Support thread for women who are pregnant or TTC after a termination for abnormalities 4

(776 Posts)
NatzCNL Sun 12-Feb-12 20:26:03

Welcome to the newest thread of support for those ladies who are pregnant or trying to concieve after terminating for abnormalities. Since this thread first began there have been stories of heart break, sadness and fear, but from these stories there have also been stories of happiness, success and most importantly, hope. Here they are, our thread babies, and may the list continue to grow:

Mishtabel - Bella 22/01/10
Linspins – Franklin 22/01/10
Shangrila – baby boy 01/02/10
Can'tdothisagain – Babycan't 12/04/10
Katerina100 – baby boy 06/10
NumptyMum - Josie 28/06/10
Allstarsprincess – Frank 30/07/10
Katiecubs - Felix 13/08/10
GinaFB – Alexander 03/01/11
LittlePoot - Jacob 02/02/11
Coffeeandchocolate – Coffeebean 22/02/11
Rushingrachel – Oliver 02/03/11
Crazycatlady - Lawrence 08/03/11
Dramamama - Isabella 13/03/11
VivClicquot - Phoebe 28/04/11
Lisbeth Salander - baby boy 7/11
Stormbird – George 24/07/11
Sarahmia – baby girl 25/07/11
Eavers – Jacob 11/08/11
Grandj – Eliot 01/09/11
Babylily – Miles 05/09/11
NatzCNL - Sienna 26/09/11
Manitz - Sacha 28/09/11
Cherrybug – Kade 02/11/11
Ghislaine - Charles 14/01/12
Mrsbigz - Callum 19/01/12
MyangelAva - Isabella 21/1/12
Bezzyk - Minibez II 2/2/12

cherrybug Mon 01-Jul-13 09:12:18

I'm just popping in to say hello and I'm delighted to see you here Misty/fluffy! A quiet congratulations to you and your DH. Sorry to read of how you are feeling about everything though (completely understandable) and I hope that the pregnancy progresses well and the anxiety lifts as time goes on. I check in here still now and again so I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you on your journey. Good luck for the Harmony test and nuchal.

Ghislaine, great news about the 20 week scan and all is looking good though I know its hard to believe it. I don't plan on having any more children now due to my age, finances and practical reasons. However I think one of the biggest reasons is fear of pregnancy.

Hi to everyone else and good luck to all those TTC.

fluffyraggies Wed 03-Jul-13 22:42:39

Oh thank goodness - i thought i killed the thread blush smile I'm very me me me at the mo, i'm sorry.

Thank you Cherry + Ghislaine x yep, had the test on Monday, all went well. Scan was lovely - baby wiggling like mad, amazing to watch it all going on inside you and yet not be able to feel it! Anyway - a waiting game now. They've said they'll ring if there's any bad news. Also, if it IS bad news when i go in on the 15th instead of doing a nuchal scan they'll give me a CVS there and then if i'd like.

In a dilemma right now about weather to tell midwife (and therefore NHS) about my private tests and scans, or weather to just go on with their appt. schedule a if nothing else was going on. I told them when i had my private scan with my last preg. - and sort of fell off their radar somehow sad

Tricky cos my NHS scan is just before the results of harmony and my scan/CVS with them at the FMC. What is the done thing??

flower11 Mon 15-Jul-13 21:33:11

Hi misty/fluffy lovely to see you here. Just logged on for the first time in ages.Hope your tests and scans have gone ok. Just to say I felt the same as what ghislaine said through out my pregancy worried about 12 week scan then 20 week scan then miscarrige then premature birth, then stillbirth, basically anything that could go wrong I thought would happen to me. I didn't bond with my bump or make plans, I refused to buy anything until I was around 32 weeks and found going into mother care rather traumatic. I don't mean to be negative, I guess im saying its understandable how you feel.

Hi to everyone else, I'm being kept rather busy at the moment, Hannah is 9 months and has started crawling and is into everything!

fluffyraggies Fri 19-Jul-13 07:28:23

Oh wow Flower! 9 MONTHS!! That's fantastic grin I feel the same re: baby stuff. I so want to go and look at prams, but part of me feels like i'm setting myself up for a fall hmm

I got a call from the Harmony clinic only 7 days after i gave my sample. I paniced, but they were calling to say the test had failed. Not enough baby DNA in my sample. Sooooo they said can i come back down to London THAT EVENING (baring in mind it was mid day when they rang), give another sample and have my nuchal scan!! Oh my goodness i was a state. In tears because i thought it would be bad news a week earlier than expected. I wanted my week of blissful ignorance. DH came out of work early to come with me.

AND - The scan was amazing! She was scanning me for an HOUR. Internal and external. Virtually no space at the back of the neck. Heart and stomach all fine. Saw the nasal bone. My risk has gone down from 1:20 based on age and history to 1:375 after the scan. Had the NHS NT scan last Friday. That went great too. So right now i'm waiting on the call from the FMC again to see if the Harmony test worked this time ....... but we are feeling much more confident than we were grin Keep everything crossed for me.

ldt87 Mon 22-Jul-13 20:47:59

Hi I'm looking for some advice. I am 12 weeks pregnant following a miscarriage at easter. At my scan today the lady who scanned me said that the baby's skull has not fully formed. I have been referred to a consultant for a scan to confirm on Wednesday. This will lead to termination. I am devastated, we waited 18 months to get pregnant in the first place, lost our first baby at 9 weeks then waited all this time to find out that I will have to abort this so much wanted baby

Please can anyone tell me if you have any experience of this?

After an abortion for this reason when can you try again, and does it affect your fertility?

Has anyone had this particular problem?

Do you know how long I will have to wait for a termination after Wednesday? I can't cope with this waiting for it to happen, knowing that that is where we are headed. I just want it to be over.

fluffyraggies Tue 23-Jul-13 12:02:10

PM'd you ldt

ldt87 Tue 23-Jul-13 18:36:55

I have replied to your pm thanks xx

flower11 Tue 23-Jul-13 20:17:25

idt87 sorry you have found yourself here and are facing the loss of your much wanted baby. did they tell you it was anencephaly, it sounds like thats the case. We lost our 1stdd in aug 2010 as she had anencephaly which is a nural tube defect linked to spina bifida. You will need to take high dose folic acid for future pregancies and the whole time you ttc, you need to start it 3 months before ttc. I had surgical management and there is no reason that surgical or medical termination should cause fertility problems.
As for trying again its a case of folic acid on board and when you feel emotionaly ready and your body is ready, can take awhile for cycles to sort themselves out.

flower11 Tue 23-Jul-13 20:19:11

fluffy glad your scans went well and you got to see your little one. And your odds are looking much better xx

Pizdets Wed 24-Jul-13 13:36:41

ldt, so sorry to hear about what you're going through. In my experience they usually get moving quite quickly once a decision is made, so I hope you won't have to wait for long. I actually conceived more quickly after our TFMR than before, so please don't worry too much on that front, like the ladies said, you might have to wait to build up your reserves of folic acid but otherwise there shouldn't be any complications.

I'm now 31 weeks pregnant and doing well, although quite emotional with the 1 year anniversary of our loss coming up. I'm spending a lot of time thinking 'this time last year we were having the amnio' or 'this time last year we got our false all clear', don't think the pregnancy hormones are helping but a few tears shed recently.

Hope all going well for everyone else. Fluffy, I thought the FMC were excellent too, fingers crossed you get good news from your harmony test soon.

Piz

ldt87 Wed 24-Jul-13 16:08:32

Hi, thanks for the replies, I am booked in for a termination tomorrow. Yes the baby has been diagnosed with anencephaly

i am pleased that things are moving smoothly and not too much waiting around. The consultant advised two periods before trying again. That sends us back to October, when my miscarried baby was due, this one is due February. I am wanting to try again as soon as I can and I already have the folic acid prescription ready.

I am so scared that this could be the outcome of future pregnancies though, how do you move forward from that fear to try again? We so desperately want a baby xx

fluffyraggies Thu 25-Jul-13 12:29:39

Have replied to you ldt xxx

Quick update. Suffered a major hemorrhage at 6pm on Tuesday. Clots and blood everywhere, all over the floor - never seen anything like it sad Totally out of the blue. No cramping.

Went to A&E, they told me to be prepared for the fact that baby may have already gone. DH and i in tears. Spent a desperate night in hos. on a drip. They couldn't get a scan sorted till midday yesterday.

Every one in the room amazed and so so relieved to see baby pinging and wiggling around oblivious to the drama! Placenta up where it should be. Cervix closed. Total mystery where all the blood and material came from confused

Bed rest now. Feeling washed out. Shocked. And scared. But so happy bean is hanging in there at the mo.
(still waiting for damn Harmony results)

lostlove Sun 04-Aug-13 23:39:08

fluffy, how frightening that must've been! How are you doing now? Much better I hope.

Hope all the other pregnant people are well too. Do post updates - it's good to hear your stories smile

ghislaine Mon 05-Aug-13 16:22:10

Fluffy, I have only just seen this (and your other posts on the Harmony thread). This sounds really frightening. I have heard of similar, a subchorionic haematoma (sp?). Was that the cause? Hope all is well now.

Ldt, so sorry you have found yourself here. I was terrified of pregnancy after my termination but at the same time desperate to be pregnant again. It's a very common emotion - you just want things to be ok again and where they were supposed to be. Unfortunately I don't think there is any return to normality after such an experience, just a new normality to which you eventually adjust. I had a healthy baby after my termination, and am 27 weeks pregnant again. All seems well so far. I did continue to be nervous about the outcome in this pregnancy and was scared silly by some posts on the Harmony thread about false negatives but it did spur me to do my own research and through that, I found a presentation comparing the results from the various providers in the US as to their accuracy results - Harmony (compared to MaterniT21 and the other two) was 100% for Downs. www.peacehealth.org/Documents/Womens%20Health%202012%20Clausen.pdf. I'm no scientist, but the basic facts seemed pretty obvious. I know yours wasn't a chromosomal abnormality but take heart from the fact that recurrence is very low (easier said than done I know!).

TOPFAResearch Thu 15-Aug-13 21:24:27

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

AliBingo Wed 21-Aug-13 09:02:12

Arch just got BFP last night after tfmr 16 March this year.(Also posted here under bigcorriefan at time and got loads of support on this board what a lifesaver.)

Have been obsessing about getting pregnant but got distracted this month as my mum is really ill, we find out tomorrow if its cancer. I thought I was feeling sick because of all that stress and worry.

Anyway I just feel tearful not pleased to be pregnant and am convinced something will go wrong again.

Has anyone else felt like this? I thought being pregnant would fix everything sad

AliBingo Wed 21-Aug-13 09:04:13

"Arch" was meant to be "argh" of course.

Think I am 5 weeks. Have been drinking wine this last week so am worrying about that as well as T21 recurring or a mmc or miscarriage etc.

fluffyraggies Sat 24-Aug-13 07:36:05

Hi Ali - sorry to hear about your mum. But happy to hear about BFP.

When i got mine after 24 cycles of ttc i was a bundle of shock and worry for the first 2 or 3 weeks. Well actually i still am finding it hard to simply be happy, and not to obsess about something being not right. (18 weeks)

Don't worry. It's normal. Try to embrace the worry and soldier on anyway. It's hard i know, and your hormones wont be helping! Look after yourself, and i send you strength for your mum.

fluffyraggies Sat 24-Aug-13 07:37:46

Oh - no more bleeding here. 20 week scan in 13 days. Nail biting stuff! Time is flying by though.

AliBingo Sat 24-Aug-13 18:56:34

Hi fluffy thanks for the reply, I am still feeling really ambivalent about it all because I am so cared it might go wrong again. I wonder when that fear lifts (if at all)? I suppose I will feel a bit better if I can get past a CVS at 11 weeks, but I think I'd need a good 20 week scan before I could imagine the possibility of an actual baby this time.

Congrats on your pregnancy, I am glad it is going quickly, hope mine does too! I guess you are feeling movements by now? Exciting smile

Cheers
Ali

fluffyraggies Sun 25-Aug-13 08:20:00

Ali i think you're right - i said to my DH yesterday that if all goes well at the 20 week scan then perhaps i'll allow myself to be truly excited. The 12 week scan was a huge hurdle. It went well, results fab., i tried hard to let go of all the worries then, as DH seemed to, but after a day or two i started slipping back into 'what if' mode hmm

I think all the ladies who have had any problems with pregnancy would say that once you have experienced anything other than a 'text book preg.' you are never going to have the blissful, cloud 9, floating about in a haze of happiness and white dresses pregnancies you see in the media. It would be lovely to be like that - but real life has some hard hard lessons. Sadly.

Feeling ambivalent is your minds way of trying to protecting itself, so it's a tough one. I would take one milestone at a time. Allow yourself to feel like that and just plan to spend 6 weeks staying healthy, doing the right stuff and taking one day at a time. Get to your CVS at 11 weeks with an open mind smile (all so easy to write, harder to do, i know) I hope it goes quickly for you too.

I've had a few little funny twangy feelings inside - but it's all so hard to tell if it's wind, ligaments stretching, dinner going down or baby kicking grin (so hope it's the later).

AliBingo Mon 26-Aug-13 13:43:56

Hi Fluffy

Oh dear I am glad it's not just me who's stressing out (in that it's normal - not that I am glad you have been worrying!)

I am finding it hard as my DH thinks it will all be fine and doesn't understand my worries I don't think. I guess he is a natural optimist and I am not, especially after what happened last time.

I am going to do as you suggest and just try and get through one milestone at a time rather than trying to process the whole thing all at once. Only just over 5 weeks until the CVS, argh, hope it goes fast!

I have a DD already and I was really rubbish at telling whether what I was feeling was movements or just wind, it didn't feel how I expected at all! A bit further down the line there's no doubt of course, once you see hands and feet kicking out of your bump smile

fluffyraggies Wed 28-Aug-13 08:10:16

DH thinks it will all be fine - yes, after our 13 week scan DH said that his worries were all behind him. Just like that. It made me feel happy in one respect, but a bit 'on my own' in others. I don't want to bring him down with my worries, but i can't share his concrete optimism!

So CVS at the beginning of Oct then?

Yes; i've had so many people (some professional, mostly family and friends) asking about movements. They just want to hear 'Yes!' - but instead they get this long ramble from me all 'yeah ... but, no ... but' lol. Gosh yes, once baby is older you can see him/her shifting around even through clothes. Very surreal!

AliBingo Mon 02-Sep-13 18:45:06

Hi Fluffy

I am still struggling to be optimistic, have been reading all about ectopics and miscarriages this afternoon. Have booked in for an early viability scan next week so at least I will know if there is anything in there in the right place. If there is, I can concentrate on fretting about the CVS instead. Argh.

I haven't booked the CVS yet or worked out how to access one - not sure whether to just go private or to book in with the midwife and then get referred - wonder if the latter might take too long. I think I'll be 11 weeks on 2 October so I just have to try and keep going until then.

Your 20 week scan must be very soon, end of this week perhaps? Hope it goes well and you can finally start getting excited and buying loads of stuff! Do you already know what you are having, will you find out?

(Do they routinely record gender in CVS/amnio results does anyone know? I really wish I knew what sex the baby I lost in March was, not sure why but I keep wanting to know, wonder if it's written down somewhere or if I am too late).

It was my baby's due date yesterday so at least I have survived that...

Pickles106 Mon 16-Sep-13 20:21:30

Hello,

Had cvs today at 11 weeks & 3 days - we found out last week the baby is a boy and as I'm carrier of duchenne muscular dystrophy there is 50/50 chance of the baby having muscular dystrophy.

Feeling very dislocated from everything- we get the results on Friday and its bad news we'll be ending the pregnancy.

The thought of no longer being pregnant makes me desperately sad, but trying to focus on the positives - we conceived very quickly (although the prospect of going through this all again is exhausting).

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