now i think yes - last time i waited a lot longer. I also have a hen weekend this weekend and as i am a right royal piss head there is no way i will be able to hide it! x
Ha ha! I know what you mean - I think some people might have guessed already about me...
Oh guys-I'm so pleased all looked well for the four of you today! Fingers crossed the risks come back suitably low so you can get on with growing those bumps. xxx
Scampi what's your due date? Mine is Feb 15th x
I'm still here, Lurking as ever!
So glad that Katie and Scampi have had good scans. Fingers crossed for the NT results. I'll keep an eye out for news.
I'm ok. I'm back at work now after a month off. Still no sign of AF which is frustrating, not cos I want to SWI but because I am so used to knowing where I am in my cycle that I feel out of control not knowing. Hopefully she'll appear soon!!
We will be trying again at some point. I feel a bit like it could become an obsession so I am being very cautious and constantly reminding myself that I need to let my body recover (in my head I just want to get on with it).
Cant did you terminate due to Annencephaly, or was it something different. It's reassuring to hear that you have had another healthy child since. Thank you
Anyway - hope you are all well. I'll pop in again soon
Hi Stormbird - lovely to hear from you and glad you are doing ok. How is being back at work? I remeber wanting to get right back on with it straight away too and i did, have you been advised to wait?
I got my letter through already with my risk numbers and they are all great 1:12k, 1:120k and 1:294k so very pleased with that. One think i am worried about though is that my HCG level is 0.37 MoM which seems really low to me, have googled (know i shouldn't) and found that it's on the 5th centile - some things say could mean increased risk of misscarriage. Anyone know anything about this?!
Hi Katie, I obviously need to get a build up of the Folic Acid in my system and they say you should have been taking it 3 months before you try to concieve so we'll activley try after this point probably but the consultant also said that I should have a pretty good build up of it anyway now as I have been taking it officially for more than 3 months (from when I found out I was PG until now) so he advised that if I really wanted to try again asap to wait about 6 weeks to let my body recover fully. We'll try when it feels right to do so I think.
Sorry I have no advice about the HCG level tho hun, hoping someone else might be able to help you out. Great news about your risk factors though
Apologies for the long absence - life with 3 is hectic! Manitz, how do you do it with 4? I am in awe of you The summer holidays are a welcome relief, lovely to be getting some proper family time. Well, if hubby wasn't so busy at work it would be better, but that is the nature of the job.
Stormbird, I just read all your posts, Im so sorry. To go through that twice is just awful. I hope you are taking care of yourself. We began trying straight after my AF after the termination. It took us a few months which was unusual for us as I usually fall straight away, but I think that was because of the stress of the loss and not giving my body time to recover. The week we decided to have a break from TTC was the week I fell pregnant.
Katie, great scan results! Im glad everything is going well. I dont understand the HCG levels so am no help to you at all, sorry!
Congratulations Scampi, hope your results are back soon
Flower, how are you doing?
Just wanted to stop in to say hi and catch up with what has been happening on here. I rarely visit mumsnet much these days. Mainly because I dont have the energy of an evening to boot up the computer, and when I do get in to do some work, I never have time to post.
Sienna is 10 months now! Where did that time go?? And my middle DD starts primary school in September with her big sister who will be going in to year 1. Time is moving way too fast.
Married life is lovely, same as usual but nice to call myself Mrs A now. Still not had a honeymoon but will try to get away after the Olympics with the kids and maybe a romantic city break for me and Mr A near Christmas.
Im sorry for lack of personals. I hope you are all well and bumps are growing without any drama. For those TTC, I wish you lots of luck and success
Hi Stormbird - glad you're ok.
Hi Katiecubs - have you asked your midwife about the HCG results? She might be able to help...
I haven't had a call but I can't be sure that means it's good news quite yet. Things move very slowly round here...
My due date is 3rd Feb, which is what I worked it out to be originally but the midwife didn't agree and made it a week later!
Hi everyone, been lurking but havent posted for awhile.
Katie glad that you got good scan results,and scampi hope that you get your results soon.
Stormbird I lost my first baby in 2010 as she had anencephaly, Im now 30+ weeks with current pregnancy and all is well. I had problems concieving so it ended up that I was on the folic acid for 16 months, so I guess that helped.
Natz lovely to hear from you, yes time does seem to fly.
I am now 31 weeks, just seen midwife, baby is lying transverse, I have 4 weeks to get it to move, they want it to move by 35 weeks, been franticaly googling what will help, hopefully baby will be good and turn on its own soon!
Hello to everyone else, hope all is well. xx
Thank you Natz and Flower - lovely to hear from you! Natz glad to hear your girl's are all doing well and growing fast, hope you get that honeymoon soon!
Flower, glad your prgenancy is going well and hope the baby turns soon!
Scampi i have thought about calling midwife yes but to be honest i was not quite sure how to best get hold of her as i think she only does the clinic once a week. Then i figured that maybe i should just try not to stress and that they would call me if it was a problem. The baby has been growing well and everything else looks fine so i should be happy with that
Hello! Great reading all the scan and test results on here recently!
Katie, do you think you can get an email address for your midwife? I used to email mine relentlessly and she was very helpful. It think ith emails they can reply when they get a chance rather than you trying to pin the down on the phone.
Storm, I was really sorry to read that you're been through this awful experience twice. The same happened to me. It's such a kick in the teeth after spending those first couple of months trying to reassure yourself that such random bad luck can't happen twice. It can really send you reeling. I have read that it can help if men take the 5mg folic acid too. I have a feeling Poot may have employed that tactic. I only read that recently so only I have been taking it. But I have been taking it for about 3.5 yrs now due to 3 miscarriages and 18 months fertility battles since my lasts termination so I should at least have a good build up of it by now!
Well, my news is that finally, yesterday I got a BFP! Absolutely crapping myself, obviously. Had some spotting and strong cramps yesterday evening which sent me into a panic but things seem to have settled so I'm hoping that was just implantation. Sooooo, one day at a time.......
Sorry for scant personals, I am at work. Love to you all. xx
Oh kittens, such fantasticnews! Are you on your steroids or whatever it was they were suggesting for the first trimester? I so hope this is a sticky one babe! xxxx
hello ladies - also lurking on here recently, rather than posting, but kittens - just saw your news and wanted to say a huge congrats on your bfp - i hope that everything goes really smoothly for you and we are all here to handhold with you all the way through
flower, lovely to hear from you too - your pregnancy seems to have flown by - can't believe you're 31 weeks already!!!? glad it is all going well, and looking forward to hearing your baby news in the next couple of months!
poot and scampi - glad your scans went well
stormbird, hope you're doing ok and your return to work has gone ok. i too remember hearing / reading somewhere about it being beneficial for the man to also take folic acid, so might be worth looking in to.
hi to everyone else!!
not much to report here, except we're just coming out of a 7 week
sentence bout of chicken pox. ds1, ds2, and then just when we thought he'd escaped it, ds3 got it! they're pretty much cleared up now, just in time for me to return to work next week having a staggered return over the summer, but not sure if i'm looking foward to it or not, callum still seems so tiny (although he's almost 7 months old now!?!). still bf'ing him, but thankfully he's taken to formula bottles as well, so dh can feed him while i'm back at work, plus he's also being weaned too.
sorry for not many personals, i will try and get back on soon, but as always will be reading and keeping up with you all xxxxx
Thank you . Yes, Poot, I'm throwing everything at this one! Steroids, aspirin, intravenous intralipids, hydroxychloroquinine and lots of money! I am doing this mostly privately now, including my scans so it's going to be quite pricey, but if it works and means we don't have to pay for a load more expensive tests and possible IVF then it's worth it.
MrsBigz, sorry to hear about your marathon chicken pox stint. Lots of grizzly children , not much fun I should imagine.
Congratulations Kittens! Am keeping everything crossed for you. I know it is early days still. Wonderful news
MrsBigz, hope you are able to rest up a bit before heading back to work. Awful timing for the chicken pox - but I dont think there is ever a good time. My 3 still haven't had it and Im dreading it! I cant believe Callum is nearly 7 months already??! Time is just flying past.
Flower, glad all is going well with you - hope baby gets a wiggle on and gets into the right position. Still plenty of time
Scampi, hope the results come back soon-ish. As they say, no news is good news x
Hello to everyone else. Hope you are all enjoying the Olympics? DD1 is really into them. Am going to try to get some tickets of the paralympics as she would love to watch it live. Early birthday present
Huge congrats to Kittens! I'll be watching avidly for updates and keeping everything crossed for a very Healthy and Happy 9 months.
Thanks for all the well wishes and advice/experiences guys, it really does help!
I'm still waiting for AF to appear and am turning into an absolute monster with PMT so I'm hoping she is here soon otherwise I may murder DH
I'm popping the folic acid like nobodies business and will definitely mention to DH about him taking it too.
Flower, glad you are doing well hun.
Will be back soon xx
Oh my gosh Kittens!! Congratulations, i know it's early days but like everyone else i am right behind you. Very, very happy for you xxx
Stormbird gald you are ok and i hope AF shows up soon so you can start to move forwards. Much love.
Wave to Natz and MrsB, glad the chickenpox are clearning - what a nightmare! x
Thank you all so much for your enthusiastic wishes . Trying my hardest to keep positive and not get my knickers in a twist. We'll see how long that lasts! I am keeping distracted by working inordinately long hours, days on end without a day off at the Olympics! It sounds somewhat more exciting than the reality as I am nowhere near any of the action and am actually not seeing any of the events. Just as well I'm not that keen on sports. I'm just thinking of the money, especially as there is a lot to be spent on trying to ensure this one works out!
OH has bought us tickets for one of the Paralympics athletics events too Natz. It will be nice to soak up some of the atmosphere that I seem to be avoiding! I am not working with a British crew so there isn't the euphoric atmosphere in my work area that I am seeing all over twitter.
Scampi, both times I've had bad news I've had a call within about 3 days so fingers crossed the silence can only be a good thing.
Oh, I forgot, there's one other component to my rather large cocktail of drugs and precautionary measures. A rather delightful progesterone suppository every night. Lovely.
Just popped on to say huge congratulations to kittens, hope everything works out ok for you xx
and Mrsb nice to hear from you, hope the next few weeks are better for you and going back to work goes ok.
Have been lurking here since December when we said goodbye to our little girl. We decided we were ready to try again and just got bfp! Thrilled, terrified, hopeful scared all in first two minutes - what on earth will the next 36 weeks bring. Telling no-one in real life but needed to say the words. I know most of you ladies have had happy news in subsequent pregnancies so fingers crossed. Good luck to you all. I feel like I know so many of you thru reading your stories. X
Welcome and congratulations Chunkymonkey. You are in good company here. We all just try to take things one day at a time and it's a great place to voice our fears when we can't talk to others in real life. I have just got a BFP too and am similarly petrified. Have had 2 downs pregnancies, 4 miscarriages and 18 months of fertility struggles so feeling pretty fraught! Best of luck to you.
You've had a horrendous time - congratulations on your bfp and here's to a truely uneventful 9 months for both of us. I want to keep things under wraps as long as possible and just take the dreaded tests and scans one at a time. Even all that seems such a long way off.
Thank you stormbird.
I hope you are doing ok x
Congratulations Havingkittens and Chunkymonkey! Hope all goes well this time. x
Welcome and congratulations Chunkymonkey - fabulous news!! How lovely to see this thread becoming a little more active x
Thank you so much Scampi and Katie
It feels very unreal at the moment. just trying to think positive thoughts x
hi there just popping on quickly to say massive congrats to kittens, welcome to chunkymonkey and congrats for those who have had good scans. as katie said it's so nice to see this thread become more active.
Babyman is also more active as he learnt to crawl last week while we were on holiday and looks like a clockwork baby speeding round the house. the others are off school and i've realised they're not such good babysitters as I thought...
I'm really getting into the olympics and have a sudden desire for tickets but the only ones left are really pricey and we are skint so we are off to hyde park tomorrow for some free Spirit of the Games. The kids are going to 4 consecutive days of paralympics with teh grandparents and dd1 has a ticket to the wrestling with the school for the olympics so they wont miss out but I am upset i cant go.
Thanks Manitz. Sounds like "all go" at your place
First treatment this morning. All went fine and finished in time to make it to work without any dramas. Would dearly love a looong sleep though!
Morning all. Hope the bumps and bumps-to-be are all coming along nicely. Kittens-how are you doing? Hope you're starting to feel suitably grim?! xxxxx
Hey Poot! What an amazing day hope you are not too hot and stuffy up in London - congrats on the new job by the way!
All ok here, feeling slightly less sicky now but have entered the fat bloated stage so need a t-shirt to wear that say's 'hey i'm actually pregnant you know!'
Also wondering how you are getting on Kittens? Work sounds grueling so hope you are not suffering too much, but also hope you are iyswim. xxx
Thanks for asking after me. I am doing ok. Getting a bit tired with this job but I had an afternoon break and managed to find a nice shady spot in the park to have a half hour kip. Made the world of difference! I am not feeling that grim as I'm only 5 weeks and the steroids apparently mask a lot of the symptoms. Especially the tiredness. I'm trying to stay positive though. My sense of smell is on high alert, I am weeing like a maniac and waking up feeling like I've been chewing blotting paper in my sleep so I'm taking all those as positive signs. I have my first scan at 6+6 on 23 August and then, all being well the second one on 4 Sept. I will keep you posted.
Katie, the steroids I'm on will inevitably give me the beautiful "moonface" syndrome so it won't be long before I look lardy and will be unable to offer any excuses for a while! I do remember that in between phase, it's very tricky wardrobe-wise isn't it?
Oh my God, oh my God! I haven't had a chance to catch up - I just 'flipped' the thread and the first thing I saw was Kittens saying'I'm only 5 weeks'!! Sorry Kittens, I'm trying not to get too excited, as I know it's early days, but I can't help it! I am not particularly religious, but it won't stop me praying for you every night. I have tears of joy for you and this has made my night. About bloody time! (apologies for using the Lord's name in vain, swearing and overuse of exclamation marks). I wish you all the luck in the world, I really, really do xxx
Sorry for not getting back to you all - just quickly (famous last words) before I go and catch up, my daughter returned home after about 10 days (came close to being raped while she was away, which she didn't disclose until later, but the main thing is she wasn't). She's quite good at the moment, going to school, showing more respect - its like we have a new understanding of each other. Anyway, I did read some of your messages after I posted, and meant to say thank you so much. I'm now going to go and catch up. It's 10:30pm here, do I won't promise that I'll get back tonight, but know I'm thinking of you all xxxxx
Ok, think I've caught up, and I'm still awake, so will post while it's fresh in my mind...
Firstly, Stormbird, I am so, so sorry this has happened to you a second time. I hope you're going ok, and wish you every bit of luck for a happy and healthy pregnancy in the near future xx
Great scan results Katie - sooo happy for you xx BTW my blog address is jenandmicksjoint.blogspot.com.au I'm going to try to upload some more pics tomorrow if I remember, as a lot has changed since I last updated. The problem is getting the house tidy enough for photos
Blacktreaclecat, congratulations on the birth of Nicholas James! Another one for our ever expanding list
Welcome to Scampidoodle and Chunkymonkey, and congratulations on your pregnancies. Pregnancy is never quite the same after what we have been through, but this place is so great for hand-holding and offloading - I cannot begin to describe how much the ladies here, and on the original 'termination for abnormalities' thread were my lifeline throughout the birth,and beyond, of my now 2 1/2 year of dd.
My niece lost her baby girl a few months ago at 26 weeks. She bled and lost fluid at 17 weeks, and unfortunately the fluid never replaced itself. Her baby was due 2 weeks ago, and as if that wasn't hard enough for her, her sister, who was due at roughly the same time, had her baby 5 days later. They were both so excited to be pregnant together, and while my niece who lost her baby is happy for her sister, she is, understandably, having a very rough time of things. She lives interstate, though we chat through FB inbox, and although I've been through my own losses, I've still found it hard to know what to say at times to help. I've drawn on all the words of wisdom here in my attempt though.
Kittens, still can't stop beaming from your news Are you doing make-up for the Olympics? I love the Olympics more than ever this year, even though we're not doing too well ourselves (but as I tell the children, it's not about the winning, it's about the journey). I'm currently watching the gorgeous rhythmic gymnasts - my favourites - and thought wow, maybe kittens is doing their makeup?
After midnight now, so I'm off to bed. A huge hello to you all, not going to begin to name names, as I could be here forever and still forget someone. Suffice to say its like dropping in on old friends when I pop in, and I've missed you all. Have a lovely weekend xxx
Just as I am about to go, 'Beautiful in my eyes' comes on, which never fails to remind me of Coffee and Silvia, and Always and Rose. I'm so glad to know things turned out for Coffee (hi Coffee if you're reading), but have often wondered about Always. As I have about Peanut. And then I think of Bee, who made these whole threads possible. I'd love to know how everyone's getting on....xxxx
Hello hello everyone! Long time no read/post.
Stormbird, as another one who's been through this twice, you have my sincerest sympathies. I did get third time lucky. I so hope you do,too.
Katie, congrats on the scan results - brilliant - and Treaclecat, on your baby boy. I love the name.
Chunky, congrats on the pregnancy too, and good luck.
Hi Mishtabel - so glad your DD came back OK; sounds harrowing - will check out your blog; thanks for posting the link again. I too would love to know how the others are... anyone lurking??
Finally though I had to save this because I am so, so excited, and the news brought a tear to my very unsentimental eye - KITTENS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I will be with you all the way; you deserve this so so much, have waited so long - I am absolutely delighted. I shall ensure I tune in more to keep updated on your pregnancy.
No time to post more, but couldnt read and run with all this news to catch up on!
Ahh Mishta how lovely to hear from you - so glad your daughter is back and seems to be getting back on track, horrible to hear about what nearly happend though - really hope she is ok. I'm really sorry to hear about your neice too, what a difficult situation. It is so difficult to know what to do/say as everyone is differant but i'm sure by just being you, you are being all she needs right now. I just had a quick squiz at your blog - how swish if your house - blimey! Well done with all your hard work
Hello Can't - thanks for the congrats, now just to get to (and through) the 20 week scan. Still it's a long way off for now so i can have a bit of a breather.
Kittens, glad to hear you are coping ok - do you have a bit of time off now the games have finished? All the symptoms sound like they are coming on nicely, you feeling very sicky yet? My nausea has been much less this time round so i definately think every pregnancy is differant.
All well and good here. It's Felix's 2nd birthday today, he has been a very lucky little guy and is chuffed to bits with his new 'big boy scooter' and various emergency vehicles and cars. We just went out for lunch and treated his to a knickerbocker glory - his face was just priceless
Kittens - hope all is ok and you are having a well earned rest post olympics.
Having a bit of a wobble today. Been going through genetics testing from April and thought we would get to a recurrence risk factor by last meeing we had a few weeks ago. They haven't been able to confirm exactly what the condition was and of those it might be all had 1% recurrence risk except one which was 25%. They went off to take more tests for that tho geneticist seemed fairly sure it would come back clear. So we decided to ttc and got bfp straight away. Rang today and they need further samples from me to test against. I am terrified of the results coming back now. I guess I just wanted the i dotted and to move forward with the lower general risk. Now another three to four weeks to wait for this. Scared beyond belief. Sorry for the long me post
<<tentatively pokes head around door>>
Hello you lovely lot, hope you don't mind an old strange face popping in to say hi! Hope you're all doing well - have had a quick scan of this thread and it sounds like there has been an enormous amount of wonderful news since the start of the year, so sorry I've not popped in more often! I've thought of you all often, but life with DD (who is now 15 months old) has been fabulously hectic so I've not been on MN half as much as I used to.
Kittens and Katie, in particular, it looks like congratulations are in order! What fabulous news. Hope you're both doing well, and I also hope you don't mind making room for me on the pregnancy bench, as I too am expecting another one... Eek! Due in early November, which means P will be 18 months old when he or she arrives. mild terror All came about, um, shall we say slightly sooner than we had planned , but once we got over the initial panic, then we're really excited about it.
Curiously, my EDD is four days after what will be the third anniversary of my termination and as it looks like I might opt for an ELCS, am at the very least going to ask if I can be scheduled for the same day. Might sound odd, but I just think it would be fitting to do it on the same day and a nice way of remembering our lost one. That said, who knows if the hospital takes requests - ha! - so we'll have to wait and see...
Chunky - congrats to you too and sorry that you are having some worries. Fingers crossed that the extra tests are just precautionary and everything turns out to be just fine for you and your bean.
Anyway, hope all the old faces are doing well too - Can't and Mishta and Coffee and Poot and Shangrila.
Much love, xxx
Hello, sorry about the silence. It's all been a bit hectic and today I have been in bed pretty much all day! I'm completely wiped out! I haven't been feeling many symptoms, apart from profuse weeing and a rather awkward amount of excess wind . I am trying very hard to remain calm and positive, but as you all know it's hard to stop the paranoid thoughts creeping in. My first scan is next Thursday so until then all I can do is wait.
Lovely to hear from you, Mishta, Can't and Viv.
Big congratulations to Viv! Feels funny to all be here again, going through the wait together.
Mishta, so pleased to hear your DD is back home where she belongs and that you are re-establishing a good relationship. It sounds like she's been through some frightening experiences but hopefully, if nothing else, they have given her the wake up call that she needed. It says a lot that she has had the confidence to confide in you about what happened. Hopefully your relationship can only go from strength to strength from here. Sorry to hear about your niece too. I can't even begin to imagine losing a pregnancy at that stage. It must be terribly hard for her.
Chunky, I know how scary it must feel having been told that statistic. Don't forget about the 75% of everything being OK aspect though! I think my odds were 10%, although that was 3 years ago now so I think my risks are also higher now. It's not fair is it, that we have to go through all of this worry when so many others just get pregnant and look forward to having a baby without any inkling that it might go any other way? Gosh, I so envy those people!
Chunky, just wanted to say that I think those stats are fairly meaningless anyway - in that I had 2 babies with fatal conditions, but those conditions were totally unrelated to each other (apparently) and my risk was teeny tiny each time, but I was still the one in xxxxxx. So 1 in 4 (at worst) sounds terrible, but in the end you are much more likely to be OK than not. Whilst someone with much less scary stats might be the one. I do understand the panic though, and it's all heightened by early pregnancy fear anyway. I have my fingers firmly crossed.
Viv - wow, congratulations! did you find out the sex?
Kittens, it's all sounding good from you. How many weeks will you be next Thursday? I am thinking of you - so, so lovely to see you here pregnant.
Cantdo, I will be 6+6 on Thursday and will be having a scan at the EPU at St Helier's as my consultant is away but that was where I started seeing him on the NHS so they will be able to pass on the results to him and hopefully treat me with the appropriate tenderness. Then another private scan with my consultant when he returns from holiday at 8+4 on 4 Sept before I have my next intravenous treatment.
Viv - thanks for your congrats and congrats to you too - what super news and so lovely to hear that you are doing well must be so nice to be past the horrible scans too! Do stick around please.
Kittens - glad you are getting a bit of much needed rest. I know it's easy to say but try not to worry about the symptoms that much. Mine have been so much less this time - pretty much none existent until 7 weeks and even then then have come and gone. Hoping the wait till next Thursday passes quickly - we will all be on the bench outside rooting for yoy x
Chunky - sorry you don't have the answers you need yet. it must be horrible playing the waiting game again, but as the others have said remeber the odds are still always on your side!
Thanks all for your sensible words of advice. The rational side of me knows the odds are in our favour but am sure like a lot of you I now fear the worst and convince myself i will be the one in whatever statistic! Am just concentrating on work etc and taking each day as it comes. Thanks again and congrats and good luck to katie, viv and kittens
Sorry I missed you out - thank you too. I know you have been through this twice and can't imagine the pain of that. best wishes x
Chunky - denial worked for me, just basically trying to forget I was pregnant, and not telling people. Good luck - the time will pass and you will get there.
FWIW, having it happen twice is very rare - even on this thread - I didnt want to scare you.
Fingers and toes crossed!
Hello - hope everyone's doing ok...
Does anyone know what's likely to happen at a consultant's appointment at 16 weeks? The midwife said he "might" do a scan - I can't really see the point if he doesn't! The doctor, on the other hand (who I saw for something unrelated) was asking how my pregnancy was going, and was really surprised I hadn't got regular extra scans scheduled. I was told I was high risk in several categories at my booking appointment but that was when I was at risk of becoming a blubbering wreck, so I didn't ask what they were (I think the others must include my age - 38 - and the fact that I had a very difficult assisted delivery last time). Can anyone shed any light on what the consultant might do/talk about? Thanks.
Chunky - how are you coping with the wait? Are you likely to get a scan before you get your results back?
Kittens - good luck for the scan this week
Hi Scampi i'm not too sure to be honest as your circumstances are differant to mine but for my last pregnancy i was initially put under consultant care which i just found to be a waste of time to be honest. I went to my appointment and neither of us really knew the point of my being there - as it was just one of those things i declined any further consultant care. I'm sure it may very well be differant for you if you are high risk for a number of reasons though.
Kittens how are you doing? Keeping everything crossed for you for your scan tomorrow love x
Hi Ladies, I'm back from holiday and still catching up just thought I'd pop on to say hi and wish chunky the very best of luck and also congratulate Viv
Sorry if I've missed anyone - i'll hopefully be able to post properlsy soon xxx
It's been a long time since I've posted. Life with 2 kids is pretty hectic along with planning a wedding so I just seem to never have much time. I've had a quick scan of the thread and see that congratulations are in order for a few newer threadmembers who are treading the scary road of pregnancy. I hope you all have an uneventful time.
I was SO delighted to read your news Kittens and I am hoping with all my heart that you have a straightforward time of it and that your scan tomorrow is fine. Fingers crossed for you, and toes and eyes and anything else that crosses! I'll be checking in to hear your news.
We are fine, wedding is only 4 weeks away now so getting excited about that. Still have a lot to do as it's a bit of a DIY affair! Kids are both doing fine, Kade is into everything, crawling everywhere and getting lots of bumps. I think it wont be too long before he's taking his first steps.
Anyway no time to write more so sorry for lack of personals. Hope everyone is well though - who is the next to have their baby? Flower?
Oh kittens - the thought of your scan tomorrow makes me nervous - I dread to think how you must be feeling. We're all with you babe - fingers crossed for a good result.
On another note, Jacob's finally going back to nursery tomorrow after a week in chicken pox quarantine. Talk about cabin fever! Poor little man - he's so sick of the sight of me and dh. The house suddenly feels very small when it's the only place you're allowed to be....
Hi stormbird - Great to hear from you, did you have a lovely holiday?
Cheery lovely to hear from you too! Glad the wedding planning is going well, must be hard with 2! we got married when Felix was 16 months and that was hectic enough.
Poot, glad jacod is feeling better now! Must have been horrible for you - the thought of being stuck in a house with Felix for more than a couple of hours is pretty terrible - he gets so bored!
Kittens, if you want let us know the time of your scan so we can all sit on the virtual bench and sent lots of good luck thoughts/prayers/vibes your way x
Hello! I am actually feeling reasonably calm, it's quite strange! We'll see how long that lasts and whether I actually get any sleep tonight. Hope I do though, my appointment is at 8.45 and it's waaaay over the other side of London so we'll be up pretty early. This one is at the NHS EPU at St Heliers so whether I'll actually get in there at 8.45 is anyone's guess. Although I can't imagine there'll be many before me. I am using a really old phone at the moment as mine broke a couple of weeks ago so I may not be able to post my news until I get home but will be sure to keep you updated.
Nice to hear from you Cherry. Are you nicely settled into your newly decorated place now? Blimey, I don't envy you having to get all that sorted with the little one and now plan a wedding! Exciting though! Will you get a chance to have a bit of a honeymoon at all?
Katie, how are you getting on? How many weeks are you now?
Poot, glad to hear Jacob is over his chicken pox and off to nursery. Bet you can't wait to have some time to yourself.
Thanks all for your good luck wishes. I'll be back tomorrow....... x
Thanks for the update Kittens. Will make sure I am there at 8.45 glad you are feeling quite calm and it's good to have the apt early in the day - hopefully that means you won't be waiting around too long.
I'm ok - 14.5 weeks now and feeling much better, starting to develop a fat tum but not really sure you could call it a bump yet. Anyway much get to bed but best best best of luck for tomorrow we are all rooting for you xxx
On the bench, thinking of Kittens, with everything crossed for you today!
Should be asleep so no time for more now, but thinking hard of Kittens!
Thanks for all your good luck wishes! So far, so good! Measuring 6+5, which is just a day less than my estimate and a good heartbeat. Next scan on 4 Sept, so not too long to wait. Phew!
Oh my gosh kittens - my heart was in my mouth there! Amazing news am so so happy for you!! Am sure once you have seen a heartbeat its something like 97%-98% chance of a successful pregnancy
Thanks Katie. Well, I've seen heartbeats at a couple of early scans before so not sure there, but I am trying to stay as positive as I can. Of course, there is also the "other" hurdle to get past too. I think I am going to have my Nuchal done privately at FMC. I think they are super thorough and scan in a lot more detail so may be able to avoid a CVS. If not then at least I know it will be done by the best in the country so will hopefully keep the risk of miscarriage to a minimum. Still, one bridge at a time....
Yay Kittens! I have been thinking about you. I understand the one step at a time thing - I was just the same - but still, so far so good, and I have a good feeling about this. It is finally your time.
The next scan is pretty soon - reassuring.
Still here for support; it's a rollercoaster of nerves, I know.
Yay! Little bean with little heartbeat! Keep it up little one.... xxx
I'm off for the weekend with OH's whole family who will all be drinking like mad and probably speculating on why I'm not. I suspect I will be outed by the end of the weekend!
Have a fantastic weekend Kittens! I know you are just over the first hurdle but still it's a big step in the right direction at the very least. Lots of hugs and wishes xxx
That's great news kittens. Enjoy your weekend!
Great news, kittens - have a lovely weekend!
Katie - thanks for your comments on the consultant appt - at least meant I wasn't expecting too much!
The midwife asked why I'd been referred, then the doctor (I didn't see the consultant) said the midwife had noted that I was extremely anxious. No scan, nothing more than an ordinary midwife appointment really. But I did hear the heartbeat, which is always reassuring.
Kittens - just accept drinks and then give them to your DP/tip them away....
Yay, Kittens, so happy to hear so far, so good. I know you said you've heard heartbeats before, but there's no denying that it's a really good sign. Will check in on you on the 4th (my 5th). Hope you're enjoying your weekend away.
Great to hear from everyone - and thanks for the thoughts regarding my 15y dd - still doing muh better, though not a model student at the moment (currently on suspension for being rude to a teacher). Congratulations to you Viv, lovely news So nice to belong to a thread where people can and do drop in when they can/want/need and see familiar 'faces' as well as being so welcoming to new faces - I guess even though our stories might be different in the details, essentially they, or at least the emotions of them, are pretty similar, and bond us all in a way.
Forgot to say congratulations on your results at the Olympics. It's great when the host nation does so well. I think one of the highlights for me was seeing Tom Daley win the bronze - or just seeing Tom Daley. I'm not normally an old perv, but he is just too gorgeous (find myself humming 'Mrs Robinson')
Well on that note, I might
google images of Tom Daley go to bed
Have a lovely weekend everyone xxx
Oh my gosh Mishtabel am right there with you on the Tom Daley crush! I just adore him and was on the edge of my seat that night. Cried when he got his bronze - what a star, his dad would have been so so proud. Ok must stop gushing about it all again - must be the pregnancy hormones lol.
Katie - had a lovely holiday thank you. It was much needed.
Kittens I'm so glad your scan went well and I have every hope that the subsequent ones will be just as good.
How was St Helier?? I have been under St Helier for all of my pregnancies and I had my son there. I have only ever experienced fantastic service and care so you are in good hands. They have a fantastic fetal medicine facility and the Consultants there are very good. I hope your experience was a good one too.
Ahh, I'm back! Thanks for all your messages.
Nobody mentioned my not drinking. I just kept very low key about it and actually it was only the men (surprise!) that were doing much drinking. It was quite overwhelmingly chaotic with all those people as my tiredness seems to have just kicked in big time, as has my delightful constipation, which is also somewhat challenging when you can't spend any significant time the loo without at least two people trying the handle. I'm quite pleased to be home now!
I missed all the diving action in the Olympics. Well, actually I missed everything, even though I was working there. But, my OH took his photography class to photograph Tom Daley training before the Olympics. Unfortunately I got a call to go and do his make up but I was already booked on a very boring job so couldn't go. Shame!
Stormbird, they were absolutely lovely at St Helier's. Really kind and sensitive, which meant a hell of a lot as we all know it can be the luck of the draw with sonographers and midwives after what we've been through. That will probably be a one off though as most of my other scans with be private or later (she says, hopefully) at UCH which is my local hospital. St Helier's is a right old trek and not really where I'd need to be heading if I ever get as far as labour!
Hope you all enjoyed your bank holiday weekend. Last one for a while...
Hi Kittens! Glad you managed to go the weekend undetected! I can't believe you had to say no to doing Tom Daley's make up that's just terrible!! Although i would have been very jealous
How are you feeling now? Much morning sickness yet? x
Not sure if it was undetected, or just discreetly not mentioned. Either way it was a relief. Although we did tell OH's mum who reacted in her usual over the top way of bursting into tears and rubbing my head like a dog (which I find rather strange and annoying!) I'm always reluctant to tell her for that reason. The crying bit, that is. I just want to be kind of low key and not make a big deal out of it until I know things are going to work out.
I woke up early this morning all paranoid because I'd not got tired at all yesterday and had gone to bed quite late and woken up early, but then I've had a mid morning slump and some slight queasiness as well as a rampaging thirst so I think all is ok. Not much nausea at the moment but I apparently the drugs I'm on mask a lot of pregnancy symptoms, especially morning sickness. That should be a blessing, but it can make you a bit paranoid! I can't wait to get off these steroids though, they make my hands shaky which is really not helpful in my line of work!
How are you getting on?
Lol at OH's mum - that's so funny. Although i get, totally annoying - i hate people making a fuss too especially before your scans are out of the way.
I spent most of the first trimester freaking out as my symptoms were so much less this time round and quite sporadic. My first pregnancy was by far the worst in terms of MS but then i also had high HCG levels due to the babies chromosomal disorder so in some ways i thought it was a good sign i felt better?!
Generally i am ok, but in a bit of a nothingy stage iyswim. just podgy no proper bump and not able to feel movement so it doesn't quite feel real yet.
Do you have another scan next week did you say? x
Remind me, how many weeks are you now?
I am in wardrobe limbo. Silly bloated so struggling with a lot of my jeans as I tend to wear higher waisted styles but not sure what to do at the moment. Might have to commit the cardinal sin and buy some cheap low rise jeans from Primark .
Yes, my next scan in on Tuesday. I'm feeling a lot calmer than I expected. Probably because it's been so long since I was pregnant that a lot of the horror and anxiety is a lot less raw than it was when I was having traumatic pregnancies in quick succession. I dare say that if I'm still pregnant by the time I have my Nuchal, that's when the hebegebies will kick in. It's been a good while since I even needed to worry about that as the last 3 times I didn't get that far. I'm just dealing with it all one step at a time.
15.5 weeks now.
Glad you are feeling calmer this time, very right to just take it one step at a time. Will be on the bench again for you on Tuesday - do you have to keep taking the steroids for a while? Can imagine shakes are no good for you at all! X
Just butting in to say I had the worst sickness with my baby with chromosomal disorder too - same as Katie. Oh and to say that I am still thinking of you Kittens - I so empathize with dreading telling people. My mother in law went the other way and tried to pretend we hadn't said anything at all, as though she thought it was all doomed anyway. In retrospect maybe any reaction would have annoyed me, I was so sensitive and scared - with due cause given the history.
Anyway I have a good feeling about this one.
Katie - soon the podge will turn into bump. Funny how it happens overnight...
Another very quick post from me to say good luck for tomorrow Kittens. Will be rooting for you and hoping all continues to go as well as it has so far. Will check in to see.
Hi to everyone else! I'm a terrible part timer these days but do still think of you all here and will be forever grateful to the support I got here and on the sister thread.
Wedding is now just under 2 weeks away - eek! No honeymoon...???...familymoon..! planned because we've been really disorganised but might shop around for a last minute deal. Have had our eye on Sardinia though so may just wait until next spring and plan it properly. Planning the wedding has taken up all my energy!
Mishtabel -really glad your daughter is back and hope she settles soon. Teenage girls are a real challenge I'm sure, I'm dreading DD reaching that age - she's rebellious now ans she's only 4!
Love to all xx
Thank you Cherry. I'll update you as soon as I can.
Wow, how exciting! Just 2 weeks to go. Or are you panicking? We are going to Sardinia next September for a friend's wedding. I've wanted to go there for ages. By the time we go I'm hoping I will be allowed to eat seafood again! (ie. I don't end up having to "go back to the drawing board" with TTC before then).
Thinking of you babe. Will check in as soon as I can tomorrow. x
Dearest Kittens, good luck for tomorrow! I'm occasionally lurking on here (not much time in RL now for MN updates) but spotted your great news a couple of weeks back and have been thinking of you all along. Hello to the other 'old timers' who are here, and congratulations to Katie. I'll continue lurking, so I'll be thinking of you all even if I'm not posting. BabyJ is now 26mo and is, unlike DS at that age, pretty good at talking. DS, who is 5, never seems to stop talking now: his favourite phrase is 'And also'...
Thinking of you today and have everything crossed for you. I am quietly getting on with work and life and almost pretending I'm not pregnant for now. Denial seems to be keeping me sane!
Hope everyone else is ok
Good luck today Kittens!
Hi Numpty and thanks - lovely to hear from you are glad your little chatterboxes are doing well xx
Scan was good. Strong heartbeat and measuring spot on for 8+3. Phew! Now sitting here hooked up to a drip!
Thanks for your support, as always. x
Kittens so glad the scan went well. Forgive me if I've missed something but why are you hooked up to a drip? x
It's part of the treatment I'm on to prevent miscarriage. The theory is that some people have very high levels of something called Natural Killer Cells, which are part of your immune system. If they are very active they can attack a pregnancy as if it's a "foreign invasion" as it were. I am on a combination of treatments to suppress my very active immune system.
Yay super news!! Well done kittens x
Oh my goodness I'm so happy for you kittens! Such amazing news. Do you have any more scans now before the nuchal? We need dates and times! xxx
Thank you .
Next scan in 2 weeks, then Nuchal, which I will have privately at the FMC, should also have an NHS 12 week scan, another IV treatment at 12 weeks and then another private scan at 14 weeks and then I'm out in the NHS system like all the other normal people, all being well. No dates booked as yet but I will keep you posted. x
I'm so pleased that it went well today Kittens - I'll be checking in for your future updates (and continuing to lurk when I can!). xx
Oh my goodness I'm so happy for you kittens! Such amazing news. Do you have any more scans now before the nuchal? We need dates and times! xxx
Sorry-mobile phone on train sending same message over again! Still pleased though, just didn't really mean to send it twice.... xx
Lovely to hear from you Numpty.x
Kittens! yay! such great news.
Numpty, Babycant is also a bit of a talker. By which I mean she never stops. Her latest saying is 'I want xxx (whatever) and I want it right now!'
Cherry, how exciting!
Just popped on to check in on Kittens. Fantastic news Will pop by again soon xx
Kittens glad the scan went well!
Cherry hope the plans for the wedding go well and that you have a fantastic day x
I am now 35 weeks and baby seems to have turned and gone head down. I start maternity leave tomorrow which is good as I'm so tired and cant walk very far without being in pain, flippin pelvic girdle.
love to everyone xx
Gosh, how exciting-a new thread baby and a new thread wedding all at once! Looking forward to lovely news from cherry and flower on their respective big days! x
Like Numpty, I haven't been able to post but I am lurking. Although I don't like to just pop in without too many personals, I just wanted to send a big, un-MN hug to Kittens (I am so, so happy for you Kittens, and have to say congratulations although you must still be so anxious). I will continue lurking to see how you are getting on, and count on me to be on the bench outside the scan room, although I might not be able to post on the day. x
Also congratulations to Katie, and to Cherry for the wedding. Big hello to everyone else. Mishta, I hope your DD stays home safe now, how worrying! As always, thank you for thinking of my Silvia, your post brought a tear to my eye. I also wonder how Always is...
Coffeeboy is almost 19 months now, cannot sit still for one minute, doesn't walk but runs, and is in no rush to talk at all.
Lots of love xx
Yay Kittens! Gees, what a hopeless bench buddy I am. I knew your scan was on the 4th, then I got it in my head that it was the 6th, so I was all prepared to write a little 'thinking of you' spiel, and find myself two days late. So glad to once again hear all is well. With Bella, I was on fortnightly progesterone injections (and of course the folic acid), and felt a sense of surrender to whatever the outcome of the pregnancy might be, knowing that I was doing everything possible medical-wise for a successful outcome. I know you've been through quite a bit more than me in that respect, and your treatment is much more involved, but I'm wondering if you feel that same 'sense of surrender' at all? I found it quite sanity saving actually (until I started to bleed following the CVS, which made me totally fall apart and led me to these boards). Anyway, terrific news, and I will be checking in for updates. Oh, and that fact that you passed up a chance to do makeup for Tom Daley for whatever reason, let alone a boring booking, is truly a testament to your professionalism
Great, as always, to hear from everyone, and get updates on the little ones. Are you going to have a meet-up this year? If I wasn't on the other side of the world I'd be organising it myself. Seeing all the old names never fails to remind me what a lifeline these threads were to me; a bunch of people who I'd never met/would never meet, but who I could relate to and confide in more than anyone I actually knew in 'RL'
Lastly, I hope I haven't scared you all with tales of 15yr old dd. Thankfully, not all teenagers are as much of a 'challenge' - 17yr old dd, besides the occasional mood swings, has never been a worry (which I think 15yr ol dd realises, and resents a bit). Either way, toddlers are still sooo much easier
Love to you all xxx
Thanks for all your messages. Lovely to hear from you all. Don't worry I completely understand Mishtabel. Life gets busy, I don't expect you to remember!
Yes, I do have a certain sense of surrender. I am doing everything I can so the rest is up to fate. With regards to progesterone, well delightfully I am going to bed each night with a progesterone suppository, so it's all glamour here!
I have just booked my Nuchal at The Fetal Medicine Centre. GULP! It's pretty expensive. £180 for the scan and total of £500 if you have the CVS too but I just want to be in the best possible hands so that I know where I'm at. The date is 3 October and I shall be duly shitting myself!
Kittens i have my anomaly scan on the 3rd - hope it's a lucky day for the both of us! I have read so many good things about the FMC on here am sure it's worth the extra £ - Are you having an nhs one too anyway?
Cherrybug so sorry totally forgot to comment on your weddng in all the excitement of Kittens news. Hope the last couple of weeks are not too stressful and that you have a super day! We just booked a holiday to cyprus in 2 weeks as a sort of very late honeymoon as didn't have the time or energy to sort anything out around the time.
Coffee hello lovely of you to swing by - i think i have mentioned before that coffeboy sounds exactly like Felix - we got him a scooter for his 2nd birthday thinking it would take him a wee while to get the hang of it but whooosh watch him go!! Anyway what i mean to say is i appreciate your joy and pain of a toddler who won't sit still - i look at other families enjoying a drink or lunch out wistfully. We do, do it but it's always very stressful as highchairs and Felix don't mix and obviously nor does running into the kitchen to help cook the food or dashing out the front door towards a busy road!
Flower how exciting - not long at all to go now! Hoping the baby comes on time and looking forward to hearing the news. I have a couple of friends waiting to pop at the minute and keep checking my phone for updates!
Big wave to Mishtabel, Can't, Poot, Manitz, Numpty and everyone else - so lovely to hear your updates and glad to see old faces keep popping up again.
What i want to know though is who is planning on joining in again soon?! Coffee and Poot am looking at you guys xxx
Oh Katie- I've got a new job starting next month so no new babies coming here I'm afraid...
Yay for Kittens and Yay for Flower!!!!
Flower do you know what you are having? Sorry to hear about the pelvic pain, it will all be worth it though!
A lot of very positive things happening at the moment, it's so wonderful to read.
Katie - hope you enjoy your holiday in Cyprus. It does take it out of you all the wedding planning doesnt it! I think a delayed honeymoon is nice - something to look forward to.
Kittens - We've decided on Sardinia next year around May/June - probably the south. It looks such an amazing place!
Ta for all the wedding thoughts, I had my final dress fitting today and I love love love it. Think I'm most excited about that!
Love to all!
No babies here either, Katie, at least not yet. There's no way I could have 2 little ones in childcare, and also Coffeeboy only sleeps through a few nights a month so I am exhausted. I am just enjoying him at the moment and although I am feeling broody sometimes, I am terrified at the thought of getting pregnant again. Even now the thought of being on a scan table makes me shudder...
Such a beautiful hot day. Kids are playing in the garden and I'm just sitting watching and thinking of where I was 2 years ago today. Seems so long ago but also still so recent. Sienna is running around in her walker babbling away. I know she is a blessing. I'm not tearful thinking of Cara today, my heart is heavy, but it's not like last year, the anger has gone, the pain has lessened. I've spent the last 2 hours in quiet reflection. We will light a candle for her tonight.
They same time is a healer, and I now find that to be partly true. My family, my husband and our babies have soothed the pain.
Feeling very humbled today. No tears, just memories and a very heavy heart xxx
hi natz. I didn't realise it was your anniversary. You sound very calm. Time is a healer is such a cliche but I have found it to be true. It's a lovely day today, last day of summer...
Thinking of you too Natz - glad you had a lovely family day x
Boo to Poot and Coffee - lol ;)
Cherry glad you loved your dress - that was what i was most excited about, getting to wear the dress!
I didn't realise it was Cara's anniversary Natz. I am glad it was a meaningful day for you and somehow watching your kids play and remembering sounds very fitting.
Reading your post makes me face up to a truth I don't really like. For the last few months, I've been wondering if my connection with my little girl is lost forever. Not only is the rawness gone, which is only natural I guess, but I don't feel sad any more when I think of her. Actually, I'm not sure this is true, if I dwell on it some of the heaviness of heart comes back, but generally since having my little boy I find that I am accepting what happened and visiting Silvia's grave is now just a part of our weekend routine. Being there doesn't make me particularly sad. Is this awful? Only last year I was still grieving. I actually feel like I need to look at her pictures again and I want to cry, I want to feel the pain of losing her again.
I'm not sure I'm making sense and I didn't really face up to this until now.
Coffee - don't feel guilty for not feeling so sad anymore, it's natural that will happen with time and for me too since having Felix i am so overjoyed with him i rarely think of our lost little girl anymore. In fact we wouldn't have him if things had not have gone wrong the first time round which is a terrible thought.
Do you know that i have forgotten due dates and anniversary's before and felt so bad about that. It affects me more when i have friends who have had similar losses or misscarriages as i connect to how they feel and it brings it all back. But i am totally at peace now and looking forward to the future which is ok to do. There is no need to keep feeling sad and i'm sure silvia wouldn't want that for you either xxx
hi coffee me too. I have to look at pictures to cry. I think it is a good thing as I can compartmentalise and ensures that most of the time I'm in the land of the living not worrying about the past. x
Thanks for your messages. It really was such a calm and lovely day. I know what you mean about feeling bad that you aren't sad any more. I have felt so guilty about not thinking about her or sadness at the loss. Life is so busy and full at the moment. The void that she left is not really there any more. I still think of her and feel the heavy heart, but I dont remember the last time I cried for her.
That's not to say I dont wish it hadn't happened, because I remember the devestation so clearly and the pain was unbearable at times. I haven't forgotten that, not at all. I just no longer associate that to my life now. I can talk about her without feeling uncomfortable, sad, sick or any of the other feelings that used to surface. My brother-in-law asked why I had a tatoo on my foot (which I am sure he has seen a thousand times) and I simply replied, 'it is for Cara' he looked confused so I explained 'our lost baby'. Part of me still gets upset that others dont like me mentioning her or get uncomfortable when I do. But that is their problem, I feel at ease talking about her now, not that I often do.
There are some days I feel a bt low, but it's only for a short while.
Sorry for the long post! Cherry, how long now till the big day? Kittens, I hope you are feeling well and the little one is growing rapidly. Big hello to everyone else - am off to my cousins wedding today so now attempting to wrestle the three girls into pretty dresses.... they love them really, they just dont keep them clean! Sienna became an official walker yesterday, had been doing the odd steps here and there over the last month, but yesterday she decided that walking was the way forward. She's still quite wobbly and not at all fast but the look of pride and excitement on her face is priceless xxx
Another scan tomorrow kittens? Seem to remember you saying 2 weeks? Hope all's well. xx
Blimey Poot, you're on the ball! Yes, I have a scan tomorrow morning. I have also brought my nuchal forward by a week. It's going to be a busy couple of weeks by the look of things. I have a scan tomorrow, booking in appt on Sat, Private Nuchal next Weds, NHS Nuchal two days later - although the lady I spoke to said that if I was having a private one I couldn't have an NHS one too. I'm trying to suss out what to do as on one hand I feel it would be good to have a sneaky look in there if I end up having a CVS on Wed, just to see everything's OK, but on the other hand, not sure if it's a good idea to have someone poking around with my womb so soon after a CVS. Hmmmmm. Then, all being well, I will be back at the clinic having my IV Intralipids (which is basically soya bean oil) on the following Monday. All go here! Needless to say i am shitting myself!
I think tomorrow's scan should be ok. I am peeing about 4 times a night, eating like a horse and pretty sleepy a lot of the time. Not much MS to speak of, although I did have to suddenly dash to the loo this afternoon thinking I was going to throw up which is the first time that's happened since about 5 weeks.
Good luck for tomorrow Kittens xxx
Best of luck for tomorrow! Will check in again tomorrow eve for an update xx
Good luck for tomorrow and next week Kittens - I'm off on holiday early tomorrow to Cyprus for a week so may not be able to check in until i get back but will be thinking of you and crossing my fingers regardless xxx
I'm pleased to report that I am measuring 10+4 and good heart beat of 165 . So, the next hurdle is my Nuchal next week.
Have a lovely holiday Katie. I will be checking in for news of your Anomaly scan when you're back. x
fantastic news kittens!!! Sorry i am a day behind i though it was tomorrow. So pleased for you
Good luck for next week too xxx
Woo-hoo! Living that sticky little bean! xxx
Yay for mini-kittens! Hoping the week flies by so fast you've no time to think, if you know what I mean (seems like it is anyway, best policy is to keep busy and keep moving on...).
Coffee/Katie/Natz, with any loss - whether like that we had, or the death of someone older than us - there are many seasons of emotion. I don't think we can stay in the winter of grief, even if we want to. Life makes us move on. My sister sent me something about this process recently, someone pointing out how we 're-member' people, we take them into ourselves. So that void does not stay a void, it is still there, but as part of us, who we are now. I don't think of Iola in daily life, but I still have her Babbit (the companion of which went with her) and it's become one of BabyJ's toys. It is poignant when I tell DD Iola Babbit's name, it reminds me of her lost sister, and I'm glad I have that reminder.
Hello very quick note from me to say yay for kittens. Delighted all is on track and will be checking in to see your progress. So happy that so far SO good!!!
We had our wedding last saturday and it was wonderful. Best day ever!! I feel sad that it's all over. Our 'honeymoon' has been fairly disasterous so far though with both kids having had sickness and diahorrea. We've come away for a few days just to my mums but to be honest are pretty bored. I think I need to get a proper holiday booked to have that to look forward to.
Katie - have a great holiday or belated honeymoon away. And good luck for the anomoly when it comes.
Hope everyone else is well. Sorry for lack of personals, love to all.
Hello mrs cherrybug, glad you had a great day, sorry the kids have been poorly. Dark winter nights are a great time to plan a holiday!
We decided not to find out the sex of baby and have a surprise on the day, which hopefuly will be soon, as I'm now nearly 38 weeks.
Kittens so pleased everything is going well for you, popped on to see how you are doing
love to everyone else xx
Thanks. It's so lovely to have all your words of encouragement. Not too long to go now. I can't believe I've got this far to be honest. I just hope the rug isn't pulled out from und my feet.
One of the poor girls from my other thread, who some of you have "spoken to" on the sister thread has just had to terminate her pregnancy due to the baby only having one kidney which was over sized and the outlook wasn't looking good. It's a painful reminder of the fact that even after the 12 week scan you can't still fully relax and so very sad for her aft all she'd already been through. We all remember that awful raw pain, the rollcoaster or should I say train crash of emotions, guilt, etc. but I was trying to reassure her that although it feels now that she will ever come to terms with her loss and the decision she as forced to make, that it does get easier with time. Reading the comments from all of you about being at peace, yet somehow feeling guilty for letting go of some of the sadness really brings that home. We all did the best for our little ones, as painful as it was. I do feel at peace now and in a way can thank my dreadful memory for not remembering what should've been due dates because I, personally, don't think that would've done me any good. I may be at peace about the decisions I've made in the past but obviously it's making me doubly shit myself about the next few months!
Congratulations Cherry! Sorry the kids haven't been well. Enjoy holiday planning...
Nearly there Flower! How are you feeling?
Kittens, yay yay yay! It's all looking so good. I am sorry about the woman who has terminated for kidney problems - my 2nd termination was for bilateral renal agenesis, ie no kidneys, incompatible with life, so I do know how it feels to have a devastating 20 week scan. Try to push it out of your head though - it will not happen to you. It can't. I have a good feeling!
Old-timers, I have the same sense of distance from my losses. Sometimes they almost feel unreal, like they happened in a dream or to somebody else. But I agree: that's the only way we can move on and live, through that emotional distance. It's not disloyal.
My first termination was almost four years ago. Unbelievable, almost. I do feel at peace with it.
Thinking of you all.
I meant to say congratulations too Cherry. Glad you had a fab day. Sorry to hear your honeymoon was taken over by pukey children . I hope you get to make up for it in Sardinia. x
Hello all - hope you don't mind me posting here. I'm going in tomorrow for a surgical tx following big problems at 12 week scan. Do you mind sharing how long it took you to get pregnant after you tx? Reading this thread it seems most people had a medical procedure? I'm a little worried that a surgical one will damage me somehow? Any positive stories gratefully received! Thanks.
I was going to post on your other thread, sorry you have found your self in this position and hope tomorrow goes as well as can be expected. You'll find lots of support and lovely ladies on these threads.
I had a surgical termination in 2010 when we found our baby was incompatible with life at the 12 week scan,it was my first pregnancy, and like you it was my first experience of general anesthetic and i found that worrying, but it was all over pretty quickly, when i first came round i was in lots of pain and they gave me morphine by 5pm when they let me go home i had bad period type pains that i used paracetamol and ibuprofene for, which lasted a couple of days, I was lucky in that I didn't bleed too much afterwards. In researching what would happen at sugical tx i came across some anti abortion sites which had me worried about damage, the consultant on the day was very reasuring that tx up to 13 weeks has few risks as the baby is so small and its very unlikely to cause on going issues. Everyone is different but it can take awhile for hormones to sort themsleves out, it was 8 weeks before i had my first period post tx.
I am currently 38 weeks preganant after 16 months of trying but this has nothing to do with tx, age related and after we tried for 12 cycles i got checked out and found i was not ovulating every cycle and ovulating late, and used clomid to get pregnant this time, so please dont worry too much, and I hope this counts as a positive story. Just to say lots of ladies on this thread have got pregnant fairly soon after their txs. The list of thread babies at the start of the thread is testament to this, and something that I have found very reassuring.
Best wishes xx
Legoboat, I'm so sorry you're going through this awful experience now. The other girls on here will be able to give you much more positive insight on TTC after a termination than I will. My story makes for pretty grim reading and none of it to do with being affected by the termination so I won't give you the fear by sharing it with you. They do seem to advise waiting 3 months before TTC after a termination. I've had two and they recommended that both times.
I have just tried to make a positive move by booking my next IV treatment at around 12.5 weeks but I am absolutely shitting myself about my Nuchal on Wednesday.
Thanks for your kind words. Yesterday went as well as it could, they were all very sensitive and they put me in a private room which was good of them (I think the main ward section was for those choosing to terminate), and I seem to have very few side effects, no pain at all and very little bleeding. They kept telling me it was the right thing to do and that I had no option. Obviously, I'm now paranoid that 1. they got it wrong to start with (they never did bloods, the tx was advised solely on the 12 week scan) and 2. that I'll suffer some complication for future fertility. Obviously, the rational bit of me knows that these two things are very unlikely. I have a feeling that this was not a chromosone (sp?) thing but an infection - but they are testing and will presumably report back to me. My DS had chicken pox about 5/6 weeks ago, and having consulted doctor google (obviously not the best thing to do), the problems highlighted at the scan seem to fit very closely with this. We will see. I'm not sure I'm going to be able to wait to start TTC until after a first period - but advice seems very conflicted on this. Yesterday they said I could start having sex as soon as the bleeding stops? (which is now!) I suppose the only problems with this is for dating purposes if I fell PG on the first go.
As it's now Wednesday, Kittens, I am and will be thinking of you and I'm hoping and wishing and praying for you with every bone in my body. Fingers and toes crossed for you and your babe. This must be your time for good news.
Kittens sweetie-any news? xxx
A pretty good result. They scanned extremely thoroughly and said everything looked as it should and there were no markers for Downs or signs of other trisomies. The bloods were very good too apparently. So, all that brought my odds, which started off as 1:30 because of my age and history to 1:600 which sounds pretty good to me. I decided to have the CVS too just to make absolutely sure because I thought if I happened to be reaaaalllly bloody unlucky and be that 1 out of 600 it would make a mockery of all my past decisions. He said the risk of miscarriage was 1:500 so hopefully all will be fine. He was very good at helping me decide about the CVS. He basically said "The risks are more or less the same so at the end of the day, if you were someone prone to very bad luck, which would you rather, loose a baby or have a baby with Down's?" I'd forgotten just how horrible the CVS was though and nearly caused a disaster by almost jumping off the bed when he did it, but all was fine.
I think I can probably breathe out now! The CVS is just "belt and braces". I wonder how long it will take my neck to un-crick now? It's been a rather tense few days!
Fabulous news. I'm quietly pleased and hopeful for you.
Onwards and upwards, and in the case of your belly, outwards!
Congratulations on the great scan Kittens!! Such happy news for you at last. May it continue throughout the entire pregnancy.
I've just skim read, as it is Sienna's 1st birthday today!!! Can you believe it?! And it's been a manic day, especially as DD2 has spent all day throwing up so. Poor little thing. DD1 is now in bed crying because she has a cough, and Sienna is sound asleep in her cot. I have a tonne of work to plough through before tomorrow.
Legoboat - Im so sorry you have had to go through this awful experiance. I had a sergical termination just over 2 years ago. We were advised to wait till the bleeding stopped, and to try when we were emotionally ready. We began trying 4 weeks after the termination, and I had previously always fallen pregnant on the first attempt. With DD3 - our amazing Sienna - it took us 3 months to fall.
I hope you are ok and getting lots of support in RL xx
Big hello to everyone else, sorry for lack of personals - will post properly soon xx
Kittens-I can't even begin to tell you how happy I am for you! Really. I'm shedding tears of joy for you and your bean! Hope the results are fast and you get to rest and relax for a few days to recover.
And Lego-I'm sorry I didn't reply sooner but kittens had me rather distracted. We were pregnant and miscarried at the same time, then pregnant together again but kittens didn't have my luck. My little boy is 20 months now so this is long overdue! But I can pretty much echo what the other girls have said-I had a medical termination and got an infection after and took 6 months to get pregnant again. That one miscarried and I had surgery to remove it (essentially the same as the surgical termination)-no infections that time, waited for a proper period then got pregnant after my second period. I know you're in a dark place right now, but there is a lot of hope waiting for you and a lot of us here to steer you towards it. xx
Kittens - thanks so much for your reply and very happy about your scan, sounds like you're very much in due for some good news. xx
Everyone else who has commented, thank you so much for your experiences. It gives me some hope that next time (and there will be one!), it will go OK. I have been so impressed with the hospital and midwives and care there and they phoned again yesterday to check I was OK and to offer counselling if I need it. I was in a bad way Mon/Tues but I've taken this week off work and will be back on Monday, I've found so far that if I'm busy, I'm not thinking about it so much and going over whether I should have waited longer to double check the incompatible with life diagnosis (all was decided within 2 hours from scan and consultant scan). CVS would have been impossible anyway apparently because of the placental position. I think it was an unusual situation for the hospital to have someone have a surgical termination for medical reasons as although I was over 13 weeks, their cut off is 12 but they let me have one because of the size issues the baby had so I had to go to the gynae ward and not the special area they have for medical management. It's the thought of sucking out a live baby that's hard to come to terms with especially without a firm diagnosis (although realistically again, I saw the scan, the head was very, very wrong). The midwives yesterday have advised I might like to wait for the results before trying again but seeing as me and OH have a healthy child, I can't see the benefit in this particularly - hoping this is just bad luck rather than a doomed forever situation. Just feels really weird not to be pregnant anymore.
Kittens!!!!!! Just back from hols and absolutely overjoyed to hear your news - am so so happy for you
Lego so sorry for your loss, i hope you are doing ok. I had what sounds like a similar diagnosis to you (although they did CVS) but TTC right away and very luckily got pregnant after my first AF. DS is now 2 and i have number 2 on the way (20 weeks now). I'm sure it just is a case of bad odds, something which we have all had and i hope when you feel ready you get pregnant again quikly x
Thank you all lovely ladies . Still a bit twingey from the CVS. Trying not to get paranoid about possible miscarriage. Bloody hell, such a minefield of worry. But as I have been reminded, even in the best case scenario my life is now destined to be a minefield of worry!
Legoboat, it does sound like there is little doubt that even without a CVS there was no question that you have made the right decision. I wish you the very best for the future and hope you get a BFP soon.
Katie, I hope you had a lovely holiday. I'll be thinking of you next Wednesday.
Kittens I'm so glad its more good news for you.
I can relate to the worry, I havent been through as much as you have, but have spent the whole of this pregnancy worrying that something will go wrong, and that this baby would be taken away from us as well, and as it gets nearer to birth I seem to be getting all the more worried. I dont think ill truly accept this baby until he/she is safely in my arms. Having a room full of baby stuff makes me feel anxious, I struggled with buying all the little bits, it took a huge effort to walk into mothercare at 35 weeks and buy baby grows, I kind of felt like a fraud, that it was someting I shouldnt be doing.
Anyway I'm wittering on now.
love and best wishes to everyone xx
Ok, I don't want to put a downer on things, but a few things that people have said have made me think that this might be useful. As couple of you know, after a lovely pregnancy with Jacob, I was hit with massive post natal anxiety/depression and had a few even darker weeks than after the terminations. It took a whole lot of help and drugs to get me back on track to be the happy, calm parent I now am. PND is common anyway, but even more so with our history. I don't want to go on about it, but if any of you ever do find yourself struggling then please pm me any time and I can offer all the advice I have. X
Thank you sweetheart. Gosh, I didn't realise you went through that. I'm so sorry. Glad to hear you got the help you needed and are back on track. x
CVS results came back clear today. Phew!
Flower, I can well relate to not being able to relax until you have a baby at home in your arms. I just feel like I'm tackling one hurdle at a time and can't take anything for granted.
Yay! Fantastic news! You must be so relieved. These next few weeks are quite strange though, because nothing much really happens and you almost stop feeling pregnant. Are you having your next scan about 18 weeks? I did through the NHS because of my history, then a last one at 21 weeks. xx
Well, I have my IV treatment on Monday and I've yet to go to my booking in appointment. My next scan is at 16 weeks with my consultant, which will be my last appointment with him so will be in the hands of the NHS after that, apart from my anomaly scan which I may well have at FMC as they are so incredibly thorough and reassuring. Not sure if the NHS will offer me an 18 week scan. When I spoke to them they said the next one was the anomaly scan which is at 20 weeks, or thereabouts.
I am very relieved. It's only just sinking in now that I am actually pregnant not in the "waiting to qualify" zone. OH still couldn't look at the scan though even after they said everything looked fine. He's finding it hard to get emotionally involved with seeing the baby this early on in case things do go tits up .
Very early morning here and I should be sleeping but just had to say a big woohoo for Kittens!!! So happy to read your news. As Littlepoot said, long overdue, and I'm with Cant on the good feeling about this one xx
Sorry Legoboat for your loss, though glad you found these ladies to help you through. They're such a great source of support/advice/reassurance - whatever you need at the time - they're here
Flower, not long to go now, have that baby in your arms, and be able to finally let out that big sigh of relief. Good luck and I'll be checking for news
Finally, congratulations to Cherrybug! Sorry to hear about your little ones, and I hope they're feeling better. Looks like you'll just have to use this as an excuse to have a make-up holiday in the future
Bella climbed on a stool in the kitchen last night, fell off, pulling the microwave down with her. It just missed her, and it hit the floor with such force it is destroyed, so I am currently just lying here, cuddling her, thanking my lucky stars ( and her guardian angels) she is ok - it so easily could have turned out otherwise.
Must try to fall back to sleep, though highly doubt I will. Love to you all xxx
Thanks for your post poot, and for sharing. I havent really talked to midwife about our loss, mentioned at booking and she seemed uncomfortable with it all, so havent brought it up. The health visitor came the other day and it was the first thing she talked about and said she would keep a close eye on me because of risks of pnd. x
Whoop Kittens!! Brilliant news - i can totally understand your OH's point of view and i hope he manages to start relaxing soon. You are past the biggest hurdle now and i think it's important to try and enjoy and be excited about the pregnancy (although i know easier said than done!)
Mishtabel - poor little Bella that must have been such a fright! really glad she is ok though RIP to the microwave.
hi there, it was sacha's birthday this weekend so not been on and just had a very quick catch up so sorry if I miss anyone. However I just want to say how brilliant your news is kittens, all looking sooo good.
Legoboat, I also doubted diagnosis. Have you got the report from the scan? I have a memory box and keep it there and refer to it (not so much any more as it's five years since my first termination but in the early days). I was also advised to wait until genetic counselling but I found it to be relatively uninteresting and so with my second termination I then waited for a full cycle and a clear period before ttc. I am really sorry you are in this position.
Littlepoot I didn't have to take drugs but I had lots of anxiety following ds1 (first baby following first termination). I've mentioned it before. I'm really sorry you went through that but I'm so glad you are out the other side. I don't think I've been that bad this time. apparently pnd is often linked to expectations of parenthood not matching up to the reality. I think because we have had more problems becoming parents perhaps our expectations might become more unrealistic than someone who has an easier ride - it becomes such a massive goal it out weighs the fact that looking after a newborn is hard work and an emotional strain. x
I'm sorry Poot i totally meant to comment on your post too - like Poot already knows i also had problems with this too although it manifested in bad anxiety/panic attacks and insomnia in me (rather than depression as such).
I didn't know that we were at more risk for this, but like Manitz says it does make sense. I guess we expect that once we get our baby we should be feeling really grateful and happy all the time but of course that's not realistic. I also had to go on a course of anti-d's and some sleeping pills when DH finally forced me off to the doctor and luckily these sorted me out relatively quickly and am totally fine now. At the time i wondered how anyone ever had another baby afterwards but now i know all the worry and stressing about little things sorts itself out on its own - hindsight is a wonderful thing!
Hi Katie, I'm sorry to hear you had it too. Like you I had anxiety and panic attacks. I found the panic attacks frightening and thought I was going to die. I found it quite weird that a lot of my panic was about my health not my kids health which would have made more sense. I think finding out about my baby's heart reminded me of all our mortality and I was worried I would leave the children motherless. I found a lump on my thyroid which took a year to be biopsied and removed which I don't think helped. After a year it went away. I just had to go to bed when it happened or go for a walk in the park. It was a fairly dark year.
However I have had almost no panic attacks this time round so it doesn't mean that it will happen again. Also none with previous babies but with my first child I presumed I would get depressed so was really happy that I was fairly normal once she was born. With baby 3 I presumed that my world would be great but I didn't think about the psychological effect of the termination plus a couple of bereavements in our family at the same time.
Just popping in to say good luck to Katie for your Anomaly scan today. x
Thanks Kittens! So pleased to report that baby is all ok and bang on average with all measurements. We are very relieved
Manitz sorry you went through a hard time too, it is strange isn't it that we all experienced something quite similar. This time round i feel quite sure that it won't happen again, i think perhaps as i feel more confident this time round and of course more time has passed. Fingers crossed anyway x
Woo hoo! So pleased Katie. But do we know whether Felix will be getting a little brother or a little sister? xx
That's great news Katie x
Thank you both!
Don't know the sex, keeping it a secret but I have a strong feeling it's another boy - will have to wait and see I'd I'm right! X
Hi, I had to have a medical termination at just short of 14 weeks in June as my scan showed my baby girl had Edwards Syndrome. I fell pregnant again on my first cycle and am now 10 weeks. I've had an early scan at 8 weeks and development is ok so far but obviously won't be able to find out if there are genetic problems again until my 12 week scan. I've got a 2% increased risk, which I know is low, but you kind of loose faith in the stats when something like that happens. Fully prepared for bad news at my scan in 10 days. Just thought I'd say hi, it's hard to talk to people that haven't been through this sometimes x
Just wanted to say congratulations on your pregnancy. Everyone here knows what you're going through - I'm new to this group but it's a good place to get support. I've only just started relaxing about my pregnancy (I'm now 22.5 weeks) since the anomaly scan, and stopped fearing the worst, so I know how you feel. x
Hi Dutchy and welcome!
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm 21 weeks pregnant, also had a loss at 14 weeks due to incompatible with life diagnosis so know what you are going though. I also had a healthy DS after my termination but was still very worries this time round.
Tray and stay positive and remeber despite the bad luck that the odds are really on your side and we will be here to hold your hand through the scans xx
I was so pleased (although this sounds like an odd thing to be pleased about) that others were brave enough to share that they had some hard times after the birth of their babies. I have too. It's funny because you think when the baby arrives it will make it all better, but it brings its own pain, a different sort from the pain of ending a pregnancy, but all bound up in that too. I'm probably not explaining myself very well, but sometimes I have found myself second-guessing my decision (which I never did at the time) and sometimes feeling bad about delighting in my son, as if I didn't deserve to be happy because/even though he is here. All so difficult, I hope I one day reach the peace some of you mentioned. I'm glad this thread exists.
There's been a bit of talk about a meet-up, maybe I could offer myself as a sacrifice on the altar of organisation if people are still interested? I guess a London venue would suit more people - how about sometime around the end of Nov or early Dec before the Christmas rush starts?
Finally: congratulations to cherry and Natz on their weddings, katie for a great anomaly scan, dutchy and scampi on your pregnancies (and good luck dutchy for tomorrow), and all good thoughts to kittens for continued good news.
Also fingers crossed for Flower, your little bud must be on his or her way soon!
Hi everyone, quick update
I am now 41 weeks, have already had 2 sweeps, having another on thurs and then its induction on monday if bubs doesnt decide to move by then.
Thinking of you kittens, and those with scans and tests coming up, hope all goes well.
Hey ghislaine - i would be up for a meet up if everyone else is! london is fine for me. Thanks for your congrats and sorry you had to go through a bit of a hard time too - it is so funny (?!) that so many of us experienced the same.
Flower - am patiently waiting for some news, hope you don't have to wait too much longer! x
Hi everyone, I hope you don't mind me joining you? I had some really great support from some of you over the summer when we lost our first pregnancy (a little girl) at 18 weeks.
Today is exactly 9 weeks on from the termination and I should be 27 weeks pregnant and going into the third trimester, I'm generally doing better but still struggling sometimes.
We're now going to try again (not v likely this month as both dh and I are away until the evening of the day I'm due to ovulate) and I'm feeling very conflicted. I HATED TTC last time, it took 7 months and when I found I was pregnant my first feeling was relief that I wouldn't have to keep going with the emotional rollercoaster of trying and failing each month (little did I know...)
Because I've never managed to actually have a live baby, I'm also worried there's just something fundamentally wrong with me, and we could have years ahead of us of trying, failing and heartbreak.
I'm sorry, I know you can't make tell me what's going to happen but any advice or reassurance you have would be very appreciated! It's been very heartening to read this thread and see how you've moved on and congratulations to all of you who have had their babies or are expecting.
Hi Pizdets and welcome - i remember you from your threads. How are you doing?
I totally understand your reluctance to TTC and just want to be pregnant again, i hated the thought of having to try and was desperate for it to happen right away. Luckily it did after my first period so will cross my fingers it is quick for you too - i think it often can be after being pregnant recently.
Even when you are past that first hurdle obviously it is a very nerve wracking time getting through the scans but everyone here is a great support and can hold your hands along the way. Good luck xxx
hi pizdets I hope you find this thread a good support whilst ttc.
Can I add my name to the meetup list?
ghislaine, ime first year is always awful no matter what your experience. No sleep and little interaction, maybe you will find the peace when ds a little older, first birthday is a good milestone. It's not just because of our grief. course there are good bits about first year too but glad it's over.
flower any news?
Got back from the hospital this afternoon. My waters broke tuesday at midnight, went into proper labour wednesday afternoon. Hannah was born at 02:52 thursday 18th , weighihg 9lb 3oz so needed a bit of help getting out!
Thank you lovely ladies for all the support over the last few years. I now have a daughter I can hold in my arms with a big sister looking out for her in heaven xxx
wow flower how exciting, many congratulations. can she be added to the list? it would be nice to update it.
Given my previous post, I expect you are really looking forward to the next year! You are at the beginning of a long journey and the first year is amazing and different from everything that has gone before but it is also emotional as it takes time to adjust to something so new, so I found it quite surreal also. But i love that koala-like newborn stage when they just sleep on you and you are awake at odd times of the night, it is cool x
Many congratulations Flower! Gorgeous name. And impressive weight too! I wish you all many happy snuggly times with your second little girl.
Pizdets, good luck with ttc. It's very hard when you don't know what's going to happen. The easiest way for me to get through it was a) to think it was easier to be trying to have another baby than to imagine not having another, and b) to block block block it all and pretend it wasn't happening. Probably not very healthy - but it worked.
It is four years ago on Wednesday that my first lost baby was born/died. Unbelievable actually, almost, now. Four years ago today, I had the appointment where we were told that the baby wouldn't survive. Baby Lucia, may she rest in peace. Ghislaine - I have that calm you mention. It will come for you, too.
Love to all others. Would be up for a meet up if I didn't live at the wrong end of the country!
Congratulations Flower!! Wonderful news and brilliant weight, no wonder she needed a little help. I hope you are getting lots of sleep and cuddles.
This is NatzCNL by the way, I fancied a name change and we are all getting back into the Gruffalo now that Sienna is older and begining to enjoy books.
I would also love to meet up so please put my name on the catch up list.
Welcome Pizdets, we are all here to give you as much support as you need during the TTC stage. It's a very tense time even when there is no history of problems IMO. Like Kcubs I too fell quite quickly after my termination, I was told by my GP that your body is more suseptable to a pregnancy after a birth/termiantion/miscarriage. Wishing you lots of luck and a quick BFP xx
Sorry for such a short post, am off to bed as been a very busy weekend and need to catch up on some much needed sleep!
Kittens, thinking of you and hoping to hear some more good news soon xx
Congratulations Flower, and welcome to not-so-little Hannah! Well done both of you. Enjoy these days, they race by.
ps I think Natz/Gruffalo can update the list....
Flower!!!!! Many congratulations on the safe arrival of Hannah a fantastic weight and a perfect little sister! Been checking in frequently for this update!
Ladies I have been completely crap recently - as I'm sure you will have noticed by my absence. So so busy back at work, and coordinating school runs and preschool etc etc, no excuse I know but I'm sorry....I've become a read only poster however I promise I will try harder! And I would love to meet up with you ladies sometime too
Just for the record my teeny tiny Callum is now 9mths old (eek),over 18lbs, eats like a horse, not quite sitting but loves his jumperoo where does the time go?
Love to you all and will post properly soon xxxx
Hi everyone, thanks so much for the words of support!
Katiecubs, thanks again for your help over the summer, it was/is really appreciated. I'm actually doing better, I can go days at a time without crying and I feel more accepting about it all (most of the time). Am trying to be very proactive about making the most of my life and not being pregnant (even if hopefully not for long) so doing lots of sport, travel, dinners out with nice wines, it's definitely helping a bit!
Can'tdothis, I really like the idea of blocking but I need to get better about it, I think my 'blocking' skills might come to the fore if I do manage to get knocked up again!
Gruffalo, congrats on falling pregnant again so fast, I do hope it happens quickly for me but I also don't feel very lucky right now! I suppose what will be will be, and I'd rather it took longer to go right this time if that's how it must be - that's what I tell myself.
Flower, congratulations on the birth of Hannah, that's a lovely name. It's so good to hear about people getting there!
Flower - hurrah!! Congratulations on the birth of baby Hannah (lovely name, my neice is a Hannah too) hope you are enjoying all those precious first cuddles
Pizdets - you are most welcome. I'm so glad you are feeling a bit better and enjoying doing lots with your time, wine deffo helped me too! Crossing my fingers that may change for you soon though ;)
lots of love to everyone else xxx
I wonder if I might join you here? So many of you were very kind and helpful last summer when we made the heart breaking decision to terminate at 16 weeks for T21.
I have various fertility issues (lost one tube with ectopic, plus require both bromocriptine and clomid to make me ovulate) and so TTC has been a little difficult again, and we've been trying since January.
Yesterday I got a positive, I'm so happy but also so afraid, it has brought back many memories.
I don't post much do but still read these boards, so hope I'm in the right place.
can I jump on board?
We made the awful decision back in december to terminate at 19 weeks for t21 and other issues. Infact it was so bloody awful went in to terminate on 23rd december so still dealing with the aftermath over christmas. We didn't get to see the consultant with the final results until june and were then told that there was nothing we could of done it wasn't genetic etc etc and to start ttc if we wanted.
Just got my bfp but clearly did not realise what a huge rollercoaster this is turning out to be! not helped by the fact that it was this time last year when I was in early pregnancy.
Lily I know what you mean by happy but so scared! I have my booking in at the midwife week on wed and can't bring myself to phone the consultant but know it needs to be done.
Maybe we can hold each others hands?
Thanks for reading guys, would appreciate some words of wisdom from any one who has been here before
Hi Lily and Corazon, Welcome and congratulations on your pregnancies
I know it's a very scary time but taking it one day at a time does help. The chances are this time round you will be just fine (although i know we have all been on the wrong side of bad odds before) just look at the long list of babies born since this thread began.
I'm 24 weeks now with my 3rd pregnancy (1st terminated at 14 weeks due to turners syndrome and other complications and 2nd resulted in my lovely DS who is now 2). I think we all find the scans the scariest bit but there are plenty of lovely ladies here that will be here to support you through those.
p.s I also meant to say that i'm really sorry for your losses x
Hi all, I've been rubbish lately on here. Just so busy at the moment but I do think of everyone and hope all is well.
Firstly Congratulations Flower!!! I'm delighted to hear you have your gorgeous baby girl Hannah. We arrived at the sister board at a similar time didn't we - I'm just so pleased for you!! Hope you're enjoying these early days.
Congratulations to Lily and Corazon and I'm sure the thread will help you immensely on the scary journey of pregnancy. I found it invaluable and hope you do too.
Hi Katie, hope you're doing well!! And hi to Mrs Bigz, Ghislaine, Manitz & Natz!
Piz, best of luck with TTC and I hope you feel encouraged by this thread.
Hi to everyone else, I would do more personals but I'm on my phone and it takes me forever to type!!
tomorrow is the second anniversary of Leilas birth. I feel reflective rather than upset and my thoughts have been on her far more than they are usually. I'm very aware that really no one else is thinking of her. It's like she didn't exist to everyone else.. I don't feel the pain of losing her so acutely anymore but I feel some emptiness still. Kade who is one next Friday, has almost taken up that void and is a wonderful gift that I'm so grateful for. So, Ive reached a place of calm I think, but I haven't forgotten.
Love to all x
Hi Lily and Corazon
I think you have definitely come to the right place - I have found such hope through reading this thread.
I am now 16 weeks pregnant after saying goodbye to our little girl last November. We are trying to be optimistic but the fear will remain I think throughout the pregnancy. I find taking it one scan/appointment at a time is the only way to get through... and to try and keep as busy as possible in between! I hope all goes well for you both x
I would like to join you as we had to make the very difficult decision just over a month ago to terminate at 21 weeks for severe heart defects that showed up in the 20-week anomaly scan. It was my first pregnancy and I had to go through a medical termination. These pages really helped before and after - I found the termination quite a lonely experience in real life as there were few people I trusted sufficiently to tell the whole truth (although those I did choose to tell have been amazingly supportive), so reading about other people's experience online was a real lifeline.
Despite all this I recovered quickly physically and find I am feeling OK most of the time, so we are slowly considering TTC again. I was wondering what medical advice you received in this respect? We were told to wait for my first period, but that there was no medical reason to wait any longer than that (but to make sure we were coping emotionally). Since my period returned clockwork-like after 26 days as usual, this seems quite a short time in my case, so it would be good to find out what advice other people have received. On the one hand we feel that getting pregnant as soon as possible is the one thing that will help us refocus on the future, on the other hand, as so many of us who have gone through similar experiences, I am terrified of something going wrong again...
I don't have regular access to internet, but will try to pop in here from time to time and definitely have my fingers crossed for all you ladies!
Thank you so much for all your messages of support in some ways its so sad that everyone has been through so much!
Katie thank you for your kind words and hope you are still doing ok in your pregancy one day at a time seems the best.
Cherry - we said goodbye to Alfie in last december so coming up for the year soon I am know what you mean about the emptiness don't think that will ever go away. You have to still remember and have that time to reflect I think.
Chunky - congrats to you 2! yes keeping busy is diffo a good strategy!
Mango - hi sorry to hear about your loss it probably still feels quite raw as it was so recent. I 2 only told few people in rl and they were great but talking to people who have been through it helps I think - infact this is the second post and I done and its helping so much. Think its a personal decision as to when to ttc again. I was quite poorly for 6 months after with infection after infection so ended up waiting a long time to ttc. Our consultant said 3 months would be a good time to wait to help with the emotional side of things. As for the terrified of it all happening again I hear you! But I feel the drive to have another baby is worth the worry again (hope so)
Thanks again for everyones support - got my booking with midwife next week and after that an early scan so trying not to think about those!
Hope everyone is ok x
Welcome to all the new posters who have found their way here!
Congratulations to lily, chunkymonkey and corazon on your pregnancies. Pregnancy is a really nerve-wracking time. I mostly got through it by blocking it out and trying not to acknowledge it. I didn't tell work until I was 24 weeks (I work from home a lot!).
I think we've all had different experiences with TTC as well. I was told that there's a spike in fertility after a pregnancy loss, but didn't experience it myself. It took me nine months each time to get pregnant, and we had to resort to IUI and clomid the second time.
Anyone else keen on coming to the meet-up? So far I have
Apart from the fact that everyone on the list is lovely and worth meeting for that reason alone, I found it really helped to meet others who'd been in the same situation. As you say Mango, it's an incredibly isolating experience.
Oooh yes - me too please for a meet up, assuming you're thinking about London again? Gosh, what a lot has happened since I last popped in. Hello lovely new people! I'm really pleased you've found your way here, even though it's rubbish that you've needed to. It has been a hugely supportive place for me, so I hope you find the same. Congratulations too on the new pregnancies. Although I do still remember how scary that beginning part is. One step at a time though, and come back whenever you need talking down from your latest panic.
Mango - after my medical termination (at about 14 weeks), I was advised to wait for three months before trying again. I actually waited a bit longer too because I needed a bit of time before I could face it again. Then I had a mmc and surgical removal and this time they said just to wait for my first proper period. I did and got pregnant one or two later (after gratuitous use of ovulation sticks because I was too impatient to wait) and the result is snoring his head off upstairs. I think it's best to wait until your period has come back, just to check all is back on track (and for dates) but other than that, just try when you're ready. You'll sadly never be quite back to how you were before this awful time, and you'll be worrying about everything as soon as you do manage to get pregnant again, but as you say - the desire to have a baby does seem to take over, so do what you think is best for you. And keep looking at that list at the top of the thread to remind yourself that it has worked out in the end for so many of us.
Speaking of which - kittens - are you about my love? What news? I hope you're ok??
And flower, congratulations! Are you lurking at all? Or is the beautiful Hannah keeping you awake at all hours? Those first few weeks can be so so tough. It really is worth it in the end though, I promise - just hang on in there. Gorgeous name too. Well done you.
All's fine this end. Jacob's busy practising for being 2. He's almost got the tantrum perfected, and I'm perfecting my 'ignore it and it might go away' non-reaction. Ignore and distract - those are my current mantras. You have to pick your battles, so if I can diffuse a few before they start then so much the better. He's just so damned cute though! So worth all the stress. xxx
Hello, yes I'm about. Sorry for the long silence. I've been away on holiday and then when I got back so much had been going on on the thread that I wanted to wait until I had time to reply to everyone rather than a fleeting "me" post but, bugger it, I had got 2/3 of the way through a rather long post which I was going to come back to this morning and finish of and somehow the page had got closed and the whole bloody thing lost!
All is still "so far so good" here. Had a scan last week and all looked fine, measuring 16+4. Got my anomaly scan on 23 Nov. We've now just started telling people which feels weird. We've sort of been in safety mode of not acknowledging anything more than the 'condition' that is pregnancy rather than the assumption that pregnancy=baby, but now that people are referring to an actual baby making an appearance at the end of it all so it's starting to feel like it may actually work out that way. I have decided though, being a retro sort of girl, that I'm going to go the "stork" route and am off to plant a gooseberry bush at the end of my garden in preparation. None of the grisly labour lark I keep hearing about .
I'm up for a meet up too. It would be lovely to catch up with you all. xx
Mango welcome, i'm so sorry for your loss but you have found a great home here. In terms of TTC i was told i could get on with it asap - i don't really think there is a set time as such as differant doctors say differant things - just whenever you feel ready i guess. Like you TTC gave me something to focus on and helped me look forward. Good luck!
Kittens hello stranger - great to hear that your scan was good and that you have started telling people. It does make it seem much more real the more you talk about it but it is a funny thing to get your head round. I'm still in denial here a bit! Are you going to find out the sex do you think?
Poot i hear you on the tantrums - am also trying to ignore it or using the naughty step although F seems to quite enjoy the naughty step! Most of the time i find the naughty stuff he does quite funny too and really struggle to keep a straight face, it's crazy watching such a little person get so angry about nothing! He has also learnt that farting is really funny (oops) and keeps trying to do them on purpose now and getting upset when he can't. Must stop laughing at his farts.
Ghislaine when are we thinking of for the meet up? This year still? xxx
OH doesn't want to find out the sex. I must admit I'm curious but I don't mind waiting either. OH comes from a mostly boys family and mine is the opposite.
They do say that boys are most common amongst those who track their ovulation, especially on ovulation stimulating treatment (where the consultant tells you exactly when to "make love") because of the fact that sex is timed so closely with ovulation. Apparently girl making sperms take their time, whereas boy making sperms rush to reach the finish line. Sounds like something that doesn't stop with fertilization! Anyway, time will tell...
Well boys are pretty cool! We didn't find out the sex either time - i much prefer a suprise
Hi kittens, great to hear from you and glad all's going well.
Katie (no longer KCubs? I liked that - it made you sound like a DJ!), I think I suggested end of Nov or early Dec for a meet up, but if people's schedules are already too hectic, we can wait until the new year. I am pretty flexible myself & can definitely do something this year <social loser emoticon>. If it suits everyone we could go for a central London location again. I thought the Southbank worked well last time.
So the updated list for the meet up is:
Gruffalo (fka Natz)
Would love to see some new people on the list too - don't be shy!
Hi all, thanks for your kind words of support and welcome. We have decided to wait for my period to return at least for a second time as I have had some spotting, perhaps a sign my hormones are not balanced yet and to avoid blaming myself if something should go wrong again. As you say, LittlePoot, it will never be the same again, so I feel it's best to avoid unnecessary risk factors to reduce excessive paranoia!
Corazon, sorry to hear you went through a rocky time healthwise after your termination, but glad to hear you are pregnant again now - all the best! And Havingkittens, I can totally understand the need to take one step at a time, hope all continues to go well for you! It's so reassuring to see that so many of you have gone on to have healthy babies and several others currently pregnant - I hope all of you have good scan results as you go along!
Would love to meet up, but unfortunately am too far away to make it this time.
Hi yes I'm lurking, thanks for all the good wishes, lovely to hear from mrsb and cherry.
I'm getting used to the feeding, sleeping routine, im really upset that I cant breast feed, birth ended up being rather traumatic. After she was born I covered the floor with blood and was rushed to theatre for repairs and to deal with retained placenta, ended up having 2 blood transfusions, my pulse was sky high and I was deydrated. during my 3 day stay in hospital my milk never came in, doctors said it was because I was so anemic and because of all the stess.
Having kittens glad things are going well for you, and congratulations to those who are newly pregnant.
ps can someone add Hannah to the thread baby list.
lots of love to everyone xx
Wow flower-that sounds really tough! So glad you're both ok now. I can understand you being gutted not to be able to breast feed. I had to stop afterthe first few weeks and even before that I had to mix feed because he just wasn't getting enough milk from me. I really beat myself up about it, but looking back, I really should have given myself a break! There are way more important things than which vessel the milk comes from and as a scientist working in public health (which I now sort of am), I can tell you that although breast is indeed best, its only a very small difference and really not worth worrying about. It is a pain to have to make a bottle in the night rather than just whip out a boob, but not as much pain as blocked ducts, cracked nipples and mastitis...... Which all my breast feeding friends suffered with to some degree. What I'm really trying to say is that you are doing a completely brilliant job with Hannah and don't let yourself get hung up on things that you can't control.
So excited for you kittens! But totally with you on the gradual realisation there might actually be a baby in there, not just a pregnancy....
So, lets talk days for meeting up then. I could do weekend of 10th, Sunday 18th, weekend of 24th November but possibly only weekend of 1st December. Unless I bring Jacob then the weekend of the 8th opens up too. Might be away weekend after and then its Christmas already! what do we reckon?
Oh and Katie-farting is top entertainment in our house too, ever since he farted in the bath which, lets face it, must feel pretty funny if you're only 1.... xx
Oh Flower, that sounds, well, I don't really have the words - extremely stressful I guess would be an understatement. I hope you got decent care and are recovering well. It's tough when you don't have any time to yourself and are dealing with sleep deprivation at the same time (KITTENS, DON'T READ THIS).
I mixed fed my son after a few days as he lost more than 10% of his birthweight after 3 days and the pediatrician demanded he be given formula. One tip for night feeds is to buy those little ready-made cartons. It's much easier to snip off the top than bother with the kettle. Or there are those pre-made little bottles with teats you can buy, like this. It's pricey but if you just do it for nights, then it's worth it.
Flower, I had, in my lost post sent you huge congratulations and then forgot to say it again when I made it back! Wow, what a traumatic time you had, you poor thing. I hope you are recovering OK. See, that's why I've opted for stork delivery .
I used to post regulary on the sister thread after my termination in feb 2010. Not sure who is around from then, but big hello to you all! Hi to everyone else too...
Just felt like sharing my news with everyone.... Seems fitting somehow... I'm currently sat nursing my two week old son Noah who is absolutely, sleeping habits aside perfect :-) still have to pinch myself sometimes!
Anyway good luck to those currently pregnant and congrats to those who have recently given birth! x
Oh Bluecat-congratulations. What lovely news on this cold wintery evening and what a lovely name!
How are we getting on with a date for going out ladies? Xx
Great news Bluecat! Welcome to the world little Noah & practice sleeping for your mummy.
I'm free on any of those days you suggest Poot. Anyone else have any preferences?
I forgot to say to Cherry that anniversaries are hard, especially when it seems like you're the only one who remembers. I hope the day went peacefully.
Hi all, I've been rubbish at catching up, work has been manic and I also had some health problems (nothing serious, fortunately, but annoying and unpleasant nevertheless). I am also up for a catch up, but could only do 18 Nov and any week-end in December - completely understand though if you have to arrange it for another date.
As always lately, I have to apologise for lack of personals, but I have to dash. I am lurking though and you are all in my thoughts.
Just a quick pop in to say congratulations to bluecat, Noah is a lovely name, hope you are getting some sleep now xx
Yes ghislaine I'm using the cartons aswell, couldnt manage all the night feeds with out them,they are also good now that I'm starting to venture out with her!
love to everyone xx
Sorry for quick fleeting post (yet again) Congratulations Bluecat, what wonderful news! I remember you from the sister thread, I was NatzCNL up until recently.
I am really sorry to say I cant do any of the suggested dates. Got birthdays, anniversaries & Christmas get togethers all booked up. If it is re-arranged for next year then count me in again, if not, then I hope to meet up at another catch up in the future.
DD1 has had chicken pox and just waiting for DD2 and Sienna to break out.
Hope everyone else is well. Good luck with upcoming scans to all the preggies on the thread xxx
I'd love to join the meet up but am too far away to get there. Bah. Would be so lovely to meet everyone. Still maybe another time.
Flower poor you, sounds traumatic. Hope you're feeling back to normal. I can understand how you feel sad about breast feeding. I struggled hugely with my DD due to her being ill in her first week and not feeding meaning my supply was very low. And at the time i was so upset. But you know, it's a small part of their life isn't it .The most important thing is a mummy and daddy who love them which Hannah clearly has.
Thanks for your thoughts Ghislaine, day was okay really. Thoughtful rather than tearful.
Kittens, all looking good lady! Hope the anomaly is straightforward and after that you get to experience a boring home straight. Hope you had a good hol too.
Mango, good luck with trying again and it sounds sensible to start when you are ready, we tried straight away and I found the months where I didn't get pregnant very hard as I think emotionally I was very fragile. With hindsight perhaps we should have waited a little. Luckily I got pregnant quickly which as we all know brings a whole load of anxiety too.
Bluecat. I remember you well. How wonderful to hear your news!!
Coffee/poot great to hear from you. I Found terrible twos not too bad but DD makes up for that now! Patience is not one of my strong points and like you Katie, I have a child who finds the Naughty step quite good fun!! Reward charts often work well but they are not without their controversy!
Sorry no more personals. I'm again on my phone so takes me ages and hard to scroll up to see who I've missed. But big hello to everyone else and I'm glad the new folk have found the thread. It's going to be lovely seeing that list at the top grow and grow!
Wow Blucat congrats!! Super news - welcome to the world little Noah
Flower - so sorry to hear you guys have had a hard time of it/ How are you getting on now? Hope a little better.
Hello Cherry and Coffee lovely to hear from you guys too.
Sorry for the delay getting back to you on the meet up - getting fairly busy around those times but i may be able to do weekend 17th Nov or weekend 8th Dec but am not 100% sure yet sorry. Perhaps lets go wioth the date that works best for most people and then i will make it if i can xxx
hi there, 24th is out for me, can't do this sat or next sat as dh has football to watch. other than that it's good for me. Is this with or without kids? presuming without. sorry not been around. Many congrats bluecat and so glad all ok so far kittens. Gotta run x
sorry such a short message earlier was rushing out the door. Had just been skim reading and hadn't realised actual dates were posed. so if not with kids does sunday 18th november suit everyone? will need to clear it with dh as it's not football it may not be deemed necessary to survival and therefore needs to be justified...
Hi, I've been really slack at posting. Sorry!
Bluecat, I also remember your name. Congratulations to you and little Noah.
Lovely to see there are a few more names to add to the list of thread babies!
I think I can do the weekend of 24th or 1 Dec. After that, not quite sure. I'm anticipating a possible mid December meltdown with possible hermit tendencies as the anniversary of my mum's death approaches. I'm absolutely dreading Christmas!
Kittens-can you do Sunday 18th? That seems to work for a few people. x
18th isn't ideal for me I'm afraid. x
Bum-that had been looking good until then! Should we maybe leave it until after Christmas when things quieten down a bit? x
not meaning to put any pressure on but I was thinking it could be nice to meet after kittens anomaly scan. Then if all is well we could really celebrate whilst you sip a non-alcaholic beverage. Woud that be too stressy kittens?
I can do pretty much any time except when arsenal play at home and saturday of 24 nove wekeend.
Ahh, that's sweet of you. Sounds good to me. I haven't checked the fixtures but as I live on Arsenal territory I'd have the same criteria!
i used to live really close to the old ground and you couldn't get anywhere on match days. Now it is because my childcare partner needs to go
Ok, so-we've got Sunday November 25th, Saturday December 1st, 8th or 15th, Sunday December 2nd, 9th or 16th. I can't do 8th or 9th because I'm on my own that weekend with Jacob. I can do all of the others. Can everyone say which days they can and can't do and I guess we'll count up and go with the best one? All welcome by the way-this isn't a mini-club we've formed or anything! A few of us managed a meet up in central London pretty much 2 years ago, so this is just a second go at it! Xxx
1st and 8th arsenal are playing. 25th i think we have a kiddy party but need to check. So I can do sun2nd, sun 9th, sat 15th or sun 16th. if 1st and 8th are essential I may be able to put pressure on grandparents...
I am totally at everyone's disposal.
Football? You mean rugby, right?
tbh, it's sport generally. To persuade him to have dc4 he needed an incentive so it was season ticket or sky sport. I figured a season ticket was more manageable. at present he is waffling on about cricket and how we can get up at an unsociable hour
Sorry to be a pain but the only one I can potentially do is the 8/9th. Don't worry about me though I can always come to the next one or if things change then I will deffo come along this year xx
Well, I can do the 8th. Just have to time my journey so I don't get stuck in the Gooner mayhem.
I can do the 8th or the 9th. I can also do all the dates suggested by Poot, I would prefer not to do the 25th of Nov but could do that date too at a push. x
what about an evening meetup? if it was that I could do 8th nov. still might be able to do it but need to butter up the gps.
I don't think Poot can do the 8/9th though. Please don't plan around me anyway as am not 100% sure I will be able to make it. Will try my best though once we have a date as there are a few things in the diary that may get moved x
I definitely can't do the 8th without a toddler in tow (which sounds cuter than it is-grown up venues aren't much fun art his age....). 9th could be possible but depends on hubby's annoying business trip. But if there isn't an obvious alternative then just go with what you can! x
Since it's so hard to find a date, should we try to meet up in January, maybe end of the month, so everyone has plenty of notice and is more likely to make it? I am free all week-ends in January.
Yes, perhaps that might be a better plan. I'm not sure yet about Jan weekends, but am likely to be free except the weekend of 20/21 I think.
20th likely to be out for me too as dds birthday and then arsenal...will get dh to check fixtures
January could be good. I can't do the first weekend but other than that I think I should be about.
Embarrassingly I forgot that it'll be Charles's birthday the Monday following so we might go away. Although that shouldn't stop people if it turns out to be the only weekend others can do.
What about the final weekend of Jan - 26/27?
shame on you.
last weekend is fine for me at the mo.
well I didn't forget his birthday per se, more that I didn't connect that fact to the weekend preceding it....
Jan is pretty free for me apart from the first weekend (my bday).
The only thing is that i had quite bad SPD towards the end of last preg so walking became quite difficult. As I'm due mid Feb I can't fully commit to being able to make the trek up to London (ESP later on on the month) as it really depends on how my pubic bones are feeling
Just go with the majority and I will try my bestest x
Did we have any further thoughts on January? I can't do the first weekend but should be OK for any of the others.
Pleased to report that we are "anomaly free" by the way .
Oooh kittens that's fab news!!! How are you and OH feeling about things now? Hope you are allowing yourself to get a little excited )
Also did you find out the sex?! Xx
Mega quick post to say Hurrah Kittens!!!
Fantastic news Kittens!!! SO pleased for you both xxx
I am fairly free for January, will pop on again soon to look for updates on the meet up (cant believe it's been 2 years already)
Hello to all, hope everyone is well and managing to avoid the winter colds that have managed to knock us all sideways again.
Do you think I should change my name back to NatzCNL?
Brilliant news, kittens. Really pleased for the three of you!
Brilliant news Kitten really please for you :-)
I am very sad to tell you that I am no longer pregnant and I am currently going throu mc looks like the baby at some point stopped developing around 5 weeks (I thought i was 10/11 weeks) we were told that it could of just been the dates that were wrong so we needed to come back in 2 weeks to be re measured. In the meantime I have started bleeding have a scan with early preg unit this am but really think its just confirming. In some sense I ( I haven't said this to anyone in rl as many don't know the full picture) feel like I am being punished for terminating last time (baby had t21 and we terminated at 18 weeks which was horrific) I know my dh would be really cross if he knew I was feeling like this as he is a practical kind of guy. But I think possibly that this is normal feeling after going through what we have. I am also 38 and begining to wonder if I am just too old! feel pretty shit and all mixed up does anyone have any words of wisdom?????
Thanks everyone for your excitement and congratulations.
corazon, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through a miscarriage. So absolutely shitty after what you've already been through. I have been in your shoes and it's so devastating. I was even older than you so I hope I can offer some hope that things can still work out. I'm fast approaching 43 now!
My story is pretty gloomy so, on one hand I'd like to reassure you that it can work out for you in time, on the other hand I don't want to give you the fear by telling you my history because there's every chance you will be a lot luckier than I was. On the plus side, poot and I both miscarried the first pregnancy we had after our terminations and she now has a little boy who was conceived soon after.
I know it's a natural feeling to have as there is always so much guilt wrapped up in our experiences but please don't blame yourself. It's simply "bad biology". Definitely not a punishment. Sending you a big hug. xx
i'm really sorry you are miscarrying. I haven't had a mc so it's difficult to comment too much on that but I was 39 when I had ds having had two terminations at 34 and 38. I think as you get older the eggs really deteriorate and so I have put the anomolies in both those pregnancies down to that, it's more likely that your eggs will produce pregnancies that dont develop well as you age (two of my sil's have also had that happen and it is really devastating). However I hope you can have some hope that I ended up with a son after two pregnancies with anomolies. I think it's really normal to have guilt following a termination and to have that feeling at the back of your mind, I had a tiny tiny feeling like that with the second tfmr (also T21).
kittens it's great to hear your news. I think that's inspiring. x
Kittens, I am so happy for you, the big hurdles are out of the way and although there is no such thing as a carefree pregnancy for us, I hope you can relax a bit more now and allow yourself to feel excitement.
Corazon, so sorry you are going through a miscarriage, so unfair after what you have already been through. It's natural to feel guilt, you had to make an awful decision, but this is just a feeling, and the miscarriage is NOT a punishment. Allow yourself to grieve, and take care of yourself. Take heart in the fact that you did the best you could for your baby and it was not a heartless decision. Sending you a good thought and, even if it's not a MN thing, a big hug. x
Corazon - Im so sorry to hear your news. What you are feeling is completely normal. Ive not suffered a mc myself but did have the guilt after my termination. I hope that in time things will work out in your favour. Sending you lots of hugs & strength xx
Thank you so much for your messages - trying my best to get through before considering ttc. We went for early scan the other day and there are now two fetal poles but still no heartbeats or other developments! So now just waiting for nature to take its course - may need to rant on another board about that! I know deep down that we made the right decision and its just bad luck n one of those things, in some sense I feel not as bad this time as at the moment its a bunch of cells and not remotely like giving birth to Alfie (he was 18 weeks) although it has resurfaced lots of feelings! Thanks for listening guys its appreciated!
hi i found similar. i didn't really grieve for the second pg I terminated but it brought back grief I had at the previous which was at a later gestation. Hope it's all over quickly for you. x
Hi, am new on here and just have a quick question. I terminated back in August with Patau Syndrome at 14 weeks and am pregnant again. Am only 6 weeks and i phoned up and the first booking in appointment they could give me is 12th Jan (I'm away over xmas & NY). It just seems so far away. Do you think there's any point in me trying to get an early scan for heartbeat / growth progress or will it just make me more paranoid than I already am?! Any advice on what extra appointments I might get after a termination?
Hi Briarrosy, sorry for your loss. I had early scans in the Fetal Medicine Unit of my hospital. I was in two minds about the early scans though because I was so scared of the Nuchal result that I thought - What if I have a good scan at 8 weeks, get all excited and then get bad news at the Nuchal?
They also arranged for me to have my Nuchal at 11+3 which is the earliest you can have it. Do you have any contact with the Fetal Medicine team from your last pregnancy? Or your midwife? Often the appointments are based on pregnancies of women with no difficult histories so it is really worth making them aware of your history to see if they can give you extra care. Maybe speak with your GP and see if they can write a letter.
Best of luck. I know how scary those first weeks can be, especially waiting to get past the 12 week milestone. I'm still not 100% relaxed and I'm nearly 23 weeks now!
Hi Havingkittens, thanks v much for the reply. I've now managed to get my big scan as early as possible (11+3) after explaining my situation, phew! One less week of worrying. I also phoned the fetal medicine guys as you advised and they're as great as ever and have booked me in for an early scan before christmas just to check that everything looks OK, but I'm now thinking that if things aren't great it could spoil my xmas?! I'm going to be abroad for xmas and NY so wouldn't be able to follow anything up and it might be best to be unaware!
Congrats on your results btw, just read that bit of the thread!
Very sad today... a me, me, me post again I'm afraid. I don't know if it makes me feel happy or sorry that this thread is very quiet. I just hope it is because people have "moved on" (not great choice of words, I know) and not because we talked and talked about our January meet up and have managed to put new posters off asking for support in here.
Anyway, back to my sadness, I seem to move between acceptance and disbelief that this happened to me. I love Coffeeboy so much, and the thought that I chose to let one of my children go is hard to compute. All this Christmas frenzy brought tears to my eyes, we decorated Silvia's grave and lit a candle for her. I miss her so much. I think what set me off is reading some tips about how to deal with grief at Christmas and it was all about talking about the person who is gone, their likes and dislikes, their favourite food, etc. And I realise, again, that I don't know any of this. I have no idea what she would have been like, or our life if we decided to have her.I don't even know if she would have still be here with us this Christmas. I don't doubt our decision, but I just feel so sorry for my little girl.
I know I can't think of my loss "in isolation", and my little Coffeeboy wouldn't be here if we had her, but I need to just think of my little girl who never was and let it all come back...
I'm not sure this makes any sense, but as usual thank you for reading. Wishing you all a peaceful Christmas x
I know how you feel. The loss is so intangible because there is nothing to hold on to or remember properly. And we wouldn't have our precious babies if we hadn't lost our other children so we feel guilty for feeling the loss and then we feel guilty for not remembering enough the babies we lost.
I think lighting a candle and remembering is lovely. I will never forget Silvia, or Lucia, or Stella.
Much love and a peaceful, happy Christmas to all.
So sorry for not stopping by in so long.
Corazon if you are still reading i just wanted to say i was so sorry to hear your news. It's terribly unfair but nothing you did so please don't blame yourself. thinking of you.
Hello Briarosy and congratulations! Sorry it has been so quiet on here and you have not received much of a welcome. When do you have your scan or have you now had it? Am keeping everything crossed for you. I am currently 32 weeks with my 3rd pregnancy (1st was a termination for incompatible with life). I am a bit more relaxed now but those early weeks are terrible aren't they.
Coffee - hi. So sorry you are feeling down. Have you thought about trying some counselling? It really does sound like you need to talk about Silvia some more. What does your DH think? For myself i have reached acceptance of what happened and so find it a little difficult to offer you good advise but i totally agree with what Can't say's. Please don't let yourself feel guilty.
I hope everyone else if well and looking forward to Christmas. i hope you all have a lovely one and a great New Year! xxxx
P.S i don't think we ever agreed on a date for the meet did we?!
Hi katiecubs and thanks for the message. Hopefully not much activity on here means fewer sad stories!
I was meant to go for an early scan today but cancelled it. If it was good news it might raise my hopes before the nuchal scan, and bad news would just ruin Xmas, so I'm waiting for the big scan on 17th, fingers crossed.
Anyway congrats on your pregnancy, and great to hear you've had a healthy DC after a termination, very reassuring!
Sounds sensible Briarrosy! I did have an early scan this time but although it reasures you everything is ok for the time being, after a couple of days you are just worrying about it all again so i don't actually think there is that much point.
Not too long to wait till the 17th anyway - it will fly by with Christmas and NY and of course your lovely holiday! Have a super time and let us know how it goes
We are off on epic journey up country tomorrow, not sure how we are going to fit everything in the car, or how it will work out with Hannah, who is now 2 months old!
So just popping in to wish everyone a peaceful christmas, and best wishes for 2013. Hope all bumps and babies are doing well. xx
Ah Flower 2 months already!! Hopefully Hannah will just sleep and it will be a breeze
Happy Christmas to you too x
Hello Ladies, just popping in here to say that I am thinking of you all, and your little ones, and wishing you all a happy Christmas. My 'thread baby' will be 3 in Jan - where does the time go? He's lovely (and out at the moment!) Still have many moments of sadness at my two angels that I lost, but my two dc's keep me busy! Love to you all, old timers and new faces. Linspins. xxxx
A very happy and hope-filled New Year to one and all on this thread.
I had written a really long post and then a slip of the mouse saw it disappear, so I'll just say for the moment that Coffee, I am so sorry to hear you're feeling that way, and I have some of those feelings too, being in a limbo-land of grief and not always knowing what I'm grieving for. When you write about Silvia, I often think of Shakespeare's "Silvia" - the words seem very fitting.
Lots of good thoughts to everyone, especially those who've joined in recently. You will find nothing but compassion and understanding here.
Re the meet-up, I hope people are still keen. I will go back though the thread and put together some suggested dates.
Happy New Year to you all! Sorry for the long absence, it has been non-stop at our house. Chrstmas came and went so quick and now t's 2013 already??!
Welcome Brairrosy, and congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope Christmas & NY have been a good distraction for you and I wish you all the very best for the 17th
Corazon m thinking of you and hope too xx
Coffee, sorry you have been feeling down, I think Katie's suggestion of counselling is a good idea. I went to a rememberance service before Christmas at the church linked to the hospital that Cara was under, they hold a rememberance service for lost babies each year. It was so comforting and so heartbreaking at the same time. The faces and names read out are becoming quite familiar to me now. But sadly, new names keep coming with each year.
My midwife was at this years one and we spoke about Cara and also Sienna as I took her with me this year. Very sadly, my neighbour joined the service this year after terminating for T21 in the summer just gone.
Although I feel at peace with what has passed, I need to have time to remember Cara and talk about her. Maybe you need more time too.
Kittens - 23 weeks! It's going so fast (not for you maybe). I hope you are enjoying the 2nd trimester and getting lots of nudges and kicks from baby
Sorry for not mentioning all, I hope you are all well and I wish you all a very happy 2013! I am hoping that this year will see a miracle in our family as DH's mum was diagnosed with inoperable lung cancer at the begining of 2012, so it's been a very emotional year. She is on her second lot of chemo as the first lot which lasted over 4 months kicked the cancer down by 50%, as soon as the chemo stopped the cancer began to increase again. This time the chemo is very aggressive and she has been very ill with it, so we made the most of Christmas with her this year. Just in case. DH is staying very positive and talks about next christmas. I am trying to keep him grounded but dont want to destroy his hope.
On a brighter note, Sienna is now a very cheeky 15 month old and is just adorable. The older 2 are still in love with her although she has got to the not sharing stage already, so there are a few tantrums here and there when she runs off with their toy and mean mummy takes it back. Quite funny as I know this doesn't last forever, and am enjoying each stage as she is our last baby, so making the most of each age and stage.
I am still keen to meet up, will look out for the dates. Also changing my name back as I get confused when I see this screen name - lol!
Sorry for that poor post, my keyboard is on its way out!
Sorry to hear about your MIL, Natz (I never could quite picture you as Gruffalo!). She sounds very strong to have made it this far. Fingers crossed for her.
We didn't get very far into discussing dates for a January meet-up, but what I have so far is:
12 or 13
19 or 20
Manitz, ghislaine, kittens
Katiecubs, subject to pregnancy progress
26 or 27
Katiecubs, subject to pregnancy progress
ghislaine (I need a babysitter but should be ok to come)
Just a brief stop-by to say Happy New Year. 2013 is clearly going to be Kitten's year, although she may need to graduate into a cat.....
Anyone here who is currently struggling with early pregnancy/TTC after termination, warmest thoughts to you.
And hello to everyone else. No chance of making a meet up as we are too far away but I am jealous. Lins- can your boy really be nearly 3? I guess he can as Babycan't will be three in a few months. Not so small.
Here's to a happy and healthy 2013.
Hello all and Happy New Year to everyone!
Firstly hello to all those who have recently joined. I dont get the chance to post much these days but often lurk and think of everyone on here. Kittens am always glad to log on and see all is going well with you. I hope Christmas was ok for you. I know missing those we have lost is felt more acutely at this time of year. So great to hear you are now 23 weeks and I'm sure, blooming!
Natz - glad to hear all good with you. Sienna sounds like Kade - always wants what his sister has, much to her annoyance. He is a handful at the moment, into everything and especially anything hazardous! But adorable and like you I'm savouring each stage as he is our last baby too.
Flower - hello and hope you enjoyed Hannahs first Christmas!
Katie - how far are you now?
Coffee - hope you are ok and had a good Christmas.
Hi to Ghislaine, Manitz, and everyone else. I wish I could join the meet up but being in Scotland it's just not possible.
Finally a warm welcome to new thread members and I hope that 2013 is a great year for you - healing and positive. There is lots of support here.
Hello hello lovely ladies all. So nice to see new pregnancies and the progress of the slightly less new ones (Katie - you must almost be hitting the waddling stage? Hope your hips are holding out this time....). Sorry not to have replied about the meet up yet - I can do 12 or 13th or 26th and 27th. I'm afraid I'm in Vienna the weekend in between. Where is everyone coming from? Would it be completely impossible to meet in Brighton instead if we go for the end of the month, to save our Katie's pelvic girdle?!? Maybe too much of a trek, but worth a thought?
Corazon - I'm so sorry I didn't see your message any sooner. Kittens is absolutely right though - I also miscarried my first pregnancy after my termination then got pregnant again on the cycle plus one after and he's almost 2 now and snoring away upstairs. I do remember how desperate I felt after the m/c though, so I hope you're doing ok. In some ways it hit me even harder than the termination, because I suddenly had this fear that it would never go right. For me though, things very quickly did go right. Kittens however had a couple (or so) more false starts, but somehow stayed sane through it all and is now living proof that there is light at the end, however long the tunnel might be. I hope you can at least take some comfort from that and hope to see you back here panicking about scans soon.
Have to go - will check in to hear what gets decided about a meet up. xxxx
Oops-got my dates the wrong way round. I can do the weekend of the 19th but am away the weekend of the 26th. Memory of a goldfish.... xx
Hi everyone. Happy New Year!
Coffee, I'm sorry you've been feeling low. I agree, it may be helpful to go for counseling. I have been having bereavement counseling since April and have found it immensely helpful. I started going because of my mum but I've also found it helpful in dealing with all my pregnancy losses and keeping myself calm during this pregnancy.
Great to hear from you Linspins. Wow, I can't believe your little one is 3, and BabyCant is also approaching that age too.
Natz, sorry to hear about your MIL. Cancer is a bitch, as is Chemo. I hope her treatment is successful.
Thanks for your thoughts Cherry. It's great that your hands are too full these days to post much. I guess that will be the same for me in a few months!
I went to MIL's last night and we came home with a whole pile of stuff that OH's brother had saved for us. Buggies, Car seat, Moses basket, clothes etc. So, it's all suddenly starting to feel a lot more real!
Thanks for getting the dates back up Ghislaine and Poot. I can probably do most weekends apart from 12th. All somewhat dependent on how my granny is doing as she's in a pretty bad way and I'm back and forth to Sussex quite a lot at the moment. On this basis, I may be able to get to Brighton though if anyone else is up for that.
Hello and Happy New Year to you all! Hope you had lovely Christmasses too.
Lins how lovely to hear from you! Franklin - 3 wow! The first thread baby - how far we have come
Cherry/Littlepoot - yes am getting to the waddling stage now. 34 weeks! I have a bad back/SPD so finding running round after the little guy quite difficult. I don't understand how the putting your feet up bit is supposed to work when you have a very active toddler?!?! hmm.
Kittens glad you are doing well and it's all starting to sink in. Did you find out the sex or keep it a suprise? My guess is a girl (based on absolutely nothing).
Does it sound like the weekend of the 19th is the most likely for meet up so far? I am free that weekend and will deffo come up so long as i think i can move that far - don't worry about trying to come down here if it's a pain, there are alot more of you so don't want to put people out.
Much love to all xxx
Hello Katie-do I remember correctly that its your birthday this weekend? If so, happy birthday! If not, have a lovely weekend anyway!!
I think you're right that the 19th and 20th weekend seems to suit the most people. Arsenal are at home to Chelsea on the Sunday, so I think Saturday 19th would bee the more sensible option. Can we have a show of hands please? Then we should probably go back to private messaging to arrange the exact time and place like last time, just in case....
Katie-would you come in to Victoria or London bridge on the train? We could try and find somewhere very close to one of those so you don't have to
waddle fight on public transport? There's quite a lot near both I think-easy chain sort of places-so should be easy to do.
Who fancies it then? All welcome-new and old, waddling or not......
Hi everyone Have been meaning to pop in and wish you all a Merry Christmas/Happy New Year, but haven't seemed to have a spare moment lately. I haven't caught up on the thread, just flipped it and read the last page, so I apologise for lack of personals.
I did catch up last time I was on (banned myself from the entire Mumsnet quite a while ago as trying to be more productive in 'real life' - Mumsnet is a superb way to procrastinate), but can't remember if I even got around to posting in the end. I do remember you were all chatting about a meet-up though, and being highly envious! If I didn't already say it, I'll say it now - I would so love to join you all. (It's a shame you can't go either Cant) I want to see Kittens belly I also can't believe how far along Katie is! So glad all is going well.
It's almost midnight here, DH is home, Bella (can't believe she's almost 3) is asleep and the two teens are out for the night, so I better go give DH some rare attention. If you think it's hard to get time alone when they're babies/toddlers/young children, wait until they're teenagers - nigh impossible. Think of you all often, and will check in again soon
So, the 19th it is then? Coming would be me, Katiecubs, Poot, Kittens and Manitz. Anyone else?
We should start PMing to sort out a time and place.
Happy Belated Birthday to Katiecubs!!
I'm 50/50 about 19th now. I just got a birthday card from an old friend who lives in Cumbria (not seen him for a few years because of the distance) saying that he and his OH are down that weekend and that if they get any spare time away from the in-laws he'd like to catch up. I suspect they won't know until much closer to the time and there's still a good chance it won't clash so maybe just carry on with arrangements and I'll keep you posted.
Katie, do we share the same birthday? Mine's today.
Happy Birthday to Kittens!!!
Ladies, check your inboxes. Anyone who's keen to come, please post here or PM me.
Poot yes it was my birthday last Saturday - the 5th Kittens so not so far apart! It's a rubbish time for a birthday i think - just after new year when everyone feels like hibernating/detoxing.
Mishtabel - lovely to hear from you! Hope you had a lovely Christmas/New year too. Bella is nearly 3 too wow, i guess Felix is nearly 2.5 though - how time flies
Will check inbox now re. meet xx
Well, the snow messed up our trains and plans for a meet up so we're back to the drawing board looking for a new date. Shall we start with February and March, given that kittens is due in early April? Who'd like to start?
Corazon-are you still around? How are you getting on? Hope everyone else is well too. Lovely to hear from you Mishtabel although it is unbelievable Bella's 3 already! Xx
That's a shame about the meet! I have no plans from Feb going forwards (for obvious reasons!) so will def try and attend depending on how things pan out....Prob earlier on in Feb or later on in March is more likely for me but just decide on what works best for everyone else and i will try my bestest x
I'm fairly flexible apart from 14,15 & 24 Feb I think, as those are my NCT classes.
Sorry, I meant 16, 17 & 24th . I was going by my not very effective memory!
hello there, just came on to see how the meet up went and hooray, I'm still in with a chance. However Feb is bad for me generally. Not any saturday and away for half term though we are back on the friday of half term so the weekend just following is free. The first weekend in march can do the sat if not an arsenal game. Otherwise march free unless arsenal are playing at home.... I can check my diary for when that is but don't have it here. Snow is nice here but a bit icy. Hope everyone doing well in their pregnancies. xx
We didn't get very far with this did we?!
Any thoughts on dates, anyone?
At the moment I can come on any weekend day Feb or March. I want to see kitten's bump!
When is your due date Kittens? I may be able to come (prob newborn in tow) if we do it mid/late march x
Hello. I can't make the next two weekends then can't do sun 3rd 10th or 17th march. All a bit busy at the moment but would love to come if I can! x
How about the last week-end in March then? Newborns welcome, Katie Another one here who would love to see Kittens' bump. Hmmm, I think I am getting a bit broody... am terrified at the thought of another DC though.
How about 23/24 March then? Last weekend of March is Easter so probably no good for lots of us.
I would also like to meet a little squishy newborn....
I can probably do 23/24 March weekend.
Oh crap-sorry-I can't do that one either! Wedding I'd forgotten about. I could only do the 16th I'm afraid or Easter weekend so I think you might need to miss me out this time....
Could everyone else do the 16th?
16 march has nothing in the diary, no birthdays and no
bloody arsenal. I may even have moved by then so it's looking good for me too. Please let me sniff the newborn...
btw coffee i got pregnant with no 2 by accident and I think i would never have taken the plunge otherwise. It's awful and the greatest thing I ever did (hence why I went on to have 4 more pregnancies!). Go on
can I sniff yours too if you have one because I am not allowed any more babies and am just getting extremely broody once they get to 5yo they are much easier and your back doesn't hurt.
sorry - 3 messages in a row and v fond of strike through today. Forgot to ask when you are due katie? must be soon if you can make mid/end march. Good luck. I may just have to get a dog and sacha, despite being a slow developer/quite lazy, is now thinking he should walk and grow teeth and i can't pretend he's a baby any more x
Manitz lol you make me laugh!!
I have 2 weeks left - feeling a bit anxious about it all now, think its just that I am so close to the finish line and I just want to know it will all turn out ok !
I can do 16th too.
Blimey Katie, 2 weeks! How exciting!
I can do the 16th. Wow, 2 weeks left for Katie! Manitz, you made me laugh! I hope all newbies are ok, please don't be put off by old timers arranging when to meet, everyone is welcome if they can make it.
Hello! I've lost my diary and DH shifts are about to get a shake up - but count me in for 16th March please! I think I may actually be able to come - Eek Katie! You have nearly crossed the finish line. I love newborns, but definately finished my lot now. Trying to talk
bully hubby into getting the snip....
Sienna is 16 months, cant believe how quick that has gone. We both have rotten chest infections at the moment, and Im on the mother of all antibiotics now which make me light headed (could be the chest infection, but Im blaming the drugs). Had a rubbish start to the year as we lost my Nan at the begining of Jan, so my head has been elsewhere. Now ill and feeling crap, but starting to see the sky again and things brightening up.
I hope everyone is well? Kittens, am very excited to see your bump. How's everything going? Hello to everyone else. Will keep an eye on my PM for confirmation of date and venue xx
Ive not had a chance to go through the thread for a while, but think after Kittens little one arrives, we need to update the thread babies list!!
Well shall we go with the 16th then? I am free and shall try my absolute hadest to make it but can't be 100% as if baby comes late and i end up with a c-sec or something it may not be possible. Fingers crossed though!
One week to go now - at my last mw appointment i was only measuring 34 weeks (5 weeks behind) and had gone down from 35 weeks at the one before. She said this quite normal as baby had dropped and measurments aren't that accurate etc but it's still playing on my mind a bit and i'm paying extra attention to make sure it's moving ok. Luckily he or she is usually quite squirmy.
Nat sorry to hear about your nan and that you are feeling so ill. Hope you are ok and feel better soon xxx
Hello. I'm up for the 16th. Katie-getting so close now! Must be such a mix of emotions. As for the measurement thing, I'm surprised she measured at all because from what I know, it really does mean pretty much nothing in the later stages. Must be worrying for you, but you're right that movement is the key thing. If you think the wriggles have stopped then have a cold drink and move about, then if your still worried then call straight away. Bump measurement is a nonsense when baby's engaged though so try and put that out of your mind if you can. If its dropped already, I have a feeling that baby is not going to be late.... xxxxxxxx
Ahh thanks for the reassurance poot - luckily baby is moving quite and if I do want to check all it takes is a prod!
I hope you are right about not being late too - F was 3 days early so am thinking it may be around this weekend but who knows?! Hope all is well with you and family xxx
Am hoping its ok for me to join in on this thread. I will be 9 weeks tomorrow and am getting increasingly nervous and anxious about my upcoming scan (nuchal) and blood work on march 1st. I have had 3 losses in the past 25 mths. First was a natural miscarriage @11wks which I found extremely hard to deal with. My second loss was at 13wk 6days after a bad scan and blood work showed 1 in 4 risk of one of the trisomies. A cvs confirmed it was trisomy 13 (not compatible with life) and we made the hardest decision I've ever had to make and end his little life. I really struggled with day to day life after this and finally got pregnant again 9 mths later only to have a very early miscarriage. I was due to start on clomid to help me ovulate but discovered I was pregnant early in the year. I am really scared I might be faced with another heart breaking decision again and devastating outcome and have no idea how i will cope. My husband is away travelling until the night before the scan so I just wanted to have some people to chat with in the leading up time. I should mention that I already have 2DS who continue to give me much joy.
Thanks in advance
Hi Maryangela-of course you're very welcome here, I'm just sorry that you need to be. I can certainly sympathise with how worried you must be-my now 2 year olds was pregnancy number 3 and I had a very hard time dealing with the termination and miscarriage before that. You've come to the right place though-its a little quiet at the moment but there are ladies here with ask sorts of stories, ultimately of hope, and wise words along the way. I hope you can take some comfort from the list of thread babies at the start-proof that it really can work out in the end. if kittens is around, she can certainly offer some empathy-multiple pregnancies before getting to this stage (about to start Nct classes!). But all of us will happily hold a virtual hand and keep everything crossed for your scan. You might have noticed a few are arranging a lunch in London soon which you'd also be more than welcome to join if you're any where near.
Katie's gone a bit quiet-a little dickie bird told me there might be a good reason for that.... xx
Oops-just read that back-please excuse my mobile phone typing and the screwy predictive text! x
Hi Maryangela and welcome to the thread, there are lots of wonderful women here who know what you are going through and will chat to you.
Have you considered the Harmony test? You could have it at ten weeks which might mean that you have the results before your nuchal scan. I am pretty sure that I will have it at the earliest possible date in any subsequent pregnancy although I'm still not sure whether I'd be able to convince myself to rely on the results and not have a cvs.
Oh, and please do consider coming to our lunch on the 16th of March!