Wanting to expand our family - lots of things to consider

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Hi, i am just posting here to try and get some thoughts out and clearer in my head.

I have 2 children, lovely boys that i love with all me being. However lately i have been feeling broody and i just cant shake the thought of another baby, i even have names floating about in my head ffs, DP is also said he has thoughts about 1 more child.

It is unfortunatley not that simple, DS1 has got Cystic Fibrosis, our options are either,

A. IVF which i i guess is a very stressful thing to go through, our genetic coucellor and dr said we would be candidates but obviously it is a hard slog that may not work if it did work we could be sure of a healthy baby. Im not sure how i feel about ebryo selection.

or

B. We could concieve naturally, i fall pregant very easily but we have the 1 in 4 risk of having another child with CF, i would have a CVS or Amnio test if we did this as i would want to know if the baby had CF but would keep it either way. Also have to figure in that fact that the tests carry risks of m/c i have had 7 early m/s's before.

Then there is the implications of both choices, lots of what ifs. If we chose the IVF route or had a healthy baby naturaly we would be brining a child into the world knwing that a lot of my time is already taken up with DS1's treatment which is only going tob ecome more as he gets older.

Or we would be knowingly bringing a child into the world with CF which i guess would be selfish as that child would have to suffer CF and we would have a double workload.

I dont carry children easily i have to inject everyday that im pregnant as i have sticky blood and get blood clots easily.

My Pregnancy with DS1 was hellish, i had bloodclots followed by pre eclampsea and was hospitalised with sever sickness, i had a horrid delivery and a sever allergic reaction to gas and air.

DS2 was easir ecxept the SPD towards the end but a very easy delivery.

I would also have to see my rheumatologist, i have Hyper Mobility Syndrome so would have to see what risks being pregant would pose.

I have tried, lord i have tried to shake this feeling but it wont go, i know i should be happy with my 2 gorgeous boys, i am happy with them but feel we are not complete.

We have the space and the money for another and certainly the love but that isnt enough.

Im cofused and torn and its driving me nuts.

We have a year to decide becuase then DS2 will be full time at school but its consuming a lot of my thoughs at the moment.

I know only we can make this decision but any input from anyone would be great right now.

[ragged]

Would you consider fostering instead?
Or a dog (don't mean to sound flippant)... I know animals aren't the same, but they do fill the gap for many people.
You have so much to consider, I couldn't do it.
If I were in your shoes and did decide to go ahead, it would definitely be down the IVF route. You could donate any remaining healthy embryos to childless couples (that would be rewarding for me).

You need to investigate whether you are suitable for IVF with your health conditions.

[RememberToPlaywiththeKids]

If it was me with the info you've given us, I would decide if we could cope if the new baby had CF and if so, I would go ahead naturally and not have a CVS or amnio.

Can they pick anything up at the 20 week scan to indicate CF?

If not, then for the sake of my head, I would have to assume that it did have CF.

I think siblings cope very well with extra treatment for their brothers/sisters and if there's any way you can build some one to one or good strong family time each week, then that would be brilliant and I would be very happy with that.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Thannks for your input it really helps to see all sides and have lots of different thoughts on it.

Our genetic councellor says we would be candidates for IVF, i know thats not a garuntee but my health problems are fairly minor so i dont think it would complicate things.
I dont know i fell about embryo selection plus i think i would feel bad about taking the IVF knowing full well i caould fall pregnant natuarally when there is thousands of couples out there that cant.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

Anymore thoughts on this?

[Debs3013]

It's a really difficult dilemma and only a decision that ultimately you can make.

I lost my first child through chromosomal problems and we now have to decide if we can do it again (we have no children) - I do feel that we can really overthink these choices, let's face it if we thought about all the downsides and problems to most decisions in life, we'd never do anything!

As I have said to hubby, it comes down to which feeling overrides the other - is the fear of what can go wrong more important to you than the desire for another child. Ultimately, one feeling is going to override the other.

If you really want another child, then you do whatever you need to do to achieve that goal. How you perceive it may affect other people is neither here nor there. Let's be honest, in years to come will the thought that you didn't do it and left an IVF space for another couple keep you warm?

You just do what feels right for you.

[TitsalinaBumSquash]

That is a very good pont Debs, i am so sorry you lost your child.

I think I would rather go down the natural route, 75% chance that the baby would be ok, i would cope with another child with CF but its the implications of what it would do to the family and i wouldnt want another child to go through CF although having DS1 i know that CF isnt an instant death sentence.

DP thinks he would prefer IVF, although there is no garuntee it would work and the risk of multiples is higher.
Plus its a very invasive emotional thinkg to go through and again i wonder what impact it would have on the children i already have.

I am reconsidering CVS or amnio becuase as i said before i could never terminate a pregnancy so all a CVS test would was give me peace of mind.

[asouthwoldmummy]

We are candidates for IVF (DS has muscular dystrophy) but have recently decided to ttc naturally. For us a girl could only be a carrier of the condition but a boy would have a 50% chance of having the condition.

I think really it depends on how able you think you would be able to cope (both physically and mentally) with another child with the condition.

Also bear in mind that the IVF will only screen for cf, you could go through all that and still end up with a child with a different condition. Not trying to be negative, just realistic.

[Scouseem]

Hi I am currently 6wks pregnant and waiting to have cvs test. My DD has CF so I no for a fact I would not bring another child into the world with the same condition. You have to think of your child you already have and not just for your own desire of a child. Sorry to be harsh. 75% is still a really high chance of having a cf clear child tho so if you did it naturally there is still a good chance.
We didn't go into getting pregnant again lightly and decided this is are last chance and if we got a bad result then that would be it but I think if you want a child so much you have to at least give it a shot. Cvs or ivf route its a hard choice.