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Antenatal tests

This is sensitive and I really don't want to offend or upset anyone or start a debate but can you please talk to me about abortion.

19 replies

WhimsicalFonts · 11/03/2012 13:52

I have a very new boyfriend who I first slept with 2 weeks ago. We used a condom but it kind of slipped down and leaked so I took the MAP. Now I'm pregnant.

I've only been dating him since January. I've been a single parent for over 2 years, on benefits. My youngest is at preschool, starting school in September. I've recently been looking and applying for work, trying to get my life back on track.

I can't have a baby now. I've always wanted more children, but if I do it again I want to do it properly, be able to support my own family, be in a stable relationship.

I never thought I'd be able to terminate a pregnancy but now it feels like the only option. I did what I could not to become pregnant, I'm not a fool who didn't use contraception, just both kinds failed. I'm either very fertile, or very unlucky.

I feel terrible knowing that there are so many people out there desperately ttc, that many women would give anything to find themselves pregnant, but I really can't continue with this pregnancy

OP posts:

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TBE · 11/03/2012 13:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohdearwhatdoidonow · 11/03/2012 13:55

Your body and your life. You have been very unlucky.

You dint need anyone's permission do what's right for you.

Wishing you lots of strength and love x

Westcountrylovescheese · 11/03/2012 13:57

Sorry couldn't read and not post. I've never been in your situation so can't really help. If it was me I would go and see my GP or someone at the Family Planning Unit to have a chat with and help you through your options/choices. It's a huge decision and I suspect your reasons are very personal and probably deserve more appreciation than this site can give you fully.

Take care.

Convert · 11/03/2012 14:00

Poor you, to be honest you did try using a condom and the MAP so really you can't be held fully responsible IYKWIM. It's not like you just didn't bother and hoped for the best. What an awful situation for you.
I did have an abortion, I was 15 and to be honest I don't regret it. I now have 3 kids and know that I just couldn't have looked after a baby properly or given it the life I wanted too. I also knew I couldn't go through with an adoption.
It's not a very nice thing to go through but if you are sure that it's what you want then it's not such an awful thing. I really feel for you. It's a really hard decision but to me it sounds like you have made your mind up, maybe talking to a doctor or nurse could help confirm your feelings. Best of luck.

WhimsicalFonts · 11/03/2012 14:00

I just want to talk I think. I don't really know.

I already have a dr's appointment booked for Friday (to get the implanon!!) but am going to try and get an earlier one. I think psychologically I will find it easier if I can have a medical abortion early on than the other options, I'm ot sure that's even logical

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FilterCoffee · 11/03/2012 14:13

Marie Stopes offer a 30-minute telephone counselling session for £35.

Panzee · 11/03/2012 14:17

Don't feel terrible for others. I am TTC but my heart goes out to you. Hope you get the help you need. :)

FilterCoffee · 11/03/2012 14:20

Agree with Panzee.

Whether or not you continue with this pregnancy is not going to affect whether those TTC are successful, they are totally separate things.

WhimsicalFonts · 11/03/2012 14:28

Thank you, I know you're right but it feels very unfair that they want it and are struggling to get it and I don't (right now) and get pregnant without even trying (and on the first time I have sex in ages). Mother nature is very cruel.

I don't really have a spare £35 for the counselling but I will see the gp and if I feel I need it I will find the money. At the moment I am kind of denying any feelings about it but that's probably not the best thing long term.

Convert thank you for sharing your experience.

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jaquelinehyde · 11/03/2012 14:40

I think you have already decided what you want to do, coming to terms with that decision is tough but talking about it will help.

I would try and get an emergency appointment tomorrow at either your GP's or the family planning clinic so that you can start the process as soon as possible. This will still allow you plenty of thinking and processing time and if you do have a chnage of heart there is nothing to stop you changing your mind.

Have you decided whether or not you will tell your partner or anyone in real life? If not you will always have plenty of supportive people to talk to on hear.

WhimsicalFonts · 11/03/2012 15:02

Thanks, I told him on Friday I was worried but haven't yet told him I've tested. He asked what I would want to do if I was and I said I would probably want to terminate. He was relieved and said as far as he was concerned that would be the best option, we don't know each other well enough yet to have a child together. He said he'd come with me to dr's etc but I'm not sure how good he'll be for emotional support- he seemed very black and white about it and kind of like there's no reason to be upset if you didn't want it anyway. I did explain it's not quite that simple and that if nothing else the hormones will make it difficult and he accepted that but still not sure he really gets it.

OP posts:

FilterCoffee · 11/03/2012 15:10

Do you have a trusted friend who could come with you instead? You need someone who understands and won't judge but will just be alongside you while you go through this.

WhimsicalFonts · 11/03/2012 15:33

I only really have mum friends locally so it might be difficult for them to find the time to go with me, they're more likely to look after the dc for me so I can go without them. I have a few people I'll be able to talk to about it but obviously I don't want to broadcast it too much.

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WhimsicalFonts · 12/03/2012 18:27

Tried to get a dr appointment this morning but despite phoning at 8am and waiting in a queue for 25 minutes all appointments were gone. He is going to go there at 8am tomorrow to get me an appointment, hopefully that will be more successful.

He's being pretty good about it all so far.

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Badgerina · 12/03/2012 18:36

Just wanted to say that 4 years ago I was in a very similar situation. I was a single mum to one, had been seeing a guy for 6 weeks, and got pregnant. Condom split, MAP failed.

I was also trying to start my career, sort my life out etc, plus I really wanted to give my new relationship a good chance.

It was such a hard decision, but I had a termination. I still feel sad about it, but I know it was the best thing to do, for us all.

I think only you can know what is truly the best option for you. I really feel for you, it's a rotten situation to be in

I also think its worth reminding yourself, that which ever path you choose, you will cope. It's incredible how adaptable we are to major life changes, so long as we don't feel coerced and have been able to make considered decisions. You're doing the right thing, being so thoughtful about this.

jbl2312 · 12/03/2012 23:54

i really feel for you it is an extremely hard decision to make, i to had a termination many years ago and i still wonder to day "if only" but it was the right decision for me at the time, it may take a while but you will cope, good luck and lots of (((( )))) x

Chunkychicken · 13/03/2012 14:37

I had a termination about 10yrs ago and it was devastating despite doing it 'willingly' so it is going to be hard, as you said, the hormones do affect you. However, it was for the best & although I regret becoming pregnant I don't regret the termination.

I am now married to the man who was the father, we have a DD and I've just found out I'm pregnant again. Basically, at the time it wasn't right, but it was more recently. It might work out like that for you, but you shouldn't feel guilty for making a really hard decision.

As for how I did it. I went to the GP, said I'm preg & don't want to be. Had to see another GP to confirm the 'mental anguish' or whatever aspect of the legislation and got referred to a clinic. I was 8wks to the day, although I hadn't a clue what that meant at the time!! It was all on the NHS, although the termination actually happened at a Marie Stopes clinic. I don't remember anything following being sedated, until 'coming round' in a bed. I felt numb at first, then cried for hours. No more pain than a heavy period as far as I recall.

Not my most positive memory but if I hadn't have done that, I wouldn't have the life I have now & I'm pretty happy with my lot.

Chunkychicken · 13/03/2012 14:38

Meant to say wishing you all the best, good luck x

Molehillmountain · 13/03/2012 14:38

We struggled to conceive. Has no impact on my view on abortion. You were incredibly unlucky and I'm sorry you're facing the dilemma. I have no high horse to sit on especially given that I have had unprotected sex at a time when a baby wound have been really inappropriate. You had responsibly protected sex, the protection and it's back up failed. I wish you all the very best whatever you decide.

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