Unplanned Pregnancy - 3rd Child. What to do?

(5 Posts)

Title says it all really. dd1 is 3, dd2 is 15 months and i am 5 weeks pg.

Cannot believe we have been so stupid. The rhythm method is probably less likely to work when you cant remember what month it is most of the time I guess!

We are working abroad for my family company which we have invested a lot in and which we dont want to give up (especially if we have three kids to fulfil our dreams for our kids - we'll need even more cash). I also learnt through dd2 that I am rubbish at being a sahm and it puts a massive strain on my relationship with dh.

Life is good at the moment, hectic and rushed but we have a plan, the girls are growing up. I feel like I have my body back, space to go out with friends and space to start being me again on the horizon.

We do have the means to have a third kid though and whilst I have no moral objections to abortion (we have one booked in the UK for when we come back at the end of June as that was the original plan where we are is hard to get an abortion) I'm not sure I can do it.

Im not sure basically if the reprecussions from disrupting our life and adding more pressure to it or the reprecussions from an abortion will be worse.

I also feel I dont want to talk to anyone other than dh in real life.

How do i make this decision??!

SamsGoldilocks Mon 10-Jun-13 08:19:30

I've been in your shoes with an unexpected 3rd pregnancy and I had an abortion many many years ago. I really didn't know what to do when I discovered my pregnancy. I knew my dh didn't want another one, but I wasn't sure I could have an abortion.

What crystallized it for me was going to the family planning clinic and talking for a long time about the pros and cons and thinking about what happens when you have a late termination.

When I had an abortion 20years ago, I knew is had made the right decision but it didn't stop me seeing other pregnant women and feeling wistful and sad about the baby that was no longer there.

It is a really hard choice. Talk and talk to your dh and see how he really feels and how you do too. Good luck

I think you need to consider what your expectations are as to how you will feel after a termination. Do you think you will feel relieved for example? Can you identify other feelings you suspect you'll have?
I think there is a temptation to think of termination a bit like a time machine - that it would put things back to how they were. Obviously that's impossible. This pregnancy has already changed your life and going back isn't an option. So it's a question of balancing your feelings and a lack of regret possibly isn't an option at all. You have to work out what you can live with more.

Thanks. I think currently we are wavering more on having it (but on sat we were def having an abortion so we change constantly). Dh feels we need to have a very firm plan about work, childcare etc. He also feels that it is slightly more my decision (my body etc) and that he will stand by me whatever.

northern - that's what I think. Things have now changed a bit whether I have this baby or not.

All the best for making your decision. It's a hard time. Sounds like you can take a couple of weeks to see what's best for you both. Your dh sounds very sensible and loving. That's helpful. Sadly over the years i've been on mumsnet i've seen a lot of posts from women in your shoes whose partners appear to be neither of those things.

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