I've not posted before, but have looked in before earlier this year when I needed to find support. My apologies for the length of this post as there's quite a lot of things happened.
Back in March this year, our world fell apart. I was pregnant with our first. We'd worried a little about the combined test result that came back (I think it was 1 in 36), but didn't feel that we wanted to risk testing further. When we'd discussed this with the ante-natal screening midwife she'd suggested that if we didn't want to risk invasive testing the 20 week scan could be scheduled with the consultant, who had more experience and might pick up more from the scan. So that's what we went with, and when we went for the scan we were a little concerned but very aware that it wasn't statistically that high a risk. What we weren't prepared for when we went in was that the consultant would have to tell us that unfortunately our baby had died, and that it had apparently happened a week or two previously.
This was devastating. We'd had no inkling. Everybody was very kind and supportive, and eventually the days got a little less painful. There had been a problem with the placenta and the cord, which hadn't been able to support our little boy. The consultant told us there was no reason it should happen to us again.
We'd decided to try again pretty much as my cycle returned. I didn't really want to wait and in particular was anxious about the length of time it had taken to get pregnant first time round (I'd had a laparoscopy and we'd been having tests when I'd got the positive result) and my age (37). As things turned out I got pregnant again quickly. Things were very anxious and we kept the news largely to ourselves. After our loss the consultant had said that for any subsequent pregnancy, after the 12 week scan he would begin regular scans at 16 weeks to monitor and reassure us. He also wanted me to take low dose aspirin through a subsequent pregnancy as a precaution.
After we came out of the 12 week scan, my husband already looked worried. He'd seen them take the nuchal fold measurement and, although not really high it had been a little higher than average and higher than on the previous pregnancy. Given that in the earlier pregnancy the principal factor to push up the risk had been the results of my blood test, he felt it was inevitable that the risk factor was going to come back higher than the previous time. We then waited to hear, but I wasn't surprised to get a phone call about it. We'd been unsure at what risk factor we'd decide to have a CVS or amnio, but as it turned out the risk came back as 1 in 2 which took our breath away. With no greater risk available, we felt we had to have a test and know more.
Unfortunately, it was the peak of summer and the consultant we had been dealing with was not available around the time to have a CVS. The lack of availability meant we needed to go to another local hospital. This was set up for the following week. When we got there they looked on the ultrasound and told us there was a problem with the position of the placenta to do the test - as things stood they would not be able to access it either trans-abdominally or trans-cervically. They got me to go away and walk around for 20 mins or so in the hope that there might be enough of a shift with an empty bladder. It didn't work so they asked whether I wanted to try again in about a week when there might have been sufficient movement, or wait slightly longer and have an amnio.
We decided to try again, as we really wanted to know the result as soon as possible. When we returned the following week, the trans-abdominal route was still not possible, but the trans-cervical one was, so I elected for the test to be done that way. They took two samples and although they weren't huge samples, both obstaetrician and midwife were happy they should be sufficient.
We got the quick result back a few days later - that the result was clear. I don't think I have been more relieved in my life. I asked the gender and they told us over the phone we were having a little girl. For the first time in weeks/months we felt we could actually relax a little. The full result came back the following week and confirmed the quick result.
Our couple of weeks of relative comfort didn't last. When we went for the scan with the consultant he expressed real concerns with the levels of growth, and he told us that he feared that if it continued the baby may not survive to deliver. He wanted to repeat the scan in a further two weeks to see the progress. (This then took us to just below the 20 weeks point.)
At the next scan he again expressed concern about the growth rate (in particular for the limbs), but he told us that there had been better growth since the last scan than he had expected, which gave a better chance that things would be okay. During the scan he expressed concern about not being able to see all 4 chambers of the heart, but indicated that if there was a problem it was likely fixable, and there wasn't necessarily an issue as the size of the baby may have limited what could be seen on the scan at that stage. At this point there were concerns but things felt reasonably positive, certainly more positive than two weeks earlier.
As he proceeded further with the detailed scanning, he asked about the CVS and whether we knew the baby's gender as a consequence, so I said that we knew it was a baby girl. A few minutes the consultant expressed extreme confusion - as he showed us, the baby was clearly male. Given that as the case, it gave him concerns about the CVS result itself, so we agreed that to make sure of the result, I would have an amniocentisis so that happened after the scan.
You can probably guess what happened next. The CVS result was wrong, and the baby was positive for T21. [The consultant is really angry about the error over the result and is pursuing what happened.] So, then we faced the decision that we'd feared 5 or so weeks earlier. We considered it independently of each other and then discussed it - we'd both reached the same conclusion independently that we couldn't continue with the pregnancy and I went through another induced labour. Physically it was even tougher than before - I was sick repeatedly during the process and it was all prolonged by issues with the placenta not separating. They thought they might have to resort to surgery so I wasn't allowed to eat or drink for the four hours I was hooked up to a hormone drip until they were sure.
That was three and a half weeks ago. My husband has been a rock and we've been well supported but things just seem so bleak. I arranged a phased return to work and went back for a few days last week, but during this week it has just been too much for me. I was already finding it so tiring, but it's not been helped by having a recurring headache over three days with visual aura - at least it seems it has gone now today. I hadn't had one so bad for the best part of 20 years. It's felt like putting the physical effort in going back to work has meant just stockpiling emotion to overwhelm me outside work. I'm going to try going back to work again next week. We have the cremation on Tuesday and I hope that may help a little. I know we found it more helpful than we'd expected for our first loss.
Anyway, apologies for having written alot but so much has happened, and it all plays its part. Hopefully some of you out there can provide some of the solidarity that unfortunately comes with going through something like this.
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Antenatal tests
Feeling Low-Missed Miscarriage at 20 weeks, Now TFMR at 21 weeks. Plus CVS issue
10 replies
ChickArito · 20/10/2011 16:33
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