Just had nuchal fold. Baby has 5mm of fluid and an abdominal abruption, which could be associated with chromosonal abnormalities. We're waiting for blood test results and rescanning in a week to see what is going on with the tummy. I'm devastated.
We have a gorgeous DD (16mo) and lost a baby before her to hypoplastic left heart syndrome- she was born and died at 23 weeks gest. I was prepared for bad news with my last DD, but this time I just thought we must have had all the bad luck we were due and that everything would be fine. My heart is breaking again. How can this be happening to us again?
We don't have all the information yet, but I am so scared. I'm scared that we will decide to go for the CVS and it will hurt me. Or the baby will be ok but I will lose it because of the procedure. And DH is wonderful and honest and knows himself well and has already said that he would not want to go ahead with a pregnancy when he knew that the baby had downs, but I can't imagine terminating another pregnancy. I feel so frightened for us- if the baby does have Downs is our wonderful, precious relationship doomed because if we don't terminate he'll not be able to forgive me, and if we do I'll never be able to forgive him? It's so unfair. I'm not sure I can cope with it again. I thought that last time had showed me how strong I was and that now I could deal with anything, but I never imagined that I would be here again. Waiting, crying, feeling sick. I just want to curl up in a corner and weep until I sleep. My baby, my precious little baby.
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Antenatal tests
Please come and talk to me, I think I'm actually going to fall apart this time
jeffily · 18/08/2010 09:15
Oh lovely - how wful for you.
We were given a 1 in 5 chance of DS for our baby at the 12 week scan. Both of our immediate thoughts were 'no further testing necessary as we wouldn't terminate'. Then I started to panic about what the right thing to do for the baby's sake was.
DH and I chatted as I'd got myself in to a dreadful state and he said that if the decisions were up to him alone, he would do further testing and then terminate if it had DS. He said that he would 'man up to it' if it did have DS and we discovered at birth.
This put me in to exactly the same dilemma as you describe. I was also wanting to do testing to rule out any other major problems but then didn't as we would both feel sick if we lost the baby and it had been 'clear' as it were.
After a week of feeling absolutely dreadful, I decided to spend the weekend presuming that the baby did have DS and taking DH at his word when he said it would all be ok either way and that he supports me. I felt at peace for the first time and that was my answer. We haven't done any further testing but I must confess to feeling absolutely terrified that the 20 week scan will show some awful abnormalities that force a dreadfully difficult decision. We already have 2 very young DCs.
I do feel for you and I don't know how you can feel at peace with this - perhaps try living with different scenarios for a couple of days at a time and see how it makes you feel?
You sound similar to me in and I guess that if your DH turned round to you and said 'I will love this baby whatever and I think we should just get on and enjoy this pregnancy', you would feel so much better?
DH did explain that he felt that he couldn't really relate to unborn babies and that to a certain extent you can just get pregnant again and not worry about it. It's rather different for most of us who are carrying them I suspect 
when our dd1 was 20 weeks in utero they mistakenly at the local hospital diagnosed her with a HLH - we then awaited a further referral to a London hospital where we learnt that dd1 had a different type of heart defect - scary and very serious but ultimately repairable quite easily - basically she had no central wall in her heart between the two sides.
We were also told if she was born without down syndrome it would be very rare. Dh and I were okay about that in that we had known families - who had members who happened to have Down syndrome and it was not as scary to us as her heart defect.
We decided against an amnio as it would not have changed the outcome. We had decided prior to this cardiac scan in London that she would be born and we would take it a day at a time and go from there.
Anyway she was born over 8 years ago now and does happen to have down syndrome.
In those 8 years she has gone from strength to strength. She attends a mainstream school and has attended a mainstream kindergarten, she does dancing and swimming and is hoping to start playing in a football team. She goes surfing in the summer.
She is funny and witty and charms everyone who meets her HOWEVER is not always so loving and happy as the stereotype goes - in fact can throw the biggest strop when she wants to.
However I now am a mother to three girls and she has by and large been the easiest to care for and raise.
Our hardest times have not come from her having down syndrome but from encountering people who believe that she should not have been born and if we knew before she was born why did we decide to have her! ( yes that was said to me.) To people who think it is still 1950 and we should shut people with intellectual impairments of any kind away and not allow them to even share the same space as us. To ignorant people who cannot see beyond the down syndrome to see the wonderful young lady she is. BUT you know - these are actually few and far between that they make more of am impact because they are so rare iyswim.
At school - she has lovely friends and is very much a part of the school community - is in the junior choir.
We have dreams for her - she will grow up and live relatively independently - actually I know no doubt she will given that she is such an independent little thing. She will probably marry - much to dad's concern!!
She will hold a job of some description. She will be happy and fulfilled. That is all we ask for each of our children.
day to day care of her is really so easy - My next two are so hard sometimes it does make me laugh when they are giving me a hard time and she is not. That is not to say she is not a 'typical child' in terms of her behaviour - you know fighting and squabbling with siblings, moaning about them annoying her, moaning about mum and dad asking her to do things. She is expected to help out around the house - no free passes in our place.
I look back over the last eight years and feel I have had experiences and met some of the most amazing people since having dd1 and I know I would not be without her in my life. It is not hard or unbearable or anything negative that was said to us prior to her birth - it is just different.
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