Hello everybody,
I’m starting this talk to have some exchange with women who have also had an abortion. I had mine two weeks ago and seem to be going through an hormonal/ emotional roller-coaster.
When I found out that I was pregnant (I already have two DS – 4 years & 1 year 8 months) I was devastated. The pregnancy was not planned and I so did not want another child - at least not now. Please note that I love children and always knew that I wanted some, but I also always knew that I never really wanted a large family. My long term partner in turn always wanted to have at least 3 kids. Just like me, he was confused when I told him that I was pregnant again. He said that he would be happy to have a number three but he would also totally understand if I was not up for it. He even mentioned that it might good if I had a break (our lives have been manic since the birth of Nr 2).
My upbringing was very religious and initially put up with the idea of having a number three, reluctantly though (my Dad used to tell me all those horror stories of those irresponsible women that had abortions and killed babies). I cried for days worrying about money, how to manage three kids (we live abroad in France without family support and I’m the breadwinner while my partners is trying to set up his own business) and about the fact that I would have to put my life aside again for another few years. When my boyfriend mentioned again that I didn’t have to continue the pregnancy, and I started considering terminating, I started to feel relieved. I actually started to feel positive and happy again. I made an appointment with my GP for an abortion consultation. My GP was OK but I somehow felt ashamed and decided again to continue the pregnancy. I was sent for my first scan to determine how many weeks I was and when I saw the little thing I was not really touched. I was kind of nice to see that little creature but I did not feel excitement or joy. That evening and weekend I cried non-stop dreading the pregnancy and the thought of having another child. This is how I came to choose to terminate.
It was 1 ½ weeks later that the surgical termination took place. During that time I was kind of looking forward to it, please don’t get me wrong, I wanted the whole chapter to leave behind me. I was looking forward to not being pregnant anymore. After the surgery I felt extremely maternal for two days and longed to have a baby. It was so, so confusing, I felt the exact opposite as to the way I did before. I was told that it was the hormones confusing me (apparently the body thinks that it has given birth hormones are released for the mum to look after her baby). And indeed two days later I felt relieved and positive about my decision and I felt like “normal” again.
I had been doing well since and even thought many times that I had taken the right decision. HOWEVER, I went three days ago for a check-up appointment at the hospital and they made another scan to check if everything was fine. They showed the picture of the scan showing an empty womb. That imaged triggered something in me and I have been feeling very emotional since. It has awaken those maternal instincts again that I didn’t feel while I was pregnant. The doctor said that that the hormonal changes can last several weeks and I should try to relax until then.
Has anybody been experienced similar feelings/ confusion? Right now I feel terrible and keep breaking down in tears. I keep wondering if I took the right decision. I feel guilt and am mourning for that little thing. I’m praying that it will forgive me… ?
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Antenatal tests
Post-abortion surgical - hormonal/ emotional roller-coaster
Mrskayy · 08/12/2013 20:54
I'm literally in the process of an abortion now. I took the tablet today and will return on Wednesday to complete the process. I already feel like i made the wrong decision and i wish i could turn back time.
My pregnancy wasn't planned. I doubted my ability to cope with three children (my Dh works away) and i wasn't sure if we could afford it. Our house isn't big enough. I worried about taking time off work and then paying for childcare. These all seem like really stupid reasons now.
I'm sad that this was probably my last chance to have another baby 
Hi,
We're going to move this thread into the miscarriage/pregnancy loss section.
We're wishing you all the best, MrsKayy 
Dear UnknownGnome,
I'm so, so sorry to hear that. I feel for you. I so know what you are going through.
It took me 4 weeks to make a desicion and I was sure that terminating was what I wanted. Then after taking the tablet I started to feel maternal and regretted my choise. I felt terrible for the first few days longing to hold a baby. How crazy is that? I mean there I was wanting to terminate and then I felt like having a baby?!?! It just didn't make sense. Those hormones...
I have to say that 2 days after the procedure I felt relieved and happy and that lasted for about 2 weeks. On thursday after the checkup I felt regretful again. It is such a difficult desicion and I guess we can't help but think what if I had chosen differently.
But you know what? We have made a desicion and and it is now too late to go back. We now have to accept it, deal with those feelings and move forward. We can't be misserable for ever and we need to be there for our kids.
You know, the laws in place are there for a reason and women need to be able to decicde what is best for them and their families. We don't do this lightly and we suffer from it. But we also have to acknowledeg that we don't have to be victimes to our reproductive organs (yes - I'm feeling strong and positive today) 
Hang on in there and don't beat yourself up. Have you got family support?
Lots of love...
Hello
It's been 6 months yesterday since my abortion. I struggled a lot just after even though it was right it was still really hard and something I really wished I didn't have to do. It's was very much a secret and something that still is. It did get easier over time. I'm finding it a little hard now as what would have been my due date approaches and no doubt will struggle with for the rest of my life. It has given my great strength and changed my life for the better.
Help I feel for you. It will get better. I'm.starting to feel much better now. The medical option is often seen as the easy option but when it come to this there's no such thing. It's really hard to take that tablet, even if you know it's the best thing to do. I think it's probably normal to have doubts straight after.
It's an awful thing to go through. I'm here if you want to chat.
I hope it goes well. Come over to the Abortion I'm so scared thread in the Family Planning section (general health). There are a few of us on there and it's more active than this one. Lots of support.
Thinking of you today. Sorry to hear you've all been ill-not what you need right now
O honey....yes. It can be absolutely awful. We have 3 children, with the youngest one being 13 months, and I must say not an easy baby. Recently found out that we unexpectedly got pregnant (my worst fear), and I was at a loss, I was in utter shock, and was so emotionally shaken and upset. I did not want to be pregnant and decided to go the medical abortion route as I was early on. As soon as I took the first pill and headed to the car from the doctors office, I broke in tears. I felt absolutely miserable/guilty/unsure. I'm crying as I'm writing this. This only happened about 4 days ago, and I am so depressed. I cannot believe it, as I was so sure in my decision, and my husband was supportive in either route I chose. I cannot wait to feel "normal" - this is so painful. I'd much rather have a broken leg, than feel this depressed. I'm with you, and sending you a tight long hug!
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