am feeling so miserable

(66 Posts)
Lizlette Mon 07-Jan-13 12:07:28

First time poster, long time lurker so please be gentle, and I apologize if I break any rules.

As a background, I have a much wanted 7 week old daughter and a wonderful husband who is more than pulling his weight and holding down a full time job.

I feel like crying most of the day as I can t cope with the change to my life, I knew things would change, but honestly, if I'd known things would belike this, I ddon't know if I'd have had a baby. I then feel awful thinking this and am terrified that I've jinxed her and that something will happen to her to teach me a lesson.

I can't cope with her crying as I feel that she's unhappy with me as a crap mum.

I'm pretty lucky as my husbandis amazing, and my baby feeds on a nice 3 hrs routine without us trying and she'll often go 6 hrs overnight..

Dr has started me on anti depressents and I'm going to start seeing a counseller but I can't see any point in the future where I won't feel like this.

I'm fed up of sitting on the sofa crying and not being the wife and mummy that my wonderful family deserve.

Thank you to anyone who has made it to the end of my self indulgent waffle, and hand holding to anyone else on the and/pnd forum who feels as rough as I do

Whatnameforme Mon 07-Jan-13 12:26:51

I'll hand hold. I feel exactly the same. My ds is 15 weeks now. I had pnd with my dd2 as well, so I know it gets better and it will for you. It helps to talk to the lovely people on here. I am usually a bit of a control freak so it's difficult to admit that you need help, but you have and you will go from strength to strength. Do you have family or friends nearby? You have to be nice to yourself and not feel bad for it.

Whatnameforme Mon 07-Jan-13 12:32:04

Also it's important that you give yourself a break. If her crying is getting to you, take a break. I wish someone had told me first or second time round that it doesn't make you a bad mum if when they are crying and you've tried everything and you are being driven mad.
Put them in their cot, or somewhere safe
Go out of the room, shut the door, make a cup of tea, watch tv for a few minutes or do the washing up., I tend to do washing up or Hoover as I makes me feel better being able to accomplish something also. smile

ComfortablyCurvy Mon 07-Jan-13 12:34:01

I think a lot of first time mums find it much more difficult than they imagine. There's nothing like a baby to bring you back to reality!

The ad will take a couple of weeks to kick in, but kick in they will and you'll start to feel better.
No one can prepare you for the continuous onslaught if a baby. How can someone so small cause so much fuss and mess?
It gets easier. I promise. The first three months are the hardest. Also your hormones are still all over the place.
I'm glad you gave a supportive dh as you'll need him. Also I think the winter months are crap with the dark, dull days.
It all mounts up and adds to how you feel.
Try and get out with friends. On your own and with baby-maybe to some baby groups? Get done fresh sir. Make yourself get out everyday. Even if its to nip and get some milk or feed the ducks. Anything-just get out!

It will get easier though I know from experience it died t seem like it now.

And you haven't jinxed your dd in any way. She loves you whether she's crying or not.

Got to go my baby's crying! But I'll be back soon x

Whatnameforme Mon 07-Jan-13 17:38:25

I hope you got through the day ok.

Lizlette Mon 07-Jan-13 18:49:08

thanks for the kind words.

today wasn't too bad, have had a look around at baby groups to try out, and made a plan to meet a couple of the mums from my antenatal group so have something to look forward too.

Whatnameforme Mon 07-Jan-13 23:57:21

Great, I hope your days get better and better grin

ComfortablyCurvy Tue 08-Jan-13 02:31:43

I'm glad you've made plans to meet other mums.

When the day/s come to meet, if you feel like you just can't be bothered, make sure you force yourself to go. You will feel better for going out, though admittedly the faff beforehand getting yourself, baby and bag ready etc can be off putting.

You're not alone in feeling the way you do. My bf had psychosis after her dc and it was heart breaking to see. Pnd and low mood are more common than you think.

And I completely agree that a baby is completely life changing. But in the future you will look back on this and see things completely differently. It's taken courage for you to see the dr and to post on here. You're doing the right things.

Take one day at a time. One hour at a time. You'll get there in the end.

Keep posting on here, you'll get fab support from other mumsnetters.
Thinking of you op

barbiecollector Tue 08-Jan-13 03:01:39

Recently I heard someone (Gina Ford, I think) refer to the first 3 months of motherhood as 'The 100 Days Hell'. That is so accurate. It gets better, I promise. Keep talking.

I've been there, it DOES get better I promise. Please PM me if I can help in any way.

Lizlette Tue 08-Jan-13 09:21:15

Thank you, I can't believe how kind total strangers can be, it's amazing.

I think much of the problem comes from the fact that I had a very busy job in an office with lots of other people, and now I'm at home with no-one to talk to. Plus the pressure that this beautiful baby is entirely dependent on me.

Am also freaking out as people have already started asking when we'll have another baby. After SPD, a 4 day labour, an emergency c-section and now the way I'm feeling, I can't imagine doing it again, but then I worry that I'll be denying my daughter a sibling relationship for my selfish reasons and (as an only child) I never wanted to just have one baby.

Whatnameforme Tue 08-Jan-13 09:41:51

I think people can be a little insensitive some times. I don't think there are many people who with a 7 week old baby would be thinking about the next one! Even with a straight forward birth!

Take it one day at a time and it does get easier.

I wouldn't worry to much about whether you want a second child or not, try to enjoy what you have now. Putting more pressure on yourself by worrying about what happen next is not going to help.

Loads of people on here are happy to offer support and of your joining baby groups and meeting friends and getting support in RL you will soon be back to your old self. It is hard going from office/work world to baby/home land, I'm sure most people would tell you the same. I certainly do!

ComfortablyCurvy Tue 08-Jan-13 09:43:37

Traumatic labour is bound to put you off having any more children. But feelings change in time and you might feel differently about having more in a few months/years. Don't worry about that now.

Motherhood can be very isolating, frustrating and thankless.but it's also the best thing in the world when you find your feet-and you will find your feet. It just takes time.

Have you got any family or friends who you could make a set day each week to meet? A bit of lunch at a relatives or a coffee with a friend? Something to look forward to each week.

I have an 8 week old (plus two other dc) so I can definitely relate to what you're saying.

Also, I think many first time mums who used to have busy full time jobs (me included) grieve a little for their old life. I certainly did. May not apply to you though.

It really does get easier its just a completely new and different life. Just takes time to adjust.

My DS was 18 months old before I could even think about going through it again, I was fairly adamant I would never have another one. I now have 2 grin.

Going from work to being at home is hard, it can be unfulfilling no matter how much you want to be a mum, and you can get caught up in feeling guilty about this.

I find being a mum incredibly hard, I knew it would be difficult but not this difficult and I am constantly disappointed that I'm not the earth mother/attached parent I thought I would be. I adore my boys but there are times I wish they were miles away...and I struggle with the guilt of feeling like this.

My GP is arranging counselling for me & hopefully I can work these issues out. I hope you can too.

You're not alone lizlette, I feel the same. I'm a first time mum and my DD is 4 weeks tomorrow. I love her and have some good moments with her but I find it really hard to cope when she cries, I just don't know what to do. I'm not very patient and usually hand her over to DP if I can't get her settled with bf'ing. I feel guilty for not being more patient with her and not having the energy/interest to try and settle her. My DP goes back to work tomorrow and I'm absolutely terrified of spending a whole day alone with DD. sad

Like you I was also working before becoming a mum and it's a real shock suddenly not having any structure to my day or anything meaningful to do most days apart from looking after DD which I don't enjoy most of the time (at least not yet...I'm trying to keep my hopes up). I just can't imagine what my days will be like for the next few months/years...I feel better when I get out of the house so I plan to meet up with my friends and go to support groups loads but when I come back home I feel hopeless again. I feel like I can't relax or do anything that I enjoy as DD cries so much...only thing keeping me sane at the moment is mumsnet as I can read about other mums' days while bf'ing (which I'm doing loads as it's the only sure way to stop DD crying)!

I wanted a baby so much and was SOOO happy throughout the whole pregnancy so this is definitely what I expected and I feel sad and scared...I really want to enjoy being a mum but I find it so hard. sad Part of me just wants to go back to work so I could feel more like my old self but I know that wouldn't really solve anything, probably the only thing that helps is time. Time to adjust properly to this new life and build new routines and get to know the baby better. It won't be easy...I really miss my old life and worry that I'll never be able to enjoy motherhood. I've always wanted 3 children but now I feel like I definitely don't want to go through this again (my birth experience wasn't even dramatic or long but I hated it).

I went to the first meeting at PND service today and was referred to baby massage classes and one to one therapy. I've also been talking about my feelings to anyone who listens. It does help and I feel better than two weeks ago but I think it will be a tough and long road...People keep saying that things will get better and I know (hope) they're right...I just want to know when??

* I meant "NOT what I expected"

Also, there was a bit on radio 4's womens hour today about early motherhood and how it's much harder than antenatal classes prepare you's worth a listen if you get a chance. Makes you realise that it's quite common to feel this way!

Adversecamber Tue 08-Jan-13 17:59:17

I have been where you are and you can get through it though at this moment in time it seems a million miles away.

I had no family near me and any friends I had made as relocated were at work, I found the loneliness crushing. I ended up doing two part time courses at a local college. They were both only one morning a week and had a free crèche. This was almost 12 years ago so have no idea if this kind of thing possible but it really helped me. All the baby groups were not for me because I found every one just wanted to talk about babies.

My DS was also planned and had lovely DH in a way that seemed to make it worse, especially as one of my relatives was a single Mum who had no help at all.

When you have counselling tell them everything, they will have heard things like this before. Do not be ashamed.

Lizlette Tue 08-Jan-13 18:43:19

hi peony, sorry that you're in the same boat as me.

it definitely helps talking about it, it sucks that other people feel/have felt as crap as I do, but makes me feel less 'abnormal' about my feelings.

the thing that helps is that, although I'm struggling, my baby is doing fine and hopefully won't remember any of this as long as I get it sorted.

was planning on taking the full 12 months maternity leave (as long as the finances stack up) but am now contemplating going back after 8 or 9 months, or at least keeping my options open, rather than thinking that I have to 'be stuck at home' for a whole year.

Lizlette Tue 08-Jan-13 18:45:14

that's a good idea adverse camber, will have a look into that as it may help me feel as though I've achieved something (other than looking after my baby which I know is an achievement) but you know what I mean!

galwaygirl Tue 08-Jan-13 18:52:25

Hi Lizlette, I was where you are about 18 months ago - please hang on in there as it can and will get so much better! The advice about getting out is great, but keep your targets small, for example, only one activity per day. I went through a stage of trying to do something in the morning an afternoon which was stupid!
So many people find it so tough - it's something that is not talked about enough at all. It's just impossible to explain how much your life changes when you become a mum, nothing can prepare you for it!

I also had an awful birth experience and I actually used to feel rage at people who said anything about going again but am now 17 weeks pg with a very much planned number two. But even if you decide never to have any more it's something you don't need to think about for a LONG time. Concentrate on where you are just now xx

All the mums I've spoken to say that it was hard at first but it will get better. I've also spoken to a few women who had PND and it's so good to hear that it is possible to get through it (like all the posters here - thank you for your support!). I don't think it's at all abnormal to feel this way but it's often not talked about as people expect you to be happy and over the moon about your baby. I've openly told all my friends and family about my feelings and they've been really supportive and understanding which helps. So my advice is to keep talking - no one will judge you (at least not if they really care for you)!

It's really up and down for me at the moment, I'm feeling good tonight but mornings are generally harder for me as I feel anxious not knowing how the day will go. I've not been getting up early so I struggle with that as I'm used to having routines. I just think what's the point getting up early if I don't have anything to do anyway. I think tomorrow when my DP goes back to work I have to really push myself to get up and get ready before he leaves so that I can just pop out of the house if I start to feel cabin feverish.

Like galwaygirl suggests planning one activity per day is probably a good idea at the moment. I did volunteer work before DD was born and I hope to go back to that at some point so that all my activities won't be so baby-centred. I also want to start doing pilates again. It's weird how in the evenings I'm generally full of ideas and optimism but in the morning all my plans seem impossible and anxiety takes over again...Hopefully mornings will get better soon too. Well, one step at a time...

oh, and I keep telling myself that DD won't have any idea about my struggle when she's older so there's no damage done. When we have good moments I keep telling her how much I love her so that I don't feel so guilty about bad moments.

theynevershutup Tue 08-Jan-13 20:16:07

I felt exactly the same when I had my DS (who's now 8). It was such an absolute shock to the system having a newborn. I felt so exhausted and like I had totally lost myself and longed for my old life back. But it does get better, the first few weeks I found awful, probably one of the worst times of my life and I felt so guilty feeling like that. I agree with what other posters have said about trying to get out and about. I had a great post natal group and we met once a week for years, it was nice to speak to people who were dealing with the same issues. I also now have a DD who's 4 and has started school. Life does get back to normal, just take each day at a time as I promise you you won't feel like this forever. I hated the newborn stage with both of mine, but now I have two lovely, funny, bright, happy children and I wouldn't swap them for the world.

Lizlette Wed 09-Jan-13 08:56:41

peony I'm with you that evenings are fine, and I'm always really happy and coping (probably because DH is home) but mornings are the worst. the poor man has just left for work running about 15 minutes late because when he was about to leave I dissolved into a sobbing mess for absolutely no reason at all.

it seems like such a lot of pressure on him to work, do more than his fair share with the baby and have to put up with me, and I'm worried that it's all too much for him. sometimes I wonder if they'd both be better if I left them and went back to my parents so that he could find a better wife who'd be a good mum to my daughter. I'm sure this isn't what he signed up for when we got married.

sorry to be on here whinging again, you lovely people have your own stuff to deal with and don't need to be hearing my misery.

Whatnameforme Wed 09-Jan-13 09:37:51

Hi liz, don't worry about being on here moaning its what its all about!
Your husband married you because he loves you, and what your going through now is a very small part of your relationship's path. It is hard for the moment, but it's only for the moment.
You might feel that your dh and dd would be better off without you, I do most of the time too, but it's not true. There is no one your daughter needs more than you and I'm sure your husband feels the same.
I know my husband feels that way, but god knows why most of the time?
Have you got anything planned to do today?

Lizlette Wed 09-Jan-13 09:52:40

going to a baby group for an hour and a half this afternoon, so there's something planned at least!

Whatnameforme Wed 09-Jan-13 10:00:28

That's better than me, my plan is to shower and dress!! Is it a new club or one you've been to before? Anyone there you know?

doyouwantfrieswiththat Wed 09-Jan-13 10:23:07

You're not alone, most of us have felt overwhelmed by it all, especially when it's just you and your new baby. Toddler groups & mumsnet saved my sanity by getting me out the house, making me laugh and making me some very good's one time in life when you know you will have common ground....oh and try and be patient with the ubercompetitive mums, we really are all just trying to get by.

whatname showering and dressing are an achievement with a newborn around grin, it's when you stop looking after yourself that's worrying.

surestart are fantastic and round here they also organise pram walks to get you up & about with other mums.....also homestart can pair you up with someone to support you for a few hours a week if you need it.

Whatnameforme Wed 09-Jan-13 10:35:05

Thanks doyouwant, I am hoping at some point before my hv arrives I will be able to look presentable!!

The competitive mums drive me nuts, but keep in mind that we only see them for an hour or so at toddler group. I like to imagine them first thing in the morning or even better at four in the morning after being woken every hour!! I don't care what anyone says, everybody finds it hard at some point!

LaCiccolina Wed 09-Jan-13 10:44:17

The shock of a new born is indescribable. If u haven't done it u just cannot understand. I felt the same with dd1 and she is now 2. There was a light switch moment at around 12wks where a) I realised I done so long and b) where it just stopped being quite so scary and c) I realised with out trying we actually had this magic thing called a routine everyone was banging on about!

It gets better. Promise.

Whatnameforme Wed 09-Jan-13 11:01:05

LaCi - this is my dc3, he is 14 weeks and I'm still waiting for my routine to kick in. Oh man!

I managed to get ready before my DP left for work this morning, went to my gp appointment and then met with a friend for lunch. Now DD is asleep in her carrier with a dummy (first time she's taken it!) and I feel pretty ok. Not amazing and like the anxiety has completely lifted, but ok and like I can cope one day at a time. smile But part of me is still worried that I won't be feeling any different in a few months, that I'll still be just as confused and helpless with my DD and that we still won't have a routine to help me have some structure to my life.

Those on anti-depressants, do they help? How do they make you feel? I'm reluctant to take any as I'm breastfeeding and part of me feels like it's normal to feel this way and it'll just take time to fully adjust so I don't need any medication. But on the other hand, if they would make me feel better now then why not try them...

Whatnameforme Wed 09-Jan-13 21:22:15

Hi blushing
I'm sure you will find that it goes from strength to strength. One day at a time is the key. Some days I feel great and others I seem to be lost completely?
I guess it is very much the same for everyone, but it just feels very lonely at the time. OP hasn't been back for a while, hopefully she has had a good day too. My hv came to day and has suggested counselling!

didireallysaythat Wed 09-Jan-13 21:30:04

Oh you could be me !

I think you have found a fantastically supportive group here so I have very little to add but

1. The tablets helped me
2. Having one small activity to do everyday helped
3. Going to Pilates once a week to have 'me' time was very important for me
4. Baby massage increased my confidence with baby no end

As I type, the screaming monster that reduced me to tears every hour for the first three months has just rolled over in bed, told me he loves me, and fallen asleep hugging my arm. There's light at the end of the tunnel.

Lizlette Wed 09-Jan-13 22:58:02

have had a really good day (other than the crying episode this morning). managed to leave the house, had a good time at baby group, and my little angel let me eat breakfast, lunch and dinner without fussibg, whinging or interrupting in any way-bless her.

thanks and hugs to everyone who has made such helpful suggestions, and fingers crossed that we have a good night and a good Thursday.

Lizlette Wed 09-Jan-13 23:02:15

blushing, I'm glad that you've had a good day too, although I know what you mean about feeling ok, but a bit nervous that it's just a one off.

I'm trying to store up memories of the good days/hours so that I can look back on them during the dark patches, am also taking lots of photos so I can look back and remind myself that my daughter isn't always a screaming banshee!

lizlette I'm glad you had a good day yesterday, hopefully today is even better! smile I'm feeling good this morning, I think it has to do with the "one day at a time" approach I've decided to follow and not thinking too far ahead. Just trying to enjoy spending time with DD at home and to get out once a day, that'll do for now. There is light at the end of the tunnel for us! That's a good idea about the photos, by the way, I'll need to start taking more too.

Whatnameforme Thu 10-Jan-13 12:44:40

Hi blushing and liz, I'm glad you both having positive days. Both your ideas sound a great idea. We went to playgroup this morning, but I ended up in tears. Despite going for several weeks now, i still don't really talk to anyone.
I tried to explain to dh a bit of the crazy that goes on in my head, I not sure if I made it better or worse for him? shock

whatname I'm sorry to hear you had a rough morning <hugs> I've not braved a playgroup yet, planning to go to a few next week. It'll probably be nice to talk to other mums (if I meet any nice ones that I have something in common with) but part of me is sad that my main weekly activities for the near future will be so baby-centred. Of course I knew this before having a baby but I'm still not really ready to let go of my "old life" yet... sad Do you go to any other playgroups or know other mums you could meet up with? Definitely keep talking to your DH, it's important that he knows how you're feeling and I'm sure he understands! I've told DP even my darkest thoughts but reminded him that it's still me inside. Also try to talk to your DH about his feelings so that you both know what's going on.

Lizlette Thu 10-Jan-13 19:50:23

whatname, sorry that playgroup didn't go so well. Is there a different playgroup that you could maybe try, that might have different mums that you might find easier to talk to?

The one that I went to is attached to our health visitor clinic so the hv took me in and introduced me as a 'new mum' so I didn't have to do the awful walk in and try to start a conversation. Is that sort of group an option?

Whatnameforme Thu 10-Jan-13 22:45:07

Hello liz, my hv has recommend a pnd support group for me, Same sort of thing I guess? It doesn't start for another month though.
Hey blushing, I've not got any mums/ friends at all. I guess that's what comes of being out of the house for 13hours a day working! I've never had time to socialise. I met dh through work!! I do tell him everything. I explained how I thought/knew that ds would die, because I'm so shit at this mum bit!

I have signed up for nct and am going to one of their groups on Wednesday, I've signed up for playgroups on Mondays and Thursdays, baby massage on Friday, health visitor on Wednesday, swimming and/or baby clinic on Tuesdays! I am suppose to be an FD for Christ sake hmm
I know what you mean about baby related....
Sorry to vent so much and bring you both down, I hope you've both had excellent days grin and thank for the support thanks

ComfortablyCurvy Fri 11-Jan-13 05:54:26

Whatname-I'm so sorry you sound like you're having a bad time of it. It's great you can talk honestly to your dh about how you feel and what you're thinking, please keep doing this. I know sometimes it can seem odd when you hear the words you're saying, but it's better to have someone you can be really honest with.

Maybe try a different type of baby group? Maybe baby massage?

I know it won't help you much right now but I promise it all does get easier. My bf was nearly sectioned she was that poorly but with the right help she got through it. You will get through it too.

Some great support and advice available here so please stay in touch too.

Where about are you? Maybe a meet with local mumsnetters may help?

doyouwantfrieswiththat Fri 11-Jan-13 11:29:37

When I was very low with ds2 (the novelty of being at home had worn off after ds1) a lovely lady told me about groups where depressed mothers get together to support and response was,"Can you imagine a bunch of us all in one room? grin" ...she said, "at least you haven't lost your sense of humour!"

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 16:12:32

Thanks. I know it does get better. I just need to get through this bit. Some days are MUCH harder than others. I am doing baby massage classes, just started. It was ok.
Keep plodding on, like blush said take it one day at a time. Thanks again. Sorry liz I posted to give you support and it ended up the other way round!

whatname We all need support, that's why were here so don't be sorry! It's great that you're doing so many activities,hopefully you'll meet some nice people who you can talk to. I went to a breastfeeding meeting this morning and it was helpful to hear that other mums are dealing with similar issues too, made me feel more normal. We're definitely not alone! I'm also starting baby massage next week through the PND service. Do you or your DH have any workmates who have children? Or like confortablycurvy suggested you could try hooking up with some other local mumsnetters?

TheFallenNinja Fri 11-Jan-13 18:36:36

Parenthood is a marathon, not a sprint, 7 weeks is far too early to be kicking yourself so try not to.

Worry only about what you can control, let everything else whistle for a while. I'm sure your doing far better than your giving yourself credit for smilesmile

Lizlette Fri 11-Jan-13 21:54:30

whatname, I was hoping that this thread could be a hand holding group for anyone that was having a bit of a rough time rather than just a 'poor me'kind of thing so please don't worry.

went back to the dr today (say what you like about the nhs, this dr is keeping a really good eye on me and is very supportive) as the better mood is nowhere near consistent, and she mentioned that it can take 4 to 6 weeks for the antidepressants to get into your system and they can then be certain that they've given me the right type.

slightly scary that it can take that long, and then if they don't fit I'll have to start another lot and go through another set of side effects sad , am still dealing with the side effects of this type although they seem to be starting to tail off.

tackled the bus into town to try and get out and about (had a c section so still can't walk far and hubby had the car). baby was fine on the way in, but screamed the whole way home on a packed bus. felt like the entire bus was glaring at me, and I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me. might wait until I can walk into town before I go again!

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 22:43:30

Fallen - its very true. We all get there in the end.
Liz - it's great that you were so confident to take baby out on the bus and after a c section! I am truly impressed. I'm sure that everyone on the bus had had a similar experience, or will at some point. It is horrible though, I always feel like the worst person in the world when I can't stop him crying, I'm sure most people are the same. Hopefully the next few weeks will be better and better and you won't have to worry about changing tablets.
Blushing - baby massage went well. It's quite a small group and everyone is local wink
I'm trying to keep busy and have something I 'have' to go to each day. My mantra has become "must leave the house"
I'm glad we can all hand hold, it is incredibly lonely sometimessmile

Whatnameforme Fri 11-Jan-13 22:44:30

Hope everyone has had a good day grin

Lizlette Sat 12-Jan-13 22:30:26

pretty good day here, hope it's been good for everyone else smile smile

Whatnameforme Sun 13-Jan-13 16:59:58

Hey all, taken the little ones swimming this morning. Not too bad this weekend. I've got my first nct meeting next week.

Hey, good to hear you guys have been having good days! smile I'm feeling really down today, possibly because I haven't left the house. I just feel so trapped, hopeless and anxious. sad Considering on asking my GP for some antidepressants - can anyone give me some advice; which ones can I take while breastfeeding, how do they make you feel and what are the side effects?

Lizlette Sun 13-Jan-13 23:22:40

hi blushing, sorry you've not had a great couple of days.

the ad's that I waas given are sertraline 50mg which are fine for breastfeeding mums. I was told that they can take 4-6 weeks to get to maximum effectiveness, and that you can feel worse for the first couple of weeks while your body gets used to them,

like all drugs, there is a massive list of side effects listed in the leaflet in the box, but the ones that I got were a couple of days of no appetite and being really really tired, and about 4 or 5 days of a dodgy tummy. Everything seems to have settled down now as far as I can tell.

I hated that I needed to take tablets to cope, but my dr pointed out that if, for example, I had high blood pressure, I wouldn't feel bad about taking tablets to help my body cope, so why did i feel bad about taking tablets to help my mind cope with low mood? It made a lot of sense when she put it like that.

Hope that you have a good day tomorrow and that you feel better. thanks thanks

Lizlette Sun 13-Jan-13 23:23:35

Glad it's been a good weekend whatname smile , hope the nct meeting goes well.

Whatnameforme Mon 14-Jan-13 11:59:38

Hi liz, you sound really positive smile, glad you've had a great few days!
Hi blushing, sorry you've had a rough day or so. Speak to your Gp, I'm sure they will be able to give you some good advice. From what liz says, if you get any side effects it might be a good idea to have some plans in place to cope with it. Maybe some outings with baby or something just for you? Hope you are both having a good day today, I'm off to learn baby CPR?!! Anything to get out of the house. I have been jogging this morning as well! wink

Lizlette Mon 14-Jan-13 12:36:54

Did have few good days, not so good today as poor baby is full of a cold which has made her really miserable and I feel terrible that I can't make it better for her sad , poor little mite.

Mummykindnessrachel Mon 14-Jan-13 16:09:17

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Whatnameforme Mon 14-Jan-13 23:04:14

It's horrible when they are ill, it does make you feel a bit useless and there is very little you can give them. Poor little things. My day wasn't bad. Out and about lots today. We shall see what tomorrow brings... smile

Lizlette Tue 15-Jan-13 07:46:39

how did everyone's Monday turn out in the end?

My poor daughter's so uncomfortable, and coz she's all blocked up she can't breathe and feed at the same time, so she's using so much energy to suck, then breathe, then suck, then breathe that she's falling asleep after about 15 minutes feed, then waking up half hour later because she's still hungry because she's had less than half her usual feed sad

got some saline drops from the chemist which she absolutely hates, and I don't know if they're doing her any good to make it worth the torment of getting them up her nose.

anyone have any tips for de-snotting an 8 week old, or making her more comfortable while she fights this?

Whatnameforme Tue 15-Jan-13 10:03:11

Ah poor little thing. You can get some decongestant rings that fit around the bottle and drops that are ok for newborns from boots. Put a couple of drops in a bowl of hot water in the same room.
Also it might help her sleep at night if you prop the head end of her cot up, a couple of books do the trick.
I always found the saline drops horrible as well.
I hope you are feeling ok too.

Lizlette Wed 16-Jan-13 07:58:35

Urgh, it never rains but it pours, I've now got nipple thrush so feeds are now unpleasant for both of us. Am feeling sorry for myself and dd so getting through so much chocolate so no chance of losing the baby weight any time soon.

Think I'm going to have to force myself to wrap us both up warm and go for a walk otherwise I can see today descending into sobbing on the sofa

Whatnameforme Wed 16-Jan-13 09:43:03

Luckily I've never had nipple thrush, so I don't know but I can imagine its not pleasant at all!
Enjoy it while you can, having just had a baby is one of the few times you have an excuse to have a few extra pounds, don't worry it will soon come off.
A walk is a great idea, I'm off to do the same. It's worth it once your out! Have a good day

Lizlette Thu 17-Jan-13 07:31:18

the walk yesterday morning was a really good idea, definitely felt better by the time I got back, and it put dd to sleep so she was in a better mood and the cold is on it's way out grin

it also feels as though the antidepressants are starting to kick in.

hope everyone else is having a good week and avoiding all the winter bugs that are out there. x

Whatnameforme Mon 21-Jan-13 22:25:38

Hi liz, sorry for no postings, it's been a bad few days. I hope your ok. Glad the walk did you good!

Lizlette Sun 10-Feb-13 22:47:21

hi, hope everyone's doing ok. we've had an ok couple of weeks, and my dr has got me on some cbt counselling which is helping.

sorry that I dropped off the radar, the internet died so I've been unable to get on MN


saycheeeeeese Sun 10-Feb-13 22:56:10

Hi OP sorry to gate crash your thread, just wanted to say I was where you are 17 months ago.

I made it through and I promise it gets better, sometimes I will still have the very odd bad day but I will never forget walking, in my pajamas, sobbing my heart out through the village while eating a bag of McCoy's because my baby wouldn't stop feeding/crying for 5 mins for me to eat something decent. I was so desperate.

I spent the first 5 months of dds life regretting our decision to have a baby, now I can genuinely and happily say I could never go back to life without her.

Just wanted to offer some support and reassurance, having a baby was a mega shock to my world, PND nearly took the joy from my life but I made it through, so will you all.

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