Please tell me about medical termination

(39 Posts)
AngryBeaver Sun 08-Jul-12 09:33:15

I have a thread about our story until now. (1:5 odds of downs.)
I am having a termination this week. I will be 16+ weeks.
I have been really badly treated by all the professionals involved and have no idea what to expect.
I have one lovely mn friend who has told me bits of her experience. But I need more.
I am so absoloutely terrified,bereft,heartbroken...and don't really have anyone to talk to.
Please tell me about your experiences if it's not too painful for you.

TOPFAResearch Thu 15-Aug-13 21:33:05

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lalsa Wed 06-Feb-13 09:28:06

I will have a medical termination for DS at 14 weeks tomorrow. My partner will be with me, and basically my feelings are that I want this to be done with as soon as possible so that we can get on with the rest of our lives; I am anxious about future pregnancies, but having had this happen and a previous missed miscarriage last September (at 9 weeks), I think I'm getting pretty good at handling the rollercoaster of emotions that seems to be part of the baby making process, so hopefully going forward I will feel braver.

arcsatfa Thu 06-Sep-12 11:40:04

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AngryBeaver Sun 15-Jul-12 08:57:10

I understand. It's so awful losing control. I feel like I'm in freefall. I don't know what to do from one minute to the next. I lay awake for a long time last night,just sobbing. I hadn't cried all day,but felt very heavy hearted. Initially after I left hospital,I felt relieved. I had done the hardest part,now I just had to heal. I think maybe the natural "I've just had a baby" endorphines had kicked in. Only my body didn't realise that I couldn't keep her.
The next day was a huge come down.
I was taking diazapam,but I felt they did nothing.
I want to be pregnant again too.But i'm terrified of that. I don't think I could face losing a third baby.
How are you feeling?
x

sleeplessinsuburbia Sat 14-Jul-12 15:26:18

I had a little girl too. I wanted her so bad and now feel like my life is being rewritten. I want to be pregnant again as soon as possible but I'm afraid of this also. How are you feeling?

manitz Sat 14-Jul-12 14:53:31

i think it hits a bit later sometimes. then you get up the next day and things either feel brighter or blacker but no day is like the one before, I found. When i felt down i did just go to bed. Why not? Just take it easy and be easy on yourself. x

whiteandyelloworchid Sat 14-Jul-12 11:45:03

i am so very sorry for your loss absad

i hope your being looked after

AngryBeaver Sat 14-Jul-12 07:41:05

I kow what you mean.I felt that,until about 2 hours ago.Now I feel very different. I feel really down...likegoing to sleep and never waking would be easier.
I would never want that really,but...I feel very low. I want my girl.My Hope. sad

sleeplessinsuburbia Sat 14-Jul-12 06:52:16

I'm sorry angry, I'm home now too. I feel strangely removed from the situation. Hope you have all the support you need around you.

ghislaine Fri 13-Jul-12 22:24:05

So sorry it has ended this way, AB. I hope you can say goodbye to your little girl in the way you think best. I hope also that the staff treated you decently.

There is this thread here if you want to talk to other women going through the same thing - I found it such a help when I terminated my pregnancy for T21.

Really sad, hoping you can find the time grieve, can't imagine what you are going through but thinking of you x

MsBump Fri 13-Jul-12 10:07:15

Oh AngryBeaver I hope you are ok. xx

AngryBeaver Fri 13-Jul-12 06:07:21

We had our little girl at 4pm yesterday. She was very small and was beautiful. Although,she didn't look well sad

AngryBeaver Wed 11-Jul-12 01:50:27

Good luck sleepless. I'll be thinking of you xxx

sleeplessinsuburbia Wed 11-Jul-12 00:53:23

Hi angry, I'm just filing in my morning, I'm off to the hospital at 2, they will begin inducing tomorrow.

Everyone has been so lovely to me, I was also told they had to ensure there was enough staff able to look after me. This actually didn't bother me, I understand how passionately people feel about this issue. The nurse explained to us that she's not talking about "idiots who think we are doing the wrong thing" but also women who do this emotionally charged part of delivery on a regular basis and need a break to regain their strength.

I know exactly how you feel, it's a painfully slow process, I am also desperate to speed every aspect up but as I sit here today the nerves are quite overwhelming.

I'll check back to see how you are going in a few days when I'm out. All the best for this horrible time and thanks to everyone.

AngryBeaver Tue 10-Jul-12 22:55:30

I will go out today and get some crappy magazines or something.
The nurse said as I have already been through 3 births she is hoping that things will move quite quickly and maybe we'll be done by the 2nd or 3rd dose o pessary. God,I hope so. They also said I could take her home to say goodbye,but I couldn't face that.

EmsieRo Tue 10-Jul-12 20:11:41

I have no experience of a medical termination, but had a surgical termination for Downs with my first pregnancy, so have some idea of how you might be feeling.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this and also sorry you were spoken to so nastily - how dare medical professionals bring in the ethics of this to a woman who has just made such a difficult decision?
I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice to offer except to say look after yourself and take your time recovering, emotionally as well as physically. Good luck xxx

manitz Tue 10-Jul-12 19:59:26

hi AB. I am shocked that you were spoken to like that. I had a little feeling of being judged by one hospital i dealt with first time round. Certainly the doctor really wanted me to keep the baby but partly I felt this was because she wanted a project to operate on as the heart abnormalities were complex and interesting to a surgeon.

Apart from that every midwife and nurse I came across during the birth and afterwards was fantastic and I had masses of sympathy. A friend who is a midwife said she thinks it is the thing her profession do particularly well - dealing with these sensitive situations I mean. I hope it is the same in NZ, I think you may find the midwives are better than the doctors in this regard. I get the impression that a lot of doctors are extremely bright but not necessarily as good at dealing with the emotion and the human element.
There is a lot of waiting around. If you are on your own, take something superficial to keep you occupied. wishing you strength. x

AngryBeaver Tue 10-Jul-12 11:01:17

I will be on my own so I hope they are not horrid to me.The lady today was very kind and concerned.
No one is close to me.Well,not geographically anyway,but I know they'll be thinking of .
Fingers crossed for your amnio tomorrow, best of luck xxx

MsBump Tue 10-Jul-12 09:23:51

Poor you AB. Are you going to be on your own? I hope you have someone with you. Sometimes staff can be very cruel and I think is disgraceful that they are talking to you that way. I agree with ghislaine and when you feel up to it you should make a complaint. In the meantime just remember that so many people that are close to you, and the mumsnetters, will be thinking of you at this sad time. I'm off for my Amnio tomorrow and don't feel positive about it. It's all a bit rubbish really! I hope you get some sense out of the hospital soon.

ghislaine Mon 09-Jul-12 23:26:28

AB, that is shocking and totally lacking in empathy. I am really sorry that that was said to you. Please, if you feel able, make a complaint to the hospital CEO and to the Health and Disability Commissioner.

AngryBeaver Mon 09-Jul-12 22:13:55

I am in NZ so I suppose the problem is that it is a smaller population? And there are not as many facilities. Only 2 hospitals will do it,one is 2 hours away and will only do it on friday. So I amy as well just wait the extra few days rather that have to drove back all that way afterwards.
They told me that it was my fault for refusing the medical termination at first. They said now I am at the back of the list and not only have they got to find me a bed,they have got to find people who will ethically "look after someone lke me" sad

Daphne78 Mon 09-Jul-12 19:34:24

AngryBeaver, that is so unfair. I really hope they can manage to admit you earlier. If not, try (just try) to focus on other things for this week such as reading a book or spending time with the loved ones. I know it is not easy but thinking about this the whole time and googling will drain you emotionally. It will be over soon, everything will be better and, although you will feel the pain at various levels, my two experiences tell me that time DOES help.
All the best

manitz Mon 09-Jul-12 14:29:52

that is awful. I seem to remember you are not in the uk. Is it possible to go for another hospital? what possible reason can they ahve to delay?

AngryBeaver Mon 09-Jul-12 03:32:46

They have just told me I cannot be admitted for an entire week. It seems so cruel to leave me for this long. I am so angry and exhausted and desperate

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