So very sad and fearful

[Zoofina]

Hello , my termination began yesterday and I am due back in the morning for the pessaries etc .
I have an overwhelming feeling of fear and panic for my baby , I don't want him on his own anywhere ... Did he feel anything , I hope he knew he was loved ...
I know these are very personal questions and a bit weird but I can't help feeling them .
We stand by our decision as a couple but I feel such guilt at the moment like I've let my baby down .
I say 'he' as I've always had the feeling it was a boy , even though I haven't been told , and I'm not sure I want to know now .
This is so so tough and I need to get some strength from somewhere to get through tmwr which undoubtably will be the hardest day of my life .
X

[plasticbox]

I have nothing useful to say but sending you a hug and some strength. I sincerely hope tomorrow passes as easily as possible

[Chunkymonkey72]

Hi Zoofina

Your feelings are not at all weird. Everything you feel is completely natural. We had to say goodbye to our little girl last year at 34 weeks. What kept us going was the thought that we had done the right thing for her and stopped her suffering. You will get through this together. Just be gentle on yourself.

There are so many people on here who have been through the same and they have provided me with strength and hope for the future just by being here.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow x

[Bickies]

Zoofina, I don't know what to write, really, except that you have support around you with this network and never, ever, feel alone. So many have been through what you are going through. Your little baby only felt calmness and will always be your wee Angel, watching over you and your loved ones. Hugs, Bickies.

[mummymonkey08]

Zoofina How are you? This is a horrible time - I remember only too well the feelings are guilt and grief, and the hormonal shifts were awful. Please try to remember that, no matter how awful you feel, how desperate things seem, you WILL come through the other side.

About five days after my op, I was at a real low - somehow I felt as if I should be gone in the place of my baby, that if I could have swapped places, I would. It was a horrible time that I wouldn't wish on anyone, the emotional pain was far worse than any physical pain I was in.

Please remember that you're not alone, and that - cliche, but so true - things will seem better and the pain will recede with time.

Thinking of you x

[AdiVic]

Hello, I'm writing this just in case you come back on here, like chunkeymoneky and mummymonkey08, I have also been there. Everything you feel is 'normal'. I think all of us who have been through it go through a range of emotions including guilt, anger and so on. It is such a painful time, but hang on in there, be kind to yourself, and I promise it does get better, there is light at the end of the tunnel. There is lots of support and lovely women on here who will be there for you. Great big wishes x