43 and just found out I'm pregnant

(10 Posts)
holycowwhatnow Fri 12-Jul-13 01:35:09

After one birth child- an IUI success- 5 more IUIs, 5 IVFs and a gorgeous baby adopted, I've just done a test and I'm pregnant. To say I'm shocked is an understatement. I felt very very complete after the arrival of our dd ( if anyone knows me from the adoption section, please don't out me - I've namechanged for this.) My ds is nearly 13, dd nearly 3 and life is just peachy. How the fuck did this happen??? I don't want this and I know that sounds so awful when we've struggled to make our family. But we're so happy with things as they are. And at 43, I've just freaked myself out reading up on the chances of there being abnormalities.

When is it possible to go for the screening tests? From reading here, I think the cvs test is offered after screening is done, and the cvs is done at around 10 weeks? I'm guessing -because I gave up charting my cycles years ago so I can't remember exactly when my last period started but it was around the June bank holiday weekend- that I'm about 5-6 weeks pg. When is it possible to get the screening done? Is this too early?

hurryup Fri 12-Jul-13 01:55:46

Having spent evening drowning my sorrows alone I might not be that constructive but dd5 was not planned, stbxh was abusive both physically and emotionally so not only was she unplanned but was the result of and born into a hideous situation. She is an absolute blessing, a godsend and not a day goes by when I am not grateful for her smile, her beautiful voice and every little bit that makes her who she is. I thought I'd never bond, she was born and she completed me. Good luck and dare I say congratulations

Devora Fri 12-Jul-13 02:09:16

Holycow indeed smile. (Think I know who you are but won't out you.)

First stop is your GP, I think, to check on local screening protocols and when you can expect the tests to be done. In my area (when I had my first, aged 41) the booking in appt wasn't till 13-14 weeks and I ended up going private here: www.fetalmedicine.com/ They were fantastic and I found it very reassuring.

holycowwhatnow Fri 12-Jul-13 12:09:11

Devora, happy to say that you do indeed know me wink. I don't want to go to my GP because this being holy catholic Ireland, if I didn't proceed with the pregnancy if the test results were not good, I wouldn't want it on my medical record that I was pregnant. I very much doubt that anyone under 30 would give this a second thought but I lived through two abortion referenda here and I know the attitudes there are out there to abortion in this country (although as of last night, our parliament has legislated to allow abortion in certain circumstances)

Hurryup, thanks for sharing your story and I'm glad you had the outcome that you did. It sounds like you've been through hell. I'm glad your dd is a source of joy and comfort to you.

Well this morning, I booked in for the early screening tests- blood work, ultrasound and maternal age combine to give the risk factor and depending on the result, I'll have a cvs the following week. I have to wait til Aug 19th for it so it'll be a long few weeks. I'm less panicky this morning about things. Last night I was railing against the world, why now after all the years of trying and heartache etc. This morning I figure we'll be fine, we always are in the end. If we hadn't had the years of heartache, we wouldn't have our most gorgeous girl now and I can't imagine what life would be like without her. So maybe this is just our time.

Thanks to you both for the replies. Life is mad, isn't it?

nellyjelly Fri 12-Jul-13 15:32:08

Don't worry. I got pregnant at 46 and he was fine! The screening is helpful in enabling you to decide whether to cvs or not.

Good luck.

akuabadoll Fri 12-Jul-13 15:52:40

Though my circumstances are a bit different, I'm pregnant (first time) with an adopted child too. I'm 40 and got very stressed over early screening which I bugged my doctor about from about 6 weeks, he still managed to mess up dates so 'there was not enough time' to complete screening followed by a cvs if indicated. In the circumstances I choose to go straight to cvs with only my age as indicator. Not right for everyone but it was right for me. I did it, results were clear. A lot of people said I would just replace the worry with a new worry post-test. It wasn't really the case though as it turned out. I'm 25 weeks now. Good luck with whatever you decide.

chipmonkey Fri 12-Jul-13 21:27:21

holycow, I am in Ireland too. Once I hit 38, my obs recommended nuchal testing when I was pregnant with ds4. That came back 1:2800 so I felt that, given that I did want to be pregnant and the odds seemed good, I didn't go ahead with amnio/CVS at that time. But I know that they would have offered it, had I wanted it. This is Holles St.

With dd, I was 42 and the odds came back 1: 289 but I think they did take my age into account. Also, it turned out that it had been a twin pregnancy and the levels of one hormone were very high but apparently that can be normal for twins. Dd was perfect in every way but sadly died aged 7 weeks due to SIDS. PM showed that she had been healthy despite being born very prematurely, her death was unexplained.

I remember with dd, that I could have had genetic testing from 11 weeks on but someone messed up and I didn't get the nuchal results till it was too late and I really didn't want to risk amnio by then.

I had everything done privately and no-one ever informed my GP of what was going on. I know that in some cases, women are quietly referred to Liverpool Women's Hospital if they want to proceed with a termination. I know that if I had being given a diagnosis of Edward's/ Patau's I would probably have done that but it's awful that women have to travel.

I really do wish you all the best, whatever the outcome and whatever you decide.

holycowwhatnow Sat 13-Jul-13 00:27:11

O God, chipmonkey, I can't imagine the pain. I'm so so sorry you lost your little girl. Those words look so bald on the screen.

I've booked with RCSI in the Rotunda - though I had my ds in Holles St. The woman making the apt said the dr who does the cvs procedure will be on holiday when I'm having my tests done but can do the cvs a week or two later, does this sound right? I think I'll be around 11 weeks when I have the tests done. Glad I'm not the only one paranoid about the GP knowing anything. I thought I was a relic of times past. I'm sure younger women wouldn't worry at all about that.

Akubadoll and nellybelly, thanks for the encouraging words. I told my sister today and she was so excited and reminded me of three of her friends who had children at 43/44. She was really (cautiously) excited by the news so that was lovely. DH is a bit excited too.

Thanks all.

chipmonkey Sat 13-Jul-13 01:41:39

The dating for the CVS sounds about right. I think the only restriction in any case is the nuchal fold which must be done between 11 and 13 weeks. You can have either an amnio or CVS done at any time though I think which they do depends on your dates.
A friend was also pregnant at 43 and I think she was told there was a 1 in 39 chance of Down syndrome. I reminded her at the time that that was still a 38 in 39 chance that her baby would be healthy, which he was!

I miss dd dreadfully and there isn't an hour that goes by that I don't think of her but I have had wonderful support on the bereaved Mums board here xx

holycowwhatnow Sat 13-Jul-13 12:16:49

You were in my thoughts when I was going to bed last night, chipmonkey. My friend's premature baby died shortly after birth last week -her 5th child- and she said that the only thing worse would have been if he had lived for longer and then died. It must be horrendous. Understatement.

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