Mumsnet Talk

I know this probably isn't the best place to post, but I don't know where is. Sorry if I offend anyone by posting about such a sensitive subject. I don't care about being flamed, no one could possibly make me feel any worse than I already do.

I am pregnant due to contraceptive failure. I am on the pill, only had sex once since my last period but shortly after was very ill with gastroenteritis, this is the only explanation I can come up with for it failing. I'm in the very early stages (maybe 4 weeks) and was scanned at a Marie Stopes clinic 10 days ago, they couldn't find anything as it was too early so I've had to wait and am due to go back and get rescanned tomorrow.

My nightmare has been that it's a case of I can't have this baby - rather than I don't want it. I suffer from chronic back pain and am on heavy medication (that shouldn't be taken in pregnancy) to help me cope. I also have a history of severe SPD in pregnancy, to the point where I need crutches. I also suffer from debilatating morning sickness, to the point where I can hardly get out of bed some days. I have two young DC (youngest is 16 months) and I need to be able to be a mum to them, I don't think physically I could survive another pregnancy at this point. To end it all I can't go through PND again.

I know I'm doing this in the best interests of my family but I never thought I'd ever have to make a decision like this. I've barely eaten, slept or functioned since I found out I was pregnant on Christmas Eve. I can't feel any joy, it's like I'm empty and barely functioning.

I am going to opt for a medical abortion as I need to get it done as early as possible and the waiting has nearly finished me. I'm scared there will be nothing on the scan again, which will either mean I'm still to early, or that I'm experiencing a possible ectopic pregnancy. The confusing thing has been how sick I am already, I'm already getting painful twinges in my pelvis and my back has been worse than usual.

AIBU to ask some of you to hold my hand through all this, please?
AIBU to wonder if I can ever feel happy again?
AIBU to feel deep down that I deserve to suffer like this.

I won't be posting after 5 as I'm travelling to my mums for the night. She lives near the clinic and my appointment is very early in the morning. I'm staying with mum for as long as it takes as I can't bear for my DD's to see what I'm going through.

I really don't want a debate on this, there's no way I can continue - believe me I have agonised over this decision. I'm just looking for support from those who have gone through similar. Thank you.

It's your body, it's your choice.

Guilt is a useless emotion.

I'm happy to hold your hand!

xxxx

Hugs x

Only you know what is best for
You and your family. X

Oh bless you
It sounds like you are doing the right thing for everyone. What you have there is a microscopic embryo not a baby and your existing children need you well, and you need you to be well. You do not deserve this. I lost a pregnancy naturally and it is very painful and upsetting but you do get over it and you will feel normal again. Take care of yourself and don't judge yourself too harshly.

Thank you. Your kind words mean so much.

YANBU except to think that you deserve to suffer like this - why on earth would you think that? Stop it at once! You were just very very unlucky - it happens.

So sorry that you're in this position and also sorry that you are almost bound to get some busybodies trying to change your mind, even at this point.

I'm not one of them - you must do what you have to do for you, your family and your health.

Take care and be kind to yourself. (((hugs)))

I'm sorry you're going through this, OP. Do whatever you feel is best for yourself and your family, not to mention your own health and peace of mind. And should any preachy flamey people appear on this thread, do your best to ignore them.

<hugs>

You must do what you know to be right for you and your family as it stands today, not as it may or may not be in the future. Do you have a partner involved?

Your body, your choice, and you do deserve to be happy (everyone does!). Be kind to yourself, please...

I haven't been in this position but I certainly would never judge you.

I'll also hold your hand.

Satisfied, I have never gone through this, but I think I'd find myself making the same decision in your circumstances. I have no doubt you can be happy again. Be kind to yourself and take care. x

Much love and all the best. It's shit but sounds like its all for the right reasons and IMHO you are taking responsibility and doing the right thing for your family- that can in no way be a bad thing x

Yes carabos, I'm married. The decision has been mine but he completely supports it.

Aw sweetheart, you are trying to make the best possible choice for you and your family. It doesn't mean that you can't wish you could make a different choice. It's OK to be sad and upset about it, however I do agree with others that guilt is a waste of time, and you don't 'deserve' to suffer at all.

You have made a very difficult decision. That is bound to take its toll on you emotionally. Doesn't mean it's the wrong decision though, far from it.

You are in my thoughts x

You poor thing!
What a horrible situation to be in.

((hugs))

Oh you poor thing - look after yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. Hopefully in time you'll be able to feel a bit more yourself again and not "punish yourself" forever over this.

Oh you poor poor thing. You absolutely WILL feel happy again. I had an abortion at 12 weeks due to problems with the baby. I remember thinking that in a funny way I was fortunate that the problem lay with the baby and not my situation in the sense that I felt I had an "excuse" - but the truth is that you have real and genuine issues why you simply cannot have this baby. I was very very sad at the time but, like you, I absolutely knew that I had no choice at that time. It would not be true to say I never think about it, but when I do I never waver that I did the right thing for me and my family at that time and that is what you are doing now. Try to wrap yourself up in the love of your DCs and DH and know that you will feel better at some point.

Hope everything goes smoothly, your mum looks after you and spoils you and you get through this being as kind as you can to yourself.
You will feel happy again. You do not deserve to suffer at all. Your DDs deserve their mum, you deserve to be around for them and you all deserve, as a family to be happy.
Why are you certain you are pg if you have only had one scan which showed nothing? (although that must have been very soon after the missed period).

Positive pregnancy test/absence of periods perhaps?

When I first found out, my initial reaction was to go cold turkey on all my meds - my first instinct was to protect. It was only 5 days in when I was a shaking, vomiting insomniac wreck that I realised I couldn't go on. It's been such an awful, confusing time.

3 positive tests StealthPolarBear

You poor thing
I suppose so Eau - just wondered why the scan rather than just the HPT. And other things can account for lack of periods.

Poor you, I would do the same in your position. What about your partner, is he supporting you? Thinking of you.xxx

I am sure many of us have been in a similar position, Otter. Please do not feel guilty. In your heart you know what is the right thing to do and no one should judge you. Un-mumsnetty <hugs>
There will be happy times when you come out the other side.

Another one here to hold your hand, no useful advice but I am here in support. x