I'm not coping. ds2 is 17wks, and after over a year of pnd with ds1 I thought I'd got away with it. but in the last week or two it's like a switch has flipped - I can't cope, can barely hold it together and just want to escape. I just want to lie down and shut my eyes and be left alone.
I need somehow to break this pattern of negativity. please, can anyone help? I really want to avoid taking antidepressants.
You poor love, that sounds dreadful.
There's no shame in antidepressants - especially when you're feeling so very awful. At least please visit your GP and talk it over with them?
Do you have family or friends nearby that can hold DS2 for a bit while you have some time out/a lie down?
Sorry, not very helpful. I hope someone with better knowledge than me is around, but I'm here to hold your hand if you need it.
thank you. I don't have any support bar my very wonderful but rather over-worked dh. god I would love some sleep.
finding the motivation to ring the doctor and then time to actually go to an appointment seems impossible atm. especially when I'm worried they'll just be pushing ad's on me. I wish I could just talk myself round somehow, stop this pattern of negative thoughts. it feels like I'm just being self-indulgent, letting them take over.
Why don't you want to take ADs? As the other poster said, there's no shame in it.
It's not self indulgence; depression is chemical. It's nothing you have or have not done, please believe me.
Take one step at a time, don't bog yourself down with thinking so far ahead. Make the appointment first. Then concentrate on getting there. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do but at least talk to your GP.
I don't think there's any shame in ad's. I just have a general preference to avoid any kind of medication wherever possible. I think my depression wouldn't be so bad if I had enough sleep and family support so I'd prefer not to medicate to substitute for those things.
thank you though. I'm going to try to talk to dh about it tonight, I just have this feeling of lethargy, like everything's too much.
Well sometimes you just need a bit of help to get through until you get to a point where you can have more sleep. Lack of sleep is a killer & unfortunately with a new baby it seems like it will never end.
Have you considered St. John's Wort or something like that? (Never used it myself so can't comment on its effectiveness). Also Bach's Rescue Remedy can be helpful. I would definitely speak to GP & HV to see what other help is available.
thank you both for responding to me.
No problem OP. I had horrendous PND with DS1 & have it but in a different way with DS2. Antidepressants are the only thing that got me through the short term & am getting help for the longer term.
Hope you feel better soon however you tackle it.
DS2 is 4 months & I thought I'd got away with it too, until I sat upstairs over the Christmas period & cried. When I was in bed it was so hard to drag myself out of bed & face anyone, I knew it was time to get help. Am waiting for counselling to deal with my deeper rooted problems. Will get there eventually. At least having had it with DS1 I know that it is surmountable.
helsbels somehow with 2 it seems worse for me. god it's hard keeping things on an even keel for ds1 who's 2.3. but yes, not insurmountable I suppose.
2 kids is way harder than one, I adore mine but today I could shut both of them in the shed & leave them there. DS1 is whining right now & I am counting down the seconds until DH gets home.
And it's worse when DS1 notices I'm upset, I didn't have to worry about that when he was tiny.
Hi Crazypaving, can I please send you an electronic hug. I have suffered from depression a few times and have had to be on medication for the most serious bouts. I wouldn't rule out meds straight away, but I do believe in my case at least, that with the right family and peer support it is possible to defeat the demon with their support.
BUT you do need support and from as many people as possible who love and care for you. You have done a brave thing to ask for help on MN but you must talk to your DH and your family and close friends. It is easy to think when depressed that you are not worth troubling people for, or that you should just get on with it. You can't just get on with it and you are worth it.
Maybe there are some family members who would love some grandchildren/nephew or neice cuddles whilst you have a lie down or do something for you like have a haircut.
Best of luck and please if you do find yourself getting more depressed talk to your GP, medication can really help when things get really bad. (Hug)
thank you for being so kind, stepmooster. I wish I had lots of family but I just don't and I'm crap at making friends so they're thin on the ground too. sometimes I feel very alone.
I'm getting out every day and wandering about a bit like a zombie, trying really hard not to shout at ds1 I keep thinking that surely it'll get easier when the weather improves and there's more daylight, but that can be dangerous - I told myself everything would be easier after Christmas and I think that's what's caused this crash, cos it's not easier. nights are worse, I'm more exhausted, and both boys are so demanding all the time. I just want a break and a decent amount of sleep.
Afternoon crazypaving. Is there a local baby group you can take yourself off to for an hour? Somewhere where DS1 can let off some steam and you can have a cup of tea and cuddle the baby?
Sorry if that's an unhelpful suggestion and you can't bear to think of socialising, you just sound so alone. I'm sure there will be other mums in the same boat in your area, or at least someone to empathise?
I do go to quite a few different activities for ds1 but find it all quite stressful, supervising him and looking after ds2 in the sling who is the ultimate Velcro baby. I never really get a chance to chat to people, and if I do it's all fairly polite and never results in friends being made.
Do you have a Homestart organisation near you? They are pretty much all over the country. Google them, or ask your GP or HV. They'll know.
You'll get a visit from Homestart to see what you need, generally, then you'll get a lovely volunteer who will visit you once a week, let you cry on her (probably her) shoulder, take DC1 off your hands down to the swings - or hold the fort while you go and get your hair cut.... or any other scenario you care to think of!
Its not means tested - its free - and its for people just like you.
Here's the link:www.home-start.org.uk/
Fair enough, I find it difficult socialising when I'm not really on form.
Homestart sounds great!
blue2 thank you, I'll have a look at that. never heard of that before, what a good idea.
back to shrieking baby...
I understand op, I've had depression many times and had PND with a bad sleeper.
Lack of sleep and support is a recipe for disaster when it comes to getting better. Can your DH take sometime off work to allow you to rest? You sound exhausted! Even split feeding on nights to give you the chance for a longer stretch. If he can't are you sure you don't have anyone you can go and visit / stay with to give you a rest.
You need more support. If there really is no one go to your health visitor or gp or look at a childminder for a few hrs a week. It doesn't have to cost a fortune and its not forever.
thanks cupcake. I hope I haven't been misleading, ds1 actually goes to a cm 2 days a week but she's taking 13 weeks leave this year, starting soon in a 4 week batch, which is leaving me feeling a bit panicky. I really wish I had more family particularly because I find it hard asking friends for help.
Whereabouts do you live Crazy?
Whereabouts, I'm in Brighton & if I can help in any way (or sympathise with cake) let me know
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